The Instigator
donald.keller
Pro (for)
Winning
4 Points
The Contender
JustinAMoffatt
Con (against)
Losing
0 Points

Satan is a woman.

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
donald.keller
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/18/2013 Category: Religion
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 5,225 times Debate No: 35742
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (9)
Votes (2)

 

donald.keller

Pro

TROLL DEBATE: I am taking the side of Pro. I feel Satan is a female...

I have the backing of Adam Sandler's Mother, Helen, who religiously spoke of Women being the devil.

RULES:
Round 1 is an Acceptance Round.
Round 2 is for Arguments.
Round 3 is a Conclusion Round to summerize the prior round.

Also, the debate must be fun and exciting.
JustinAMoffatt

Con

I like it!

Let's do it :)
Debate Round No. 1
donald.keller

Pro

Thank you for accepting. Now lets begin...

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The common idea that Satan is a male is going to be my first argument.

As the Bible says numerous times, Satan comes to us as things or people that conflict with who he really is. Why? Because if Satan came to us as a red skinned man with little devil horns, and a little Goatee, Little devil eyes to help a little devil see, and little cloven hooves that make it kinda hard to ski.. Or Stephen Lynch's father(a)... Then we would know to run away.

a)http://www.metrolyrics.com...

Satan comes as an Angel of Light... Another way of saying that Satan comes not as a devil, but as something we don't expect...(b)

b) http://biblehub.com...

While the Bible refers to Satan has a 'him,' we must remember that the Devil is the second strongest thing in creation, and can change gender at will. Lucifer can choose who to become, even what species to be. We know this because Satan choose to be a snake several times in the Bible. Satan would have appeared to the writers of the Bible as a guy.

With so much calling Satan a guy, including the very Bible that warns us about 'him,' Satan would choose to be a girl. Satan hides behind false names, being things we would expect... The one thing we would never expect is Lucifer being a Lucy instead.

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Another argument is that Satan being a girl would explain why he revolted against God...

We know God is a guy... Not only does the Bible specifically call him Heavily Father, but the writer's heard God's actual voice. Satan would never reveal her true form to someone. We also know God is male because Men was created in God's image. Since the first person was a male, God himself has to be male. If God was a girl, than Adam would have been made in the image of a 'her.'

This explains how we know Old Lucy is a girl... She wanted power and Female supremacy! We all know NO ONE rebels against men better than a woman.

Lucy was tired of being second best to a man... Couldn't stand it.

The fact that God freely lets Lucy into Heaven says God can't live with out her... Typical male behavior...(a)

a) http://www.biblegateway.com...

God, like any man, wants to show off his favorite things. In this case, Job. And what does Old Lucy want to do? Destroy it! Typical Female behavior.

Lucy can't help but to make all of God's favorite thing look bad... She has to argue with him on everything, and destroy he's creations... Again, very very Female of her.

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Another argument is power...

Satan wants to control everything (again, very Female like) and knows how to obtain it... You see, a Man can only control the man that like him, and has close to no power over women...

If Satan were a female, she would have absolute control over Women just by shouting Female Rights or something along the lines of 'Men oppress us!' Is also happens to be Satan's argument about God, and how he 'oppresses' people (which also happens to be the argument Liberals use towards God and Religion, and everyone knows Liberals are the devil and Obama's the Anti-Christ.)

Satan could control the Female half of the species easily by being a Female, and could control men even easier... Lets be honest, if a guy walks up to you and tells you to kill Mitt Romney, you say no... If a sexy babe walks up to you and tells you to kill Mitt Romney, you grab a gun.

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Another argument is history... How many wars have been started over women? How many scandals involve women?

Satan obviously has his hand in all that... Maybe Old Lucy was the woman/women who started them!

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People do not expect Satan to be a girl. Satan makes everyone think she's a guy so you never actually know it's her...

Remember Eve? Satan didn't go to Adam, she went to Eve... What did she say to Eve? That God didn't want them eating from the tree in the middle of the garden because the male God couldn't oppress her anymore if she. Hipster Satan, starting Feminism before it was cool...

