Semen should be bottled and sold as a teeth whitener.

I thank WSA for the challenge and look forward to this debate.

I accept all terms and ruling for this debate and tourney.


Good tidings returned

I wish my athiestic fried good luck during this momentous debate, which will be showered in overwhelming and support and praise from every active and inactive menber of DDO. But, the time must come for the gods to decide the outcome, and I have already slaughtered 26 and a half peices of cheese around a dingo as of the posting of this round to appease them in an ultimate act of unquestioning piety and cheesiness.

May thee cheese flow forth from the wounds thou shalt recieve upon the ending of this quarrel of wits!

All that's left to say is.....

CHEESEDINGO1 ACCEPTS!

I thank my opponent for his arguments. Now, LET US BEGIN!!!!!!

A) While it is true that sperm donars have to go through rigorous screening processes, the same will happen if we do this. Just because we put our sperm to a different use, doesn't mean that we are going to have a larger amount of people doing it. They still want the quality sperm if they want to use it to clean up your mouth.

B) If the United states is the only one doing this, won't other countries want this too? According to the NY times, only 44% of sperm donars worldwide are American [1]. This means that the majority is NOT in the United States, meaning that they will have to compete really hard to be at the top of the sperm chain. And anyway, does America want to be known as the worlds best sperm-heads? Come on now.

C) As I said in my argument against A, there will arouse no new jobs, because the same rigourous screening process will take place.

D) So, my opponent says that we should change our currency to sperm? This will only make women be segregated ever more, considering that they can not cum. Women gotta have rights too!

Health:
A) Teeth whitener may be dangerous, but semen will have no effect. Our little to-be children are more of a base[2], because women's vaginas are slightly acidic. Base's do not have acidity, therefore there would be no effect of semen.

B) How is it beneficial to men to consume? I know not a single straight man that enjoys swallowing sperm.


Fun:
A)True it would be fun to trick your friends into swallowing sperm. But isn't the classics such as shaving cream and warm water better? They are all good fun, and your opponent will not question your manhood or try to kill you.

B) While it would lead to fun with monkeys, showing monkeys it's fun to have sperm in your mouth might lead to questioning acts in the future by both you and the monkey....

Morality:
A) My opponent is saying in this entire section of morality how it is right to put sperm in your mouth. He uses the bible as references, yet God's teachings are against gays. My opponent will deny that this is gay, but how in anyway is it not gay when one man puts sperm in his mouth without question?

Sorry for my weak cases here, I will expand on them later.

Now, onto my case.

1) It is disgusting.
Who in their right mind puts sperm in their mouth because they think it will clean their teeth? You are diliberately putting sperm in your mouth! Whats next, putting sh*t in our pits to use as deoderant? This is absolutely disgusting.


2) It will not clean teeth.
This is because as defined by my opponent "a substance that bleaches the teeth and makes them appear whiter by burning through the outer layer of enamel with specialized chemicals common in the procedures of general and cosmetic dentistry".

Buring means acidic, and as I said, sperm is not an acid, but a base. So it will not burn through the outer layer of enamel.


Conclusion: In conclusion, using sperm as mouthwash is gross and will not work. That is all.


GOOD LUCK WSA!!!!!!



[1]http://www.nytimes.com...
[2]http://answers.yahoo.com...

Forfeit by WSA.

Vote for CON!!!! :D

I thank the rich atheist for his arguments.

<3 you cheesedingo!!!

I love you more. I win.

It is a wonder of life itself, filled with energy, carbs, proteins, nutrients, micronutrients, sub-micronutrients, and infra-sub-micronutrients, ad infinitum.

Crap for deoderant works the same way. It is full of nutrients that our body hasn't completely prossesed.

If the ejaculator consumes pineapple prior to expulsion of man-goo, voila! you've got a veritable pina collada a la homo.

I assume you said this because of hot tub time machine. In the movie, the black dude that thought that he jizzed all over his friends face was horified, and we all should be. Jizz in the face is disgusting.

Semen is so complex and dynamic of a taste that a book has been written that utilizes semen in all of its recipes. The book is called Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. Don't ask me what I was searching for when I came across that. lol "came" across that. Lick it up! --->http://www.goodreads.com......;

My God.... where the hell do you find this stuff? There is so much wrong with this....

