The Instigator
imabench
Pro (for)
Winning
21 Points
The Contender
socialpinko
Con (against)
Losing
8 Points

Presidential Debate: Peter Griffin vs Eric Cartman

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 8 votes the winner is...
imabench
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/18/2012 Category: Politics
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 11,365 times Debate No: 28010
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (42)
Votes (8)

 

imabench

Pro



Thank you for tuning in to the second of possibly more presidential debates among some of the most well known fictional people in history who are running for President of the United States of America...... Tonight we have Peter Griffin vs Eric Cartman, who each represent the two major political parties in the race.

My name is Tim Tebow, I will be tonights moderator because im still riding the bench on the New York Jets and had nothing else to do tonight.... Glory be to God!..... I will ask each side questions about domestic and foreign policy, and I do have the power to fact check any and all material in the candidates speeches and claims even though that either candidate can make up any statistic they want and it will be treated as reality simply to make the debate more interesting.... Praise Jesus!

Here is how this debate will be structured....... John 3:16!

In round 1 the Con can give an opening speech on his party platform, his personal beliefs, and what he feels are the biggest issues to this country and how he will address them........ Blessed are thou!

In round 2 the Pro will give a much more condensed opening speech and then I the moderator will ask 3 questions about Domestic policy for both sides to answer........ Keep the Christ in Christmas!....... The Pro will open with his own positions and policies, and then the Con will introduce his own positions on the issues, propose any plans he has, and counter anything said by the Pro in the rest of round 2...... The Lord is my Savior!

Round 3 will be more debating from both candidates over domestic policy who can defend their own positions or attack the other's policies.... Homosexuality is wrong!...... At the end of round 3 each candidate can give a summarization of their policy, and then the debate over domestic policy will cease...... Bible Study has been moved to 3:00 on Thursdays.....

In Round 4 I as moderator will ask 3 more questions, this time about foreign policy...... Revelations 4:21....... Both candidates will again introduce their stances on the three questions, and cross examine each others stances in the rest of round 4 and round 5......... Celibacy is the way to go!

At the end of round 5, both candidates must give a Bolded, 500 character or less final remark about why they should be elected president, then the debate will be concluded.......... But the spirit of Christ will live forever!........ Following the debate this program we will air footage of viewers to submit their votes for who they think won the debate and why............. Open your heart to God to find the answer!

Other then that, both candidates must adhere to the rules that both sides agreed on before the debate. To the viewers, these are the rules both sides agreed upon.

1) Cursing is NOT poor conduct and is in fact encouraged

2) Both sides can use any pictures they want to reiterate their stances or attack their opponent during the debate. Pictures that have been photoshopped are accepted and encouraged.

3) Both sides can make references to any comments or statements made by the candidates outside of this debate. (These comments can be completely made up and they must be treated like they were actually spoken by both sides)

4) Any scandals that one side brings up about the other side MUST BE ADDRESSED by that candidate. (Again, these scandals can be completely made up but the other side must respond to them)

(You need 60 debates to accept but if you really want it and I think youll be good enough, Ill lower the requirement....... Con gets to choose either candidate he wants to be for the rest of the debate and will state who he picked in the beginning of his round....... It is con's job to impersonate the candidate he chooses to be to the best of his abilities for the rest of the debate. If you treat this like an actual debate then you forfeit and are officially a dumba**..... If you need a better idea of what you are supposed to do if you accept, see the last presidential debate here: http://www.debate.org...)
socialpinko

Con

My name is Eric Cartman. Over the course of this debate, it is my intention to show you (the viewer) that I am by far the best choice for the Presidency of these United States and why Peter Griffin is most definitely not suitable for the position. Good luck to my esteemed( (and foreign born- where's the birth certificate?) opponent.
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I am of genius-level intelligence and have worked in the private sector as an enterpreuner in several fields[1][2][3]. I am running on a common sense conservative platform. I believe that in many instance of life, the government should refrain from interfering with people's business (for instance in their choice to own cats) while I also maintain that there are certain roles in which the State should be involved (for instance defense against gooks, beaners, and Jews). My platform is fiscally and socially conservative while libertarian (in name only) on foreign policy. Running alongside me as my vice-presidential candidate is God. That's right, God. Deal with it.
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As an experienced hippie exterminator[2], I have what it takes to get rid of the illegal aliens (not the ones who probed me, they were alright guys) who are sucking this country dry. Furthermore, I'm an expert in psychological warfare (see video), an essential tool in imperialistic......I mean defensive foreign policy. No recent President has had the guts to stand up to the liberal fascist establishment and point out that immigrants and foreigners are bad for America. I can assure you all that I have the guts to do what it takes.