Remember a few arguments up? "shouting Female Rights or something along the lines of 'Men oppress us!' Is also happens to be Satan's argument about God, and how he 'oppresses' people"

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With this, I conclude my case, that Lucy must be a girl. No one would expect it, just the way she likes it... And it further explains why her and God can't get along...
JustinAMoffatt

Con

Thanks to my opponent for his response.

P1: Satan is commonly known as a male

What my opponent has said, is that if Satan appeared as we expected him... then we would know not to listen! However, he quotes Satan as being commonly thought of not only as a man, but as a little red imp with horns and a pitchfork! Now, obviously, if I saw a red imp with a pitchfork, I'd be gone baby gone. However, my opponent quotes the shapeshifting, gender-bending, ability of Satan. Not only will this play into my arguments later, but I'd like to point out that for this fact, Satan could come up to you in any form. He could appear as your best friend. Why would he choose to be a woman, if simply another man would suffice?

My rebuttal to this point alone obviously isn't completely consequential to the outcome of the debate. But it is food for thought. Also, the fact that Satan can shapeshift and gender-bend will come up many times in my other refutations.

P2: Satan was fighting for women's rights

Wrong! My opponent thinks that just because God is a male, that anyone rising against Him would do so for the cause of feminism? No. The Bible even states that God created male and females equal!

The more likely case is, Satan having fallen into sin, that the devil himself was homosexual. Think about it....

Lucifer was the most "beautiful" dude in an army of dudes...

He rebelled against God...

He was cast out of Heaven and now tempts humans into sin...

One such sin is homosexuality...

But feminism isn't a sin! With my theory, things make more sense.


P3: Women are more convincing.

To a dude... right? I mean... this is a little bit of a limited perspective to have. If a woman is asked by an attractive woman to hang out, and an attractive male, she's more likely to go with the male. (Unless of course... eh... nevermind...) AND we all know that homosexual males appeal to females. Women want what they can't have... that's a fact.

And even if you're a guy and don't roll that way... well... you'll roll whichever way the women roll. All he's gotta do is get the women. So... a homosexual male is the obvious choice.


P4: Historically, women cause problems

Now, while I hope all you women voters can forgive my opponent's blatant sexism.... I still urge you to give conduct to me for this point alone. ;) (I'm joking. Remember that this is a troll debate, people... unless you actually wanna give me conduct, then go ahead!)

But anyways, while it's true that women have been the focus of some wars, men are equally, if not more so, to blame! Men, historically and even now, are the ones you hear about fighting in distant countries for wealth or personal gain. Men start wars! Hitler was a man. Hussein was a man. OBAMA, the anti-christ himself (as my opponent admitted) is a man! His own point refutes himself, as it is shown that men are the cause of problems, even if (albeit quite rarely) women are the focus.

P5: No one expects Satan to be a girl

Disregarding the fact that my opponent himself just stated he thinks Satan is a girl....

It doesn't really matter what people expect Satan to be... does it? No. You could tell me that Satan was a blonde bombshell... does it mean I'd ignore every blonde bombshell? Aw heck no!

The same logic applies with Satan being a dude. Just cause people know he's a dude, doesn't mean they ignore all dudes. If your best bro wants to chill with you, you're not gonna deny him on the grounds that he might be the devil.

I've also effectively rebutted how feminism isn't a sin anyways, and how God isn't oppressive to women.




Now...

My one point on Con...

C1: Um... my opponent just made my case

Satan is a shapeshifting, gendy bendy, devil of a man. He can appear any which way he wants. While my opponent's arguments don't make sense (as I've shown), even if they did, it would just reinforce the fact that Satan can shapefhift... now that he's a woman!

Think about it... if the Bible refers to him as a he... and he was in an all male army... and what I've said above is true (and even if it's not... but it is...), then Satan is merely a shapeshifting, gender0bending, homosexual man! He can appear and change to any which way he likes.

However, his natural form is as a man.





Your move, Pro. Best of luck. This is fun. :)
Debate Round No. 2
donald.keller

Pro

I'd like to thank my opponent for his speedy reply. Now about his arguments...

