The Instigator
Pro (for)
10 Points
The Contender
Con (against)
12 Points

Presidential Debate: Optimus Prime vs Dumbledore

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/9/2012 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 10,896 times Debate No: 27047
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (40)
Votes (7)





Thank you for tuning in to the first of possibly a couple presidential debates among some of the most well known fictional people in movie history who are running for President of the United States of America. Tonight we have Optimus Prime and Dumbledore, who represent the two major parties and are campaigning for the presidency.

Green Lantern unfortunately could not be in this debate because as the third party candidate of the Lantern-ian party who is polling at less then 2% of the popular vote, he did not qualify to be here.

So now that thats out of the way lets get down to the debate:

My name is Neil DeGrasse Tyson and I have been chosen to moderate this debate tonight. I will ask each side questions about domestic and foreign policy, and I do have the power to fact check any and all material in the candidates speeches and claims even though that either candidate can make up any statistic they want and it will be treated as reality simply to make the debate more interesting. Here is how this debate will be structured.

(Con gets to choose either candidate he wants to be for the rest of the debate and will state who he picked in the beginning of his round)

In round 1 the Con can give an opening speech on his party platform, his personal beliefs, and what he feels are the biggest issues to this country and how he will address them.

In round 2 the Pro will give a much more condensed opening speech and then I the moderator will ask 3 questions about Domestic policy for both sides to answer. The Pro will open with his own positions and policies, and then the Con will introduce his own positions on the issues, propose any plans he has, and counter anything said by the Pro in the rest of round 2.

Round 3 will be more debating from both candidates over domestic policy who can defend their own positions or attack the other's policies. At the end of round 3 each candidate can give a summarization of their policy, and then the debate over domestic policy will cease.

In Round 4 I as moderator will ask 3 more questions, this time about foreign policy. Both candidates will again introduce their stances on the three questions, and cross examine each others stances in the rest of round 4 and round 5.

At the end of round 5, both candidates must give a Bolded, 500 character or less final remark about why they should be elected president, then the debate will be concluded. Following the debate this program we will air footage of viewers to submit their votes for who they think won the debate and why.

Other then that, both candidates must adhere to the rules both sides agreed on before the debate. To the viewers, these are the rules both sides agreed upon.

1) Cursing is NOT poor conduct and is in fact encouraged

2) Both sides can have a maximum of three pictures total to reiterate their stances or attack their opponent during the debate.

3) Both sides can make references to any comments or statements made by the candidates outside of this debate. (These comments can be completely made up and they must be treated like they were actually spoken by both sides)

4) Any scandals that one side brings up about the other side MUST BE ADDRESSED by that candidate.

(If this debate gets at least 10 likes, then I will make another fake presidential debate open to anyone to accept, it can be between these same two candidates or it can be two new candidates where recommendations in the comments section will be taken into account. Otherwise Ill just make this a one time thing and move on)

(You need 60 debates to accept but if you really want it and I think youll be good enough, Ill lower the requirement)


My name is Optimus Prime. I am an Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron. I am maximally informed on America’s political climate through the study of political science, constitutional law and contemporary social issues using system of interlinked hypertext documents accessed via the Internet. My political distinctiveness can be defined as Social Conservatism.

In order to manipulate your vote, I have sided with the moderate liberal “Steve Jobs” to build my campaign. While he is a Democrat, his fiscal intuition and conservative stance on corporate restructuring makes him an excellent candidate for the vice-executive office. Unfortunately, I have
been unable to track him down. My GPS navigation has thus far been unable to locate this physical address:

Name: Steve Jobs
Street: 1955-2011 RIP avenue
Town: Inmemoriam
State: Unknown

My opponent will be following in the footsteps of the worst presidency in American History. Not only has Barack Obama condemned America through two consecutive terms of repeated mistakes, we are now faced with replacing a failed president with an elderly pedophile who lures kids to his train
station hide-away with peculiar tricks and odd flavored candy.

Four years ago we had 16 million Americans out of work. Today that number has doubled and foreclosure levels are at record levels. Our national debt has breached the total value of our economy and the average American pays 7 dollars for a gallon of gasoline.

America elected a President based on media bias and for eight years you have suffered at the hands of the Democratic party. It is time for change and you now have the opportunity to elect the most advanced race in the Universe to lead your nation.

Throughout this campaign my opponent will try to convince you of his superiority. He will
engage you with lies and half-truths in an attempt to smear my image. Having predicted this tactic and I will not allow this skinny homosexual to gain an advantage. I will disclose everything about myself to the public. I will be running on a platform of absolute transparency.

I am not a natural born citizen, that’s true. In fact, I was not born at all.

You see, I was created four million years ago by an alien race called the Quintessons. Since
then, I have spent my entire life in an exhausting military campaign against a
radical evil. I know war, I know suffering and I know what it takes to
persevere through the troubles of a fallen world. My fellow
Americans, we are at the shoreline of dark waters. The battle against a
perilous foe stands at our doorstep. The Decepticons and Al Qaeda have allied
against the free world and they seek our destruction.

My opponent is not equipped to handle this battle. His pagan rituals and magic missiles will thwart no evil, nor will it secure our future. Just last week, an Iranian war plane fired upon an American Wizard on a broom, flying 16 miles off the Iranian coast. When I’m elected president, an attack on
America will be treated as an act of war, not an unfortunate isolated incident.

The American people deserve more mettle in their military than a soft assembly of prepubescent British children. We need disciplined machines of war; we need the epochs of experience that only I can provide. Do not trust the Wizard. He will fvck your kids when you’re not looking.

Unlike my opponent, I have a plan to bring America to new heights. I will create jobs in the energy market. We don’t need to drill for oil, or harvest the sun’s energy. I will teach your scientists the secrets of cold fusion and with this technology I will make America the first energy independent
nation on earth. Other countries will come to us to solve their energy crisis.

I will boost the research and development industry in both the private and public sectors. If I’m elected President, we will cure disease. Not just AIDS, not just Cancer, but all disease. With my technology, it will be possible to rebuild the world in our image and it will start right here in
America. You will be the pioneers of a brave, new world. I will end the conflict in the Middle East. With the help of my Autobots, we will bring peace and stability to the region. One way or the
other, we will end the suffering and oppression. Even if I have to personally
kill every fvcking Muslim myself, just to make sure.

My opponent has little to offer this country. Our nation will not benefit from vomit-flavored
jelly-beans or segregation politics. In my America, Muggles and Wizards will
labor as a united people. We will not return this nation to the dark era of separate
schools and drinking fountains. If I am elected President, my first order of business
will be to tear down the Hogwarts School for Wizards and I will bring the whole
fascist assembly of wizard supremacists to justice. The time for elitist politics and
evolutionary racism will stop here.