My VP candidate (and personal friend) God on the other hand brings more than enough to the table. Not only does he require the votes of the Christian segment of these beautiful United States on threat of damnation to hell (seriously, vote for me or burn for eternity) but he also loves each and every American very very much. Wouldn't it be mean not to return this love with a simple vote in our favor? Vote for my opponent and face eternal damnation or vote Cartman/YWHW and spend an eternity in loving bliss. It's your choice (but maybe not? I forget how free will co-exists with divine omniscience. After this debate I've got to find some material on the matter).
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Mr. Griffin's welfare state antics[4] and ties to the liberal establishment[5] deem him incapable of handling the coming fiscal cliff. On the other hand my complete lack of regard for human suffering makes me the perfect choice to critically cut government funding. On top of this he's retarded so there's that. Seriously how does he even have a license? Do they ever explain that in the show? A northeastern holier-than-thou liberal who thinks he knows better what's good for America than Americans themselves, Mr. (or Mrs., we don't know-where's the birth certificate?!?!) Griffin would turn this God-fearing country into a hogwash of socialist, atheist, Muslim heathens. Vote for decency. Vote for War (ignore that you heard that). Vote Cartman/YWHW 2013.
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===Sources===
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[1]http://en.wikipedia.org...
[2]http://en.wikipedia.org...
[3]http://en.wikipedia.org...'_Me
[4]http://en.wikipedia.org...
[5]http://familyguy.wikia.com...
http://www.southparkstudios.com...
Debate Round No. 1
imabench

Pro

This is the guy Im running for president against? Jesus, he looks like an over-inflated version of Sarah Palin's down syndrome kid.....
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Anyways, My name is Peter Griffin, and im an alcoholic. Im the good kind of alcoholic though, not the bad kind. Im the kind of alcoholic who only looks like hes drunk but hes not because hes just tired from drinking so much... Or the kind of alcoholic who drinks so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off......Im not the kind of alcoholic who gets drunk and then breaks up with his girlfriend for not being in the kitchen like she should be......

On a separate note, why is it that when the kid from that youtube song "Somebody I used to know" paints himself naked to watch people, its called being artistic, but when I do the exact same thing when im hammered I end up getting banned from Baskin Robbins??? Yeah, that seems fair..... You may go ahead and ask the questions you have Mr Tebow.

==========================================================================

Ok then, lets get down to the debate. The first 3 questions will be about domestic policy.

*peter griffin yells "oh my god, who, the hell, cares?"*

Lannan13 asks, "I am a huge fan of gun control, and with the Connecticut school shooting still fresh in everybody's mind, gun control is a big issue now. What is your stance on gun control?"

RoyLatham asks "Ive been watching candidates campaign for president ever since I turned 13 in the year 1822, and none of them have ever been able to fight back against outsourcing without doing unnecessary damage to American businesses, what is your solution to fighting against outsourcing while preserving the American free market?"

And Cody Franklin asks "I know this isnt really related to domestic policy in any sort of way, but i still feel it is important and relevant to who would make the better president and who should get my vote. In my analysis of past presidential candidates, a number of them failed to posses specific qualities that makes them the best kind of person to have in the White House, while others who do not have these qualities that do become president often have harmful and terms that the public disapproves of. These qualities are found in typic- *3 hours later...* -so what im asking is, How will your religious views affect your presidential stances and define your presidency?

==========================================================================

Ok to answer Lannan's question, the school shooting was very tragic and we should mourn those who passed away prematurely in the shooting. But let me just point out that I actively tried to stop the shooting whereas my opponent did not. See the clip above for proof of my heroic attempt to try to stop the school shooting.



As for my policy on gun control, I like guns. They come in handy, and what kills you makes you stronger, like that song by Kelly Clarkson... However I do see the merits of why we should look into gun control. Look at England, they have the one of the tightest forms of gun control of any country and the only thing they have to deal with is drive by arguments....

Gun control seems to work, but its a conflict of interest for me because I also think that if everyone was armed that would also work........ I mean it seems to work very well in somalia, so why not?

Now Roy asked what I would do to stop outsourcing yet not harm businesses, which is an excellent question because outsourcing is a problem. The first thing we need to do is buy American products, which I believe are down to cheeseburgers and porn. I frequently buy american cheesburgers and american porn and in doing so I am fighting against outsourcing. But how do we stop other industries from outsourcing or get jobs that already went overseas to come back to America? There is a solution to this problem, and I must say myself that it is rather genius. Its an idea so smart, my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about....

Lastly there was Cody's question, who basically ask how my religious beliefs will impact my presidency.

Now religion is a huge part of everyones life, and religion is a huge part of my life too. I dont read the Bible much because I work all the time, but my favorite story form the Bible is the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital....

I myself am Irish Catholic but my wife is Protestant, my dog is a snobby atheist, my oldest son is an idiot, my youngest son is gay, and shut up Meg....... I am exposed to a lot of religious beliefs and philosophies on a regular basis but my motto is that you can believe in whatever you want as long as you dont force it on others. Because you know what that makes you when you force yourself onto others? A rapist... And I promise I will not rape America with my religion OR my penis. The only thing I will ask Americans though is....

