The Instigator
C-Mach
Con (against)
Losing
18 Points
The Contender
I-am-a-panda
Pro (for)
Winning
23 Points

Resolved: I-am-a-panda is a Panda

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/15/2009 Category: Science
Updated: 8 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 2,641 times Debate No: 8970
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (14)
Votes (8)

 

C-Mach

Con

Panda defined - "Giant panda [Most common reference] - A black and white bear-like animal, Ailuropoda melanoleuca from the mountains of China."
Red panda [Less common reference] - A small raccoon-like animal, Ailurus fulgens of northeast Asia with reddish fur and a long, ringed tail.
A police car [in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland]. (All 1)"

I-am-a-panda is definitely not a member of either the species Ailuropoda melanoleuca or Ailurus fulgens, and is definitely not a police car, as he is a member of the species Homo sapiens (Humans) (2).

(1)._ http://en.wiktionary.org...
(2)._ http://en.wikipedia.org...

I am looking forward to a response.
I-am-a-panda

Pro

I would like to thank my opponent, CMach, for this splendiferous debate.

I would like to think this debate will be made for humorous purposes, so let's not get too serious, eh?

Firstly, let's go to my profile.

On my profile, I have this: "God was making a 2nd Jesus: He was charismatic, intelligent, brash, bold, handsome, athletic and an all around moral conservative man.God was happy with what he had created. When the devil came for Gods 5,994th Birthday, he wagered God that the complete opposite wouldn't last 5 earth days. That's how I came along!"

Of course, this means I am in fact a heavenly figure and the opposite of Jesus. Now, because I am a direct creation by God, I have heavenly powers, one of which is to shapeshift. I started as a Panda cub (What's not more non-Jesus than a Chinese Panda?) in the Shaanxi province of China. Being more aware and smart than your average Panda, I spotted poachers. Knowing my predicament, I transfigured myself into an Eagle and flew away. I caught a nice wind to Ireland, where a settled atop the rotunda hospital. I realised Humans lived the highlife, ergo, I took the place of the baby, Gary Swan. I can, at will, transfigure myself to most animals, however, my long time being human would cause me great pain to do so. Ergo, I cannot provide picture evidence.

Now, the name is derived from the fact I keep minor Panda-like traits, for example, dark rings under my eyes, black hair and white hair in certain....places....., hairiness and a longing to go outside and chew bamboo (Although Ireland lacks bamboo, the old bamboo rug was most delicious).

I now leave the floor open to my opponent to refute my claims.

Cheers, Panda.
Debate Round No. 1
C-Mach

Con

C-Mach forfeited this round.
I-am-a-panda

Pro

Extend my argument and await my opponents response.
Debate Round No. 2
C-Mach

Con

Thank you, I-am-a-panda, for your quick response time (Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for myself.).

I wanted to START OUT serious, but I wanted it to get humorous in the second round.

"'God was making a 2nd Jesus: He was charismatic, intelligent, brash, bold, handsome, athletic and an all around moral conservative man.God was happy with what he had created. When the devil came for Gods 5,994th Birthday, he wagered God that the complete opposite wouldn't last 5 earth days. That's how I came along!' Of course, this means I am in fact a heavenly figure and the opposite of Jesus."

Not necessarily. In fact, Mary already sent down the equivalent of a second Jesus: The Prophet David, who is my best friend. His task is "to... spread the divine word of Mary."

- Line 9, Book II: Sins, The Holy Testament of the Prophet David, The Nerfarian Doctrine.

In fact, you might very well be the Earthly incarnation of Articus, Glow-in-the-Dark Nerf Football Lord of the Planet Mars. Non-believers, sinners, and Roman Catholics "will have their brains eaten by Articus and spend eternity in his bowels."

- Lines 10 through 11, Book III: Second Visions, The Holy Testament of the Prophet David, The Nerfarian Doctrine

"What's not more non-Jesus than a Chinese Panda?"

I don't know... Jesus?

"I started as a Panda cub in the Shaanxi province of China."

I'll have to ask the Czech President of Sri Lanka for documentation of your presence in that area.

"...I keep minor Panda-like traits, for example, dark rings under my eyes..."

I have dark rings under my eyes, too. Doesn't mean that I-am-a-panda (Ha-ha! Wordplay!).

As for the other arguments that I left out, I will have to consult the Hungarian President of France and the Kenyan President of the United States (Wait a minute, I'm being serious... About the fact of their heritages.), and tell them that
"...[Hitler] got the uranium from the Russian Prime Minister of Canada and with that uranium he ate a burrito."

- http://www.debate.org...
I-am-a-panda

Pro

I thank my opponent for his mirthful response.

