The Instigator
imabench
Pro (for)
Winning
3 Points
The Contender
Jingle_Bombs
Con (against)
Losing
0 Points

Resolved: Israel should have been made in Florida rather than the Middle East

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
imabench
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/19/2014 Category: Politics
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,598 times Debate No: 67323
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (4)
Votes (2)

 

imabench

Pro

I will argue that Israel, the Jewish nation located in the one part of the Middle East that doesn't have any oil, should have instead been put in Florida, where the entire US state would just become the new Jewish nation. Con will argue against this, and may argue that Israel should exist where it is today, or that it should exist somewhere else that ISNT florida. I dont care, go crazy

4 rounds, 3000 characters, first round acceptance only
Jingle_Bombs

Con

I accept, but I will argue for Alaska.
Debate Round No. 1
imabench

Pro

Okay so basically we are arguing if Israel would be better off being made in Florida or Alaska.

Reasons why Israel would be better off in Florida:

1) Its just as bloody hot

Israel tends to be scorching hot year round due to the fact that it is in the Middle East, where the temperatures almost never drop below 50 degrees http://giltravel.com...

Florida is a US state that also has a tendency to stay warm, even when the rest of the country wakes up withs its buts frozen to its leg: https://38.media.tumblr.com...

So Florida is just as warm as Israel, so it wouldnt be that much of a change.


2) Florida will stop f*cking up elections for us.

Everyone knows about the clusterf*ck that was the 2000 Presidential election, where it took Florida several WEEKS just to come to the conclusion that it cant count, but many people dont know tht the same thing almost happened again in the 2012 election, where votes were split 50.01% to 49.13% http://en.wikipedia.org...

With Florida becoming the new Israel, the US would no longer have to suffer from having its elections hijacked by Florida's inability to MAKE UP ITS GOD DAMN MIND.



3) The Jews already own almost everything in Florida.

Following California and New York, Florida ranks third in number of Jews that reside within the state at almost 650,000, and of those three, Florida ranks second in percentage of state population it makes up. Alaska on the other hand only houses 6,000 Jews, literally 100 times fewer than that of Florida, And the percentage of population who are Jewish in Alaska are 3 times lesser then that of Florida.....
http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org...

When picking between Alaska and Florida on population statistics alone, Florida is simply the more logical choice.


4) They'll fix it up (hopefully)

Have you ever lived in a gated community that was populated mostly by Jews? They make sure that every possible thing is perfect to the point that you'll never find anything to complain about because a Jewish person already brought attention to it 4 years before you even moved in. Jews are known for keeping their communities very clean and tidy, which is something that Florida could really use since it is basically one gigantic meth lab. Flodira has had a zombie apocalypse scare, a race riot over Trayvon Martin, and the Casey Anthony f*ck-up of a verdict in the last 3 years alone. Of all the states that needs help, Florida needs it the most, and the Jews are the best equipped to sort out Florida since nuking it isnt really an option.
Jingle_Bombs

Con


US originally Planned to Move Jews to Alaska


The Slattery Report [1], officially titled The Problem of Alaskan Development, was originally produced by the US Department of the Interior under then President Franklin Roosevelt. The 1938 proposal called to move Jewish refugees fleeing from Nazi Europe to underdeveloped cities and terrirorites inside Alaska, citing many economic and instural benefits the Jewish population would bring to Alaska's huge but still underdeveloped landscape. This plan was originally supported by the President and lobbyist groups friendly to the Jewish cause. However, the plan fell through when FDR and Jewish leaders expressed concern for the expected critisim the government would receive on the grounds of humanitarian relief versus economic benefits.


Regardless of the then 1938 ruling, we can now dismiss the humanitarian cristims on The Slattery Report based on the fact that a Jewish State in Alaska would be safer and better off than in the present day Middle East. Alaska is still a huge and rather underpopulated state, and the economic benefits of moving Jews to Alaska to both Jews and the state would still stand. Jews would never again have to worry about invasion, war, and rocket attacks by their neighbors - having only Canada as a border. There is plenty of open space in Alaska, and putting a Jewish State in Alaska requires only giving up part of the state versus all of it. And yes, unlike Israel and Florida, Alaska has much better access to oil.


1) http://en.wikipedia.org...


