The Instigator
Chriss101
Pro (for)
Losing
3 Points
The Contender
Wylted
Con (against)
Winning
10 Points

Sex before Marriage?

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 4 votes the winner is...
Wylted
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/27/2014 Category: Society
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,267 times Debate No: 58230
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (35)
Votes (4)

 

Chriss101

Pro

I am all for having a relationship before marriage for financial reasons and emotional reasons. But I would like to have a Debate with someone who believes that Sex before Marriage is not right and why they think that. You don't have to be religious to join it could be just your beliefs.
Wylted

Con

I'll use this round for acceptance and elaborate in depth in the next round. There is a ton of reasons why sex before marriage is a bad ideal. Many of these reasons might not be immediately obvious to a horny teenage brain, but we'll get into that in the next round. Good luck to my opponent.
Debate Round No. 1
Chriss101

Pro

Alright I would like to make this debate friendly. So no insulting. I hope you are not referring to " immediately obvious to a horny teenage brain." as the main concept of this debate if so please forfeit. For your information this has nothing to do with teenagers this has to do with all ages. Maybe I should have explained more in round one this is more of a court and financial matter and all in the matter of knowing the person I don't speak for myself but I speak for all the people who are reading what you just wrote. If I have at all offended you or took you in the wrong way I am sorry,

More than half of all marriages end in divorce. The process of a divorce costs more than getting married at times. Also it is as easy as someone to fall in love with someone as it is to fall out of love. Some people stay to work things through and some just can't emotionally handle it. So why not just have a relationship involving intimacy and not marriage? It is not against the law. Some people in fact jump into things they regret later. It is human nature and how most of the time things work.

No matter if you are married or not if you have kids of course there is going to be fighting for child custody but if there is no marriage there is no filing a petition with the court for divorce. Either spouse could be dependent on the other and then you have financial problems and that would cause the dependent spouse to go to court to ask for support. If there is conflict between the couple between money, house, or any vehicles or bank accounts that are in both their names will immediately have to go trial to work the problem out if settlement conferences don't work out.

Yes this all can be possible for a couple that is not married to have all these problems but in most cases both are independent. In some cases people get married to soon and find out the person they are with is not what they wanted. There is just more conflict in marriage especially if the other spouse is being troublesome about most of the material things or with child custody. When a couple gets married the "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" concept becomes real. Unless there is somewhat a prenuptial agreement involved but sometimes people find ways around that too and a lot of people get turned off by there other half asking for a prenuptial agreement.

All in all if you are independent and not liking the relationship you're in and neither of you are happy it is easier to walk away. Then deal with the law and how divorce stages go. Everyone has a right to stay independent. This isn't the past and a lot of people don't stay with just one partner til death anymore.

This is my view of why having a relationship before marriage is okay. Instead of waiting for the big day to say your vows then have sex and possibly fall out of love within a matter of years. Either way people fall out of love and I believe living with someone for quite bit, experiencing life, intimacy and more than just first world problems will help to get to know your partner more before you jump into the "Will you marry me stage."
Wylted

Con

I apologize for the horny teenager remark. When I made it, I didn't realize how condescending it would look. It was an attempt to seem interesting. I also apologize for waiting until the last second to write this. hopefully it doesn't have too much effect on quality.

My Story

At about 21 I fell in love with a bautiful 18 year old girl. We engaged in a ton of premarital sex. After being pregnant for a few months she left me for another guy. You would think a pregnant chick would have a hard time finding another man, but it's not as hard as you might think. After she was through having her fun with this idiot, she came crawling back to me. Since I wanted to be around to see my kid a lot and didn't want another man to raise my child or help raise my child, I welcomed her back with open arms. I'm engaged now to another woman, but I'd welcome back Tracey today. Being with my kid means so much to me, that I would toss aside a beautiful loyal woman that I care deeply for, just so I could pretend to love another to get close to my kid.


The kid was born and around the time he turned 2, Tracey decided she wanted more. We were actually both pretty deeply in love when we split up, but the money problems and her hatred and mistrust of my parents made it inevitable. Had I known the problems that were coming, I would've did everything in my power to save that relationship.


This break-up was supposed to be nice and we were going to share custody of the boy. Shortly after we split up she started demanding child support. So of course I ask how much. She told me $500 a month.


Let me tell you. I was making minimum wage and at the time that was just above $6.00 an hour. No way could I afford that amount. I told her to kiss my butt. I'm older and smarter now, but at the time it never occurred to me to negotiate. I had a weird philosophy at the time and part of that philosophy was to never consider negotiating. If I went to a yard sale and saw a shirt for $5 but I only wanted to spend $4.75, I would just walk away. Had I not been too stupid to think of negotiating, it's likely things would've turned out much different. She started to hold my kid hostage until I paid her shortly after that.


We ended up getting lawyers involved and that's where I made more mistakes. Instead of paying her $500 a month with a $6.00 an hour paycheck. I was now paying a lawyer $200 an hour, which despite the fact his $20 an hour paralegals did all the work. I was still billed their stuff at $200 an hour. For anybody that is good at math. I paid way more than $500 a month.

I was always taught as a kid to trust experts. If I wanted to win in these legal battles I would listen to my lawyer and do exactly what he said. So I shut up and did exactly as told. I might have been able to actually patch things up with her, but I was cold and calculating and focused on winning at all costs. I also had a damn good lawyer. He was so good in fact that right now she is supposed to be paying me child support.