Havent you heard about the bird?

A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, don't you know about the bird
Well, everybody's talking about the bird
A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a, bird
(Suuuuuuuur-fiiiiiiin' Biiiiiiiiiiiiird)
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbadffasjdaiofjawcniszfjnisjnxcsijgszcf
akjnzkgluxvdgncasnrdvgnuvdkzfcsnflvzkdâ—Šgnvlshrzvdgckszlazbflnbxcgnf
lsxudczxhagunhuighcuidufdzkxhdfckdsnzCIFlnmsnugnisdzvncxaaaaaaaaaa
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow....

Thats all I have to say about that.

There is one last thing I would like to say before I cede my time to my opponent.

Testicles........
socialpinko

Con

Lannan13: Gun Control


The Sandy Hook shooting was clearly a very sad event for many families. After I heard about it I immediately went to consult my VP candidate God on the theological repercussions of such a tragedy. He assured me that, while a tragedy in itself, the Sandy Hook shooting was a necessary evil for the facilitating of a greater good. He was not at liberty to disclose what that good was but he assured me that as an all-powerful, all-knowing, benevolent God, that he wouldn't allow anything to occur unless it was either good in itself or contributed to a greater good. Now whether that good is a cure for AIDS or global nuclear disarmament, it can't be looked at as purely negative. Gun control isn't the answer, faith is.


But on to my broader views on gun control, I favor a lax government policy in regards to the owning and distributing of firearms. God will make everything work out for the best. Of course my position is basically the same as my opponent's (though his has no theological underpinnings so he's a damned heretic) so I see no reason to continue on this issue.


Roylatham: Outsourcing.


Outsourcing is bad I suppose. The way to beat it is to make America more attractive to investors. We can do this with a lot of things. Whether getting rid of lazy hippies who don't contribute to the GDP[1] or forcing Jews to give up their unused Jew gold[2] to use for productive purposes, I have plenty of past experience in this area. We need to make America an attractive place to invest and do other good things. Economic nationalism was a huge part of Nazi economic policy and my ties to such make me a great choice here[3]. My opponent's wife on the other hand is a Jewess[4] so we can can clearly see that he wouldn't have the chin-balls to do what is needed, making his point conjecture at best and lying at worst.


Cody_Franklin: Religion.


On the topic of religion, the Eric Cartman ticket is the clear choice since I have the support of the God Almighty himself. Of course some liberal atheist haters might conjure this up to mean that I have something against non-religious or non-Christian people. This is sort of true. I don't favor denying them legal rights but neither do I think we'll be seeing them in Heaven. The best thing to do is just accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your Personal Savior. But then again that's another debate entirely. This is politics. Atheists and Jews watch your back and you'll be fine.


===Sources===


[1] http://en.wikipedia.org...
[2] http://www.southparkstudios.com...
[3] http://www.southparkstudios.com...
[4] http://familyguy.wikia.com...
Debate Round No. 2
imabench

Pro



Wait wait wait, youre vice president is God? What a terrible choice! That guy has killed millions of people and he himself is the reason why people kill millions of other people too! This is a guy who convinces thousands of people to kill their loved ones every day yet I cant convince two of my friends to help me move.

Also I would just like to point out that God's son, Jesus, likes Amy Grant's music...... And if that isnt a deal breaker for you...... Then I dont know what is.

On another note though just between me and Cartman, can you ask God to smite Mark Sanchez? I dont hate him I just think that at this point he should just be put out of his misery because lets face it hes not going to get any better..... Like that time my horse broke its leg and I had to shoot it...... I shot the horse, but now the horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound too, so I dont know how the gut was supposed to help the horse but it doesnt seem to be working at all and now I got a horse with more problems then Brittany Spears did in 2007......

Next I will respond to my opponents outsourcing arguments. Cartman here believes that we need to get rid of all the hippies and force the jews to give up their jew gold. I on the other hand dont think we should get rid of the hippies, if we didnt have hippies, where would American teenagers buy their weed from at a decent price? Hippies music may suck a fat dick but the blow they sell is some of the cleanest and purest stuff you can find on the market, its especially useful when you smoke some of it while trying to write some songs.... Of course hippies have a notoriously sh*tty taste in music..... Its not as bad as Jesus's but still its pretty bad.

And my wife may be a Jewess, but you know what she isnt? A murderous all powerful being who claims to be an all good omnipotent being yet still lets evil exist in the world. What kind of a God creates a world that has crying babies on airplanes, a world where people dont know who Barry Manilow is, or a world that has Lindsay Lohan in it? Lindsay Lohan really grinds my gears if you know what im talking about...