No intelligent person wants to have Imabench as a neighbor.


According to his esteemed hall of fame profile (http://www.debate.org...) imabench is a student at Miami University, and therefore most likely a current resident of Florida. If true, no Jew in there right mind would want to move to Florida. Having imabench as a possible neighbor would be like living next to a peeping tom and a high ranking member of FBI's Most Wanted, except in addition to terrorist attacks, vandalism, trolling, theft, random knocks on the door by Imabench asking for sugar, and the non stop playing of Frozen Sing-alongs that can be heard from miles and miles away, one now has to stress about being filmed for the Daily Stupid!


Imabench's fourm title of Mister Doctor Professor Vice President is also just another fancy way of himself declaring to be Hitler, and no Jew in their righteous mind would want to live next to a fascist dictator ever defined by his Internet wars with STALIN, when they could just live next to Sarah Palin and enjoy the warm conservative hospitality of homemade cookies and all American apple pie.


Florida isn't safer than Alaska.


Florida is populated by man-eating alligators, sharks, whales, zombies, Cuban refugees, drugged out celebrities, imachairs, and crazy Mexican immigrants who shoot people just for wearing hoodies. It would not be safer to move Jews to Florida than in Alaska.


Debate Round No. 2
imabench

Pro

"a Jewish State in Alaska would be safer and better off than in the present day Middle East"

Dude, a Jewish state in the ASTEROID BELT between Mars and Jupiter would be safer and better off than the present day Middle East..... You'll have to do better then that to justify Alaska being a suitable home for the Jews.



"Jews would never again have to worry about invasion, war, and rocket attacks by their neighbors - having only Canada as a border"

Russia is pretty close by, and Putin has been behaving very 'FIRE ZE MISSLE'-y lately, wheras Florida is only near Cuba, and we are for once making progress with Cuba.



"And yes, unlike Israel and Florida, Alaska has much better access to oil."

But that makes Alaska valuable to the US since the US is kinda mega-dependent on oil. Florida should be given to the jews instead on the grounds that resource-wise, the US wouldnt really be giving up any strategic resources in the process.



"imabench is a student at Miami University, and therefore most likely a current resident of Florida"

This is true. However, as Vice President of DDO, I currently am residing in Washington D.C., and will continue to do so for the immediate future.



"Imabench's fourm title of Mister Doctor Professor Vice President is also just another fancy way of himself declaring to be Hitler, and no Jew in their righteous mind would want to live next to a fascist dictator"

Excuse me, comparing me to Hitler is very insulting to the very high integrity of Hitler, I ask that you write him an apology letter immediately.



"Florida isn't safer than Alaska."

Okay 1, Florida is only unsafe if you are BLACK. If you're pasty white (aka Jewish) than you'll be fine.
2, Alaska has BEARS
3, The show 'Deadliest catch' otherwise known as the deadliest job known to man, is based in Alaska
4, DID I MENTION THAT ALASKA HAS BEARS?
Jingle_Bombs

Con


"You'll have to do better then that to justify Alaska being a suitable home for the Jews."


You clearly didn't read the rest of my original argument where I mentioned that a US government study supported by political actions groups (along with FDR) concluded that Alaska would be a suitable home for Jewish settlers due to economic advantages offered by the Alaskan frontier. I also mentioned that Alaska had access to oil, which in your opening introduction, was one of the key disadvantages of remaining in Israel.


But that makes Alaska valuable to the US since the US is kinda mega-dependent on oil.


In his intro, Imabench wrote:


"I will argue that Israel, the Jewish nation located in the one part of the Middle East that doesn't have any oil, should have instead been put in Florida"


Does Ima intend to flip-flop? Also due to the recent record fall gas prices and the US shale oil boom, the US is kinda not so dependant anymore.


Russia is pretty close by, and Putin has been behaving very 'FIRE ZE MISSLE'-y lately


Last time I checked Russia was also committed to doing bomber patrols over the Gulf of Mexico (http://www.cnn.com...), but they originally sold Alaska to the US, so I'm guessing they never really cared for it.


However, as Vice President of DDO, I currently am residing in Washington D.C.


DDO Term lengths are only 6 months long. So you'll either return home again soon or you'll do another round of early retirement from DDO; in which case retired people have a curious habit of ending up in Florida.