My fellow American, I miss my home world Cybertron, but fate has yielded its own reward:
a new world to call home. We live amongst you now, hiding in plain sight, but
watching over you in secret, waiting...protecting, videotaping, phone-tapping
and stalking. I have witnessed your capacity for courage, and though you are
disgusting biological constructs, there's more to you than meets the eye (Copyright
© 2012, Hasbro). I am Optimus Prime, and I want to be your President.

Debate Round No. 1


Thank you Optimus Prime for that wonderful opening statement, let us now introduce the other presidential candidate, Mr Albus Dumbledore.

*Applause break as Dumbledore walks in*

Thank you everyone, Ill make this short and quick. I am Albus Dumbledore, and I am running for president along with my choice for Vice President, Masterchief.

I am running against Optimus Prime, the robot who just claimed that everything wrong with America happened because of Obama. He cant seem to remember that the reason America is facing such bad times is because China declared war on us in 2013 and to this day occupies parts of the West Coast, because American intervention in the Middle East triggered numerous wars which cut off valuable oil supplies causing the gas crisis, and because his war against the Deceptions (who have now teamed up with Al-Qaeda) have sapped our remaining resources which is why our debt is so large. You think rebuilding the city of Chicago was cheap after you and your friends had a wrestling match in there? You bet it wasnt.... I am very socially liberal, as I am an openly gay man running for the presidency, and Optimus Prime still clings to the notion that Im a pedophile even though I was cleared of all charges in my trial. He also accuses me of being weak towards the military even though I chose the most successful soldier in the history of forever as my Vice President, and I have adopted his stance on military reform.

All in all I am a social liberal who at the same time is a fiscal conservative. I know how to make our military great again without spending us further into oblivion like Optimus Prime wants to, and I know how to make America great again and liberate the west coast from the Chinese. His other claims that he will cure all diseases and that I would force muggles and wizards to not be united is laughable since he has no concept of how the human body works since hes a robot. I have a long detailed history of admitting Muggles into Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this notion that I would separate muggles and Wizards in the workforce is a shameful and baseless accusation.


Ok Mr Dumbledore thank you for that opening statement, as the moderator I will now ask you both 3 questions regarding Domestic Policy that have been submitted by the audience.

Imabench asks "As a lifelong conservative I have always been hesitant about government spending, but in the current situation America faces militaristically I am very uneasy about spending too much money upgrading our military which sorely needs upgrading. How would you make America strong but keep our expenses to a minimum?"

16kadams asks "I am very pro Gay rights, and I believe that two men who love each other should have a right to marry. What would you do for gay rights?

And lastly, RoyalPaladin asks "As a pro-life individual, I believe that abortion shouldnt be allowed even in cases of rape, and that life begins even before conception. What is your stance on abortion?"


To answer Imabench's question, This country does need to revamp its military. The Chinese did give us an a** whipping and now that the Deceptions have teamed up with Al-Qaeda, maintaining our military is more vital then ever. Masterchief and I have spent many hours coming up with a systematic plan to improve our military capability and power without spending ourselves into oblivion. The best militaries arent the largest ones, they are the most advanced ones. With my low-cost initiatives, we can build revamp our military so that it has the most advanced weapons in the world and also has the power of magic so that we can fight the enemies of the world with firepower or magic whatever the case may be. In my 5 point plan called "Harry Potter and America's military", I go into how we can effectively transform our military into the strongest in the world once again by doing the following

- 1) Outfitting our soldiers with magic-capabilities to give them the ultimate edge
- 2) Use the private sector to manufacture Halo-like weaponry to arm our soldiers
- 3) Initiate low-cost programs to train soldiers to effectively use magic and big a** machine guns together
- 4) Cut military programs that are ineffective against our enemies such as the infamously ineffective "Pillow gun" which has cost the country billions of dollars which Optimus Prime actually introduced.
- 5) Raising the retirement age to collect Social Security and tweaking other social programs to cut down on the $14 trillion this country spends on social programs every year.
- and 6) Passing a balanced budget amendment

Optimus Prime's solution to the shortfall of our military is to outfit all of Optimus Prime's friends with gadgets manufactured by Steve Job's own company which are over-expensive, over-rated, and manufactured in Chinese sweat shops. His solution is to our military shortfall is to give more of your hard earned money to China to buy gadgets from his VP's own company to give to his own friends who started the war with the deceptacons in the first place and then brought it to our own planet!....

As for 16kadams's question, it is very courageous of you to advocate for gay rights and I commend you for it. I am an openly gay man so I do approve of Gay Marriage being legalized. I would encourage legislation to legalize it, but I would not make it my number one priority to focus on at the moment because of all the other problems this country currently faces. I am for Gay Marriage, for the legalization of Marijuana, and I am for the legalization of prostitution.
Optimus Prime on the other hand is the ultimate hypocrite on these issues because he calls himself a social conservative and is heavily against all of these things even though he himself once claimed that "freedom is the right of all sentient beings".

Lastly, there is RoyalPaladin's question regarding abortion. Now I am against late term abortion but I am much more lenient towards regular abortion, like most Americans. The issue is that science hasnt given us a solid answer of when a fetus is a person or not, and magic doesnt have the answer either. I would allow first and second trimester abortion to be legal and third trimester abortion to be illegal until science could more accurately define when a fetus is a person or not. Now this is not the same position as Optimus Prime, he believes that abortion shouldnt be legal under any circumstances because as a social conservative. He believes that pregnancy by rape is an act of God, and that if its a legitimate rape, then the body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.....

Ill end this round with these final remarks. We currently face staggering economic setbacks due to the number of wars we are fighting with the Chinese, the Deceptacons, Al-Qaeda, and with the Franco-Singapore empire threatening to declare war on the peaceful nation of Germanic France, our closest ally, our first priority must be to bring our shattered military back to its glory without spending ourselves into oblivion. Now we do not have to fight our enemies until they are vanquished, because it is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated. We will never defeat our enemies, but we can still give them an a** whipping, and the men to deliver that a** whipping is Me and my Vice President Masterchief.

I now cede the rest of my time to Optimus Prime


I would like to start by addressing the questions from the audience. Unlike the gray-haired child predator, I am not here to sling dirt, I’m here to secure your trust. In fact, I desperately wish to impress upon the
American people that bear no ill-will toward my opponent, even though his campaign manager has sent me several packages with ethnic d!ldos. The D!ldos have been sold on e-bay. All profits are being donated to a fund for the “Optimus Prime Children’s center for victims of violent magical sexual assault by elderly pedophiles.” Also known as O.P.C.V.M.S.A.E.P.. You can donate by tweeting us your information. The hashtag is #oldpervertedfvcktouchedmyson.

