The Instigator
InVinoVeritas
Pro (for)
Winning
16 Points
The Contender
Rational_Thinker9119
Con (against)
Losing
3 Points

Self-diss rap battle

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
InVinoVeritas
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/24/2012 Category: Arts
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 4,202 times Debate No: 24421
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (6)
Votes (5)

 

InVinoVeritas

Pro

Yo yo yo, we gonna do a self-diss rap battle in here--y'hear? Ya'll betta watch out, 'cause Lil Vino iz back in da houzzz.

Da rulez is dat we be dissin' ourselfzz and complimentin' our opponent, and whoeva disses demselves and compliments his opponent da best wins--ya feel me?

First round be fo' self-introduckshun/acceptance only. Word? And all da roundz afta dat, we spit sum fire--ya dig?

A'ight, let's do dis.

---

(Disclaimer: This is meant to be a joke debate that parodies the many rap "debates" on this website. For all of those who participate in actual DDO "rap battles," and you know who you are, stop. Seriously. Oh, and don't judge spelling/grammar, for obvious reasons.)
Rational_Thinker9119

Con

I'm going to assume first round is for acceptance.
Debate Round No. 1
InVinoVeritas

Pro

Yo. Yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Check one. Check one, two. Check one, two, three. Check mate.


Got fired as a mailman,

‘Cause I have terrible deliveries.

Get escorted out of studios,

‘Cause I lack rappin’ abilities.

All the ladies can’t stand me.

That’s an indisputable fact.

Tried to get with a dead b***h,

And I still got slapped.

I can’t start a rap career,

Voice sounds like Richard Simmons’.

Trying to spit fire on DDO,

And still can’t get any women.

---

My opponent’s rhymes are like a perfect Mozart symphony,

While I am to rap what Fred Rogers was to the porn industry.

RT screws sexy supermodels ‘til they run off with cramps,

While I fondle old men and pay them off with food stamps.

My boy RT flows far better than water,

And I’m just a lamb that’s destined for the slaughter.

Rational_Thinker9119

Con

I'm such a loser it's kinda sad, I can't get my life in tact
I try to rap, but even Soulja Boy said my lines were wack
Flava Flav said that he couldn't even bare my bad rhymes
Now crying to Alanis Morissette is my favorite past time
Every picture of me ever taken is worth being deleted
I'm so ugly that I'm like Michael Jackson with women I just beat it
Even chess club nerds diss me, I'm an embarrassing guy
My hand stays stuck to my penis like Jim from American Pie
Sometimes I resort to midget porn due to self-esteem issues
If I died, my grave would say "Good. Nobody Will Miss You"

----

InVinoVeritas is a true king who will be retiring me
The sexiest man alive, one that George Clooney aspires to be
He's a mac daddy, a pimp, a player it's all true
He's had sex with more girls than I've jerked off to
When it comes to raps I'm trash, a straight mess with the words
Biggie and Pac visited him last night to tell him how jealous they were

His teeth are platinum, and everything he touches turns to gold
I'm blessed to be in his presence, the title is something I don't deserve to hold


Debate Round No. 2
InVinoVeritas

Pro

Collab with Bieber? I’m way below that level.
Full-time Janitor, yo, so you can call me the Dirt Devil.
You’ve got guns, son? I’ve got toilet scrubbers.
The only magnums I got are a pack of unused rubbers.
Won't ever get laid. The ladies always refuse.
Whenever I jerk it, my penis files charges of abuse.
I send my dog to shelters so I can say I pounded a b***h.
Bottom line is I’m a scumbag. I belong in a ditch.


---


My ability to rap is like Limbaugh’s ability to be rational.
While I’m playing in the playpen, RT is going national.
RT got the rap game down to a science.
Even Dr. Dre asked him for an alliance.
Even chopped off my arms, but he’s still the best rapper–hands down.
I should probably quit this battle since I just seem like a clown.

Rational_Thinker9119

Con

Oh man...My life is so sad when I have no plans
I make sure nobody's looking and smell my toe jam
I'm so odd that in school I was scared to talk to girls at dances
And I think my ear wax smells good under certain circumstances
My pocket protectors have pocket protectors
A nerd that's known for snitching, I crack hard under pressure
I did have a girl one time she gave lots of demands
But breaking up with her was easy, I just had to wash her off of my hand

---

Pro is God's gift to women and can lay a babe for hours
I pump once, cry, feel dirty and need to take a shower

A sad case is what I am, an unemployed dick jerker
While InVinoVeritas breaks open more boxes than a warehouse worker
And a plumbing job is the only way I could lay the pipe
I have so much estrogen I could get in free on lady's night
InVinoVeritas is just an amazing character this guy's live
When he spits, 2Pac raises from the dead to give him a high five

Debate Round No. 3
InVinoVeritas

Pro

I’m a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile? That’s just beating a dead horse.
I like to get drilled in my face ‘til my gay voice gets hoarse.
Had a wife of five years, and we were happy, of course.
Then found out she was an oven mitt–and had filed for divorce.
I visited DDO one day, searching for a sexy wench.
And unfortunately, the only taker was imabench.
I’m desperate. I bribe fat chicks with Butterfingers.
Sucked imabench's chode last year, and the taste still lingers.
My punchlines aren’t clever, and I rap like a loser,
And get banged in the a*s more than an imprisoned child abuser.