Then there is Cody's question about religion. Cartman just keeps claiming that he has God as his Vice President yet God has yet to reveal himself to any of us, and I mean reveal himself like actually show up and say "Hey guys I exist, who wants to get drunk tonight?", not the kind of reveal himself to people like what I accidentally did to those kids in preschool when I showed up drunk without any pants or underwear on.....

I will now just take some time to illustrate some of the things that fata** over there has admitted to doing while on the campaign trail.

1) Dressing up as Brittany Spears and slutty dancing with a cardboard cut out of Justin Timberlake
2) Attempted to kill all the Jews
3) Attempted to kill all the hippies
4) Kidnapped a child just to go to Casa Bonita with a friend he doesnt even like
5) Tried to make a sports league for crack babies
6) Gave Kyle AIDS
7) Took Scott Tenorman's parents, turned them into Chili, and then made their son eat his parents who were in Chili form
8) Has a tiny penis
9) Faked having tourettes and intended to fake this real illness to slander the Jews on television
10) Put Butters's penis in his mouth and took a picture of it
11) Tries to put his penis in Butters's mouth to make himself not seem gay (Also tried to do the same thing with 16kadams)
12) Rigged the 2012 presidential election so that Disney would get the rights to Star Wars so that he could then star in Star Wars as a main character.

Now here is a list of 12 things that God has done
1) Ruined a loyal man's entire life just to win a bet with Satan. This of course means that God is a gambling addict. Also just uses people as complete tools and makes them suffer for no good reason, but MOSTLY that he has a gambling problem.
2) Floods the entire world
3) Killed 14,000 people for complaining that God was always killing people (im not making this up, Numbers 16:49)
4) Has 42 children mauled by bears for making fun of someone names 'Elisha'
5) Killed a man for refusing to impregnate his brothers widow.
6) Let Justin Bieber live
7) Didnt save John Lennon
8) Let Nicki Minaj live
9) Didnt save Tupac
10) Approved the making of Rosie O'Donnell
11) Watches you poop
12) Decided to rest on football Sunday when he easily could have rested on any of the 5 other days that I have to go to work on.

So yeah, both people on that ticket have pretty shady pasts and have a lot of bad history that they are yet to be held accountable for. Now I know that my own record is full of stuff im not necessarily proud of either, like that time I used aborted fetus stem cells to build a pizza shop rather then saving my dying friend. Oh wait, that was Cartman, not me.

Anyways, since Cartman has revealed who his vice president is, I guess now would be a good time to reveal who my pick for vice president is. Now this man is much different then God in that my choice for vice president is someone who actually helps people when they ask for his help......


He is a man who is known for his ultra conservative stances on many issues........


He is a longtime loyal Republican who is a huge fan of Ronald Reagan, John McCain, and George Bush.....


He has shat on Barack Obama more then Fox News.......


He is the author of many books that have shaped America as we know it.........


He rose from his humble roots being raised in South Carolina as the youngest of a family of 12 to being one of the largest people in Media........


Ladies and Germs............ My choice for Vice President is...................
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Steven Colbert!

Yeah, that just happened.

I cede the rest of my time to my opponent.

Testicles.
socialpinko

Con

Outsourcing.


It is true that our dank tree would come at a higher price if we got rid of the damned hippies but isn't it worth it? It's either that or have a bunch of lazy, unproductive, smartass hippies who think their college professors know everything there is to know. We have to think of America first, not the snot nosed citizens who live therein! Besides, we can always buy from the Mexican cartels. They seem like standup guys. I should also point out that Mr. Griffin hasn't responded to my point about putting Jew gold to productive purposes. Of course, should we be surprised? His wife *is* a Jewess and probably put him up to it. Can we trust a man to run this country who doesn't even wear the XXXXXXL pants in the family?


God.


Mr. Griffin is being disingenuous claiming that my VP (and good friend) God hasn't revealed himself. He's standing right in front of you all! It's just that only non-believing heretics and child rapists can't se him. Here we have definitive proof that Mr. Griffin is a Satanic, atheist child rapist. America shouldn't elect a child rapist to office. We tried that already with Reagan and look how that worded out.


Also, he hasn't responded to God's clear cut and totes plausible justification of evil in the world. It's all for the greater good man. Why does Mr. Griffin borderline physically and mentally abuse his daughter Meg? Well for the greater good. We don't know what that is yet but to be sure it will come eventually. Why was Mel Gibson allowed to release that Jewish snuff film? For the same reason. Babies crying on airplanes is probably the only reason terrorists don't hijack more planes- because they think only in a Godless world could such a screeching pile of skin be allowed to shatter their eardrums.


Past wrongs.


Mr. Griffin has sunken to a new low here. Bringing up past wrongs/actions by your opponents as evidence of their poor moral character? Wow, is there any limit you won't go to to come to power? But of course just like Mr. Griffin I'm also a power-hungry borderline sociopath so I'll partake in this list making as well.


