Self-diss rap battle

Yo. Yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Check one. Check one, two. Check one, two, three. Check mate.

Got fired as a mailman,

‘Cause I have terrible deliveries.

Get escorted out of studios,

‘Cause I lack rappin’ abilities.

All the ladies can’t stand me.

That’s an indisputable fact.

Tried to get with a dead b***h,

And I still got slapped.

I can’t start a rap career,

Voice sounds like Richard Simmons’.

Trying to spit fire on DDO,

And still can’t get any women.

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My opponent’s rhymes are like a perfect Mozart symphony,

While I am to rap what Fred Rogers was to the porn industry.

RT screws sexy supermodels ‘til they run off with cramps,

While I fondle old men and pay them off with food stamps.

My boy RT flows far better than water,

And I’m just a lamb that’s destined for the slaughter.

Collab with Bieber? I’m way below that level.
Full-time Janitor, yo, so you can call me the Dirt Devil.
You’ve got guns, son? I’ve got toilet scrubbers.
The only magnums I got are a pack of unused rubbers.
Won't ever get laid. The ladies always refuse.
Whenever I jerk it, my penis files charges of abuse.
I send my dog to shelters so I can say I pounded a b***h.
Bottom line is I’m a scumbag. I belong in a ditch.

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My ability to rap is like Limbaugh’s ability to be rational.
While I’m playing in the playpen, RT is going national.
RT got the rap game down to a science.
Even Dr. Dre asked him for an alliance.
Even chopped off my arms, but he’s still the best rapper–hands down.
I should probably quit this battle since I just seem like a clown.

I’m a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile? That’s just beating a dead horse.
I like to get drilled in my face ‘til my gay voice gets hoarse.
Had a wife of five years, and we were happy, of course.
Then found out she was an oven mitt–and had filed for divorce.
I visited DDO one day, searching for a sexy wench.
And unfortunately, the only taker was imabench.
I’m desperate. I bribe fat chicks with Butterfingers.
Sucked imabench's chode last year, and the taste still lingers.
My punchlines aren’t clever, and I rap like a loser,
And get banged in the a*s more than an imprisoned child abuser.

RT isn’t really atheist, just modest about his divinity.
He snatches every model that appears in his vicinity.
Oh, you need more proof, son? Just check his profile picture.
He catches them b***hes like his cock be a constrictor.
Unit for measuring pornstar d**ks? That's the nano-Rational_Thinker.
He makes asses into goldmines when he excavates girls’ stinkers.