Mr. Imabench asked an important question. I think the Government should be very conscious of its defense spending habits and I can assure Mr. Imabench and all other American benches, that my three point plan for
Defense Finance reform will keep America at the forefront of war-fighting capability without impacting the taxes you pay. Here is my plan:

1.> Eliminate the 48 trillion dollar budget for the Federal Department of Mages and Wizards.

2.> Use the existing funds to upgrade existing military technology with Autobot upgrades.

3.> Save the American People 47,999,994,999,999.00 USD annually.

I would like to continue by answering a question from 16kadams concerning his question on gay rights. My recent research into the biological processes of the human species has resulted in a sophisticated understanding of
the “gay” anomaly.

The homosexual phenomenon must be eradicated in order secure the future of the human race. Of course, any
existing homosexuals will be “grandfathered” into my existing policy of “cleansing” America of its undesirables.

One moment….(Optimus places his hand over his ear-piece as if he’s being spoken to by someone).

I have just received news that I will not be received favorably if I exterminate the Homosexual. To remedy my error, I will extend the hand of mercy to the gay community. I will create a federally funded “re-education”
process, which will allow the gays to change their beha….one moment please. (Optimus covers his ear-piece again. He pauses, sighs out loud and begins to speak again).

I have been advised that I must leave the homosexuals alone. I would like to apologize to any homosexuals for my unkind remarks. It’s obviously not your fault that you are "light in the loafers". Your condition is the result of
deep-rooted issues, which occurred when your Uncle touched you as a child. My current stance on homosexuality is limitless understanding and ridiculous legal reform. I will do my best to confuse liberty and license, allowing the creepy, transgendered man to use the women’s public restroom with your five year old
daughter in the stall next to him. Moving on.

Concerning my opponent’s question on abortion, I honestly don't care. Rape victims don't exist. If you don't dress like a wh*re , you probably won't get raped. Probably..

I will now offer rebuttals to my opponent’s ridiculous claims.

Bumblef*ck claimed that I blamed Obama for the current state of the nation. I did. Obama was President when China attacked us in 2013 and it could have been prevented if he hadn’t cheated on Michelle with the Chinese
Prime Minister’s retarded daughter. I place full blame at the feet of the Obama administration.

Stumbled*ck hit the nail on the head when he said that the Deceptacons are draining our resources. That’s why I’m here. That’s why you need me. Perhaps you would like to send the 10 year old wizard into Afghanistan
to fight the insurgency. Maybe he will use powerful spells like:

1.> Riddikulus

2.> Stupefy

3.> Rapemebutt

4.> Tikklemanutz

5.> AllOvverYerFaceHaveANapkinTheresFiftyBucksonTheCounterDon’tTellMomSheWouldFreakOut

Dumblewh*re attacked me for the aftermath in Chicago. I would like to remind him that you would all be dead if I hadn’t had that wrestling match. I would also like to remind my opponent the Warthog school for
Dipsh*ts and Wizcvnts did not assist in the clean-up effort.

Now, my opponent is trying to weasel himself out of the sex crime charges he committed. He claims that he was found innocent, which is true if you limit your background check to the UK. How about Michigan?

My old-*ss opponent claimed that I cannot cure diseases because I lack an understanding of the Human body. I would like to enlighten him on a neat fact. To prepare for this debate, I read the internet. Here is
the proof:

Now what, you ol’ b!tch?

Next, I would like to break down my opponent’s "Harry Potter and America's military” plan.
1) Outfitting our soldiers with magic-capabilities to give them the ultimate edge

Rebuttal: Implies that the soldiers are all Wizards. Muggles can’t fight for their country?
2) Use the private sector to manufacture Halo-like weaponry to arm our soldiers

: We all know who really owns Halo. My opponent plans on

using “Microsoft” as the primary manufacturer and distributor of Halo 4 weapons. Yet he accuses me of selling out to Apple. Who’s hiding what?

3) Initiate low-costprograms to train soldiers to effectively use magic and big a** machine guns together.

The last “low-cost” program that Cuntledor implemented at
his Kidfucker ranch resorted to
trusting the fate of the world with a 12 year old kid. What, like six times?

4) The "Pillow gun" remark.

Actually it’s the P.I.L.L.O.W. gun:

  • P- Fvck you
  • I - and your Mother
  • L - You Magical Cvnt-nugget
  • L - I hope the Mormon Man-God kills your whole family
  • O - I know about your gender reassignment surgery
  • W - Weapon

It uses impossible physics and irrational science to remove Magical powers from Wizards. My opponent simply fears the inevitable.

5) Raising the retirement age to collect Social Security..
My plan for Social security will not change the retirement
age, but it will provide incentive for people to stay active in the work-force. For every year that an American citizen stay employed full- time after the age of 55,
retirement benefit payout increases by 2%, with a maximum limit of 20%. This makes standard retirement available at 55, but rewards those who choose not to retire with a bigger pay-out if they wait until age 65 to collect.

My opponent claims that I would outsource labor to China through Apple. I will not. Apple
makes MP3 players, not Proton Fusion rifles. I would naturally use Chevrolet and Ford-Motor Company to retrofit their manufacturing plants.

Dumblef*cktard said: ”I am for Gay Marriage, for the legalization of Marijuana, and I am for the legalization of prostitution.

Rebuttal: His Gay marriage bill does call for equality, but it also lowers the age of consent
from 16 to 3. Gross. His legalization plan for Marijuana requires THC lollipops
to be manufactured with penicillin. Why he puts antibiotics in drug-candy is still a mystery to...oh man. I just figured it out. Sick Dude!
His plan for legal prostitution would make America a hub for human trafficking. How moral!

My opponent claimed that I’m a hypocrite for saying: "freedom is the right of all sentient beings".

Rebuttal: Finish the sentence B!tch! “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings…except for
Wizards and boylovers.”

My fellow Americans, I predicted from the start that Nimbledick and his armored Masterb*tch would launch a smear campaign. Indeed, my opponent has gone on the offensive, no doubt because he feels cornered.

Not only have I been able to release his Michigan sex offender file, I have also figured out who Master Chief is.

Master Chief is none other than dishonored General Petraeus. Four years ago he was caught cheating on wife with his biographer. Two years later he was in recovery for Oxycodone addiction after he offered oral sex to
Florida law enforcement officer. Today he’s running for vice-executive office.

You know what you must do.

In November, Vote Prime!
Debate Round No. 2


It appears that my opponent has found my criminal history within the state of Michigan.... But my opponent does not tell the whole story.


First off anybody who says that Justin Bieber is a better singer then Paul McCartney deserves to get my old wrinkly penis shoved into his a**, mouth, and his left ear.... Second, you should see what Hagrid did to him, after Hagrid had his way you could put a water bottle up that kids anus without there being any friction at all.....

On another note the ethnic dildo's ive sent to your house were for your mother since you still live with her....