C2) I've tried literally dozens of products to clean my teeth: hand sanitizer, soap, tooth paste, baking soda, crystal meth, packing peanuts, seagull ribosomic diclastiphoids, plasma-treatment, UV light, etc.. Nothing has worked but semen.

You should get that checked out..... Have you tried actually brushing? Beleive it or not, brushing your teeth cleans it....

Then my opponent goes on to say advanced ways how semen cleans teeth, but doesn't say how I am wrong with saying it doesn't work since it is a base and not an acid. Therefore, my argument is still strong.

Two last final question: If semen didn't whiten teeth, why do 99.999% of all female porn stars have excellent smiles? Quite simply, they gargle masculine mayonaise.

Pornstars have white teeth because they have to whiten them up with products not related to semen. In order to see if my opponent was correct and 99.999% of pornstars had white teeth, I watched hundreds of pornos. I agree with him, but honestly, does a male pornstar want a girl with ugly teeth deepthroating his supreme emporer? I know I wouldn't.

If using semen as mouthwash didn't whiten teeth, why do 4/5 tribal dentists recommend the treatment? Because, they are in tune with mother nature and her miracle cures! [NOTE: the 5th dentist was totally stoned on peyote buttons.

Source please? He has no source so I assume this is fake. 4/5 i'm sure said that they should BRUSH. Brushing works better than semen.

My opponent made incredibally weak arguments so I didn't have much to base my argument on. I hope my opponent provides more next round so that I may rebutle his semen drinking ways evermore.

Thank you all.

I thank the wild, free-roaming cheese-dog for his monosyllabic barks.



Review of my main arguments:

Economics
The resolution provides the affirmative side of this case with ample economic girth to stroke to fruition.
A) Deadweight Loss
Government regulations in the ocean of the semen market have caused deadweight loss to the economy.

My opponent objected, “They still want the quality sperm if they want to use it to clean up your mouth.”
Clearly, my opponent has not done post-doctoral research in Semenology like I have. Semen is comprised of 1-2% sperm with the remaining 98-99% being fluids from other accessory organs. So, stick that in your mouth and suck it. The semen used for whitening will be a quality, homogenized colloid regardless of the discrepancies of the qualities of the human input. The ideal acid-base reaction from semen is what we want, not the genetic material itself.

B) Trade Balance
If we begin to start manufacturing and exporting semen teeth whitener, the United States’ trade balance will be positive in this sector, due to strict semen-rules in other countries that would allow our “producers” ;) to become the dominant marketplace players.

My opponent objects, “According to the NY times, only 44% of sperm donors worldwide are American.” That is for pregnancy use, not teeth whitening! Other socialist countries, where sperm donation is prevalent, take excessively long for permits, regulatory controls, etc. The United States could use this as an opportunity to become #1 again!


C) Employment
Many men may be put to work for the production, bottling, distribution, quality control, and administrative purposes of this product.

My opponent objects, “ there will arouse no new jobs, because the same rigorous screening process will take place.” However, when something goes from illegal to legal, there are many private-sector jobs that flow from that. After prohibition, more bartenders could do their trade without being shut down and less violent mobsters went around throwing babies at the elderly. Do we want violent cum or peaceful cum? I choose the latter (although dangerous-kinky role-play is fun sometimes).


D) Stimulus
Instead of artificial economic stimulus through the Fed, we could just loosen regulations and allow the business of America to once again be business.

My opponent objects, “So, my opponent says that we should change our currency to sperm?” In a way, yes. That semen and sperm you ejaculate would now qualify to become a good once it is sold, redeemable for gold, cash, checks, money orders, etc. In the wealth creation of semen teeth whitening, sperm will become an extremely valuable commodity. One day you may see the symbol CUM scrolling across the ticker of CNBC during a big rally day at the New York Stock Exchange. Also, since you think sperm would be bad money and will be regulated heavily by the government, it will be subject to Gresham’s Law: "When a government compulsorily overvalues one type of money and undervalues another, the undervalued money will leave the country or disappear from circulation into hoards, while the overvalued money will flood into circulation." [http://www.lewrockwell.com...]