Satan is commonly known as a male

Well for starters, I agree... If a red imp confronted me, I'd probably start learning to Fiddle real quick... Ain't no Devil dude getting my soul without a fight (quite logically fought with fiddles).

a) http://www.metrolyrics.com...

Satan was fighting for women's rights

"Wrong! My opponent thinks that just because God is a male, that anyone rising against Him would do so for the cause of feminism? No. The Bible even states that God created male and females equal!"

Well, no. The first sin of Old Lucy doesn't determine every sin afterwards. Believe me, ever time I wank millions of babies to death at night... by myself... all alone... *cries*... ... ... I am most certainly not doing it in the name of woman!... *cries*...

Ok, while I may not masturbate (not to be confuse with hosting a Master Debate, (that also not being confused with the thing you say when your parents ask why you have the Laptop in the bathroom and you're on DDO...)) I do sin quite often, and it's not often for Women's Rights.

Just because not every sin is about Women's Right does not mean Lucy's first sin wasn't about it. That, and I didn't say Women's Rights... I said female supremacy... Quite different.

"The more likely case is, Satan having fallen into sin, that the devil himself was homosexual. Think about it...."

I shall discuss this in a later argument.


Women are more convincing.

"If a woman is asked by an attractive woman to hang out, and an attractive male, she's more likely to go with the male. (Unless of course... eh... nevermind...) AND we all know that homosexual males appeal to females. Women want what they can't have... that's a fact."

Early on, Old Lucy only needed to control men. By controlling the husband, you controlled the wife, and therefore controlled both. The logically choice for controlling the men is to be either a woman, or money. I'd gladly take both... *cries again*...

a) http://weknowmemes.com...

Now that's not the case anymore. Sadly things have changed... Um, I mean, fortunately things have changed and women have rights now. It'd only be logical for Old Lucy to stay a women... Now instead of using men to control women, she can use women to control men.

And even if you're a guy and don't roll that way... well... you'll roll whichever way the women roll. All he's gotta do is get the women. So... a homosexual male is the obvious choice.

Homosexual men and Woman's Right Activists are both viable options. I'd say a women could play a pretty good Homosexual after 10,000 years of practice.

Historically, women cause problems

A whole nation tried taking down Simpson... Armies of 10's of thousands of men... And it was a woman that defeated him... Further backing my prior statement about controlling men back then.

It was also a woman that called for the beheading of Saint John... Again, further backing it.

Lucy isn't really out doing a lot of work... Really more of a monthly occurrence. But when she has her monthly cycle, people do the bleeding for her...

No one expects Satan to be a girl

"Disregarding the fact that my opponent himself just stated he thinks Satan is a girl...."

My name might be No One... You don't know that.... No Donald.Keller One... It's a legit name.... Maybe my parents last name was One, and they thought it'd be funny... At least it's not North West...

"The same logic applies with Satan being a dude. Just cause people know he's a dude, doesn't mean they ignore all dudes. If your best bro wants to chill with you, you're not gonna deny him on the grounds that he might be the devil."

I don't know about that... My best bro is pretty scary. But you know, if my best bro said "lets do something evil and bad," I'd say "Nah, man.. I'm lazy. Let's play Halo." But if my female friend said "Bro, lets do something evil and bad," I'd be like "*blank...* Holy sh!t!!!! How'd this gun end up in my hand, and why is Mitt Romney dead!"

I'd look over and see her chuckle evilly with little breaths of fire coming out of her month... And a face that looks terribly like my Mother's...

Maybe I should see someone about this... I think there may be something wrong with my imagination...

OBAMA, the anti-christ himself (as my opponent admitted) is a man!

Obama's different... Obama is the Anti-Christ... Son of Satan. Like God, Satan used a couple to give birth to her child for her.

I've also effectively rebutted how feminism isn't a sin anyways, and how God isn't oppressive to women.

I'm not oppressive to women... Ok ok, didn't example..