I was so proud of myself. I won. She came from a well off family, could afford the best lawyers in the area, and her dad was as cold and calculating as me when he wanted to be. I couldn't believe I beat these people at their game, or so I thought. Little did I know, she wasnt playing the same game as me. She would keep my kid away from me. Of course I would go through the courts pay even more money to my lawyers and a judge would threaten to throw her in jail, if she didnt let me see my boy. She would let me see him, but then the cycle would start again.

I always blamed her dad for those games, because I knew him to be calculating like that. I was so in love with her that I made her into some perfect angel. At some point she came to me, because she needed my permission to leave the state with my child. I was excited. I said go for it. I thought if she were away from her dad those games would stop. After she changed states, I moved also. The games surprisingly persisted.

Long story short it's been about 6 years since I've set eyes on my child, and I tear up all the time thinking of him. Tracey has matured and has other kids and a husband. She has got a stable job and has really got her act together. Now she's done playing games and despite the fact that she's done with it. I'm still really struggling to attempt to reinsert myself into my kid's life. I'm sure he thinks I'm some sort of bad guy for being missing so long, and that's okay because I agree with him.

Me being away from my kid before was due to stupidity, but now it's just cowardice. What am I supposed to say to him, when he asks where I was? I can't be completely honest with him, because it would make his mom look bad. I'm forced to tell half truths that cast me as the bad guy in this play.

The Moral of The Story


The moral of the story is that I should've waited until I was married. It's my impatience that got me. Marriage is when you commit to love and be with somebody for the rest of your life. It's a rite of passage in today's society. If I would've waited, my kid wouldn't be growing up without his father. My child's mother wouldn't have had to raise him as a single parent for so long. My life would be a lot easier. Tracey would have had a better and easier life.


Nobody should have to live with the heartbreak, I'm experiencing. Nobody should have to grow up without both parents. The pain he experiences on father's day is probably 10 times what I feel. honestly I feel like a shell of a man right now, and I've been feeling that way for probably 9 years now (my kid's 11 1/2).


My story isn't that uncommon, but it should be. Everytime you have sex outside of a permanent committed relationship (what marriage signifies) you risk this or something worse happening. I'd urge everybody to reconsider having sex before marriage, if they're considering it.


The rest



I was planning on pulling up all the stats showing how out of wedlock births are more likely to end up in poverty or prison, but I'm going to let my story just speak for it's self. It should be obvious by now that risking a life time of pain for at least 3 people isn't worth the small 15 or so minutes of pleasure you get.


I'm not saying bad stuff doesn't happen when you get married. It sometimes does, but it's typically not as devestating and significant.


I anxiously await pro's responses and will do some light rebuttals in the final round.

Debate Round No. 2
Chriss101

Pro

Chriss101 forfeited this round.
Wylted

Con

I'll leave this round blank, so me and my opponent both have an equal number of rounds.
Debate Round No. 3
35 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
Never mind. I misread that.
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
How am I losing? Was a vote removed? Last I checked, I had a clear lead.
Posted by LogicalLunatic 2 years ago
LogicalLunatic
Whoa...so that's Wylted's story?
Posted by Chriss101 2 years ago
Chriss101
It's alright. I honestly believe this sort of a debate is a no win situation for either side. It is not illegal for having sex before marriage (well in some countries it is) and for some people religion is their faith and law. These are one of the questions that will be argued about for many years to come. Well that's what I believe anyways.
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
Okay, I'm going to try to put my heart into this debate, so we'll both be trying something new. We'll learn and make mistakes together.
Posted by Chriss101 2 years ago
Chriss101
Honestly this is my first legitimate debate so I just thought of a topic that would be a decent start-off. If the time resets answer whenever you are ready.
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
It's okay. If you need to know anything else just ask. I kind of thought you were under that misconception.
Posted by Chriss101 2 years ago
Chriss101
See I didn't even know that. Thank-you, Wylted. I am new here I didn't even know the time reset itself for another 3 days after each person's argument I thought it was only 3 days for basically the whole debate. I am sorry.
Posted by Wylted 2 years ago
Wylted
Oh okay. You have 72 hours once my argument is finished. I'll try to finish it tonight or tomorrow morning if you wish. I'm in the same time zone as you, so I somewhat understand.
Posted by Chriss101 2 years ago
Chriss101
I meant I would call that unfairness if you gave me no time for Debate 3.
Forgive me it's almost 3 A.M here I am tired but restless.
And for example don't give me only a couple hours to Debate. I don't get on this site every 3 hours maybe once or twice a day.
4 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Vote Placed by Blade-of-Truth 2 years ago
Blade-of-Truth
Chriss101WyltedTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: Conduct - Con. Forfeiting is rarely acceptable behavior in any debate setting, for this, I award Con conduct points. S&G - Tie. Neither made any spelling or grammatical errors. Sources - Tie. Neither utilized sources in this debate. Arguments - Con. Pathos argument for the win!! Although this arguments was more emotionally fueled then anything else, Pro failed to provide any form of rebuttals. Due to this, Pro forfeits her position and leaves Con's arguments standing unchallenged. Con takes arguments because of this.
Vote Placed by FuzzyCatPotato 2 years ago
FuzzyCatPotato
Chriss101WyltedTied
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Total points awarded:31 
Reasons for voting decision: 1 rd ff. Heartbreak bad but exists in both Pro & Con, Pro minimizes it in most circumstances. Con story deep & sad, but not outweigh.
Vote Placed by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
Chriss101WyltedTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: ff
Vote Placed by dsjpk5 2 years ago
dsjpk5
Chriss101WyltedTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Ff