Health
A) Artificial Teeth Whiteners Are Dangerous
The leading cause of death in America is no longer “being killed after your spouse catches you cheating with animals,” but rather “brain atrophy due to excessive artificial teeth whitening in Alpha Delta Pi sororities.” The amount of chemicals in many teeth whiteners greatly exceed the allowable daily dosages and the legal daily dosages and the recommended daily dosages and the biblical daily dosages. Switching from this dangerous artificial teeth whitening to natural semen-based teeth whiteners would improve the health, brain function, and longevity of human lives, while maintaining social order.

My opponent concedes that artificial teeth whiteners are dangerous, yet objects, “Base's do not have acidity, therefore there would be no effect of semen.” However, since mouth saliva is acidic and semen is basic, there will be an acid-base reaction inside the mouth, especially with the tooth enamel, causing a warming sensation of natural teeth whitening.


B) The Healthy Alternative
Allowing for the teeth whitening of semen would greatly improve gum health, lung functioning, hormone stability, and male satisfaction.

My opponent queries, “How is it beneficial to men to consume?” I repeat my response, It is a wonder of life itself, filled with energy, carbs, proteins, nutrients, micronutrients, sub-micronutrients, and infra-sub-micronutrients, ad infinitum. Also, it will whiten men’s teeth.




Fun
A) Pranks
This substance would be fun for use in pranks.

My opponent agrees that this would be hilarious.


B) Glow in the Dark
Semen has natural bioluminescence that can be used for fun and practical purposes that lead to fun. This will open exhilarating new possibilities for raves, practical lighting, airport runways, and parties.

My opponent then questions my relationship with a transvestite monkey named Sheila that I shave and put makeup on. That is none of his business what I do with my monkey business.


Morality
A)Categorical Imperative
The categorical imperative is consonant with the resolution. I GOT KANT ON MY SIDE!

My opponent concedes that Immanuel Kant is a bada$$ philosopher and that Kant supports my side.

B) Rape/Molestation
More satisfied men who have lower drive for sex due to constant depletion in the semen teeth whitening sector will result in less rapes and molestations.

My opponent concedes this point.

C) Bible
God is clearly telling us that having strong seminal emissions, so much so that they are compared to animals is a positive attribute, combine that with the qualifier of not wasting seed, and we see that God is an enterprising, celestial anarcho-capitalist who wants the burdensome governmental regulations surrounding semen sales destroyed.


My opponent concedes that I have divine support for my semen bottling and teeth whitening.




Review of my rebuttals to my opponent’s main arguments:


1) It is disgusting.

I find this contention very offensive, because I use my own semen to clean my teeth, personally. I am also in my "right mind" (the creative hemisphere of the brain). I like to paint water lilies while whitening my teeth. Sh*t AKA human fecal matter is not a good deodorant, because of its pungent odor of dead and living bacterial secretions. However, it is good for digestion as a good percentage is fiber.
Second, semen is not disgusting. It is a wonder of life itself, filled with energy, carbs, proteins, nutrients, micronutrients, sub-micronutrients, and infra-sub-micronutrients, ad infinitum. The taste varies contingent upon what the inseminator has ingested prior to ejaculation. Semen is so complex and dynamic of a taste that a book has been written that utilizes semen in all of its recipes. The book is called Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.

This contention is entirely subjective and doesn't get at the true fundamentals behind delicious and non-delicious man yogurt.

2) It will not clean teeth.

I have proven through the acid-base reaction example, personal experience, and scientific reality that semen will clean teeth. The "burning" which my opponent described above is more of a gentle warming sensation that lets you know it's working. If you've ever used athletic balm or that warming KY lubricant, you know the satisfying feeling-feeling ;). Burning does not mean acid, but rather that a chemical reaction is taking place that has a product of heat.
Furthermore, the use of semen in mouths increases the amount of saliva for the subsequent 12 hours, making the tooth protection last even longer.

Conclusion: Semen teeth whitening works and it is delicious and helpful.

Vote for WSA!!!