Things Mr. Griffin has done:

1) Contributed to the birth of Meg Griffin, the worlds worst bore.
2) Committed welfare fraud to the tune of tens of millions of dollars.
3) Wasn't even born in this country.
4) Feeds, clothes, and shelters the world's douchiest liberal.
5) Is close friends with a sexual deviant (I speak of course of Bill Clinton).
6) Was involved in a homosexual relationship for an extended period of time.
7) Has done meth.
8) Invented his own religion, the worst of heresies.
9) Kidnapped the Pope.
10) Almost caused an international incident by vandalizing a British transport boat for tea.
11) Watched the movie Mannequin even after he was explicitly warned not to do so.
12) Kidnapped and forced rats to fight each other to the death.
13) Has already had a stroke (leaving his future health in question).
14) Discriminated against cripples in his restaurant.

Need I go on? Mr. Griffin can sling mud all he wants but the fact remains that there's plenty to go his way. Don't let him get you with his liberal scare tactics. This U.S. of A. isn't a Communist State yet and I don't intend to allow it to disintegrate into such. Vote America. Vote Cartman/God 2013.
Debate Round No. 3
imabench

Pro

Ok I dont have time to respond to all of Fatty's counterarguments but I will say this.

First off, Meg's real father is Stan Thompson, you can even look it up.

Second, All of the money I got from the welfare fraud scheme I gave back to taxpayers at the Superbowl, which is better then what the government does with the money it steals from everybody else, wouldnt you agree?

C, Cartman claims that I feed, shelter, and cloth the worlds douchiest liberal, but I will have everyone know that I kicked out 000ike from my house over a month ago.....

Second, yes ive done meth, i highly recommend it.

Lastly, I have discriminated against cripples if you count George W Bush as being handicapped (which I do)

By the way, if you mash together George W Bush and Dick Cheney, you'd end up with Dick Bush, and honestly i would have listened to a lot more of his speeches if that was his name......

==========================================================================

Ok here are the three questions from the audience regarding America's foreign policy.

Falconduler asks "I am a huge supporter of the state of Israel and fondly believe that the jews have a right to the territory that they currently occupy, however the new conflict with Palestine has me upset over the stability of the region. What are you willing to do to restore peace to the region and at the same time affirm the superiority of Israel?"

Rationalmadman asks "Where I grew up, being respectful to others was a code i lived my life by, however over the years America has made numerous enemies that we did not need and many countries now do not like the US. As president what would you do to have America be more loved then feared?"

And an anonymous person asks "I already know for a fact that the illuminati and free masons are in control of the worlds governments and wish to use their influence to kill Libertarianism among other things, but my question is what are you willing to do to continue drone strikes in the Middle East, which is something that is very effective under the Obama administration and is a policy that I whole-heartedly support?"

==========================================================================

Well to answer Falcondulers question, I dont know much about the whole Israeli - Saudi - Yemeni - Pakistani - Hello Kitty - thing thats going on over there. I now I can be an idiot on stuff like this but one thing I am not sir, is an idiot, so excuse me if im not fully aware of whats going on exactly. As far as im concerned if you put a Palestinian guy next to an Israeli guy, I cant tell the difference between the two. They both smell like sun dried pubic hair to me as well....

I say we let them sort out their own problems and if they dont then we'll add them to the list of countries of brown people that Americans cant find on a globe and dont care about....

As for RationalMadman's question, the best way to be a good neighbor is to get to know them and go drinking with them on the weekends and do all kinds of crazy stuff with them. We know that Russians like Vodka, That Iranians like women, that Israelis like money, and that Cuba likes cigars, and if we throw in the Dos Equis guy we have a party that can solve all the worlds parties.

As Stephen Colbert once said, "F*ck the police and just party"

*might not have actually been said by Stephen Colbert*

Lastly there is Geo- er, I mean, that Anonymous guy's question about drone strikes.... Now we all know why we had drones in the first place, because of what happened at Ground Zero. I speak of course of the place in downtown Manhattan where the greatest tragedy of Modern America happened, because it was on 9/11 2001 in New York City at around 9 AM where the first guy got Aids......

*Peter pauses while Brian Griffin explains to Peter what happened at Ground Zero on 9/11*

So thats why we invaded Iraq?

*Brian explains that Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks and that it was men from Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and a few other countries working for another guy who was a Saudi Arabian who was operating from Afghanistan and was later sheltered by Pakistanis*

So we need to invade Iran?

*Long pause, Brian asks if he can buy some pot from Peter*

Anyways, We use drones to kill terrorists, if Americans dont want to use drones then they should let me know and we can work something out :)

I now cede the rest of my time to my fata** opponent.
socialpinko

Con

Israel.


