The Instigator
DetectableNinja
Pro (for)
Winning
13 Points
The Contender
kyro90
Con (against)
Losing
5 Points

Short story battle! (2)

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
DetectableNinja
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/5/2011 Category: Arts
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,157 times Debate No: 19694
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (32)
Votes (5)

 

DetectableNinja

Pro

This is another short story battle. You know the story (no pun intended). Vote based on your favorite stories!

1. Each round will consist of ONE SHORT STORY.
2. It can be absolutely any genre you want so long as it stays within the number of characters.
3. When you people vote I would appreciate it if you would make a comment on which story out of all of them was the best.
4. When making your story you must type a title to go with it so that people that vote can just type the title of the one/(s) they enjoyed.

Good luck!
kyro90

Con

I would love to accept and so, I do.
Debate Round No. 1
DetectableNinja

Pro

Cliche


I am an Unlikely Hero. I am the subject/soon-to-be hero of this short story. However, for now, I will be portrayed as a typical high school schmuck who is socially clumsy and has an almost obsessive crush on a popular, gorgeous girl who’s WAY out of my league. I will also introduce the setting in a typical first person format. I will garner some sympathy but also be humorous because I’m an average teen as the author will point out again. Now I’ll just shut up and allow the story to continue.

I got off the school bus, heading home, but not before tripping and falling on the uneven sidewalk because, you know, I’m an Average Joe. After collecting my things and continuing down the road, my Upbeat Best Friend Who Will Most Likely Die in the Climax approached me. He said to me, “Yo man. You still trying to go out with that perfect in every way Mary-Sue archetype? Man, that’s so funny, I might have to crack a lame joke because I’m quirky and upbeat.”

Me, being the cynical nobody that I am, I said “Go away. I’m in NO mood. Why don’t you go hang out with our Stereotypically Hip Black Friend?” Before he could utter another charmingly stupid wisecrack, I stormed off to my house.

I quickly said hello to my Conveniently Busy and Neglectful parents before they had to go to work, because all business people never have time for their families or loved ones. I decided to go on Facebook before going up to my room for homework, because, you know, ALL teens have Facebooks. I spent about 5 minutes sadly staring at the object of my affection before going upstairs.

When I walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, I was humorously and surprisingly greeted by a Wizard or Genie or Some Other Typical Powerful Good Guy that’s Obviously Double-Crossing the Protagonist. I shouted, “Who the FVCK are you!” because teens ALWAYS swear.

He answered, “My name is boring and forgettable, but that’s not why I’m here. A Stereotypical Villain has kidnapped your crush and the great McGuffin!!! I need you to go get it, rescue your crush, defeat the bad guy, and bring back the McGuffin to me.”

“But I’m just a socially awkward high school student! What good could I do?” I replied.

“It’s not who you are, it’s what you do,” said the Wizard/Genie.

I said, “Wow, that was such a played out statement that it has somehow motivated me. One McGuffin, coming up!”

As I prepared my for my journey to the Evilly Remote Castle, my Upbeat Best Friend found out, and insisted he come with me. I, for some reason, let him. We somehow travel to the Castle, and fight through waves of henchmen until we encounter the extremely underdeveloped Villain. He somehow gains control of the battle before giving a lengthy speech, giving us enough time to defeat him. My friend grabs the McGuffin while I untie the girl, who has now fallen in love with me for saving her.

Our trio headed back to the Wizard/Genie with the McGuffin. At this point, the plot’s moving very quickly in a rush to finish the story. The Wizard/Genie takes it, then announces dramatically that HE was the Bad Guy the whole time. We all gasp, because, holy sh1t, we never saw it coming. The new Bad Guy then killed my Friend. I was COMPLETELY shocked, even though the reader knew that would happen.

While I’m upset, my feeling of loss reminds me of the Bad Guy’s big weakness! I whistle, summoning a GIANT Deux Ex Machina that swoops down, killing the Villain and protecting the McGuffin. My Girlfriend then started making out with me, leaving the reader with two things: one, the moral that as long as you keep obsessing over your crush, she’ll eventually love you, and two, the feeling that they just died a little on the inside after having read such a clichéd short story.
kyro90

Con

Sorry but first thing I've got to say is that was funny pro! Well anyway on to my story....