I ask that you write him an apology letter immediately.


Dear Adolf,


I apologize for comparing you to imabench. He is clearly the greatest troll.


Sincerely,


Jingle-Bombs


Alaska has BEARS


You mean the cute whittle, fluffy, adorable, winnie the pooh, stuffed grizzly bears named after Teddy?? In the meantime, Florida has these marauding godless all-destroying apocalyptic super storms called Hurricanes! I mean holy Sh*t just look at the size of this monster (http://geology.com...) not to mention serial killers, zombies, Jaws, alligators, illegal immigrants and a host of other crazies only found in Florida.. but have I mentioned Hurricanes yet???


Other arguments:


Walt Disney was Anti-Semitic


A large part of Florida's economy revolves around Disney Corps. But yet, according to these news articles [1] [2] Walt Disney himself may have been anti-Semitic while Disney Corps has is the past been linked to antisemtic films and extremists / reactory lobbyist groups - including Nazi film makers. Moving the State of Israel to Florida could then be problematic.


1) http://www.thejc.com...


2) http://www.independent.co.uk...



Debate Round No. 3
imabench

Pro

"a US government study supported by political actions groups (along with FDR) concluded that Alaska would be a suitable home for Jewish settlers due to economic advantages"

FDR also put Japs in prison camps, wanted to expand the number of judges on the Supreme Court, and kill all humans (one of those is made up), FDR and his leftist policies weren't always 'logical', ask any conservative on this site who I am too lazy to name....



"Does Ima intend to flip-flop?"

I usually go with uggs.



"Also due to the recent record fall gas prices and the US shale oil boom, the US is kinda not so dependent anymore."

Because gas prices NEVER go up or anything like that........ (sarcasm)



"Last time I checked Russia was also committed to doing bomber patrols over the Gulf of Mexico"

Which goes to show how crazy Putin is!



"DDO Term lengths are only 6 months long. So you'll either return home again soon or you'll do another round of early retirement from DDO"

No, Mikal will likely run again, get re-elected again, and then I'll run myself after Mikal doesnt want to be in charge anymore. Thats at least the next 2 years I wont be in Florida.



"You mean the cute whittle, fluffy, adorable, winnie the pooh, stuffed grizzly bears named after Teddy?"

No, I mean the godless killing machines that are only evolving to become even greater killers:
http://weknowmemes.com...



"Florida has these marauding godless all-destroying apocalyptic super storms called Hurricanes!"

Oh please, theyre not as big as you make them out to be.... The Hurricanes only went 6-6 this year, 9-4 last year, and 7-5 the year before that...... They're hardly 'all-destroying' like you claim

http://en.wikipedia.org...
http://en.wikipedia.org...
http://en.wikipedia.org...



"Walt Disney himself may have been anti-Semitic"

Yeah but he's DEAD and Sarah Palin is ALIVE. Something tells me that christian-wielding lunatic poses a greater threat to Jews than a frozen head of Walt Disney.



To summarize why Israel should have been put in Florida and not Alaska:

1 - Florida wouldnt mess up our elections anymore
2 - Its just as warm as Israel
3 - Jews already own like half of Florida
4 - Large Jewish population already there
5 - Florida is a mess, and the Jews could fix it up
6 - Florida is only dangerous to blacks, not Jews
7 - Im not in Florida
8 - Alaska has oil that the US still kinda needs
9 - Alaska has BEARS
10 - Putin's Russia is very close to Alaska while Florida isnt
11 - BEARS PEOPLE, BEARS


Jingle_Bombs

Con

1)Florida wouldn't mess up our elections anymore

We would then have no place left to send grandmas to for when they retire.

2)Its just as warm as Israel

But far more humid than the Israeli desert.

3)Jews already own like half of Florida

Which is not true. Imabench's own source indicates that the 650,000 Jews or so living in Florida only makes up 3.4% of the entire state's population (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org...)


4)Large Jewish population already there

But there are even larger minority groups arleady existing in Florida, increasing the Jewish population there could then lead to new racial tensions.

5)Florida is a mess, and the Jews could fix it up

Florida is a mess, it is therefore not in the Jewish community's best interest to settle in Florida.