Now as for Imabench's question, I have long preached social liberalness and fiscal conservatively. Now yes, the 48 Trillion dollar fund for the Federal Department of Mages and Wizards wasnt very fiscally responsible, but I have promised to reduce that amount of funding. Optimus prime though forgot to mention that the man responsible for giving $48 trillion to that department was actually the Obama administration, not me.

We can cut funding to departments that dont need it, and rather then use that extra funding to give to fellow autobot friends like Optimus Prime wants to do, I would actually use it to pay off our debt and strategically fund programs to make our military kick a** again. The reason I chose Masterchief as my VP was because he knows where the military needs funding more then anyone else. That and because with him on the ticket I could capture the very elusive OberHerr vote for the election.....

As for Optimus Primes response to 16kadams's question about supporting gay marriage equality (something 16k went on record claiming he supports) when Optimus claimed that

"Your condition is the result of deep-rooted issues, which occurred when your Uncle touched you as a child."

It just shows how little he knows about social issues. As a longtime perverted Uncle, I have witnessed countless times that touching your nephews as a child does not make them gay, it scars them and leads to lawsuits in the future, but it doesnt make them gay. I have conducted this experiment myself numerous times on all of my nephews and they all turned out not gay.

"I will do my best to confuse liberty and license, allowing the creepy, transgendered man to use the women's public restroom with your five year old daughter in the stall next to him. Moving on."

Sure he says that NOW, but he has broken promises before over Gay Marriage. Remember when he said he would force gays to go to re-education camps? that was like 2 minutes ago! I remember because it totally killed the erection I had going at the time....

As for Royal's denunciation of abortion, I have always been in favor of women's rights and the right to terminate a pregnancy if its in the first or second trimester. Now Optimus is just catering to the pro life vote by claiming that rape victims dont exist, but Royal, dont fall for it. As a woman I believe that you should instead be for abortion and then go onto the internet and fight fiercely for women's rights and feminism on debate websites on the forums, Im sure you wont get carried away with it or anything....

As for the rest of Optimus Prime's arguments, yes it is unfortunate that Obama slept with the Chinese Prime Minister's retarded daughter, but I forgive Obama for it because its tough to tell if an asian girl is retarded since all Asians have those weird slanted eyes. Besides, that retard had a really nice rack so I dont blame Obama for showing her his stimulus package.

Optimus then brought up the war in Afghanistan, the war against the Deceptacons, and how I would address them. Now I would not send in 10 year old wizards to the wars, they currently are fighting battles of their own in my rape dungeon..... I would send in much older wizards who I am not sexually interested in, along with the military regiments that my VP Masterchief currently hails from. Wizards and Halo Spartans would kick so much more a** for a far cheaper price then Optimus Prime's 7 autobot friends ever could.

As for the Chicago incident in which Optimus Prime decided to have a shirtless wrestling match all over the city causing billions in damage in what headlines called "The Gayest disaster to hit a major city since Justin Biebers last concert anywhere", the reason us wizards did not respond to it was because we were not alerted that anything was amiss. Have you seen Chicago? it looks like a warzone ALL THE TIME, we had no idea anything had changed....

The Optimus brought up my sex history in Michigan even though as a member of NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association, its not made up seriously go google it) I feel that men should be able to love young boys at any age even when they say no. After all, the NAMBLA motto is "Its not rape if the boy isnt conscious to say no"

As for my 5 point plan in which I described how I would fix America at a low cost, Optimus counters it with some silly responses, one of which includes my beloved kidf*cker ranch in Florida. Now I do not make plans to fight world evils at my kidf*cker ranch, because my kidf*cker ranch is meant purely for tax exemption purposes..... Optimus though did go into detail about how he would brutally takeover Chrysler and Ford to manufacture proton rifles for his buddies to fight our wars at the taxpayers expense. Now I kow that somewhere in the world, Geo is sh*tting his pants over this, but I would like to assure Geo and everyone else out there who pays taxes, I will not initiate a government takeover of the auto industry.... Im saving that for healthcare....

Then my opponent makes ludicrous claims about hw its 'wrong' to lower the age of sexual consent for 16 to 3.... We live in a very progressive society Optimus, you cant keep living in the past.... Because thats where Transformers Revenge of the Fallen lies, and that movie f*cking sucked.

Now my plan does open up the POSSIBILITY of America becoming a center for human trafficking of sex workers, but at least im TRYING to bring Jobs to America.... What have you done Optimus?

Lastly, Masterchief is not General Petraeus like Optimus claimed....

He is simply.....



Mr Dumbledore im afraid you are out of time, as the moderator im forced to ask you to please make your final statement regarding your domestic policy so that we can move on to foreign policy.


The intelligent negro Neil DeGrasse Tyson says I must give a closing statement about my domestic policy, but before I do let me just say this to Optimus before I make a closing statement

Mr Optimus Prime.....

I do not know who you are.......

I dont know what you want.......

If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you we don't have money. This country is broke as sh*t.

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills;

Skills I have acquired over a very long career.

Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

Skills that revolve around my ability to control magic and my ability to be in blockbuster movies that actually get nominated by Oscars..... And have a script..... And have Emma Watson in them.

If you let my country go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.

But if you don't...

I will look for you....

I will find you....

And I will have Masterchief kill you.......

Because hes motherf*cking Masterchief.....

That being said, I still only have five words to say to voters and to my opponent about my domestic policies.

Socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

That is all I have to say about that.


I would like to begin by applauding my opponent’s honesty
concerning the forced penetration of his victim’s rectum, oral cavity and meatus acusticus externus. I doubt his
last minute confession will help him escape the most recent transgression. You
see, my fellow Americans, while we were on break, Master Chief and Dumbledork
forcibly raped one of our audience members and then tried to hide the crime by
sealing him in the wall of the basement level. Please take a minute to review
this CNN report:

My opponent remarked that he sent the Dildos to my mother.
She would like to thank you for your generous gifts and she promised to send
you a supersized set of anonymously used Anal beads in return.

My opponent performed some blame-shifting in his last round.
He claimed the Obama administration authorized the 48 trillion dollar budget
for the DWM (Department of Wizards and Mages). Does he expect the voters to
forget who voted for the bill in the House and Senate? That’s right!
Dingleberry did! Being the only person in human history to violate the
constitution by simultaneously serving as a Senator and Congressman of two separate
states, this magical *ss-pirate ratified and secured his own funds. Shame on
you Senagressman Dumbledore. Shame on you!

My opponent continued to lie by claiming that he would also
dissolve the funding for the DWM. He claims he would use it to outfit America’s
army with Halo armor and associated weapons. His plan cost the American people
billions. Mine would cost mere millions. Why? Because I fvcking said so. Quit
asking so many questions. You guys need to trust me, instead of running around
like paranoid, bi-polar RoyalPaladins. Sh*t!