" Not necessarily. In fact, Mary already sent down the equivalent of a second Jesus: The Prophet David, who is my best friend. His task is "to... spread the divine word of Mary." - Line 9, Book II: Sins, The Holy Testament of the Prophet David, The Nerfarian Doctrine. "

>> The prophet David is a false prophet. Firstly, any decent prophet wouldn't be materialistic, as seen here: http://sports.popcrunch.com...

That scarf was NOT cheap.

Furthermore, a second Jesus would at least practice semi-abstinence. Here ar ehis 3 kids: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn...

And his wife doesn't look abstinence bound. As seen in this picture, that position is well practised : http://casualkeystrokes.com...

And, he's had an affair: http://www.people.com...

So, David is a false prophet. I am the second Jesus. See Videos 1 & 2 (Sorry for poor quality of video 2. Taken on a camera phone) for further confirmation.

" In fact, you might very well be the Earthly incarnation of Articus, Glow-in-the-Dark Nerf Football Lord of the Planet Mars. Non-believers, sinners, and Roman Catholics "will have their brains eaten by Articus and spend eternity in his bowels."

>> Firstly, if I was Articus, Ireland would be a ghost town. I would have in fact eaten myself 5 years ago.

"I don't know... Jesus?"

>> I'll think you'll find a Chinese panda shares no qualities with Jesus.

"I'll have to ask the Czech President of Sri Lanka for documentation of your presence in that area."

>> Ah, I Mahinda quite well, Mahi I call him. He can verify that with irrefutable evidence, a 30 euro bribe.

"I have dark rings under my eyes, too. Doesn't mean that I-am-a-panda (Ha-ha! Wordplay!)."

>> Fair play on the wordplay (Further tongue twisting wordplay). Yur dark eyes are due to dehydration. Drink water. However mine are undeniably divine black holes circling my eye balls of all seeingness.

I also hope the consultation goes well. I am currently talking to the German Nazi pope about Stem Cell research (and papally pwning), merely to distract him from Mahi's womanising ways with the nuns. I have an appointment with the Dictator of Russia, Putin, about if the sickle and hammer of communism is actually the structure of Marx's beard.

Toodle Pip until then.
Debate Round No. 3
C-Mach

Con

Thank you for the swift response.

The first argument, which involves the Prophet David being a false prophet, is hereby invalidated, due to the fact that the Prophet David is not the same person as David Beckham. The Prophet David is our (C-Mach and I-am-a-panda) age and the only relation he could possibly have to David Beckam is the sharing of a given name and the fact that they live in Los Angeles. So, this could only mean that your assumption that the Prophet David is a false prophet is false. And by the way, those videos dont't prove a damn thing. You ask, "Why don't the prove a damn thing?" They're from Family Guy.

"Firstly, if I was Articus, Ireland would be a ghost town. I would have in fact eaten myself 5 years ago."

I said that you MIGHT BE the Earthy incarnation of Articus, not that you ARE the Earthly incarnation of Articus.

"I'll think you'll find a Chinese panda shares no qualities with Jesus."

Grammatical errors are a b*tch, aren't they? When you said, "What's not more non-Jesus than a Chinese Panda?" in the first round, I was a bit confused (I knew what you meant to say, I'm just using grammar rules.). Since you used a double negative, one could only assume that you meant to say "What's more Jesus than a Chinese Panda?" Since there is something more Jesus than a Chinese Panda (Hence "I don't know... Jesus?"), I simply chose the correct answer to that rhetorical question. However, one could use it with an emphasis on the first "not," and still come up with the correct answer.

"Ah, I Mahinda quite well..."

One again, "Grammatical errors are a b*tch, aren't they?" I didn't know that you could "Mahinda" anything, assuming that "Mahinda" is a verb (Once again, "I knew what you meant to say, I'm just using grammar rules.)".

"Yur dark eyes are due to dehydration... However mine are undeniably divine black holes circling my eye balls of all seeingness."

Grammatical errors that will never stop. "Yur." I've never heard that one before. However mine makes absolutely no sense without a comma in between "However" and "mine." "Seeingness" is not a word. However (Correct punctuation!), I will argue my point anyway.

Have you ever considered the possibility of the dark circles under your eyes are there for the same reason (Dehydration.)?

Since I am in Westminster right now, I will have to walk a few blocks to 10 Downing Street and have a chat with the Scottish Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Have a nice day!
I-am-a-panda

Pro

I thank my opponent for his detailed and thoughtful response. I wish him luck in his last round.