My best friend's not oppressive to women, and they still think he is. You know why? Because he's a guy. God isn't oppressive, but like any Feminazi, Lucy thought he was. It was probably that time of month... Lucy had her period and 1/3rd of all angels fell from heaven... Typical.

Think about it... if the Bible refers to him as a he... and he was in an all male army... and what I've said above is true (and even if it's not... but it is...), then Satan is merely a shape shifting, gender0bending, homosexual man! He can appear and change to any which way he likes.

Actually... It wasn't all male. It was Sexless... Not male or female. They are literally an army of Its.

a)http://www.beliefnet.com...

But as modern society says now-a-days, it's possible to be a girl, but trapped in a man's body. While I don't think that's real, it doesn't stop them from thinking it. Like many people now-a-days, Lucy thought she was a girl trapped in an... um... It's body... And as such, felt oppressed by a male God, even though she... It... wasn't.

Now when Old Lucy was kicked from heaven, It chose the gender it truly was inside... Female.

And to this day, Adam Sandler's mother, Mama Boucher, has been trying to warn us, God bless her soul...

"Because little girls are the devil!" - Mama Boucher.

Being a shape shifter doesn't mean Lucy doesn't have a default shape, and after coming to Earth, Old Lucy pick the shape that best fit who she truly was... Female.

I rest my case again.
JustinAMoffatt

Con

Thank you to my opponent for his response.

Now for mine.

P1: Satan is commonly known as male

Concession! Kind of...

Actually I'm not so sure...

But he didn't argue... so, I win. Right?

P2: Satan was fighting for women's rights

My opponent kinda beat around the bush again.

I'm still waiting for an argument.

Oh, and for all you voters out there, the Bible says nothing about female supremacy being a sin either.[1]

P3: Women are more convincing

"Man is the head of the family; woman the neck that turns the head."[2] - Probably Helen of Troy

This quote could not be more accurate! I think my opponent is agreeing with me here.... I don't understand. I've already established how Satan is a homosexual male that can appear to be a female. He can woo both males and females, or he can just woo the females, who then woo the males.

Lots of wooing.

Woo.

The point is, it makes more sense with my explanation.

Also, my opponent is clearly a deeply emotionally disturbed person, and has revealed more of his personal life than I, or you, would ever wish to know... Clearly he is not thinking in his right mind. With his fragile emotional state in mind, I'd suggest all voters only give me 6 points... and leave S/G untouched. That way, he'll still hold onto a glimmer of hope.

See? I'm a good person.

Also... this is my opponent's response to my brilliant theory? That a woman could play a homosexual after 10,000 years...

But that still leaves questions unanswered, like "Why did he rebel in the first place?" or "Why would he need to act like a homosexual male now if being a woman was as effective as my opponent tried to argue?".

Plus, if he started as a homosexual male, I think we all know that he wouldn't need any practice to play a woman.

P4: Women are problem makers (according to Pro)

My opponent makes one statement about a woman who took down one dude, and we're supposed to believe that women are to blame for all problems in the world? I think women are wonderful creatures who, while they can kick some major posterior, are generally well-meaning. (I'm also hoping for a <50% women voter turnout!)

A woman called for the killing of one man... so now we have women's kill count up to two... (I mean... I know this is better than my opponent's average COD kill count[3], but it's not something to call people Satan over...)

Aaaaaaaaand my opponent made a period joke.... and another. Vicious cycle, indeed.

P5: No one expects Satan to be a girl

There's a lot of hypothetical statements here... and my opponent still isn't making his case for the devil being a woman. Even if he was referring to himself, then he would just be countering his first argument because it would be counter-productive for Satan to be a woman!

Also, my opponent is beginning to sound like an extreme case of what we like to call a "whipped male". The definition of a whipped male is as follows-

"A sorry excuse for a member of the male species. It tends to be found in the friend zone, licking the soles of attractive females' shoes. It is well known that such a male will do anything for any smidgeon of approval from a female."[4]

While I'm not trying to make any sort of ad hominem attack on my opponent, he is merely demonstrating a lot of symptoms that would suggest he is of the "whipped male" variety. These males can not be trusted.