Everybodys doin it!

Well readers, Somebody started it and apparently me and my friend haven't done what everyone else is doing yet and my friend is telling my to do it with him. So, here's the soon to be awkward story..
My friend and I Kevin just walking to first period overheard an argument that went a bit like this. "Dude did you hear? He did it! Andy actually did it!" The guy on the right said. The one on the opposite side responded, "Yeah man! I'm going to do it tonight! I'm totally excited!" The guy on the right agreed and the soon stared at both me and my friend. Since we were total nerds always trying to get some attention in this low life school we once again got pounded and left by the back of the school to wait for the old janitor to pick us up before class started.

"Dude you heard that conversation? Their gonna do it! Ill try to how about you?" My friend Kevin asked while we were on our way to class. "Nah man, id rather not...." I said quietly. As the day went on Kevin would not stop asking if we could do it together. He would ask every five minutes if id get mad and every single second if I didn't look like I was annoyed. Until our bus ride home he asked one last time. "Dude, please!? Please, please, please!!" He asked again for the five hundredth time. "Alright! God! What else will it take for you to SHUT UP!" I aid waking up all of the birds in the trees outside.

And so, Kevin, and me, and everyone else who was going to do it met at a secret location that I definitely cannot tell you. One guy that looked about like a teacher at school asked everyone, "Are you all ready?" Everyone said yes and we plunged into the dark abbys of the end of a bridge.

The End

If you guys are still confused about this "Doing it thing", what it means is that they were actually going to jump off a bridge, not do anything you were thinking of...
Debate Round No. 2
DetectableNinja

Pro


Bill #F521-6B




America is the most grandiose experiment the world has seen, but, I am afraid, it is not going to be a success. - Sigmund Freud





The Democratic Senator Archie Wade of New York sat with what was left of the Senators of the 130th United States Congress. Fear and confusion permeated throughout the Senate Chamber as debate on their grim piece of business raged on. Currently, his Republican counterpart, Senator Radcliff, was preparing to speak, or rather shout. Even the microphone she was using barely drowned out the cacophonous roar of protestors in, and around the Capitol building.

Radcliff paused, at first shaken by the rather intimidating shouts. But, with a breath, she began, recognizing the President of the Senate: “Thank you, Mr. President. Now, I was born, as was our other New York senator, Senator Wade, in New York City. And, I’m sure most, if not all of you, have visited the City. Now, can you not tell me that that city is, for lack of a better word, glorious? Can you look me in the eye, and tell me with a straight face, that it is not a testament to what we as Americans can do?”


Wade, as well as Senator Clark, a Republican from Virginia, rolled their eyes and gave each other a look, as if to say, Here she goes again.


Not noticing, Radcliff continued. “So, I propose a simple question: would you trade away, no, surrender, the crown jewel of this…once great nation, with other spectacular jewels as well: Boston, Philadelphia and our own Washington D.C.? I mean, these 13 states that are left especially signify what the…” Her voice trailed off, but then continued uncertainly. “United States of America truly is, and who Americans truly are. And I dare any of you to rightly justify in your mind our county’s government abandoning its people. Thank you.” And with that, the shaking woman hurried back to her seat.
Wade had to admit that Radcliff raised a good point about a government and its relationship with its people? Why should an institution meant to stand for the people it governs, simply give up?


“Erm…thank you, Senator Radcliff,” said Vice President Greene, also the President of the Senate. As I’m sure most of you know, the Senate, which I am voting in now due to the…shortage of senators…passed a motion for cloture almost 30 hours ago. This means that we will only have time for one more speaker before the final roll call on this bill. Would anyone care to take the floor?”


