The Instigator
I-am-a-panda
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
brian_eggleston
Con (against)
Winning
15 Points

Santa Claus should reduce his Greenhouse gas emissions

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/18/2009 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 2,147 times Debate No: 10510
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (10)
Votes (4)

 

I-am-a-panda

Pro

I thank Brian Eggleston in advance for this debate.

Every year, Santa and his Elven slaves work tirelessly to bring presents to children worldwide (Excluding Communist nations, obviously). Annually, he brings billions of presents, from Make-your-own-girlfriends to Dark Matter. Obviously, these things aren't easy to make and require extensive industrial complexes.

Santa Claus delivers, roughly, 10 presents per child. The CIA estimates that "around 27% of the world's population is below 15 years of age" [1]. 27% of 6,768,167,712 [2] is 1,827,405,282. This means, annually, Santa delivers 10,827,405,282 presents. This means he would have a serious amount of emissions form the production of various goods, not to mention the pollutants released via power stations in the North Pole.

Our impact on the Earth is not clear, but Santa Claus' certainly is, as he is obviously directly responsible for the hole in the Ozone layer, simply so he can have a warmer summer break and lay off more elves due to "lack of space".

Therefore, Santa Claus needs to immediatley make his factories more in line with modern green technology and cut down on his emissions.

[1] = http://en.wikipedia.org...

[2] = http://en.wikipedia.org...
brian_eggleston

Con

Firstly, I would like to thank Panda for challenging me to this debate but before I respond to the points he raised I would like to draw the voters' attention to his real motivation for raising these arguments.

Regular visitors to this site will know that Panda is a notoriously belligerent socialist with a militant anti-establishment agenda. In this instance, he is clearly convinced that dear old Santa Claus is a tool of so-called ruthless capitalists whose aim is to demoralise the proletariat by giving privileged children the most expensive presents.

Of course, there is no conspiracy, but the fact is that children from affluent families are better behaved than kids from the slums and they therefore deserve to have more extravagant gifts lavished upon them.

But I suppose Panda would have it that a beautifully-mannered young gentleman from the higher echelons of English society should be denied his diamond-encrusted Mont Blanc mobile ‘phone just so that some ghastly little street urchins in India can have some shoes? What nonsense!

Of course. the whole global warming fallacy that Panda has employed as the mainstay of his argument is merely a smokescreen to discredit Santa's worldwide toy production and distribution operations. The reality is that there is no such thing as global warming. In fact, if anything, the world is getting colder as these photos prove:

Miami Beach last June:
http://image-photo.weather.com...

Death Valley last August:
http://www.spatiallyadjusted.com...

Barbados last July:
http://www.bloggerwave.com...

In my opinion, cutting pollution to reduce so-called damage to the environment is a waste of both time and money, but you don't have to don't take my word for it; this is what the National Center for Policy Analysis (NCPA) has to say about climate change:

"NCPA scholars believe that... the cost of actions to substantially reduce CO2 emissions would be quite high and result in economic decline, accelerated environmental destruction, and do little or nothing to prevent global warming regardless of its cause."

http://environment.ncpa.org...

For those who may be unfamiliar with NCPA, incidentally, it is a highly regarded scientific establishment which is why respectable multi-national oil companies like Exxon-Mobil are happy to fund their research.

http://www.guardian.co.uk...

Finally, Panda takes the opportunity to tarnish Santa Clause's reputation by attacking his employment policies. The fact is that the only way Santa can remain competitive is by controlling labour costs. To achieve this, he employs elves rather than humans and lays them off during the summer months. At the end of the day, Santa is running a business not a charity for workshy pixies and the alternative would be higher production costs and, therefore, fewer profits for Santa's institutional shareholders.

Even those with the meanest of intellects will realise that if Santa's profits went down, investment bankers in Europe and America would have to look to their governments for even more cash to pay their well-deserved multi-million dollar bonuses. Now that would hardly be fair on the already hard-pressed taxpayers, would it? But of course, being a so-called do-gooder leftie, the prosperity of hard-working middle-class families is the least of my opponent's concerns.

Thank you.
Debate Round No. 1
I-am-a-panda

Pro

I thank Eggleston for his response.