And NOW my opponent is saying that Lucifer felt oppressed cause she was a female under a male God. But then she was genderless. However, she still rebelled anyways and chose to be female (and is female, despite being able to switch at any time).

No... my opponent is scrambling here. Take note. This is what a desperate debater looks like. I will put it out of its misery.

C1: My case is no trade-backsies.

You see, after making my only point for me as Con, my opponent tried to recant everything he said in his first argument.[5]

However, my case still stands. It is far more resonable to believe that the Bible meant "he" when saying "he".
Hommosexuality is a sin. Feminism is not a sin.
Satan can shapeshift anyways, so being female naturally serves no actual purpose.
A homosexual male would be far more effective.
My opponent is emotionally scarred, and is trying to blame women for it. (Poor thing.)

So, for all the reasons I've shown, it is safe to conclude that Satan is not a woman.

He's a gay dude.

Thank you.


[1] Nowhere! It's not in the Bible, like I said. Pay attention.
[2] http://coolquotescollection.com...
[3] http://theosophical.files.wordpress.com...
[4] You know it's true.
[5] http://www.debate.org...


To my opponent: Thank you for a fantastic round. I hope to debate/talk to you soon. You're a very funny man. :) I had a lot of fun.




Debate Round No. 3
9 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
Pfft. I'm not whipped... I don't have a girlfriend to whip me.... *cries...*

I should reformulate how I wrote that.... Nah, no one has a dirty mind on the internet, surely it won't get noticed!
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
Lol XD

okay! Make it funny, and remember, as I said earlier... Proofreading is the devil.
Posted by JustinAMoffatt 3 years ago
JustinAMoffatt
Haha careful... Idk if this counts as debating in the comments section XD

Hey, btw, I'm sorry I haven't gotten my final speech out yet. I've got a busy day! I'll try to get it in by tonight :)
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
Lol and what would an effeminate male (it, I should call Lucy) choose to be if it could anything as it's default? Female. ;D
Posted by JustinAMoffatt 3 years ago
JustinAMoffatt
Pffffft. Just an effeminate male. I'm telling you.
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
Told you I was right, Justin... Mel Gibson never lies.
Posted by GOP 3 years ago
GOP
Oh yeah, this reminds me of how Satan was portrayed by a woman in the movie "The Passion of the Christ".
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
After a second re-read... I see a lot of spelling mistakes.

"I'd look over and see her chuckle evilly with little breaths of fire coming out of her mouth..."

"I'm not oppressive to women... Ok ok, different example.."

I seem to be too tired to properly proofread. Sorry.

Or... I got it!!! NEW CONCLUSION: Proofreading is the Devil! Ya... That's my excuse. Deal with it.
Posted by donald.keller 3 years ago
donald.keller
Remember everyone. This is a Troll Debate. I am not actually against Women.
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 3 years ago
Ragnar
donald.kellerJustinAMoffattTied
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Total points awarded:10 
Reasons for voting decision: Okay I've had enough beers to measure a troll debate... "He could appear as your best friend. Why would he choose to be a woman, if simply another man would suffice?" I wouldn't kill Romney over my best bro, but a hot babe... But yeah, women do like gay guys a lot! Wait pro wanks (killing billions of half babies) not to the thought of women!?! Con's 4th link really made me laugh! Overall given that both sides agree Obama is the anti-Christ, we have confirmation that Satan is sexual (mother or father), yet as a shapechanger I'm torn on semantics since Satan could be both male and female. However "With his fragile emotional state in mind, I'd suggest all voters only give me 6 points... and leave S/G untouched. That way, he'll still hold onto a glimmer of hope." plus all sources in final round (when none could be countered), leads to a simple decision to give pro conduct.
Vote Placed by MisterDeku 3 years ago
MisterDeku
donald.kellerJustinAMoffattTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro's arguments about Satan being a woman were funnier to me. Con seemed to be trying to maintain the clash in the round, and throwing in nonsequitar bits of humor throughout. I liked some of his jokes as spoofs on debate etiquette, but as a whole they seemed a bit forced.