The Instigator
Silhouette
Con (against)
Winning
13 Points
The Contender
Colton4
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points

Respect should be earned

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
Silhouette
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/19/2013 Category: Society
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,623 times Debate No: 42629
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (8)
Votes (2)

 

Silhouette

Con

Hello, welcome to this debate. By accepting this debate, you agree to post your arguments first (as you are Pro), agree to this subject as well as the definition.

The definition of "respect" in this debate is:
Have due regard for (someone"s feelings, wishes, or rights)

(Defined by Oxford Dictionary)

The level of respect is the most basic - consideration and acceptance of other's wishes, rights and personality.

This is my first debate, I look forward to debating to whomever accepts first. Good luck to the one who accepts.
Colton4

Pro

I do believe one must earn respect before another can respect them. In this world at least. In our world there are many very bad people, good people too, but there is no way of knowing what stranger is truly a good person who deserves respect or an evil one who isn't even worth the acknowledgement of existing. If we lived in a utopia it would be easier to respect many more people than we may today, but we do not. We live in a world without enough trust to even be able to believe in everything we see or hear, and that's anywhere! News, Internet, and most of the world's connection.

The telephone. If you ever played the telephone game where the "rumor" or message that is being said from across the room by someone is passed on by others to get to the last person who receives the message, well obviously the message is going to be different in a way it could change maybe the entire meaning of the message. That's an example of trust and how we know things aren't always the way we want them to be like a utopia. We respect strangers we may meet to a degree but it's not like it isn't earned even though we don't exactly know them. A person, even if they were arrogant or polite, may feel more inclined to respect a wealthy clean cut sharp fellow in a suit rather than wanting to shake hands with a homeless man. The respect is earned through the title and appearance and what we basically learn and know about a person as soon as we lay eyes on them. We automatically begin to judge as it is human nature, this isn't a utopia and even if it were, I think it is quite obvious people earn respect whether it be right or wrong in this world. I also see no particular reason in having a source for this information since we all know this, even if we don't think about it, we all know that to get to know someone takes time that requires effort that in return, when one can be understood by another person and they step up from being acquaintances to another status, they are earning one's respect. Why should I cite something I didn't have to look up? My intuition can not be cited by some website full of info I already know that I shouldn't have to prove to you just because of my title and credibility V's another source that can be found online and used because it is credible and has earned the respect to use it, I however am supposed to cite sources from some credible source online to prove something? I am my own credibility, and I understand the importance of using sources within work but that is where respect also comes into play.

For you to trust me, I must earn the trust just like respect. Maybe in a perfect world we wouldn't have to earn these things, but I'm not saying it's right to have to earn respect, perhaps not. However, I do know that we must earn this concept of respect in this world.
Debate Round No. 1
Silhouette

Con

Hello Colton4, thank you for accepting the debate and presenting your views.

I shall first rebut your arguments.

In your logic, respect should only be given to ones whom one being has confirmed as “good”. So if we do not respect strangers until they fit our certain invisible standards, we do not respect their rights, their wishes or personality?

This means if a stranger says a friendly “hello” and that “hello” isn’t enough to fit our standard of “goodness” (everyone has various standards of the “you earn my respect” criteria), we do not respond back? Because if we do, we will be giving them respect and that will contradict the belief. By disrespecting someone unless they fit our invisible standards of “goodness”, we will be become one who someone may consider as “bad” if “rudeness” is seen as “bad”. Who will respect someone who deliberately doesn’t respond a greeting? This means no-one will give respect freely and will not receive it back, because they deem another “not worthy enough” as no-one will respect another who doesn’t respect them back.

What exactly is a “good”, “bad” and “evil” person and acts? It is difficult to define one without an official, set criteria – we only rely on our opinions and opinions will vary. Usually, our opinions are influenced by our local society (usually people whom are similar to us in some way) – majority of beliefs that is against us will make us consider our own belief.

For example, in my school, standing up against a bully is perceived as “wrong” by the teens. Teens have more influence on teens, then teachers on teens. Teachers show us bullying is wrong, and we should stand up against it but teens show bullying as accepted by bullying others, others laughing along with bullying, victim not minding it/hiding it, friends telling you “don’t make it worse by telling the teacher” or saying that “you shouldn’t have done that” when standing up against a bully.

