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Rap Battle

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It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/5/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 922 times Debate No: 28879
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (1)
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This will be a rap battle between myself and whomever decides to accept this challenge.The structure of the battle shall be as follows:

Round 1: Verses that introduce and glorify the rappers.
Round 2: Disses of the opposing debater.
Round 3: Rebuttals of the opposing debater's criticisms in Round 2

Conduct: Whoever has the cleaner rap, not necessarily using just clean language, but rather staying away from racial epithets and actually overly offensive insults. If neither person uses epithets or overly offensive insults, mark as a tie.
Spelling: Same as usual, points for the person with the better grammar and spelling. If neither person makes a mistake, gives the point to the person who demonstrates the better vocabulary in their rap.
More convincing argument: Points for the better rap, judging by the rap's sting, cleverness, rhyme, and clarity.
Sources: Leave this as a tie.

Good Luck!I'll begin with this:

Hello my new friend, and welcome to this rap.
I go by M4sterDeb8ter, and I apologize if you've fallen into my trap.

You see, you are rapping against a person with an IQ of 175.
And although I come from a white family, I am quite educated in the language of jive.

I am more fluent than that old woman from Airplane.
I can rap faster than Twisted Insane.
I have one hell of a brain.
Until the end of this battle, I'm afraid I'm also taking on the role of your bane.

Why, you ask?
I turned Sylvester Graham to the whiskey flask.
I'm scary enough, I don't need a mask.
I brought Poe underground with my rhymes, I didn't need a cask.

I bang more bitches than you will ever see.
When people make love to their wives, they yell for me.
I'm nice enough, I don't charge a fee.
Perhaps I should, all the girls I know want the D.

I juggle carrots, but I drop the beat.
I'm a god to the people in Crete.
I pound everything, including the street.
I don't feel conceit, my life is just a great feat.
I've been offbeat since I was a gamete
But I am replete with the knowledge I am elite
Among men who trade on Wall Street
I'm wealthy enough to read a dope sheet
Against this kind of mind it is difficult to compete
Most opponents just admit defeat.

In my personal time, I like to bowl.
I love trivia; did you know Gangham is in Seoul?
I've spent some time being an Internet troll.
I don't force my way into chatrooms, I just cajole.
My back spots look like a miniature atoll.
I should probably get that looked at, but I think it's under control.
I'm pro-birth control, anti-gun control, a libertarian as a whole.
Gary Johnson is who I extol, although his victory is less likely than a third celestial pole.
I quite enjoy the music of Eric Clapton and Dave Grohl.

I live in the nice county of San Diego.
We eat real food here, nothing with sago.
I work out twice a day, I never get lumbago.
My family owns enough islands to form an archipelago.

Why does my family have so much cash?
Well, when it became public, my dad bought Apple stock in a flash.
He stuck the profits in the Caymans, now we have quite a cache.
Cheating the government is not something that makes us abash.
My mother owns a jet anyway, in case we need to dash.
If this makes your poor yellowed teeth gnash
I don't really care, I guess I'm just really brash.

It appears as if I'm running out of space.
What a disgrace for such a thing to take place.

Well my friend, this paragraph will mark the end.
I made it easy this time, but don't expect this as a trend.
This is the f@g end* of the introduction of the best rap ever penned.
I recommend my opponent be able to follow along and comprehend
The words I now append to this rap, so you do not misspend
Your 4000 characters in an awkward dead end and overextend.
I don't mean to condescend, but any mortal that can contend
With a genius like me needs to transcend
Logic, and to suspend reality in a poem and music carrick bend.
If you can beat a rap this sick, you are a person I must commend.
Although you should not pretend, there exists no loose end.

THANK YOU. :D*Not a slur, Look it up. Can't type it due to obscenity filter.


I might not be the smartest,
The tallest or the strongest,
My d!ck might not be the thickest,
The sharpest or the longest,
You might be smarter,
And Richer than me,
But there is me... And that's something that you'll never be!