Now, my opponent tried to attack my confusing stance on gay
marriage. I don’t understand myself on this issue enough to conclusively deny
his claims, but you should trust that he knows more or less than I don’t know.
Otherwise I agree to the uncertain terms left unspoken. I don’t know, perhaps I
am certain with absolute mystery. Definitely a probability. Gay America, I
support the things you know I said. I will never resolve to act against such a
vibrant community because you are a part of something that I may decide to
acknowledge. Moving on.

My opponent stated: “Remember
when he said he would force gays to go to re-education camps? that was like 2
minutes ago!

I would like to start by threatening your life. Shut the
fvck up! Eat a dick, you f%^$ing, As%hole, c*nt, B$tch,Wh$#,Applesauce,#$^&#,Hemorroidal
&^@#% tax reform,&&%@#$&*semen cancer@%%#, Wizard Dog Fvcker!

I’d like to continue by focusing on a different topic. I
will now cleverly divert the subject by bringing up Iran. About Iran, my
opponent doesn’t even have a plan. (Pauses and smiles at the accidental rhyme).
Moving on.

My opponent mentioned Royal’s annoying question again. Due
to my stance on abortion, I will debate the issue no further. If Royal gets
held down, beaten, and tenderly sexed, then she must have invited it. Rape is
like a Ghost hunting TV show. Only a few people believe in it and nobody
watches more than three minutes of one episode on TLC before they change the
channel. That simile was awesome.

My opponent remarked that it is difficult to tell that the
Chinese Prime Minister’s daughter was retarded. I would disagree, since her
condition has her on life-support. The chick has no central nervous system. The
last impressive thing she’s accomplished was not shi*ting herself when someone
suddenly turned the lights on. In fact, Obam-Bam admitted that he had to remove
her colostomy bag before he nailed her.

My opponent remarked that “Wizards and Halo Spartans would kick so much more a** for a far cheaper
price then Optimus Prime's 7 autobot friends ever could.

I would like to remind my opponent of what happened last
week, when he sent his “hero” wizard, Harry Potter, to kill me. Please take the
time to view the attached Video.

My opponent stated:” Have you seen Chicago? it looks like a warzone
ALL THE TIME, we had no idea anything had changed....”

I agree. Let’s drop the subject. Chicago will most likely not survive until it’s election time anyways.

My opponent cited his membership with NAMBLA (It really is
an authentic organization. Seriously, I googled it too.) Unfortunately, he made
a mistake and accidentally joined the Asian version, called NAMBRA (National
Man Boy Rove Association). Everyone here agrees that it’s criminal to make fun
of Asian dialects; therefor my opponent is a racist.

My opponent remarked that he would take over healthcare. The
last socialist who attempted that fvcked a retarded foreigner while giving a
thumbs up to himself on his Android phone camera. Do we really want another

My opponent said: “you cant keep living in the past.... Because thats where Transformers Revenge of
the Fallen lies, and that movie f*cking sucked.

Agreed. Moving on.

My opponent asked: What have you done Optimus?

I cured Ebola, extended the Human life expectancy by 400%,
invented an over-the-counter pill to instantly make all chicks turn into Meagan
Fox, I balanced the budget, I beat the Chinese Prime Minister’s daughter
retarded, I went back in time and reversed the holocaust. 6 million Germans
dead! What the fvck have you done?

In fact, that’s my campaign slogan. “What the fvck have YOU done?”

Debate Round No. 3



"Mr Dumbedore, As the moderator I have to move on because we are already low on time we have to proceed on to the foreign policy que-"

I dont care, I need to say two more things before I answer any new questions.

Number 1, me joining NAMBRA does not mean I am racist towards Asians. I love asians, and have made love to several of them against their will in my life, so I am not racist. I f*ck both white boys and asian boys equally.

Number 2, Barack Obama did have to remove the crap bag off the retarded Chinsese girl to have sex with her, but he thought it was a bag of Indian food! Everyone knows that a bag full of sh*t has the same smell and taste as a bag of indian food, so really it wasnt Obama's fault that he didnt think something was amiss.

Ok mr moderater you can ask your questions.


Conservativepolitico asks "I believe that the government should stay out of the Middle East and all Middle Eastern affairs, but in the past the US has always had a history of trying to intervene in the Middle East when they never should have been. What is your policy regarding intervention in the Middle East?

A stereotypical chinese Viper-King asks "China is a proven currency manipurator and a country that doesnt rike free speech and other inarienabre rights. I personarry think China should be nuked into obrivion, but what is your stance on China's viorations of human rights?"

And lastly, 16kadams asks "I immigrated to this country from Mexico and lived as an illegal immigrant for many years in New Mexico until I finally gained citizenship. Ok im still illegal but my question is, how will you address the illegal immigration problem this country faces?"


Well CP, I love democracy. I love little boys more but I still love democracy, and I would do my best to try to encourage the spread of Democracy throughout Middle Eastern countries by using the US's economic influence to encourage regimes to make reforms in these countries and put them on the path towards modernization. I would never use military force to overrun and annex the entire Middle East which is what Optimus Prime has proposed since he began campaigning. The US should be as non-interventionist as possible military wise, yet still try to work with Middle Eastern governments to grant more human rights. After that we can then work on converting all of them to Christianity so that they stop flying hijacked planes into all of our sh*t and causing us to pass laws like the Patriot act, the NDAA, and also the Alex Jones Act, a law authored by Optimus Prime that grants the government all powers that Alex Jones claimed they had. Yeah Alex Jones really f*cked us all over on that one, stupid a** conspiracy theorist.....

So my foreign policy position on Middle Eastern intervention is centered strictly around the spread of democracy and human rights peacefully through economic treaties with Middle Eastern countries, NOT annex the entire Middle East and rename it "Towelheadistan" like Optimus Prime wants to. Once that is accomplished then we could maybe look into long term goals like eventually converting the region to Christianity so that they will stop flying planes into our sh*t....

Now as for Viper-Kings question. I am rather lenient towards China even though they are currency manipulaters and currently occupy California, Hawaii, Washington and Oregon. The sooner we can have peace with China, the sooner we can become valuable trade allies with them again and take steps to fixing our economy that they technically messed up in the first place... I am lenient towards China, but between me and Optimus Prime, im actually tougher on China then he is since Optimus Prime is a slave to China. Optimus has made it center to his platform to sell the US to China because hes actually Chinese. You can tell because he still has the 'Made in China' sticker stuck on his fat a**....

Lastly there is 16kadams's question about illegal immigration. This nation is a nation of immigrants. It is a nation of people from other countries, and also of cybernetic organisms that hail from the planet Cybertron, but mostly the first one.... I feel that we should be opening our borders more and offering easier paths to citizenship for those living here illegally. Like Optimus here. Optimus Prime has been an illegal immigrant when he first came here as a toy truck. His own baby photos show he has always been in the US but never bothered to become an American Citizen.