Similar to my experience is “the customer is always right” belief in various work places. Even if a customer abuses you, it is perceived as “alright” for the “good of the business”.

A person cannot be “good” forever, neither they can be “bad” or “evil”. To become “good”, we need to learn what is “bad”. As children, we are told what is deemed “bad” by society, however, we are not told everything. We learn by ourselves by doing bad things, and if we are lucky, we are told. However, some children (such as ones raised up by parents with Narcists Personality Disorder) are taught wrongly.

A snippet of a post by child of a NPD mother states:
Like many abused kids, as a child I was not allowed to express anger, or even to give any outward appearance that I felt it.

This meant her mother abused her, and if she showed anger about the “badness” of her mother’s abuse, she was seen as “bad”. Does that mean she is truly bad?

In order to become “good”, we need to do “bad”. By doing “bad” does not mean we are “bad” or “evil”. Everyone changes. A “good” person may change to bad due to bad influences, but a bad person can change to good by good influences.

So by disrespecting someone who’s bad…you’re not exactly helping them to become “good” are you? Plus, you’re not even doing an act a “good” person would do as you’re spreading that belief that it’s alright to disrespect the “bad” and let them stay “bad” forever. It is difficult for a bad to become “good” if they do not get help and are always pushed aside, their beliefs will turn into truth for them.

Is it hard to respect someone? Is it hard to disrespect someone? They are equal in “hard”, it is only in your mind that one is harder because it has not been attempted for long periods of time. Utopia is only an excuse not to respect someone, because it is used as a “if”. There’s not “ifs” in respect, it’s not I will do it if, I will do that if, you just do it because if you don’t, that “if” will never occur and you’ll never learn to respect others freely.

The most basic respect does not require trust, it is not personal respect.

Basic respect - Have due regard for (someone"s feelings, wishes, or rights)
Personal respect -
A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Trust must be earnt and that can lead to respect, however, you do not need to trust someone to respect someone. You may not trust the media, but by respecting the media, you don’t insult the one who did it and spread rumours in order to put the media down. You may criticize them, you may disagree with them and tell others to do so, but you do not do so in a threatening manner and make it a personal offence to the media staff.

Referring to your telephone example, again, trust is not respect. Trust is personal, whilst basic respect is not. You do not need to trust someone to say “hello” to them, or allow an elderly lady sit in your seat, or let someone go in front of you in a line or apologise for accidently sneezing on them.

We respect strangers we may meet to a degree but it's not like it isn't earned even though we don't exactly know them.

You are contradicting yourself here. How is it earned? You also based respect on trust, and likely, you aren’t going to trust a stranger with a 10 minute talk. If you don’t trust someone, you don’t respect them so why are you respecting a stranger you barely know? What did they do to “earn” it?

Previously, you said:

In our world there are many very bad people, good people too, but there is no way of knowing what stranger is truly a good person who deserves respect or an evil one who isn't even worth the acknowledgement of existing.

So how would this belief carry out without the chance of error? Not respecting them first until they make the first move and prove their worth.

That is a personal opinion, not all people base another on their looks. You are speaking of personal respect, not the basic respect on your 'title and appearance' argurement.

Quite a few people are bullies, harassers, criminals and they reside in famous companies, industries and have wonderful looks yet their attitudes may be sly, manipulating, rude, mean and cruel. You are willing to respect them? But then you say you need to trust one first, so you won’t respect a wealthy businessman incase they are a criminal.

This is a true story of how a homeless man changed another man’s life. What did the man do to “earn” the homeless man’s life when he simply just passes him day by day?

“During a three-week period a few years ago, I passed by this man each morning as I hurried to my office to start another workday.Usually, I would notice him sitting on the sidewalk dressed in rag-like clothes or rummaging through a nearby dumpster for food or empty bottles as I walked past him each morning.

Regardless of this man’s situation, he would frequently smile at me when our eyes connected. Without fail, every time our eyes met, the drama that was waiting for me at the office didn’t seem all that serious when I saw him smile in light of his less-than-ideal circumstances.

I mean, let’s be real–how many of us could consistently muster up a smile if we were forced to dig through dumpsters for food?”

Judging someone else tells us how should we think of them and act towards them. For example, I may be more cautious around a bully, however, I will not disrespect them by insulting them and becoming a bully myself. I may stand up for myself, that isn’t disrespecting the bully. I can think I hate them, I loathe them – but that doesn’t mean I should become a bully myself.