See I'm a combination, formulated,
By God when he masturbated,
Had a pleasurable epiphany,
And you know what conjured up? Me,
He said to himself "I just masturbated",
"How should this occasion be celebrated?",
And as the angels waited,
As he contemplated,
His mind thought of me and became elated,
He said, what a fine creation,
He's a beast in all respects,
Not too much of anything, perfection at its best,
He has a little this, a little that,
And magically,
He imagined me,
And this is what we have after that.

I'm a mixed race,
International guy,
In a second,
I'd have reckoned,
Any con or lie,
That you could throw me,
You are only,
A standard creation,
You might as well be made in China,
Or another communist nation,
For all that you are...
Is another chip off the block,
You're just another rapper,
Thinking you're the king of hip-hop,
But let me tell you something big-boy,
There's more to it than rhyme,
Tell me... Do you act so arrogant all the time?

Do you really think you can rap faster than Twisted Insane?
That you really are anything close to "My bane",
That every single chick,
Even aged five,
Wants your D!ck?
That your flow is anything close to hospital-bed sick?

Man my flow is so sick, it needs medication,
Genius plans so many, can't count the population,
I am the master of false-pretence and misrepresentation,
In fact what if the reality you cherish is merely my creation?
When I say ideas, they spread, to heads, like a pandemic disease,
It's that secret people beg to hear go on their knees and scream "PLEASE"
"Alright, listen up homie it's some intense thing for a human"

His idea is we take everyone who opposes him,
We wring 'em like a cloth until they bleed so their flesh is paper thin,
Then as they lay their dead,
We crush their bones, starting with their head,
And cook their organs and feed them to starving kids who were bred,
In nations where you eat each other if it means you survive,
Then he will breed a batch of monsters who, to him, they owe their life,
And he will take over the world with the victim of capitalism,
And spread socialism, and lock every rich motherf*cker like you up in a torture chamber of a prison,
And when he's risen, from the depths of hell where God first designed him,
He isn't gonna be kind or non-violent, or silent,
He's gonna scream like a police siren,
And there will be no rhyme or reason when he flips the switch,
From rationality to insanity he'll seem to be possessed by a witch,
He will rip the throats and heart out of all the capitalist rich,
You think Robin Hood was bad enough? He's RationalMadman's b!tch!
And when he rises to the top, he will not stop, he will continue,
If he meets you and fancies you he will shove his d!ck in you,
And both your holes, he will not hesitate to venture into,
He's merciless, could not care less what the heck you have been through.

He's able to switch between and first and third person in a single rap,
If you tell him you're better than him he won't give a crap.
So just bend over, little boy, so your A$$ can get a slap,
That's right b!tch rest,
You've met the best,
Go and take a baby nap,
You're nothing compared to me,
I am the G of all G's,
When girls wanna f*ck me I make 'em get on their knees and beg please,
I sting 'em like a wasp not a bee,
I don't die I just feel free,
To spread my seed whenever I need,
I'm as bada$$ as can be,
So next time,
You rhyme,
Don't whine,
About the guy you wish to be,
Because truly,
You don't fool me,
You're inferiority,
Is easy to see,
So shake your boobies,
On porno movie,
And give 'em to me for free,
Your moobs on TV,
For me to freely,
Masturbate happily,
To just fap to and really,
You're nothing compared to me.
Not nearly my level of crazy.
Debate Round No. 1


My opponent has responded with rhymes
So trashy I assume he's committing verbal crimes.
I imagine this sucker rapping for dimes
after I beat his as$ several hundred times.

My opponent thinks he's celebrated?
That satire is so sharp it's serrated.
His raps are unable to be imitated
Without becoming universally hated.

This punk must be drunk if he believes he can brawl with me.
I'm going to give you a cold turkey epiphany.
You can't rap for crap, I could beat you while taking a nap.
You'll get trapped and wrapped Mr. God Fapped.