How can someone so un-american try to sell you the ida that hes actually patriotic when hes against all forms of immigration, legal and illegal, and himself is too unpatriotic to even become legal himself?

Now of course I myself am not a citizen, I cant come because of my criminal past. But I am here on a workers visa which goes to show that I, like so many people before me, have seen America as the place of opportunity and freedom to do what you want without archaic government laws holding you back.

Now Optimus may point out that my workers visa says that im here in the country for "human services" and try to alledge that by 'human services' it means im here on a Workers Visa to f*ck little boys........... And hed be right...... I am currently on a Workers Visa here to f*ck little boys, but I see nothing wrong with this since these days the role of the entire government is to f*ck everyone up the a** anyways.....

Infact, ss an expert f*cker up the a**, I am the perfect man to elect to make Washington productive again, since I specialize in the one thing the government is good at...... F*cking you up the a**. I know how government works, I specialize in key fields of work so I will be able to make DC move forward again, I have experience in the past of running large organizations almost on my own while handling all kinds of sh*t thats flung my way. Optimus couldnt even save his own home planet and had to come to ours as a war refugee..... And he smelled like one too

He may think he can run this country better then me, but the truth is Optimus Ive been fixing this place long before you ever showed up with your autobots, deceptacons, and pokemon's.

You wanna know why? Its because here on Earth.....


Conservativepolitico asked "I believe that the government should stay out of the Middle East and all Middle Eastern affairs, but in the past the US has always had a history of trying to intervene in the Middle East when they never should have been. What is your policy regarding intervention in the Middle East?"

Personally, I find the whole idea rediculous. I don't believe the middle-east even exists.Could someone please point out how you could locate the middle-east? Isn't that location
nonsense? Consider my list of other strange locations:

  • Quasi-North
  • Lower-Middle-South
  • Inner-West
  • Outer-Northeast
  • Central South Left
  • Intermediate Upper-side

Sh!t don't make sense. Why are we defrauding the American people by spending tax dollars on regions that simply aren't real?
Also, have you ever noticed that East and West are perpetual, but North and South are not? If you start walking east, you will never reach west, because you will continuously face east. It's perpetual.
However, if you start walking North, you will eventually face South. Conspiracy!!! F*cking Wizard tricks!
Regardless, if East is perpetual, where is the middle, that I might find the middle-east and kill all the Arabs?

I believe my answer negates all of my opponent's remarks upon the middle east conflict. Unless Dimblenutz can prove that the Middle-East is a real place, I will extend my arguments into closing.


Viper-King asked "China is a proven currency manipurator and a country that doesnt rike free speech and other inarienabre rights. I personarry think China should be nuked into obrivion, but what is your stance on China's viorations of human rights?"

(Optimus stares at Viper-King for several seconds)

........what the fvck are you saying? Do we have any other yellow-skinned troglodytes in the audience that can translate his ancient cave language? I mean, I will try to answer his question...but I don't know if I understood him correctly.

I believe Viper-King asked:" Vagina is a proven current vibrator and a cvnt that doesn't rake fui-speek and other intercranial wipes. I purposefully thank Chilard should be knocked into a brimming thing, but what is your stain on Shynuts fire relations of Hubert Whites?"

Well, I'm familiar with female sex toys but I think you're describing a different electronic component. I believe a Current Vibrator is used to convert DC current into AC current. Most people just call them Transformers (no pun intended). The second part of your question asked something about a cvnt that won't rake? Perhaps you need to seek a divorce if your cvnt wife won't help you with the yard work. The intercranial wipe can be arranged for a price. She won't remember a thing.
You mentioned that Hubert Whites has strange fire stains on his "shy nuts"? Is that some sort of asian sexual practice? Did Hubert Whites perhaps burn his testicles in some weird candle-fvcking ritual?
Let me give you some advice:"! No touchy!"

Ok, that was fun. Thank you Viper-King.


16kadams asked "I immigrated to this country from Mexico and lived as an illegal immigrant for many years in New Mexico until I finally gained citizenship. Ok im still illegal but my question is, how will you address the illegal immigration problem this country faces?"

I believe we should make it very difficult on illegal immigrants. If the United States adopts a posture of radical neglect toward the immigrant, perhaps the illegals will "self-deport". I also believe we should make the process of illegal immigration more sporting. If I'm elected President, I will build a wild-life preserve on the Mexican border. If the immigrant manages to survive a grueling trek through Lion infested terrain, he will have a fighting chance at crossing in the United States.


My fellow Americans. I promised you a campaign of transparency and I have given that to you. I have illuminated my opponent's flagrant pedophilia. In fact, this picture was found on his personal computer just yesterday:

I believe my opponent has condemned himself with his rancid boy-loving. Not only that, but his running mate was just sentenced to serve four consecutive life-terms for the brutal rape of Imabench.

I am so convinced of my immenent victory, I will spend the rest of my round telling you a funny Muslim joke.

A Muslim dies after giving his life to the cause of Jihad. He awakes in Paradise, surrounded by clouds and glorious light.
In the distance, he sees a bearded man.
"That must be Muhammad!" exclaims the excited Muslim.
He races toward the man and asks:" Are you Muhammad?"
"No", replies the man. "I'm Saint Peter. Muhammad is further up."

The Muslim is excited by this news. The glorious prophet ranks higher than the apostle Peter. How wonderous.
So the Muslim begins climbing the stairway to the next level of glory. In the distance he sees another bearded man.
The Muslim begins running towards him. Out of breath and exhausted, the Muslim asks:" Are"

"No", replies the man, " I am Moses. Muhammad is further up."
"Glory!" shouts the Muslim. Muhammad is even higher than the prophet of old.
Exhausted, but determined, the Muslim climbs the stairs to the next level.
Soaked in sweat, weak and exhausted, the Muslim pulls himself to the final level. In the distance he sees a bearded man, glowing in glorious light.
The Muslim shrieks in excitement. He draws upon his inner strength and crawls over to the bearded man.
"Are you the glorious prophet Muhammad?" asks the Muslim.
"No", answers the man. "I am God. You look simply exhausted. Can I get you a cup of Coffee?"
"Yes Lord", answers the Muslim.

"Muhammad", yells God. "Two Coffees please".

Debate Round No. 4


My opponents foreign policy positions are almost as bad as Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.... Which is really saying something.

Optimus Prime went from submitting plans to Congress calling for the military conquest of the entire Middle East and renaming the region 'Towelheadistan' to denying that the Middle East even exists. Rest assured Optimus the Middle East does in fact exist, its the last place in the world where youre movies actually are received well by critics..... Whether or not you actually believe the Middle East doesnt exist or just trying to dodge CP's question is beyond me but I stand by my foreign policy position where we work with the Middle East through economic trade agreements to spread Democracy and Civil Rights when the time is right........... And then eventually convert the whole region into christianity so that they stop flying planes into our sh*t.

