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R3 of Airmax1227's Basic Tourney TUF VS Lannan13: Horror Story

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after 2 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/26/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 986 times Debate No: 36013
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (8)
Votes (2)




Debate rules:

4 rounds, 1st round acceptance. 72 hour posting time. 8k characters. RFD required. 1 week voting period.

This is Basic Tourney hosted by Airmax1227 and moderated by Devilsadvocate1:



I accept.
Debate Round No. 1


I yawned and stretched as I patrolled lazily across the snowy border of the huge facility. As usual, the night was quiet and boring. There was a point when I really appreciated the beautiful scenery and wildlife surrounding the area, but it had worn on me. The animals here were very brazen, and harmless. There were plenty of antelope, skunks, coyotes, and rabbits that would frequently appear around the huge building. Most of the animals didn’t seem to fear humanity. They saw us security guards almost every day, and I guess had figured out that we were harmless.

Tonight, however, there were no animals. Perhaps it was too cold.

I got a call in on the my radio ear piece. “Whiskey 3, Control.”

“Whiskey 3.” I responded.

“Can you 10-19?” Chris asked through the radio. 10-19 was code for ‘return to base’.

“10-4” I replied. ‘Affirmative’. I quickened my lazy walk, and hurried back to the building entrance through the deep snow. We were probably going to receive some training. 10 minutes later, I arrived at the security entry point of the massive building. There were 3 different secure points of entry to get in the building. For vehicles, a massive K-4 drop arm blocked the path and was only raised to those with proper access. Past that, a titanium security entry turnstile blocked the path to the walkway. And finally, steel doors to the lobby ‘man-trap’ were needed in order to progress into the building. As I walked through the man-trap, I tossed my badge into the control exchange point to receive what was called my “X-badge” from Phillip who was posted at the point. The x-Badge would grant me access to the entire interior of the building.

“How’s it going Phil?” I said, pretending as if I actually cared.

“Alright.” He responded. He swapped my badge out, handed me my keys, and I departed for the security Suite.

The other officers, Chris, Phillip, Barry, Russel, and Liz, were already there waiting for Christian’s Brief. I pretended to be interested as he gave us winter safety tips. Finally he ended his speech, and I relieved Phillip from point. I spent the next hour watching security cameras and trying to fight of sleep.

I started getting annoyed after Chris called Whiskey 3 in over the radio three times, yet still wasn’t getting a response. Barry had probably accidentally switched to the facility channel. I had done it once before. He should be mindful though of when he should call in cleared zones.

I yawned, and stared at the still cameras. Suddenly something flickered across one of the exterior PTZ cameras. I focused too late, and didn’t get a glimpse of what it was before it disappeared off the camera. It was probably just a fox.

20 minutes went by, and Chris continued trying to call in Barry with no answer.

I sent Chris a message via our security chat. ‘You should try to find him with the PTZ camera.’

‘Already on it.’ He replied. I monitored the cameras, as he scanned the outside of the building. Finally we located Barry. He was sitting awkwardly against one of the generators outside. He was motionless.

‘I think he fell asleep on the job haha’ I messaged Chris. There was a pause, than he messaged back.

‘Okay, at rotation can you go wake him up please?’ He asked.

I sighed.

‘Sure…’ Not five minutes later, Liz came and relieved me from point. I begrudgingly put my coat back on, exchanged badges, and exited the building. It took me 15 minutes to arrive at the generator yard. I was 20 feet away from Barry’s sleeping body.

“Barry, wake up!” I shouted at him. There was no response, though. “Come on Barry, no sleeping on the Job. You’ll be lucky if you don’t get fired from this. Wake up mate!”

He remained motionless. Dumb@ss. Finally I approached him. I put my hand on his shoulder to shake him. As my hand touched his shoulder, he rolled over limply revealing a bloody mess and a gaping hole in his stomach. His intestines were spilling out everywhere. I yelled, startled, and backed away shocked. Then I began to vomit. Finally I finished, and wiped my mouth on the sleeve of my coat. I was filled with apprehension. I raised my flashlight and scanned the area. I didn’t own a weapon; we were un-armed security guards.