" The first argument, which involves the Prophet David being a false prophet, is hereby invalidated, due to the fact that the Prophet David is not the same person as David Beckham. The Prophet David is our (C-Mach and I-am-a-panda) age and the only relation he could possibly have to David Beckam is the sharing of a given name and the fact that they live in Los Angeles. So, this could only mean that your assumption that the Prophet David is a false prophet is false. "

>> Firstly, I gave the definition of who David was. You have no proof that this False Prophet wannabe is the real 'Prophet'. Furthermore, the very fact they have lived in the same city AND share the same name leads me to believe David Beckham has used his ways as an egotistic and inherently bad flashy Footballer turned false prophet to make this other David believe he is a prophet. It is akin to Lord Voldemort placing his souls in Horcruxes.

" And by the way, those videos dont't prove a damn thing. You ask, "Why don't the prove a damn thing?" They're from Family Guy."

>> Excuse me, but at least I have some sort of video evidence. I am actually great friends with the German Queen of England, Elizabeth II, who is in turn lovers with Seth McFarlane. She can 100% verify McFarlane was in fact recording my life thus far on her bequest.

" I said that you MIGHT BE the Earthy incarnation of Articus, not that you ARE the Earthly incarnation of Articus. "

>> The I have proven that I am NOT the prophet Articus. Job done there :D!

"
Grammatical errors are a b*tch, aren't they? When you said, "What's not more non-Jesus than a Chinese Panda?" in the first round, I was a bit confused (I knew what you meant to say, I'm just using grammar rules.). Since you used a double negative, one could only assume that you meant to say "What's more Jesus than a Chinese Panda?" Since there is something more Jesus than a Chinese Panda (Hence "I don't know... Jesus?"), I simply chose the correct answer to that rhetorical question. However, one could use it with an emphasis on the first "not," and still come up with the correct answer."

>> It is now time for me to reveal my true purpose. You see, God took a bloody good nap in the 1930's. In that time, Satan infested himself in the Austrian Dictator of Germany, Adolf Hitler. God woke up late on 1944, to find the humans had barely won. In that part, he made a string of spy-prophets. He also made the internetz. However, the creation of another group reminded him of his folly, Grammar Nazi's. I was created fro combating them. Now you have rooted yourself out. If you find close friends (David), your parents, siblings, cousin, etc. shot up, it;s just business. I am not however covered to destroy property. I will compensate blood stained carpets and smashed in windows, for example.

And you well knew what I meant.

" One again, "Grammatical errors are a b*tch, aren't they?" I didn't know that you could "Mahinda" anything, assuming that "Mahinda" is a verb (Once again, "I knew what you meant to say, I'm just using grammar rules.)". "

>> It should say I KNOW Mahinda quite well. Sorry, again, Grammar Nazi.

" Grammatical errors that will never stop. "Yur." I've never heard that one before. However mine makes absolutely no sense without a comma in between "However" and "mine." "Seeingness" is not a word. However (Correct punctuation!), I will argue my point anyway.

Have you ever considered the possibility of the dark circles under your eyes are there for the same reason (Dehydration.)?"

>> Spawn of the Fascist Devil.

Of course they're not due to dehydration! I am a Godly spawn made to fight against Grammar Nazis.

I am quite frustrated. I am going to chat with the British President of Ireland.
Debate Round No. 4
C-Mach

Con

"Firstly, I gave the definition of who David was. You have no proof that this False Prophet wannabe is the real 'Prophet'. Furthermore, the very fact they have lived in the same city AND share the same name leads me to believe David Beckham has used his ways as an egotistic and inherently bad flashy Footballer turned false prophet to make this other David believe he is a prophet."

I did not give a very CLEAR definition of who David was (By the way, he's danononian on debte.org.), and I have no proof to contradict your statement that he is a false prophet.

However (Correct punctuation again!), you do not have any proof to the contrary except some fictional cutaway gags involving Jesus from "Family Guy," which I will address now.

"Excuse me, but at least I have some sort of video evidence. I am actually great friends with the German Queen of England, Elizabeth II, who is in turn lovers with Seth M[a]cFarlane. She can 100% verify M[a]cFarlane was in fact recording my life thus far on her bequest."

Yes, the half-German, half-Scottish Queen of England told you that Seth MacFarlane has recorded your life story in Jesus-oriented "Family Guy" cutaway gags, and that she's having an affair with him. I'm sure that Philippos of Greece and Denmark will be pleased to hear about that, and then order all the Cantonese to eat Seth MacFarlane's pets at their behest.

(Continued from the first argument of this round.) You also do not have any proof that the Prophet David has met David Beckham at any point in his lifetime, nor that David Beckham influenced the Prophet David in such a manner.