After Optimus dodged that question he then dodged Viper king's question regarding China by claiming he doesnt know what hes saying. We all know that Optimus is just bullsh*tting us at this point, he still has the sticker on his fat a** that says 'Made in China' so we all know full well that Optimus know what Viper-King is saying, even if he does sound like he has a wad of peanut butter stuck on the roof of his mouth....

Optimus also never once brings up how he would handle the ongoing war we have with China, because it is still a fact that the Chinese are occupying several states on the Pacific coast. Instead talks about vaginal vibrators as a response to Viper's question, and even though I love talking about shoving vibrating gizmos into various holes in the body as much as the next guy, Optimus still dodged the question. He never even brought up how he would try to negotiate peace with Chinese Dictater P. F. Changs Toyota Gagnam Style Panda Express!.......

As for the last question about immigration policy, Optimus shows another photo of my sexual orientation, but this one you can see is clearly photo-shopped. First off I would never be looking at a clock while having buttsex with a ginger, and second I would never even have buttsex with a ginger. I know that technically Gingers dont have souls and therefore arent actual people which means anything I do to them or their anuses isnt against the law, but come on man I have standards.....

Now it is true that my VP candidate Masterchief was sentenced to four consecutive life sentences..... But hes masterchief, he'll have broken out of jail by two hours ago and everything would be back to normal.


Jesus I still have 5,000 characters.... Well since I have all this space I might as well just list my stances on other issues (both domestic and foreign policy wise) just to burn up some time.

Stance on abortion - Let the states decide it. I personally only have sex with boys who cant even burn off a load by fapping so I have no knowledge in the sexual affairs of women, so I wont have a policy on something I do not completely understand.

Stance on Campaign Finance Reform - It is in my belief that corporations are not people. I have never seen Texas kill a corporation before, and I have never sexually violated a corporation as a young child before, so I would push for an amendment that says corporations are not people

Stance on Labor Unions - Labor Unions killed hostess and now I dont have any twinkies to lure little boys to my van anymore.... F*ck labor unions, they dont serve a valuable purpose anyways.

Stance on Cuba trade and travel embargo - I believe that we should end the embargo now that Castro is dead and that their communist regime has descended into anarchy (he died from autoerotic asphyxiation, in other words he choked himself to death masturbating while dressed up as Selena Gomez). Plus it would be awesome to see if anarchy really can work for a society, i mean it worked so well for Somalia right?

Stance on the Israeli-Palestinian conflicts - They all look the same to me so I wouldnt interfere with them. Besides those guys are firing rockets at each other every week so I dont see any reward in ending the conflict.

Stance on torture - I have always been a fan of torture. Love torture. Love it. Ive tortured several times and I have voluntarily been tortured as well (it makes sex SOOOOOO much better). So I am for it

Stance on Internet Censorship - I am against internet censorship and believe that if you have a problem with something you see on the internet and you dont like it then you should just be a f*cking adult about it and look at soemthing else rather then call for our banning... er... I mean... call for ITS banning.... Yeah, that.

Stance on Evolution - I believe that if you are a creationist then you shouldnt be allowed to vote. Thats my policy on that.

Stance on gambling - Hey I gamble every time I dont use a condom when im banging someones brains out, I support gambling and would encourage others to gamble as well because it just feels SOOOOO much better.

Stance on gun ownership - LOL, go ahead and try to shoot me, Ill turn you into a gerbil and then shove you up my a** if you pull a gun on me. I am in favor of gun ownership.

Stance on Medical Marijuana - I think marijuana does have some beneficial effects and can be effective medicine against common ailments, but I do think we need to restrict how you can get medical marijuana. For f*cks sake just yesterday I got a prescription for medical marijuana and the reason I have medical marijuana is because it cures my depression from not having any medical marijuana. Medical marijuana does have its benefits and its potential but we need to limit how one can get access to medical marijuana and stop people from abusing this system. Now if anyone wants to smoke this fatty with me when this is done just meet me behind the curtain. Potter is bringing the acid and we'll drop some of that once we're stoned out of our minds.

Stance on Welfare - If youre on welfare and you can work but you choose not to then f*ck you, go kill yourself...

Stance on government bailouts - Sorry im sort of an anarchist on this one, if a company is in trouble I dont want to help them out I want to watch it burn.... Hell sometimes Ill even throw gas on it.


"Ok Mr. Dumbledore your time is just about up. Since this is the last round you can now give your final statements"


Very well then, here is my final statements....

Look at me....

Now look at Optimus....

Now back to me......

Now back to him....

Now back to me....

Sadly he is not me..... But if he stopped using ladies bodywash and switched to new Neosporin-scented Old Spice with a hint of old man semen, he could smell like me.....

Look down....

Back up..... Where are we?

We're on a boat....... And your with the man that Optimus could smell like.

Whats in your hand? Back at me....

Its the new copy of Halo 4 that my VP has went through the trouble to get and its complimentary....

Look again, the game is now a combo pack of Halo 4 and Call of Duty Black Ops II.....

Anything is possible when you smell like new Neosporin flavored hint of old man semen Old Spice.

Im on a horse...



Thank you everybody for a fantastic debate!!! I had a blast with this, I would like to thank Heineken for giving a great performance as well, we got 10 likes so Im definitely going to make another one of these. Thank you for reading, I hope you take the time to vote!



(The CNN camera shifts to Optimus Prime, who is busy playing hacky sack with the bloated corpse of
Harry Potter

88, 89, 90, 91…Fvck!.

(Harry Potter slips off his foot and drops twenty feet to the ground. His purple corpse explodes
into a rancid, wormy mush

Did you see that? I almost made it to 100.

Anyways, I guess it’s about time to put this b*tch to bed.
Let me start by defining a term:

Revisionist Politics.” That means, I change my mind a lot. Generally, my mind
changes until I have the distinct feeling that I have gained to most support
through the least amount of effort. It actually works quite well. Remember when
Obama changed his stance on Gay marriage? Or when he changed his opinion on
abortion? America loves a fickle politician and I promise to be the most
unpredictable, erratic and inconsistent President in history! Can you feel the
excitement? He’s excited. (Points to Dumbledor, who is getting a raging erection from Optimus’ speech).

Now, my opponent provided the major talking points of his platform but there’s one thing he will never do. He will never kill Oprah. You know why? Because I killed Oprah. Everybody look under your seats! That’s right, you all get your very own Blue-Ray copy of “Death of an Icon”. It’s a neat spin on Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman”, except in my version Biff
beats the sh*t out of Oprah with a Luisville slugger. Here’s the kicker, we got the real Oprah to play in this film and Biff really does beat her to death.