I started running back towards the building. As I ran, I called in “Control, Whiskey 3!”

They replied quickly hearing the urgency in my voice. “Go for Control.”

“We have a man down in Zone 33! Call police immediately!”

The hairs on the back of my neck were raised, and I would have been shaking with fear if not for the adrenaline. I had never seen a dead person before, let alone a co-worker and friend.

I was able to return to the building without incident. I met with Chris in the control room, where he was already on the phone with the police.

Suddenly, the line went dead. “Hello…? Hello!” Chris yelled into the phone. It was pointless, the line went out.

“Sh1t!” I cursed. Everyone’s cell phone had no service due to the weather conditions.

Suddenly a radio broadcast came in, reading ‘Barry’ on it. Nothing but the buzz of static came through for a minute. Finally a cold raspy voice came through. “You have 4 hours to let me in the building. If you refuse, I will kill all of you.” The transmission ended.

“what the heck is going on here!?” I asked. But nobody was listening to me. They were all staring at the camera that displayed a shadowy silhouette of a man standing directly in front of the turnstile. In his left hand he was wielding a long, sharp machete. In the other he was holding…. *gulp*…. Barry’s head.



I wasn't sure what to do. All I could see was Barry's decapitated head and my eyes were fixed on it. You could still here the whites of his eyes, his lids were just slightly closed. To figure that the last thought of him I had when he was still alive was, that fat lazzy bast@rd. The misterious figure took a step back and tossed Barry's head up into the air. He then drew back his machete and swung it forward almost as if he was spiking a volleyball. Barry's head didn't split in two like the figure was thinking but he did get the machete in there pretty deep.

I turned to look at my coworkers, I just couldn't take the graphics to much. I saw Chris and his expression was stoic. Did he set this up? I thought. Impossible! I walked out of my thinking that it would be a good idea to walk around to clam my nerves. I didn't stray to far. They were still over by the camera. I took a glimpse back at them and they grouped in a circle. Probably discussing how they planned to stay alive. I jogged over to them so I could get in on what they were saying.

Chris gave me the evil eye as I joined the little group. Phillip was the one who spoke up, "Well it's obvious that this killer is already in this place. I believe that the best thing to do is to build a parimeter around this area and rough it out untill morning. Also I'm sending Russel and Liz to go down to the supply room and get a few things. Chris, you, and myself will stay here untill they get back." Russle just shugged, but Liz looked horrified like she didn't want to go but she didn't say anything.

After a moment of silence Liz and Russle walked of towards the supply room and we were stuck here. We started telling stories about our kids and our familes to pass the time, but after an hour or so the lights flickered servel times and I heard some unknown voice come over the intercom. "Fallow the rats to find my love."
Debate Round No. 2


"Where'd he go?" I asked Chris.

"I don't know man. All I know is he isn't getting in here, even with Barry's badge and key. I have the turnstile locked down, and that's his only port of entry. Unless, of course he can climb a flat 50ft wall. I would say that we are pretty safe until the cops show up."

"Good." I said.

"You should go back to point and try to find him on the cameras. Once we get an eye on him, we should keep tabs on his movements. In about 8 hours, we will be at shift change, and we should be able to inform someone of what is going on." He said trying to act calm.

Truth was, we were all scared. None of us had seen a dead person like that before... And someone that we knew!

I went back into point and started scanning the area once again with the vummi's. We were having no such luck however.

I couldn't see anything, except for snow, and darkness.

An hour went by. Liz came into relieve me. "Hey you, let me take over for a bit. You go take a break, okay?"

"Alright." I responded lazily.

I tried to pretend like Barry's death didn't effect me, but I knew I was lying to myself. I felt tears welling up at my eyes. How could anyone do this to another human being? Fvcking psychopath! This could never be un-done. Barry was dead forever.