Disrespect is fine as a emotion, not a action. Respect is a must for a action, but not for a belief.

Even though this isn’t Utopia – shouldn’t we try to make it as best we can to make it a happier place? So because “this isn’t Utopia”, we shouldn’t? We should let the world be represented by people who disrespect others because respect should be earned?

I understand since this is more a opinion/society/psychology debate, sources are more difficult to obtain. Since I just met you I won’t trust you, but I won’t disrespect you. I respect your opinion, but I don’t agree on it.

To conclude the debate, I would like to quote something from Narcissist’s child.

“Curiously, while we take the position that strangers must earn our respect, we fully expect those strangers to treat us with the respect and courtesy we have made no effort to “earn” from them. It’s a one-way street in our minds—others should treat us with respect but they must earn ours—and we don’t even realize it!

If you take the time to really think about it, you have to come to the conclusion that respect simply cannot be earned. No one person is sufficiently intuitive and simultaneously fluid of personality that they can divine and appropriately react to an infinite, and infinitely changing, set of demands. You cannot please all of the people all of the time—and when it comes to earning respect, you cannot even know what all of the people think you need to do.

If you want to be respected, there is a simple way to achieve that: respect others. Respect their feelings, their rights, their existence. Give them respect as a matter of course and only withhold it when a specific person has done a specific thing that is worthy of withdrawing it. Set the bar high—determine that taking your respect away from a person is a serious thing, not to be taken lightly or in response to something small, like disagreeing with you politically. In fact, to my way of thinking, it is only demonstrating an ingrained lack of respect for others that warrants the withdrawal of my respect.

You might consider this the next time you think another person should earn your respect rather than you giving it freely and giving him a chance to earn your disrespect instead.”

Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing your next argument. I had to cut down my argurement due to the character limit.

Sources:
[1] narcissistschild.blogspot.com
[2] thepositivitysolution.com

Colton4

Pro

Colton4 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 2
Silhouette

Con

Silhouette forfeited this round.
Colton4

Pro

Colton4 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3
Silhouette

Con

Silhouette forfeited this round.
Colton4

Pro

Colton4 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 4
Silhouette

Con

I apoligise for my forfeits - I was busy and didn't have Internet for a few days.

I shall now begin my points as Colton4 seems inactive and has not brought in any rebuttals nor points.

Respect is a entitlement

When a baby is brought into the world, it is nurtured and cared for. A baby is still new to wisdom, and does not understand how to consider others whilst it craves for survival and attention. Crying in the middle of the night, dirty nappies, graffiti of the wall, chewing of random objects - all are not signs of respect towards the baby's parents and carers.

A pet is similar to a baby - unfamiliar with the ways of the human, thus unfamiliar with the ways that would not bother their owner unless taught. A pet could chew the furniture, leave faeces around, be noisy at night as well as break ornaments - again, all not signs of respect to their owner.

If babies and pets are required to earn your respect in order to receive respect from you, unfamiliar with your invisible criteria, they would surely not survive nor learn how to respect.

If you do not take care of their basic needs (taking care of basic needs is respect) because they are required to earn yours first, you will kill them. So what do you do? Most likely, you will take care of their needs and teach them how to be respectful.

These examples are similar to other things and creatures beside babies and pets - they would not learn how to respect and may drive another or themselves to serious illnesses and death (survival).

The hynocripsy of "if you want my respect, you have to earn it"

By requiring another to earn your respect before yourself giving respect, you automatically set invisible standards to judge them upon, whilst they may be doing the same without knowledge, resulting in a endless cycle of no-one giving respect.

If the world follows this belief, there would much disagreements, resulting in more wards, crimes, bullying, harassment and belief one's self is much more important then another.

Disrespect is earned, not respect

Disrespect is what should be earned if you do something rude or mean to another. However, it should be used as a belief, not as a action.

As a belief, disrespect is a negative emotion towards another, perhaps dislike or even hate. Whilst you may not greet another due to their previous rudeness, you would still give the lowest level of respect - letting them pass your way without disrupting them in a rude manner such as deliberately bumping into them, sneezing into them or mocking them.