6)Florida is only dangerous to blacks, not Jews

Hurricanes destroy everything.

7)Im not in Florida

If Imabench doesn't retire again early. He'll return to Florida soon anyways either to troll Tim Teebow or date Kate Upton.

8)Alaska has oil that the US still kinda needs

Gas is cheap nowadays and the US is the world's largest producer of oil (http://www.bloomberg.com...)

9)Alaska has BEARS

Alaska has no hurricanes, has less demographic problems, has lots of open space for settlement, and plenty of confirmed natural resources and oil that can be used to benefit the new Jewish state.

10)Putin's Russia is very close to Alaska while Florida isnt

Russia is committed to long range bomber patrols off the shore of Florida. Russia sold Alaska.
http://www.cnn.com...

11)BEARS PEOPLE, BEARS

Like Florida doesn't really have any bears:
http://en.wikipedia.org...
Debate Round No. 4
4 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
RFD part two
Jingles points out Ima's lack of addressing, then he moves on to how Ima actually flip-flopped, then how Russia wanted to sell Alaska, so Putin wouldn't fire missiles. He then talks about how Ima will go home after retirement. He hilariously actually writes the letter, then talks about the horridness of Florida compared to the cute bears of Alaska, then finally talks about how since Disney is part of Florida, and Disney is anti-Semitic, it's very "problematic" for Florida, as he suggests.

Ima rebuts in the final round...
He first addresses the Jewish arguments with FDR wanting to put japs in prison camps, humorously talking about "uggs" rather than flip-flops, and quickly shoots the other arguments with little humorous comments.

Then he sums up the whole debate (which wasn't much anyways) with this:
1 - Florida wouldnt mess up our elections anymore
2 - Its just as warm as Israel
3 - Jews already own like half of Florida
4 - Large Jewish population already there
5 - Florida is a mess, and the Jews could fix it up
6 - Florida is only dangerous to blacks, not Jews
7 - Im not in Florida
8 - Alaska has oil that the US still kinda needs
9 - Alaska has BEARS
10 - Putin's Russia is very close to Alaska while Florida isnt
11 - BEARS PEOPLE, BEARS

Finally Jingles refutes with logic and comparisons. Overall I think Jingle wins. Ima spent too much effort breaking his argument down into smaller pieces, making it easy for JIngle to refute them.
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
RFD part one
Pro shows that Florida would have little temp. change from Israel (but wouldn't that mean Alaska's coldness would be awesome to Isreal? Whatever.) and then he talks about how Without Florida, America can make decisions about the president. He also states that Jews already own Florida (and not Alaska). He finally talks about how Jews would benefit Florida (but again, would they not have already fixed it if they already own Florida?)

Not sure what Jingles is doing here. He talks about how Jews are actually wanted to be moved to be Alaska. Then, he makes a very risky ad-hominem move insulting Imabench in order to show no Jew'd want to move to Florida. He also points out that both of the states are equally safe. (Not helping his case anyways).

Imabench shoots down the arguments little by little, and even agrees to the part about him being Florida, then jokes around by twisting and saying that it was HITLER who was insulted, not him (LOL). Then he stresses on how Alaska has bears, and byebye first debating round.
Posted by Ragnar 2 years ago
Ragnar
Not enough time to properly weight arguments, but from the first couple rounds damn this will be a good one!
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
Boca Raton specifically?
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 2 years ago
Ragnar
imabenchJingle_BombsTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Not in a laughing mood right now, so having to weight this normally. In talking about current world events both sides seemed to move the goalpost to a modern relocation, ignoring facts of how different each state would be today. Key problem to the Alaska plan was according to the source provided never intended as a Jewish homeland, but rather cheap labor for four American towns; allowing immigration and giving up land are different. Sources for the dangers of Florida may have shifted me back toward Alaska, heck given the bath salt cannibals and Imabench there a strong case could have been made that it's simply cursed. Florida was hardly populated back before Disney World, and Walt's discrepancies were unknown at the time. The oil counterpoint fell flat, and was merely against the current location, and this is talk of what the US should have done, as in for their own interests, less aid dollars to fight a war, not give up such a massive resource.
Vote Placed by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
imabenchJingle_BombsTied
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Total points awarded:00 
Reasons for voting decision: hilarious. RFD in comments