How did the man even know about this place? We were 50 miles from the nearest city, a government data center. It was a huge building, with massive walls surrounding it. There were multiple security ports to go through to enter the giant building, and probably somewhere around 350 Avigilon cameras posted around the entire building. Normally there were government officials here working on the place, but it was a sunday, so only the security officers needed to come in.

I assumed that the man obviously knew what this place was, and probably had a specific goal set in his mind about what he wanted and how he was going to get it. I heard a voice from Point.

It was Liz. Was she talking to herself in there? I started to laugh at the thought. What a wierdo.

And then... I think she said "Judd". Judd was our supervisor...

I quickly ran into point. "What's going on Liz?"

"Hey, Judd is here, at the turnstile. I was just about to let him in." She said.

"Wait, how is that possible? Judd doesn't start for another 6 hours?" I asked confused.

She shrugged, and moved to press the button to open the turnstile. Then in that instant I realized what was happening.

"Liz, no wait!" I moved to stop her, but it was too late. She had already pressed the button.

"What's your problem?!" She asked.

"Liz... That wasn't Judd..." I said wearily.

We both looked up at the turnstile. It was pushed open, and nobody was there. The man was now on the site.....


"Damnit Liz that was that man!" I hollared at her.

She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it back up. Moments latter the lights flahsed off.

"Liz," Chris said.

"Yah what is it?" She responded.

"What ever happened to Russle."
She started to fittle with her hair and looked at a box over to her right. "Russle...."

Right after she said Russle's name, the voice came on the intercome. "I don't think that we are on the right page."

He took a breath, "I am here to proove a point."

"What point? To kill us?" Chris fired back at him.

"I am here to show you that the government is not what it seems. It harms you. Feeds you lies. Keeps you scared so you can by things to support their evil agenda. This agenda they use to kill us. Millions of innocent people, children and even the unborn. this terrible thing is because of people like you. Corparations like you. So I am going to stand up to the government!"

"Do you want a fvcking medal?" I muttered under my breath.

"I am going to kill each and every one of you. I am going to tourtor you untill your heart bursts. I am going to tear you appart untill you renounce your faith. I am here because I am your worse nightmare. To make things better if you give me what I want then I kill you all easily and quickly, except the one I want." He then cut communications.

"Sh*t, what the hell does he want now?" Chris screamed.
Debate Round No. 3


I had a sense of impending doom, knowing that the man was through the turnstile. I wondered in the back of my mind how it was physically possible for him to have access the building PA system if he wasn’t even in the building yet. Eventually I dis-regarded it, because it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was our survival.

Suddenly the lights went off.. I heard Liz scream in the background. Then glass shattered. Yep, that was it, he was definitely in the building now.

I turned on my flashlight, and left the suite to go look for Russell. As I left, I turned to Chris to let him know where I was going. I figured that control was probably the safest place for us all to be right now. But I couldn’t leave Russell. I left the mechanical mantrap, and walked down the dark south corridor. I scanned the area looking for him. He couldn’t have gone far, the supply room was only a hallway away by pod 1. “Bravo 3, Charlie 4.” I called in over the radio.

There was a pause, and I felt my stomach drop. Maybe he had Rus too…

“Bravo 3.” He replied. Thank god.

“10-20?” I asked for his location.

“Zone 16” he said.

Good, so he was in the supply room. That wasn’t far from where I was. I turned left, made a right, went through the double doors, and approached the storage door.

As I opened the door, I said “Rus, what did you find? Any weap-“ I stopped short as I realized I was talking to myself. No one was in the storage room. What the-?

I called Rus in on the radio.

“Bravo 3, Charlie 4.”


“Bravo 3, Charlie 4.” I said with a little more assertiveness.


Fvck. I left the room, went back our through the double doors, and into the dark south hallway. I flicked the flashlight on and to my horror, saw a trail of blood leading down the hall. I wanted to throw up. Part of me wanted to go check it out in the off chance that Russel was still alive… But I knew better from all the horror movies. Russell was probably dead.