RT isn’t really atheist, just modest about his divinity.
He snatches every model that appears in his vicinity.
Oh, you need more proof, son? Just check his profile picture.
He catches them b***hes like his cock be a constrictor.
Unit for measuring pornstar d**ks? That's the nano-Rational_Thinker.
He makes asses into goldmines when he excavates girls’ stinkers.


RT has immense skills and prods b***hes like cattle,
And that’s why it’s clear who should win this rap battle.

Rational_Thinker9119

Con

I accidentally spray people in washrooms when I take a piss
Plus I'm so weak I lift a piece of paper and sprain my wrist
I'm a socially awkward nerd who couldn't even make the choir
The notes I sang shattered mirrors, music skills I can't acquire
The worst fighter in the world, even teenage girls tend to push me
I'm so feminine if I was an action figure, I'd come with a p*ssy
Around my area there are a lot of hunnys that I'm spotting
But I'm scared because my arm pits smell like onions that are rotting
If I tried talking to one I would have a stroke and my heart would stop
I'm so uncool my idea of a good time is hanging out by a barber shop


-----


I'm the victim in this battle, Pro is doing the clownin' today
He brought Sexy Back and pushed Justin Timberlake out of the way
And when it comes to altercations, Pro knows how to to entice 'em
Chuck Norris prays to InVinoVeritas at night, and asks him not to fight him
Pro is also Godlike with a trigger, but he doesn't have to pull it
He just thinks, and lightening bolts come out instead of bullets
So I don't really know what I'm doing on this Monday
But I know that one is blessed if they are like Pro in one way...Peace.
Debate Round No. 4
6 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 6 records.
Posted by haert09 4 years ago
haert09
Hello My Dear,
I am well pleased to contact you after viewing your profile today through my mail contact mail address is
hamisikipkalye(at)yahoo(dot)com) give me your mail for easy contact send it directly to my mail box now and i will add you ok
God bless you.
Yours friend.
hamisi
Posted by InVinoVeritas 4 years ago
InVinoVeritas
:P lol
Posted by Oryus 4 years ago
Oryus
Both guys had some really CHOICE lines! Kudos to both of you. I had to stop reading multiple times so I could laugh :P

But overall, InVino stuck to a rhythm more consistently, had more generous compliments of RT, and meaner insults of himself. He had more creative, varied metaphors and clever lines which made for a really entertaining read.

"Got fired as a mailman,
‘Cause I have terrible deliveries."
Starts out strong with a good double entendre.

"Collab with Bieber? I'm way below that level.
Full-time Janitor, yo, so you can call me the Dirt Devil."
Good rhyme with the clever use of Devil- and he keeps up the janitor thing in the next line.

"RT isn't really atheist, just modest about his divinity.
He snatches every model that appears in his vicinity."
good snippet 'o the rhythm

I loved reading this. And I think you've failed in your goal to stop rapping from happening on DDO, Invino. You've merely given me more inspiration :P
Posted by Doulos1202 4 years ago
Doulos1202
"He's had sex with more girls than I've jerked off to"
ahahaha so good.
Posted by Oryus 4 years ago
Oryus
"Tried to get with a dead b***h,

And I still got slapped."

XD hahaha
Posted by Oryus 4 years ago
Oryus
hahaha omg this is an awesome idea.
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by iTzDanneh 4 years ago
iTzDanneh
InVinoVeritasRational_Thinker9119Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Con was smooth in round 3 but Pro flowed better in 2
Vote Placed by BlackVoid 4 years ago
BlackVoid
InVinoVeritasRational_Thinker9119Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: This is probably the best rap I've seen on the site. The flow was easy to get throughout, and the lyrics were hilarious. That said, Pro had a few more memorable lines.
Vote Placed by F-16_Fighting_Falcon 4 years ago
F-16_Fighting_Falcon
InVinoVeritasRational_Thinker9119Tied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: I liked the Rational_Thinker's raps better.
Vote Placed by Oryus 4 years ago
Oryus
InVinoVeritasRational_Thinker9119Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: RFD in comments.
Vote Placed by HunterSego 4 years ago
HunterSego
InVinoVeritasRational_Thinker9119Tied
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Total points awarded:70 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro made me laugh more.