As a action, disrespect in the highest level is bullying, harassing, mocking, putting them and other such actions which can impact on their lives negatively. As well as that, it encourages more people to disrespect another and continuing the chain, and may be even deemed normal.

Disrespecting another can make you lose something, but respecting another will make you lose nothing, but may gain something.

To conclude

Respect has a purpose - to allow the world to be as peaceful and as happy as it can be. It exists to create a positive atmosphere in our society and world.

To earn respect to get respect is contradicting respect's original purpose, therefore, that belief, is not respect at all.

Thank you very much Colton4 for debating with me and I look forward to your next argurement. I hope we may be able to debate again in the future.




Colton4

Pro

Colton4 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 5
8 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Posted by birdlandmemories 3 years ago
birdlandmemories
If anyone wants me to describe my RFD more, I will.
Posted by Silhouette 3 years ago
Silhouette
@ birdlandmemories
Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining to me :)
Posted by birdlandmemories 3 years ago
birdlandmemories
@Silhouette: Since your opponent has not been active either, and never did refute your round 2 arguments, I'd say you have won this debate. Plus, you gave a reason for forfeiting, and your opponent never did. So far, you have won conduct, arguments, and source points. Spelling and grammar points are tied.
Posted by Silhouette 3 years ago
Silhouette
I apoligise for my forfeits and late responses - I am currently on holiday and quite busy, and was no able to login for the past few days due to no internet. I understand if that would cost me points in vote (I am still not very clear on the voting system and how points are lost or gained).

@birdlandmemories
I apoligise for my late response.

I completely agree with you, we all expect to be treated nicely. I too, am slightly confused of the subject and my belief has adjusted slightly after the debate was created.

Respect is a entitlement, we should be given it once we are born. Else, how can a baby prove to you it's worth for your respect? I doubt it's greed for survival will be a winning point.

DISrespect should be the version that would be earned if we abuse the privilege of respect. I agree with your example, but reworded to my belief - why should we get that level of respect when we can't even give it to ourselves?

Greeting another is a higher level of respect. The lower version of that would be just passing each other, without greeting each other, but without bumping, rude remarks towards each other and such.

Disrespect as a belief is fine, but when you use it to attack another, it is spreads the action as 'normal' to commit. You do less damage to respect another than to disrespect another.

Respecting one can cause people to take advantage of you or push you, however, it does not mean you have to accept their actions. You accept it's been done, and it may occur again....

Usually, respect is confused with agreeing with another. To respect another is not to agree with them, but to accept what they said and acknowledge it. (This applies to such as team work or group work).

If someone is bullying you (this is a different situation), to respect them is not to bully them back, however, to stand up for yourself is not disrespect, it is respect for yourself and the right action.

Thank you for taking time to state your thoughts :)
Posted by birdlandmemories 3 years ago
birdlandmemories
Nobody will get respect from everyone, but we do expect to be treated nicely. I'm tied in the middle of this subject. I believe we deserve respect in some aspects, but if we abuse the privilege, then why should we even get respect? If someone gives a polite "Hello" or "Thank you", and you say something rude in return, why deserve respect when we can't even give it ourselves?
Posted by Silhouette 3 years ago
Silhouette
@Ragnar

Actually, scrap acknowledgement. I didn't do my research properly and it seems to be similar to "gratitude". I might research on that later to get more insight.

Too bad there's no edit button here ^^;
Posted by Silhouette 3 years ago
Silhouette
@Ragnar

Thanks for pointing that out! I'll edit my debate. I guess the most basic respect - acceptance, acknowledgment and consideration of other's wishes, opinions and person.

What levels of respect were you thinking of?

I'm trying to make this debate as equal as possible, any suggestions would be great :)
Posted by Ragnar 3 years ago
Ragnar
Really depends on how much respect.
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by birdlandmemories 3 years ago
birdlandmemories
SilhouetteColton4Tied
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Total points awarded:60 
Reasons for voting decision: Obvious win for con. Con forfeited, and explain why, pro only posted arguments in round one, and forfeit every other round, and con's argument in round 2 was never refuted, so it stands. Con also used sources to back up her arguments, and was very respectful in the debate. Good luck to you both in future debates.
Vote Placed by SPENCERJOYAGE14 3 years ago
SPENCERJOYAGE14
SilhouetteColton4Tied
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Total points awarded:70 
Reasons for voting decision: FF.