I am a staunch supporter of the State of Israel. Now one might ask why I would support such a lobstrosity (does anyone get the reference?....no? ok.) when I am in fact a raging anti-Semite. Lincolnwasn't the only racist allowed to try to deport the "problem minorities"[1]. Ethnic purity is a very important part of my campaign. Now apparently we're not allowed to kill problem minorities anymore ever since the liberal media thoroughly brainwashed everyone on the whole Hitler thing. So I figure the next best thing is to get rid of 'em. And what better way to do that then to drop them right in the middle of a country full of people who hate them? Seems like a fool proof plan to me.


Love/fear.


Who says it's better to be loved then feared? Love is overrated, fear is underrated. I want the world to fear the U.S. Therefore I propose no change in America's current foreign policy/interaction with other countries. We're the big, fat bully on the playground and it seems to be going great.


Drones.


Drone strikes are very important in today's technologically advanced imperiality. There are people in other countries who are mad at us (for some unknown reason) and would do us harm. What are we supposed to do? We have to kill them and what better way to do it than with an X-box controller? Not only do we keep our very brave soldiers out of harm (Afghan shephards are very dangerous you see) but we stimulate the economy by employing gamer nerds.


===Sources===


[1] http://www.telegraph.co.uk...
Debate Round No. 4
imabench

Pro

I would first like to address Fatty McLarda**'s statements about Israel. Now im a fan of creating a country over an already existing country as much as the next guy, but I dont think we should be forcing Jews out of this country when there is clearly another option....... To deport all the Hawaiians instead.

Jews are a very useful people. They know how to help people do their taxes, they know how to secretly control a large majority of the US media, and the Jews gave us Jon Stewart, a man that my own vice president has worked with very well on numerous occasions. Hawaiians on the other hand are smelly, make terrible neighbors, and contribute nothing to society. Seriously, when was the last time you heard someone play a Ukelele and you DIDNT want to bash them over the head with it?

Hawaii is a great place to visit, but so is a live volcano. I rest my case.....

(Note to self, remember to buy volcano insurance with Lois's rainy day fund)

The next thing that Honey Boo Boo over there talks about is that the world should fear the US more then love us. I contend that it is better to be loved then feared, because people who fear you stay away from you, but people who love you will give you oral!

Dont you want the world to give America the good old fashioned oral it rightfully deserves? We tried making 'hummers' so that the world would try to see what we want but they didnt catch the hint. My point is that when people love other people, they give them Oral! Unless those people accidentally taped over their wedding video with soft porn to spice it up a little and end up getting yelled at by my own mother.....

Oral makes everything better too. Its also the best way to wake up in the morning, just this morning I woke up and my wife Lois had decided to handcuff me to the bed and basically my penis and her tongue were tied together more then-

* A beer bottle flies from offstage and nails peter in the head*

Ok yes alcohol was involved, but my point-

*A second beer bottle is flung from offstage and nails peter in the head*

BUT MY POINT IS that it is better to be loved then to be feared because people who love you will give you Oral. People who fear you wont do that unless theyre vietnamese and you pay them up front first.

Speaking of Vietnamese whores....



Yeah I went there....

The final thing that La-Phung-Phat-Ahss over there talks about is drones and drone warfare. His argument is that we should continue using drone warfare because it will then give us an industry that caters specifically to Xbox nerds. Now I have issues with this, because I once played Modern Warfare and all I did was jump around and throw grenades at my own team. Granted I was new, but i was still bombarded with hateful comments from other players in the game, and I do not feel comfortable with letting these gamers operate drones in war zones, let alone PAY Them to do it...

Imagine if the government decided to pay Rationalmadman to operate a giant war drone and the excuse they gave for even continuing to use drones was so that people like Rationalmadman could get paid to do the only thing he does best! (Be a d*ck to people)

By this logic, the government should start spending money making amateur movies starring Johnny Depp just so that Tim Burton could direct them..... Or make beloved anime stories just so that M Night Shyamalan could f*ck it up with an over-hyped movie with needless 3D everywhere.....

==========================================================================

Ok Mr Griffin, since you answered all the questions and replied to mr Cartman's answers it is now time for you to give a closing statement on why people should vote for you and why they shouldnt vote for Cartman. Please keep it less than 500 words. Mr. Cartman must also do the same thing when he is finished.

==========================================================================

Mr Tebow says that I now have to give a 500 word closing statement on why you should vote for me and why you shouldnt vote for Cartman.... But the Patriots game is on and its the playoffs now, so instead I will have my vice president give my closing statement for me.

Everyone please welcome to the stage, Mr Stephen Colbert!

