The Instigator
Pro (for)
The Contender
Con (against)

Resolved: The largest cause of violence in America is Cadbury Creme Egg deprivation during childhood

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Debate Round Forfeited
David_Debates has forfeited round #3.
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Voting Style: Open Point System: Select Winner
Started: 9/2/2016 Category: Funny
Updated: 1 month ago Status: Debating Period
Viewed: 204 times Debate No: 95160
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (9)
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is a debate that is close to my heart. Cadbury Creme Eggs are the most beautiful little pieces of heaven that exist on earth. Or at least I think so.

I have selected David_Debates to debate me. After briefly glancing at his avatar, I immediately thought, "This gentlemen looks like the classic story of the intellectual challenge that I need." Just kidding, I stalked the crap out of him for like 10 minutes to make sure he writes in full sentences and doesn't forfeit debates (even the stupid ones). This guy's not a quitter, so I'd be happy to accept him as my opponent.

(Leaving this in here, just in case): And another rule of the debate: When my waiter serves me your butt on a silver platter after the first round, please don't forfeit. Your life doesn't depend on winning this debate.

Mine does though.

AND TO THE JUDGES: This is a troll debate, so please treat it as such. If you are grading on the legitimacy of the points as they relate to what is actually real, you are judging wrong, and your votes can be reported as a vote bomb.

(I'm assuming we still have a moderator. Do we have a moderator? Someone leave an answer for me in the comments. Hard to tell what authority still exists on DDO these days).

However, if the David is generally funnier and/or cleverer than me during the debate, by all means, vote for him on those grounds.

Voting is set to "select winner." I did this to make it more fair for myself and my opponent, because not everyone wants to have to justify giving a certain number of points in a debate that's clearly not serious.

Format of the debate for me:
1st round - Rules
2nd round - Main arguments
3rd round - Rebuttals
4th round - Summary arguments

Format of the debate for my opponent:
1st round - Acceptance
2nd round - Main arguments and rebuttals
3rd round - Rebuttals
4th round - Summary arguments

Format of the debate for the voters:
1st round - Read this

2nd round - Read this too
3rd round - Keep reading, you're so close
4th round - Read this one for sure

Now upon the acceptance of my opponent, we will fight to the death. Or not, because screw dying over this debate.


I accept your challenge, including the terms and conditions of the duel.

May the best troll win.
Debate Round No. 1


Welcome everyone. I'd like to present a well informed opinion about this serious topic we have laid out on the table.

I'm going to be supporting a syllogism in this debate that will help me uphold the resolution.

P1) Child maltreatment causes violence
P2) Cadburry Creme Egg deprivation is a form of child maltreatment
C) Cadburry Creme Egg deprivation during childhood causes violence.

Supporting P1

I hereby provide a quote from a digest about a book or something:

"The authors provide evidence that the apparent negative effects of maltreatment on children's propensity to engage in crime are real and not simply artifacts of other features of dysfunctional families. They find that being maltreated approximately doubles the probability of engaging in many types of crime and that the effects are worst for children from low socio-economic status backgrounds" [1].

This is really all I need in order to prove that my premise 1 is true.

I mean look at that. It's true.

That evidence should feel proud of itself.

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Supporting P2

Here is a heretic's review on Cadburry Creme Eggs in the form of a video [2]. He is a heretic because he is not absolutely in love with these little heaven-filled eggs. Even still, I have provided what he has to say about them.

As you can see, Cadbury Creme Eggs are the best candy a child can have. I would also like to point out that child neglect is a form of child maltreatment [1]. Now, if a parent neglects to give their kid rich, beautiful chocolate filled with actual heaven, then they're committing child maltreatment.

This is a year wide problem for some kids. Easter comes, and what happens? No creme eggs. It's clearly a widespread problem.

Conclusion: I'm right.

Now let's take a look at the whole word "largest" that I now have to support. We just need to realize how widespread this problem is. Almost everyone suffers from this. Since it's kind of a seasonal candy, a solid majority of America suffers from Cadbury Creme Egg deprivation during childhood because they only ate like ten per year. Can you imagine only breathing ten times a year? Yeah, didn't think so.

What if parents forced their kids to only breath about ten times per year? Wouldn't that be child abuse? Yes, it sure would. So why are Cadbury Creme Eggs any different? They're not.

I thank everyone for reading this, and I look forward to an exciting debate!



[2] The video
[3] I'm the prophet of Morgan Freeman.


I applaud Pro for her well constructed argument. However, everything she told you is a lie. How do I know? Well, let me show you the decevery at the heart of the corrupt Cadbury organization.

Let us start with exhibit one.

Exhibit 1: What is the "creme?"

Many state it is pure sugar. Some state that they don't know, but it just tastes good. These are appeals to ignorance. Instead, when we anyalize the contents of this "creme," we find a small dose of a chemical called "PX-41."

This chemical turns purple when in sunlight for too long, which is probably why the Cadbury organization covers it with a chocolate shell. Here is a photograph of this chemical in a safety vial:
Image result for PX-41

This chemical is known to make animals mutate in certain doses. An example:
Image result for PX-41
Our researcher in this photo was never seen again after this rabbit was exposed to 15 mL of PX-41.