Wade did not want to speak. He was about as on-the-fence about the subject as anyone could be. Thankfully, the Republican Senator Tanner wasn’t as in a gray area as Wade was. He raised his hand and, with a nod from the Vice President, walked to the podium without hesitation. He took a pause, gathering his thoughts, and spoke: “Now, we have been in debate on this subject for at least a week. Nearly every senator has been up here to speak on the subject,” Tanner said, looking directly at Senator Wade. “And, I’ve noticed an alarming trend among our senators. There seems to be, even in such a dire situation as ours, a party divide has occurred. Some of our Republicans have been suggesting that the Democrats are betraying our constituents, and vice versa. But I’d like to speak as at least one senator who disagrees with my party’s supposed stance.


“Senator Radcliff, and some other senators here, will have you believe that by selling off and dissolving what remains of the United States, you are abandoning our country and principles. But what they seem to forget is the cost of holding our ground. I’m sure you all remember what happened when the Pan-Asian Union first invaded Washington state. I’ll remind you. Governor Jay Johnson refused to surrender the state to the Union. And you know what they did? They took it anyway, killing anyone in their way, and when they captured the capitol, they took Johnson out in front of the building, threw him to his knees, and shot him in the head like a dog. Or, or in Wisconsin, when Senator Richey was led up the stairs to a scaffold with ten other citizens and hanged publicly. Or in Florida, where Governor Precil was lashed on a cross and crucified due to his lack of surrender.



“And I can keep going with nearly every major political figure in what’s no longer America, with each execution worse than the last. And if we don’t give over our land to the Pan-Asian Union peacefully, and finally settle out massive debt to them, then we would be abandoning Americans, and ourselves, condemning us all to death. All the arrangements are made. The President of the United States will support whatever we decide, and the Union has already agreed legally to change control of the territory with as few casualties as possible. So, it’s up to us to do what’s right. Thank you.”


Exasperated, Tanner wandered back to his seat. Wade was fairly stunned by this speech, but, as always, was still indecisive. Radcliff and Tanner both made great arguments. Logically, Tanner made sense. But, thought Wade, we’re still abandoning the country we’re representing. But then again…


Wade continued to ponder to himself how he would vote as VP Greene called role for the final vote. “Bill #F521-6B, short title, ‘A Resolution to surrender the United States of America to the Pan-Asian Union. Role call will begin now:


“Adams.”

“Nay.”

“Andrews.”

“Nay.”

“Barry."

“Nay.”

“Bond.”

“Ay.”

“Carson.”

“Nay.”

“Christianson.”

“Ay.”

“Clark.”

“Ay.”

“Dennis.”

“Nay.”

“Fields.”

“Nay.”

“Frederickson.”

“Ay.”

“Garth.”

“Ay.”

“Geoffries.”

“Nay.”

“Greene. Ay.”

“Jackson.”

“Nay.”

“Jefferson.”

“Nay.”

“Jones.”

“Nay.”

“Kendricks.”

“Ay.”

“Luke.”

“Ay.”

“Matthews.”

“Ay.”

“Parks.”

“Nay.”

“Radcliff.”

“Nay.”

“Rodriguez.”

“Ay.”

“Stephens.”

“Nay.”

“Tanner.”

“Ay.”

“Vang.”

“Ay.”

“Vera.”

“Ay.”

Oh sh1t, Wade thought.


Wade."


13 and 13. I'm the tie-breaker. Of course. When they look back in the history books, I'll be the one who gets blamed if things go sour.


“Wade?”


Well. It's now or never.


Wade leaned forward and voted.

kyro90

Con

The Tricycle of Terror

Its only one night till my birthday! Little Billy thought as he was going to bed early so he could get the present his parents have been telling him about the entire week. As Billy was laying on his bed he thought of so many things that the present could be. Could it be a pet? Video Games maybe? How about another toy car for my collection! Billy thought happily in his bed until all of the excitement brought him drifting into dreams of toy cars and video games. As he dreamt of all the cars he had wished to have, he could see them within his dreams. Mustangs, Vipers, He would always want cars like these. The next thing he knew he was awake in his bed and a lumpy figure was right in front of his door. As Little Billy crept towards the figure he noticed a cloak over it and dragged it off. From within the cloak was a slick red tricycle with black handle bars and a cover over each of the wheels to make it look old and classic. What is this?! This isn't what I wanted! Ugh! Billy was absolutely furious. He ran straight down the corridor to his parents room passing his play room and his fathers office to be met by his parents front door to their room. With Billy mad, he slammed hi front fist which mad a loud enough sound to wake up an army. "Mom! Dad!" Billy cried out. Billy could hear one of his parents getting up which meant they heard his plea. Although, at the same time he could hear rustling sounds from the other side of the corridor. As the intensity grew, Billy felt like it was forever until he heard the door about to open. But at the same time Something had grabbed him from behind him. When his parents opened the door all they had seen was a tiny tricycle with its wheels turned to them and a trickle of blood on the handlebars.