*Stephen is carried on stage in a golden carriage being hoisted by 12 people who appear to be Occupy Wall Street protesters wearing chains and currently being held at gun point*

*The brigade stops, loweres the carriage, and Stephen steps out and greets the audience. He is wearing what looks like something that makes him look like the Statue of Liberties Pimp*

Good evening ladies and Gentlemen. I am your Vice Presidential cnadidate Stephen Colbert, and I am currently not wearing any boxers. They dont have enough support to carry my balls anymore. I chose to be Mr Griffin's vice president because Bill O'Reilly still continues to not answer my calls asking him to run for president with me as his vice president.... He doesnt answer my calls because he is currently in a hospital for the mentally insane and they dont let anyone call any of the patients. Now I was offered to be Cartman's vice president on the same day that mr Griffin sent me the same offer, but I decided to be Mr. Griffins right hand man. I chose to run with Griffin because I believe he can lead this country better then Cartman can. And when I told Cartman that he proceeded on hurling a long list of jew-related insults and derogatory statements at me-

==========================================================================

Me Griffin, As the moderator I have made it so that only you can give a final statement, not your vice president. And Mr Colbert isnt even allowed to be on the stage.....

==========================================================================

Well Mr. Tebow, as a New Yorker I have made it so that only Quarterbacks who have started a game sometime this season can tell me and Mr Griffin what we can and cant do.....

*Mr Tebow sits down in shame*

Now then..... I believe that Griffin can run this country better then Cartman because for starters, Cartman isnt even tall enough to reach the desk in the Oval Office, but more importantly because Mr Griffin...... IS A FAMILY GUY

(Yes I just did that, deal with it)

Family is what has given America its supremacy in the rest of the world for so many years. Having a father bring home the bread while the mother cooks while the daughter b*tches about everything while the son tries to do exactly what the father does is what makes this country great. Cartman meanwhile comes from a dysfunctional family where the father is gone which has caused Cartman to simply be a real dick to everyone. Why? Because he never gets punished for it! His mom never stops him, and if he becomes president, nobody will be able to stop him....

That is why I chose to run with Griffin and why you should NOT vote for Cartman. Because Griffin is a real family guy, and because Cartman is a short d*ck.

Griffin/Colbert 2016, Fighting For You Is His Dooty!!!!
socialpinko

Con

With only an hour left to respond I suppose now is the best time to respond.


Jews, Wives, and the Emmy's.


We can all agree that Hawaiians are terrible people. I'm not questioning that. But the special interests at work behind Mr. Griffin's defense of the Jews is obvious. His wife (that pizza nosed devil) is most certainly the brains (and the balls) behind my opponent's position. And we all know she's capable of twisting his arm to get what she wants. It was only a few years ago (at about the time of the Emmy's I believe) that I could hear from my window Mrs. Griffin physically abusing my opponent, forcing him to eat her red carpet. Now besides the disgusting nature of this act, it goes to show that Mr. Griffin doesn't wear the pants (or the footy pajamas) in his own home. Do we want to let our country be secretly run, from behind the curtains, by a maniacal Jewess or do we want strong anti-Jewish leadership to point our government in the right direction? It's your choice America.


Love, Fear, and Legitimate Rape.


Mr. Griffin's point here is easily refutable. Why must we show love to some backwards arse non-Americans just on the off chance that they might give us oral? Now in Mr. Griffin's case it's clear why he would think that's the best course of action. After all, he's only used to having sex with his gross, Jewess wife. I on the other hand understand that sex need not be consensual to be enjoyed (by me at least). Not only that but my plan is clearly in line with historical U.S. foreign policy. We're not used to showing love and then hoping to get what we want. We're used to barging in and taking it. Mr. Griffin would make the U.S. look weak if we were to bend to his hippie-dippy free loving ways.


Drones, Crime, and Freeloaders.


Besides the obvious disposition to hippie free love shenanigans by Mr. Griffin (as evinced by my last point), he is here showing the same pusssy footing character. His argument is a mere ruse in order to save the lives of random Afghan children and other innocents. I'll tell you right now though America that I'm not soft on crime, even if the criminal hasn't really done anything. Drone warfare works and we can make it work while simultaneously employing that segment of the private sector most susceptible to free loading and rampant unemployment, I'm speaking of course of gamers. Mr. Griffin obviously doesn't want America to be prosperous. Don't you? Vote the Cartman/God ticket if you do.