These mutated animals become hyper-aggressive, attacking everything and everyone they can. For now, the only antidote we have discovered is old man piss (1).

From this, we can safely conclude that the underlying "flavor" is nothing other than PX-41, a highly unstable and dangerous chemical.

Exhibit 2: PX-41's effects on humans

In an isolated experiment conducted in the depths of the Cadbury organization's laboratory, leaked by Snowden, the effects of PX-41 were tested on small, strangely-cylindrically shaped children (2). The results were terrifying.

As you can tell by this photograph, the children's appearance was drastically altered. Their teeth began to push out of their jaws, their arms grew to drastic proportions and their elbows praticaly disappeared. There are more differences, but those are the ones I'll point out for now.
Remember, the chemical that caused these children to mutate is present in every single Cadbury creme egg! That means the more Cadbury creme eggs (CCE's) that the child eats, the stronger the dose of PX-41.
If we are to follow Pro's plan and give more CCE's to each child, we would increase the dose of this mutation serum in our own children, and the corrupt Cadbury organization would ultimately control us all.


Thus, we can flip Pro's case on it's head.
P1) Child maltreatment causes violence.
I agree with this premise.
P2) CCE deprivation is a form of child maltreatment.
False. CCE's that are given to kids will turn them in to psychopathic killers (see above), and therefore, is a form of child maltreatment.
C) CCE deprivation during childhood causes violence.
Quite the opposite. As we have seen, children are probably the most succeptable to this chemical, and thus, would become killers. As killing is violence, we can essentially flip this entire conclusion on its head.

We are then left with the only valid syllogism we can come to:
P1) Every CCE contains PX-41.
P2) PX-41 turns children into mutated killers.
C) Therefore, CCE's turn children into mutated killers.

Do not believe their lies. Fight back against the Cadbury organization. It is time to wake up.

I turn the argument to Pro.

Debate Round No. 2


Alright, let's slow down a bit. How can we trust anything my opponent has said?

For example, look at how he started out: "However, everything she told you is a lie."
Now le'ts look at how he ended: "P1) Child maltreatment causes violence. I agree with this premise."

My opponent's constructive argument is deconstructive of itself (don't overthink that statement. I've been waiting to say that for a long time. Just let me have that).

Rebuttal to the PX-41 crap:

Allow me to explain what my opponent is trying to misconstrue to you guys. Perhaps I should've explained the inventor of the Cadburry Creme Egg. Gomez Addams:

A genius.

A perfectionist.

A villain.

And the protagonist.

That last one means he would've made sure that this didn't actually destroy the world. Of course, PX-41 is delicious, and it's usage as a flavoring addend is actually quite popular in certain products such as: tea, all Hershey's products, caramel, and love.

However, if performed right, the PX-41's psychological effects are totally void, and the only thing left is the flavor. Now you may be thinking, "Was this really is the guy who made heaven a place on earth?"

I know it's unfathomable, but keep in mind that he is still a family man. He had to do something to make some income, even if he is old money. So despite the fact that he encourages his children to homocide and congratulates them for breaking their parole, there is one thing that he did for the world.

And he's surprisingly hospitable to visitors.

Coincidentally, he is also the answer to Belinda Carlisle's question. [1]

So to be clear about it:

Gomez Addams did not poison the world. He did include an antidote to the psychological effects of the PX-41, which is why we don't see purple people eaters running around on Easter.

Unless, of course, you played against the Minnesota Vikings between the late 1960's and the late 1970's on Easter Sunday. #TIL [2]

Now I hate to sound like an elementary school teacher, but let's reign it in guys.
I think that's what they say.

Back to the sanity of my argument, let's remember that my opponent did not provide counter-arguments to the delicious heavenness of the Creme Eggs only to their contents. Now that we know that the PX-41 is used as a flavoring agent like how dead virus cells are used in flu shots (actually that's a sort of horrible comparison to draw).

So, considering that the rest of my case is uncontested now that my opponent's whole case is shut down, I believe it's time for me to stop typing and making it look like I'm smarter than I am by extending my argument length with words like the





I'm sorry. That was a really wordy sentence. I can never forgive myself now.



[1] The video
[3] Just a reminder, I am actually the prophet of Morgan Freeman.
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Debate Round No. 3
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Debate Round No. 4
9 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Posted by David_Debates 1 month ago
I'm sorry for the forfeit, was out of town for that week at a mock trial tournament. Are you willing to re-instate? Or is it too late now?
Posted by Jonbonbon 1 month ago
Please don't forfeit
Posted by Jonbonbon 1 month ago

Posted by Jonbonbon 1 month ago
I just told you which one is objectively better.
Posted by PowerPikachu21 1 month ago
So it's a semi-serious argument vs Despicable Me 2. How does one decide which side (arguments?) is objectively better? I wonder what will happen next!
Posted by Jonbonbon 1 month ago
Yep just acceptance
Posted by David_Debates 1 month ago
First round is for acceptance only, I'd assume?
Posted by Jonbonbon 1 month ago
Bring it on.
Posted by David_Debates 1 month ago
Might I challenge you to this duel?
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