Santa is a symbol of human kindness, however he breaks into my house, eats my food which I just so happened to leave by the fireplace, then goes up to my room and fills my "stocking". He is also constantly watching me, and dooms "Naughty boys" for a "stocking" filled with thick, black "coal". Not on this, but he has surgically attached a red light bulb to the nose of a reindeer against it's will, and makes him and 8 other reindeer fly through blistering cold conditions to satisfy his perverted needs of billions of children. Of course, he does reward them for being "diligent" and rewards them with what they want, after giving them what he views they "need".

However, Santa also employs a horde of underfed, overworked elves to work in factors with out dated equipment to make high tech. equipment like Playstation 3's, iPhones and Mac's. Furthermore, they have to cram the above stated 10 Billion presents in a work period of 2 months. They are clearly slaves for Santa claus, and he merely discards tem once he is finished with them.

This is a clear sign of the capitalistic parasitical abuse, Santa Claus (The "Entrepreneur") makes his "workers" go through gruelling conditions to allow him to satisfy his sexual frustration and get aay with it due to his good image and billions poured into Coca-Cola advertisements .

However, Santa is getting old, and Ms. Claus is questioning his increased fatigue each Christmas night in their "Sleigh". Therefore, Santa feels the only way out is to destroy the world through global warming, and then making off to Mars in his slay with 10 young children.

Of course, we do have a chance to thwart this greedy capitalists grand plan, by forcing him to reduce his greenhouse gas emissions. If he fails to do so, we have various options, including:

- Nuking Santas Grotto (Tory plan)
- Pray (Pope's plan)
- Write a very strongly worded letter (Obamas plan)
- Begin the mass production and distribution of Rapex to children worldwide. (World Health Org. Plan)
- Set up a trade union in the North Pole and threaten a mass strike (Marxist plan)

I second the motion of the World Health Organisations plan. Santa won't even get a look in before having some serious explaining to do to Ms. Claus

When he does cut down on his emissions, we should see an immediate reduction in CO2 and Methane pollutants, as well as any other greenhouse gases. Then, our Ozone will be saved from Santa's treacherous paedophilia plot.

My opponent has questioned the fact that why should some posh, snobby boy from the upper classes be less deserving than a poor denizen of an Indian slum. I would question my opponent in callign them "ghastly street urchins". Next my opponent will that he intends to vote for David Cameron in the up coming elections and wishes to burn a cross wearing his bedsheets on Christmas eve in a more, how should we say, less prosperous area of council housing in East London.

Simply put, my opponent is in fact a middle class man who wishes to infiltrate the upper echelons of British society, and therefore he votes for the Conservative party and likes to ensure more for the rich in order to find refuge in the more affluent social rings. And the only reason he wants a young "gent" to get a Mont Blanc phone is so he can use it once he has bought a new one the next week!

Also, our sources seem to be in conflict.

This is the Great lakes in America, normally a quite cold area around Winter, in Mid January this year: http://tinyurl.com...

Russia in a supposed freezing winter: http://kedarphotography.files.wordpress.com...

As for Egglestons source, it is tarnished with millions provided by Exxon Mobile, who would like nothing more than to say "Everything is fine, buy more oil!". However, the following source clears up confusion with a report by the U.N. basically confirming the human effects on Climate Change: http://www.eea.europa.eu...

As for driving down Santa operations, we must remember he runs on magic and he does not do it for profit, but for his lustful wants. There are no investments from Europe, and if anything people will go out and buy presents they woudl get anyway from the Jolly Red Pedo from shops, thus increasing profit for the greedy corporations.

Thanks, and good luck!
brian_eggleston

Con

With many thanks to Panda for his comprehensive response, I should like to reply as follows:

The fact that my opponent considers Santa to be some sort of beardy bourgeois benefactor come filthy kiddy-fiddler is neither here nor there as we are discussing his alleged negative impact on the environment.

Now, as so-called climate change is measured over decades and centuries rather than weeks and months we must look at Santa's medium to long-term future to make a proper assessment.

Although we live in an uncertain world, we can till make educated guesses regarding our destinies. Taking a global perspective, rogue states such as North Korea and Israel already have a nuclear capability and Iran is set to join them soon. Before too long, nuclear weapons will be available to every crackpot banana republic in the world.