Debate Round No. 3
32 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
I took alot of time writing my story so im pretty sure I would not want to try one of these...
Posted by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
:O! I may or may not do one of these... Do they take a lot of time? o.0?
Posted by Maikuru 5 years ago
Maikuru
Thank you for the interesting read.

Cliche: The approach was interesting and unique. As it plays on so many reader expectations, it almost invites audience participation. The other side of that coin, though, is that by being appealing to obviousness, the reader may feel less invested and take it more as a writing exercise. Still, it is difficult to write comedy and I commend the effort.

Everybodys doin it!: Most narratives are trying to lead the reader somewhere. Knowing that, there is a difference between being allowed to enjoy the ride and being repeatedly reminded that you can only move as fast at the author allows. Had the story put effort into more than just the big reveal, the climax would have had a larger impact.

Bill #F521-6B: This was the most well-rounded of the stories and my favorite. Opposing sides, a wavering protagonist, and a critical choice compose a common framework. The detail work was very well done and drew me in. As for the end...well, when so much is made of the uncertainty of a character, I enjoy seeing the outcome. Without their final choice, good or bad, they are essentially meaningless. That's just my perspective, though.

The Tricycle of Terror: This was a fun and straight-forward closer. I just wish it was longer and more detailed.

I have both rounds going to Pro, as well as spelling and grammar. I hope to see more of these debates soon.
Posted by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
I wouldn't say it's an 'accent'... I mean you constantly tend to be skeptical when people compliment you, yet you accept criticism.
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
Lol What do you mean? DO YOU DARE QUESTION MY ACCENT OF TYPING!? ^_^
Posted by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
lol. I luv how kyro underestimates himself >.<! I can't write at all...at least not in a entertaining way...
Posted by DetectableNinja 5 years ago
DetectableNinja
Simulposted means that I was typing my rant while your comment was being uploaded. In other words, I didn't see that you actually left an RFD.
Posted by PeacefulChaos 5 years ago
PeacefulChaos
Thanks, ninja.
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
Really Chaos? You think im good? :D
Posted by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
:O? Simulposted?
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by PartamRuhem 5 years ago
PartamRuhem
DetectableNinjakyro90Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Con's stories, while interesting and creative, lacked a certain polish and appeal that filled Pro's stories. The first one was rather interesting for each of you. Pro wins with the better stories.
Vote Placed by Maikuru 5 years ago
Maikuru
DetectableNinjakyro90Tied
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: See comments.
Vote Placed by PeacefulChaos 5 years ago
PeacefulChaos
DetectableNinjakyro90Tied
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Total points awarded:10 
Reasons for voting decision: RFD in comments. I have no idea what RFD means, but I guess it means "reasons for debate," lol.
Vote Placed by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
DetectableNinjakyro90Tied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Hmm. I'm giving sources to CON cause Stephen Hawking doesn't to explain why he gave sources to PRO, and the only points that should be awarded are "conduct", spelling, and arguments as they are the only ones that makes sense to vote on a debate of this category... THE REST OF TEH RFD IS IN THE COMMENTS
Vote Placed by Stephen_Hawkins 5 years ago
Stephen_Hawkins
DetectableNinjakyro90Tied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: DetectableNinja won. By a large margin. Although I didn't love the first story, the second was great, and I can see why the first one would be popular. On the other hand, kyro's seemed...short. Too short. I think Detectable won by a massive margin.