Now, I’m not going to repeat my stance on the “middle east”. I directly challenged my opponent to prove that it’s a real place and he failed to provide even one source, much less a map. I take that as a direct concession.

My opponent also tried to “convince” you that I “understood” Viper-King. Well, I’d love to get Viper-King back in here to discuss his
question further, but he was late for a 30 hour shift at the Microsoft-Disney-Walmart manufacturing plant in Dallas, China. You’ll just need to trust me; I don’t know what the fvck he was talking about.

Dumbledicklicker claimed that I didn’t bring up a plan to negotiate with China. Well, he’s right. I don’t negotiate. China’s days are
numbered. If you don’t believe me, scroll back up to round one. Listen to the Transformer Dubstep music and imagine me kicking a ton of Asian *ss. That will convince anyone! Anyone!


Final Points

Stance on abortion
– I consulted with Arnold Schwarzenegger on the issue. He said he was “all for Termination”. He was married to Mariah Shriver, who is a relative of JFK. Therefore, I agree with him.

Stance on Campaign Finance Reform – My Campaign Finance needs no reform. I am privately funded
by Hasbro™ Copyright © 2012.

Stance on Labor Unions – My opponent is upset about the twinks, not the twinkies. Ignore his rants.

Stance on Cuba trade and travel embargo – Have you ever eaten Cuban pulled Pork? Cubans are
awesome. Pretty much the only Hispanics I won’t “export” back to Venezuela upon rising to power.

Stance on the Israeli-Palestinian conflicts – There is no conflict. Israel will be granted total support in maintaining its independence and sovereign soil. We will ignore all crimes against humanity. Palestine is not recognized by my
prospective administration.

Stance on torture – Yes.

Stance on Internet Censorship – No.

Stance on Evolution – I am evolution.

Stance on gambling – I am against Gambling for one reason. The term implies that you could lose.
If I’m elected President, you won’t lose anymore.

Stance on gun ownership – The last gun my opponent saw, dropped out of MasterChief’s
pants and slapped the wrinkles off his face.

Not only am I pro-gun ownership, I believe it’s every American’s duty to be combat ready. I am Pro Guns, Pro militia, Pro
armed-religious-fanatics in a Mormon-style-compound-in-Texas, Pro Zombie Apocalypse and for my ethnic friends, I am also Pro shizzle.

Stance on Medical Marijuana – I will legalize Marijuana without restrictions. That’s it. That’s
all I have to say about it. I know, you have questions. The answer is “yes”.

  • Can you build a Bong into your Ford Escort’s center console? Yes.
  • Can you grow your own sh*t? Yes.
  • Is being too High a legitimate reason to call out of work for paid sick time? Yes.
  • Is it normal to play Dungeons and Dragons while pressure-baking a blanket fort? Yes. Absolutely.
  • Is it a good idea to eat Spaghetti while trippin’ sack on acid? No….that’s not a good idea.
    You should stop that. You’re gonna ruin everyone else’s trip. Go find an intricate carpet.

Stance on Welfare – I believe we should support the naturalist ideal of “survival of the fittest”.
I don’t think we should pay for you to live, if you can’t survive on your own. Have some fvcking dignity and take a couple extra sleeping pills. You should be embarrassed mom! Everyone else’s parents work!

Stance on government bailouts – I believe we should not send mixed signals. If we oppose
welfare, we should support job creation and maintenance. If a bailout allows a company
a fighting chance, then I support it. That’s just logical. In fact, it’s humane. I hate Dumbledore. I hate him so much!


"Ok Optimus, your time is just about up. Since this is the last round you can now give your final statements"


Very well then, here is my final statements....

Look at me....

Now look at the boylover....

Now back to me......

Now back to him....

Now back to me....

Now watch me break every bone in his body.....

Debate Round No. 5
40 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by babyy 4 years ago
Hello dear, my name is Teresa, i came across your profile now.So I decided to stop by an let you know that I really want to have a good friendship with you. Beside i have something special i want to discuses with you, but I find it difficult to express myself here, since it's a public site. I will be very happy, If you can get back to me, through my e-mail(teresa.edmond (at )ymail.c o m)
Posted by singingboy2 4 years ago
How harry mistook Optimums Prim for a greasy haired potions master i'll never know.
Posted by Heineken 4 years ago
Your joke debate is this way:----------------->
Posted by jakamadillo7 4 years ago
There once was a very rich king with a beautiful daughter, who was kind of a slut. So one day he decided to put glitter on her pussie. The next day he got her three severents together and told them to drop their pants the first man had glitter on his c0ck so the king had him him killed. The second man had glitter on his fingers. So the king also had him killed. But the third man, the third man had no visable glitter. So the king said smiling "you may marry my daughter." The third man smiled back to the king. The king then commented on his dental care saying his teeth glittered in the sun.
Posted by imabench 4 years ago

Posted by OberHerr 4 years ago

I would argue that a good moderator should let both sides curse and talk about penises. Especially penises.
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
Ill make another soon. The last one i made got ruined by an idiot and now I have final exams for this semester at college :P
Posted by jakamadillo7 4 years ago
When are you making a new one?
Posted by LaL36 4 years ago
Cool debate. Terrible moderator. Let both sides curse and talk about penises
Posted by SarcasticIndeed 4 years ago
I LOVE THIS DEBATE :D Actually laughing irl while reading it. GJ
7 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 7 records.
Vote Placed by miketheman1200 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: No Conduct in trolling debate. imabench used better grammar and did less cursing. Heineken made substantial arguments regarding Dumbledore's pedophilia and also killed him at the end of the debate. I feel like optimus and his crew would pretty much annihilate any threat in the middle east (wherever that is), and effectivley kick the Chinese out of the U.S. Props to both contenders because this debate made my day.
Vote Placed by TrasguTravieso 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: I abstain and demand to be shown a birth certificate
Vote Placed by emospongebob527 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: CVB Mouthwash and Nidhogg, give a real vote.
Vote Placed by Nidhogg 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Well, Optimus did kind of say that he would declare war on every single major social group.
Vote Placed by MouthWash 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Con's pictures were funnier.
Vote Placed by baseballkid 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: "combo pack of Halo 4 and Call of Duty Black Ops II"..... Honestly dodging questions on Heinekens part give the debate to imabench. He was also way funnier. "retard had a really nice rack so I dont blame Obama for showing her his stimulus package". I cannot vote against that.
Vote Placed by Marauder 4 years ago
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: This debate was hysterical, epic and entertaining. Both sides did great and I hope there are more of these debates but would like it if they did not go quite so profane. I quite laughing when they got a little to into wrinkled old....stuff like that is more gross than funny. Any all in all I was more entertained by Con just a little so he gets my vote. though both sides did great just next time go easy on the crude sex humor. it was a little funny early on but by round five it was over killed and i was tired of it. see comment section for a few further notes from me