Closing Statements


I'm just a boy, a boy who's never gotten drunk at work and who has shown a psychopathic affinity for disposing of people I detest whether that be hippies, Jews, or the enemies of America. I'm a boy who's not in the pockets of nagging Jewish wives. I'm a boy who's willing to ignore the pusssies who whine about whether an instance of oral sex was "consensual" or not. I'm a boy who will lead this nation to prosperity. (Also you'll go to Hell if you don't vote for me). Cartman/God for President.
Debate Round No. 5
42 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Haleykate 4 years ago
Haleykate
Cartman has more experience and leads with an iron fist, Peter leads with a Drunken Fist
Posted by Beginner 4 years ago
Beginner
This debate is somewhat unfair since it's kind of hard to be more entertaining than imabench.
Cartman < Griffin
Cartman is scary..........
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
Just a heads up, the next presidential debate is going to be The Joker vs Santa
Posted by DudeWithoutTheE 4 years ago
DudeWithoutTheE
That's not the natural born citizen test, but it's not like you had no other reasons.
Posted by 1Historygenius 4 years ago
1Historygenius
@ryu my vote was legit, Peter was not born in the United States, he cannot run.
Posted by 1Historygenius 4 years ago
1Historygenius
1) Contributed to the birth of Meg Griffin, the worlds worst bore.
2) Committed welfare fraud to the tune of tens of millions of dollars.
3) Wasn't even born in this country.
4) Feeds, clothes, and shelters the world's douchiest liberal.
5) Is close friends with a sexual deviant (I speak of course of Bill Clinton).
6) Was involved in a homosexual relationship for an extended period of time.
7) Has done meth.
8) Invented his own religion, the worst of heresies.
9) Kidnapped the Pope.
10) Almost caused an international incident by vandalizing a British transport boat for tea.
11) Watched the movie Mannequin even after he was explicitly warned not to do so.
12) Kidnapped and forced rats to fight each other to the death.
13) Has already had a stroke (leaving his future health in question).
14) Discriminated against cripples in his restaurant.

Peter Griffin was not born in this country.
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
History did you actually read any part of the debate or did you just look at the rfd below you and just copy what it said?
Posted by Heineken 4 years ago
Heineken
1.> Con is clearly confused. His opening round discussed his plan to rid the US of undesirables, such as "Jews". Then he announces his candidate for VP....the Lord of Abraham, he who chose of the Jews above any other creed, he who died for the Jews...God.
This was more an objection. It didn't sway my vote, but it ought to be mentioned.

2.> Con never addressed Pro's deep, brooding question. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Consider:

What kind of a God creates a world that has crying babies on airplanes, a world where people don't know who Barry Manilow is, or a world that has Lindsay Lohan in it?

3.> Con recycled smear tactics from the Optimus Prime/ Dumblefvck campaign. Unfortunately, calling someone a pedophile child rapist only works if you have photoshop.

4.> The amount of dropped arguments from Con is astounding. I know this is a novelty debate but the rules clearly demand that scandal be addressed.
If I had the energy, I would compile a list of scandals and accusations that went unchallenged. I don't however, so let's just agree on this:

Vietnamese hookers make bad Presidents.
Posted by Chicken 4 years ago
Chicken
Omfg. Imabench won only b/c Stephen Colbert is his VP, SC>God.
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
lannan the joke is that people on DDO take exact opposite stances on outspoken issues. If you read the last debate, I had royal go on record being pro-life and 16k being for gay marriage
8 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Vote Placed by MochaShakaKhan 4 years ago
MochaShakaKhan
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Since this wasn't a serious debate, I'll vote for who I feel was more entertaining. Pro was fully in character for this debate. Con was also in-character, but pro really took the cake on this one (but I don't watch as much SP as FG, so I might be biased here). I also thoroughly enjoyed pro's smear campaign.
Vote Placed by Rayze 4 years ago
Rayze
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: CVB AshleysTrueLove 2
Vote Placed by Hemanth_Nambiar 4 years ago
Hemanth_Nambiar
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Reasons for voting decision: Frankly speaking, I'm disappointed. I expected a lot more humor to say the very least from both the participants, especially because of the high level of expectations the debate b/w dumbledore and prime had set. However, I believe that Imabench did a lot better than Pinko here, simply because he handled the issues in question in a more...ahem..refined manner. He managed to divert most of the charges leveled against him rather tactfully while Pinko on the other hand played the politician's game by flinging dirt on Imabench instead of countering most of the charges against him. Pinko's conduct was marginally better, though, so the 3-1 distribution.
Vote Placed by RyuuKyuzo 4 years ago
RyuuKyuzo
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: counter
Vote Placed by 1Historygenius 4 years ago
1Historygenius
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Because Peter Griffin was not born in the United States, he cannot become a president.
Vote Placed by AshleysTrueLove 4 years ago
AshleysTrueLove
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: You really cannot vote on conduct here can you?? LOL Socialpinko defended Eric Cartman by defeating imabench in one subject, the status of whether Imabench(peter griffin) was a AMer-ic-CAN.
Vote Placed by Heineken 4 years ago
Heineken
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: When I powered through this debate, I read the arguments out loud, while impersonating the character voices. It became immediately apparent that I suck at voice impersonation. Review the RFD in the comments.
Vote Placed by miketheman1200 4 years ago
miketheman1200
imabenchsocialpinkoTied
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Total points awarded:61 
Reasons for voting decision: Mr Griffins arguments were much more impressive. He proved that Eric Cartman is a fat vietnamese hooker racist who cannot even fill the oval office desk. I also really ditest the idea of God holding public office in this country. imabench, this was a great debate for you and you provided alot more laughs than the other side. I died at your references to RationalMadman. Good contest by Con but Pro/Mr Griffin takes the debate!