"The[n] I have proven that I am NOT... Articus. Job done there[!]"

One: Articus is not a prophet. He is the "Glow-in-the-Dark Nerf Football Lord of the Planet Mars" (Just for clarification, that's American football, not global football.).

Two: Just because there are many Roman Catholics in Ireland does not mean that you are not Articus. You might be on a diet. Maybe you just have a Diet Catholic every now and then.

In the last three arguments of Round IV, I-am-a-panda has accused me, C-Mach, of being a "Grammar Nazi." We'l see about that!

Grammar defined - "The logical and structural rules that govern the composition of sentences, phrases, and words in any given natural language (1)."

Nazi defined - A member of the National Socialist German Worker's Party.

(1) http://en.wikipedia.org...

I might be a grammarian raised be grammarian parents, but a Nazi, I am not.

One: I live in an area where Jews are a significant portion of the population.
Two: Almost all of my friends are Jewish or have a Jewish parent (The Prophet David being one of them.).
Three: I am a libertarian, the complete antithesis of a Nazi.

"If you find... cousin[s]... shot up, it[']s just business."

Trust me, shooting several dozen Mormons is a waste of your time.

"Of course they're not due to dehydration!"

Prove it!

I am now off of Avenue George V in the 8th arrondissement of Paris, so I might have yet another chat with the Hungarian President of France.
I-am-a-panda

Pro

I would like to wish my opponent look into the voting and thank him for this splendiferous debate.

"I did not give a very CLEAR definition of who David was (By the way, he's danononian on debte.org.), and I have no proof to contradict your statement that he is a false prophet."

>> Whats debte.org? I have not heard of such a website. When I looked it up, this came up : http://search.mywebsearch.com...

"Yes, the half-German, half-Scottish Queen of England told you that Seth MacFarlane has recorded your life story in Jesus-oriented "Family Guy" cutaway gags, and that she's having an affair with him. I'm sure that Philippos of Greece and Denmark will be pleased to hear about that, and then order all the Cantonese to eat Seth MacFarlane's pets at their behest."

>> I have found undeniable picture evidence of the eloping of McFarlane and Elizabeth.

http://www.debate.org...

Disprove THAT!

"You also do not have any proof that the Prophet David has met David Beckham at any point in his lifetime, nor that David Beckham influenced the Prophet David in such a manner."

>> On the contrary, I have proved your so called "David" does not exist.

"Two: Just because there are many Roman Catholics in Ireland does not mean that you are not Articus. You might be on a diet. Maybe you just have a Diet Catholic every now and then."

>> I would really notice the remains of agnostic Catholics if I was eating them. AND, if you've seen me, I'm definitely not on a diet.

My opponent has mis-defined "Grammar Nazi". My opponent has picked apart the adjective, when it is one word.

Grammar Nazi is defined as: Someone who believes it's their duty to attempt to correct any grammar and/or spelling mistakes they observe.

[http://www.urbandictionary.com...]

http://encyclopediadramatica.com...

"One: I live in an area where Jews are a significant portion of the population."

>> Grammar Nazi's, as defined above, have no problem with Jews. Even regular Nazi's don't.

"Prove it!"

>> They are divine black holes encircling my eyes. You DISPROVE they aren't!

Thanks, Panda
Debate Round No. 5
14 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
Still, phail. And C-Mach, I would encourage you not to vote on this debate, as I cannot.
Posted by C-Mach 8 years ago
C-Mach
BTW, it's debate.org that danononian is on.
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
Ok, no problem, C.
Posted by C-Mach 8 years ago
C-Mach
I'll be sure to be more prompt in the next rounds with a concise response.
Posted by C-Mach 8 years ago
C-Mach
Sorry about forfeiting the second round. I wasn't alerted.
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
We never got the singular, so we [More like they] just assumed you dropped the Rí bit.
Posted by C-Mach 8 years ago
C-Mach
Wouldn't that mean you are a "Pandar" instead of a "Panda?"
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
Oh no, among the posh-yet-chavy schoolmates, I am an outcast. I don't like the school environment. Outside the school environment, you can find me in Betsy-Lou's room with a leather Jacket, Shades, Tacky love music, and of course my fedora hat, all whilst slowly approaching her bed and bobbing my head.
Posted by Volkov 8 years ago
Volkov
I thought he was a lanky Irishman. Shows what I know.
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
In irish class, I learned that in ancient Irish, Na Pandarí , was the collective name for outcasts of the Aos Dana, a group of elite scholars, artists and the like. Being I'm smart, and a bit of an outcast, they called me Panda.
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