I B lined it, and started running back to control. When I got there, it was empty. Sh1t, they must have left….

Suddenly a loud voice drifted through the building from outside. “THIS IS THE POLICE! WE’VE GOT THIS BUILDING SURROUNDED! Come out with your hands up!” Shouted an officer.

Yes! Finally, some hope! Though it was mostly too late. Two people were already dead, and I was probably next…..



I was getting ready to walk out to the police. Into the light and into safety, but then all of the sudden. I blacked out.


I awoke in this strange room. My arms and legs were tied and stretched apart. I couldn't see a thing.

"Now it is your turn my friend." He said, "But before I begin to kill you let me explain to you that this is for your own safety."

"How the hell can this help me if I'm going to die."

"Your soul will be preserved for Allah."

The lights were still dark and I couldn't see him.

Moments latter a deep searing pain shot through my body as he cut into my thigh.

"Sh*************************************TTTTTTTTTTTTTT" I grimaced to fight back the terrible pain. I then realized that my shirt was off. This was due to the coldness I could feel or maybe it was from the blood loss.

He then took a doctor's scalpel and slashed a line across my right side right above my hip.

I could feel his cold hands as he stuck them in me, reaching around for something.

"Ah-ha!" He found what he was looking for and he ripped out my kidney, or was it my liver?

I had given up. Any chance of survival was slim and he was going to just kill me. I reached in and grabbed other organs that he could get his hands on. I blacked out again.


I awoke. What the hell? I thought to myself. Shouldn't I be dead?

"You know you shouldn't fall asleep when I'm trying to save you." Said the figure.

He turned on a dim light and I could see the rest of my co-workers that were disembowel and torn to pieces. I saw that he had strung intestines up all over.

"Now is the finally part is saving you." He said.

He grabbed a duel-bladed knife from the cart and stabbed me in the middle of my chest. He then pressed a button that tore open my rib cage separating it. He placed his hands on my heart.

"Say hello to God for me, my child." He then ripped my heart out. I coughed up blooded and the last thing I saw was him laughing as he tossed my heart against the wall. It splattered like a tomato hitting a knife.
Debate Round No. 4
8 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Posted by TUF 3 years ago
just threw up.
Posted by Beginner 3 years ago
Darned, I was hoping the man was more a supernatural entity than a terrorist. :(
Posted by TUF 3 years ago
Five minute argument= fastest argument ever!
Posted by TUF 3 years ago
I already wrote out an opening story round. But if you want we can debate: The opinion section is overall a good addittion to the site. I will be pro
Posted by lannan13 3 years ago
I'll accept Tuesday
Posted by TUF 3 years ago
The same as normal
Posted by TUF 3 years ago
The same as normal
Posted by lannan13 3 years ago
Is it a carry on or two separate stories?
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Beginner 3 years ago
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: S/G goes to TUF for having better S/G. I liked the feeling of not knowing, of suspense and of mystery portrayed by TUF. TUF's version of the story has much more supernatural potential (access to PA without being in building). I was disappointed when Lannan revealed the source of horror to be nothing more than a lunatic, Islamic terrorist.
Vote Placed by LevelWithMe 3 years ago
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: S/G: It appears that Con did very little proof reading. flahsed untill parimeter shugged servel Fallow familes misterious lazzy That's ONE round. This list doesn't even contain missing words to complete some of Con's sentences. There's a spelling check function on the website. Checking one of Pro's posts, and only found 2 spelling errors and one grammar error. Convincing: Con provided a past tense story in which the narrator has already died. Belief not suspended(unless the narrator is a ghost or the audience is present in the afterlife, I'm not being told a story by the narrator's character). Pro's use of vocabulary/terminology(phonetics over the radio, using specific names types of objects(PTZ camera instead of the generic "camera")) allowed for greater immersion.