Now, since nuclear weapons are rarely acquired by kindly old souls who don't have a bad word to say about anyone, it will be the ruthless, psychotic dictators with no respect for human life that want to wipe their enemies off the map that will have their swarthy fingers on the nuclear triggers.

The fact is, the only way for Western nuclear powers to stop these dangerous tyrants from plunging the world into a nuclear holocaust is to use pre-emptive force against them.

The most safe and effective method of neutralising the threat from these rogue nations is to destroy their military capabilities using inter-continental ballistic missiles armed with nuclear warheads.

The unfortunate by-product of this necessary policy, however, is what the boffins call a "nuclear winter". That is to say, in the aftermath of a nuclear conflict, the planet will be plunged into a period of darkness and cold that would last for many decades.

So, as the prospect of global cooling looms ever larger, we owe it to ourselves to do as much as possible to raise global temperatures. You can do your bit by buying a huge SUV with massive V8 engine rather than some puny, effeminate hybrid patheticar and by flying long haul on holiday rather than going on a cycling tour of your local countryside.

Santa must also play his part by allowing his herd of reindeers to starve to death and using a fuel-injected, twin turbo, supercharged, double overhead camshaft, 48 valve sports-sled to make his deliveries instead (being sure to leave the engine running while he breaks into the little kiddies' houses to steal their parents' booze and grub and to "see" the children when they are sleeping).

Of course, this will all require more oil but the world's resources are becoming seriously depleted. Not to worry though, there are huge reserves of oil in Alaska. Incredibly though, the woolly, liberal, sandal-wearing, organic lentil-eating, lesbian and gay workshop attending, hairy arm-pitted, tree-hugging, peace-loving Guardianistas are all crying "what about the polar bears?"

Well, it is true that the polar bears will pose a threat to oil workers but the good people at Exxon-Mobil can repay the debt they owe Sarah Palin by hiring her to shoot them all. You see, where there's a will, there's a way.

In conclusion I would urge readers to reject my opponent's alarmist claims and to ignore his politics of envy and vote Con(servative) for luxury gifts to be delivered to posh kids courtesy of Santa's new high-octane sports-sled.

Thank you.
Debate Round No. 2
10 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Rockylightning 7 years ago
Rockylightning
He uses human energy, his elves
Posted by James.ticknor 7 years ago
James.ticknor
I love Panda. I'd vote for him! He rocks...out loud.
Posted by nonentity 7 years ago
nonentity
"Of course, there is no conspiracy, but the fact is that children from affluent families are better behaved than kids from the slums and they therefore deserve to have more extravagant gifts lavished upon them."

Lmaoo You never cease to entertain me. Can we be friends? haha
Posted by I-am-a-panda 7 years ago
I-am-a-panda
18,274,052,820* Fix'd
Posted by I-am-a-panda 7 years ago
I-am-a-panda
18, 27,052, 820, isn't it?
Posted by Nails 7 years ago
Nails
um, 1,827,405,282 * 10 =/= 10,827,405,282
Posted by brian_eggleston 7 years ago
brian_eggleston
Okay, good swotting and good luck!
Posted by I-am-a-panda 7 years ago
I-am-a-panda
Eggleston, I'll have my argument up on Tuesday. I have exams to study for, so don't assume I've abandoned this debate!
Posted by I-am-a-panda 7 years ago
I-am-a-panda
I understand your plight Eggleston. Good luck
Posted by brian_eggleston 7 years ago
brian_eggleston
I am working on this one Panda but being a socialist, Santa doesn't deliver to me so I have to go out and buy all the Christmas presents myself instead.

Last year I left it until late Christmas Eve when the only place open was the BP garage and although my sister seemed pleased with her can of Duckhams brake fluid and my mum was delighted with her microwavable cheeseburgers, I could tell my 5 year-old niece was a little disappointed with her carton of Marlboro Lights.

For this reason I am going to my Christmas shopping early this year and am about to head into the West End with a spirit of grave determination and stern resolve in order to get the whole miserable business over as quickly as possible. Then I'm going to the pub to get drunk.

This means that I won't be able to submit my response until later tonight, or more probably, tomorrow and I hope you understand the reason for this delay is a legitimate one!
4 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Vote Placed by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
I-am-a-pandabrian_egglestonTied
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Vote Placed by I-am-a-panda 6 years ago
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Vote Placed by Nails 7 years ago
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