It truly amuses me that such a thing is going on, you prawn.
You're gayer than that woman from Black Swan, come on!
You should have already withdrawn-leave before you spawn!
You make a mute swan look like the trumpeter swan you're such a con.

My primary evaluation of you is that you possess the intelligence of a brick.
You better run quick before I kick your non-so-thick candlestick of a trick
onto my d!ck and lick that sick chick on her salt lick, without the shtick.
Hell, you're a hick, your swagger stick is the same size as a fish stick.

I apologize for being so freakin' dirty and flirty.
I probably don't even want your girl, she's probably like thirty.

But what girl would want you, you shrew?
You probably have very few dudes when you review your crew.
No more than Lou, Drew, Stu, and your boo. By the way, does she moo?
You are too easy to outo, I never knew how to construe your warped world view.

You can't brew a rap like beef stew, I don't believe your ground crew can imbue
You with the how to to cut through your zoo of a verbal pas de deux.
Who do you look up to? Bitch, I've got stomach flu and I can beat you, my sioux.
I'll cook your stew Cordon Bleu, and foam you up like shampoo. You get no redo.

Man, you're more buzzed than Pikachu when you try to pull through!
I could rap better in Urdu! Where do you get your beat? A kazoo?
No matter what goal you pursue, you can't subdue this master, Babu!
I'll come back at you anew tomorrow at two like deja vu. Adieu!

I was just kidding when I said I was done. Can you imagine, done after only 12:01?
I won't stop my assault until I've won, you run like Formula 1, or I drop like Big Pun.
This isn't even fun, it's like swearing at a nun. I might make your head come undone.
You can't even play Hot Cross Bun, I think you've been beaned while attempting a home run.

My rap is about to get really fast, so don't look aghast when I release my verbal sonic blast.
Your rap is half-assed, you've been misclassed as rap's Thomas Nast, when you can't last.
You're less mature than a lymphoblast, you're crumbling like a plaster cast, easy to lambaste.
At long last, your time has passed, you've amassed a vast amount of insult to your caste.

I could beat your butt until it's trite, give you a fright so bad you'll never be all right,
So you'll lock the doors tight tonight, and use a nightlight to protect you from my might.
I feel contrite for a human blight that can't write or recite a rap because of stage fright.
I try to be polite, but your skills are slight, you can't even get laid unless the district sight is red light.

I'll give it to you black and white, little mite, I'll even say it outright, without any delight.
Despite the fact your grammar is alright, and your acceptance of my invite, your very light
skills are less visible than ultraviolet light, and your voting right is a mistaken human right.
You might overwrite progress by emcees in spite. Quite, you have a sad plight, I hope you don't bite.

This paragraph marks this round's fin. This is about the time you should admit that I win.
Any other move would be a sin, a cause for chagrin, I dare you to even keep up your chin.
I'll bust your skin so you remember my grin when I toss you within the loony bin,
wherein you'll lose this battle like a head lost Anne Boelyn. Take it, has been!

I didn't really mean any of that, I'm actually a really nice guy. This is fun though! I loved reading your response, and thank you for accepting. That being said, BEAT THIS PUNK!



RationalMadman forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 2


My opponent's account has apparently been closed.
He is probably the worst debator I have opposed.
When his inability to rap was exposed, he was deposed.
Our battle was one that was juxtaposed, me versus a guy who blows.

I could go on much longer, but I feel this is enough.
If you hoping for more flair to my battle, tough.
I'm busy as it is, this is getting pretty rough.
Please vote Pro, and let me win without a scuff.

I hope to try this again soon against a better opponent.
I hope to be this website's main rap proponent.



RationalMadman forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3
1 comment has been posted on this debate.
Posted by Chuz-Life 3 years ago
Soooo tempting (just for the fun of it). I always wonder if I could write a Rap.

~ Wild hair.
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