Skittles are a Deadly Weapon

Weaponry is a serious subject, so I don't see how it can be treated casually.

Definitions

Pro attempts to postpone definitions until round two. He cannot get away with that, because obviously he could dream up any definition that suited his case. He could define "skittles" as "handguns that shoot 50 caliber hollow-point bullets." He would then have the debate sewed up. No one on DDO would allow such a trick.

We must evaluate the resolution as it was presented. A Google search reveal the meaning of "Skittles." http://www.google.com... The search results produce the top two hits as references to "a brand of fruit-flavoured sweets, currently produced and marketed by the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company, a division of Mars, Inc. They have hard sugar shells which carry the letter S. The inside is mainly sugar, corn syrup, and hydrogenated palm kernel oil along with fruit juice, citric acid, and natural and artificial flavours. The confectionery has been sold in a variety of flavour collections, such as Tropical and Wild Berry." http://en.wikipedia.org...

Further down the page, there is a reference to some kind of weird sport unknown outside of Britain. However, Pro could not possibly have intended that meaning because a sport is not a weapon, and the resolution clearly specifies something that might potential be used as a weapon. A sport is an activity, and activities are not weapon. Further research reveals that the sport of Skittles uses bowling pins also called "skittles" but if words are undefined in a resolution, we are obliged to use them in their most common meanings. We have established that use of "skittles" to men a type of candy is most common, a game next most commo, and a pin way down the list. Use of skittles to mean "bowling pin" is virtually unknown in the civilized world.

Skittles weaponization

I grant that skittles could be used as weapons. For example, an enemy could be buried in skittles to such a depth that the weight of covering skittles would place such pressure on the enemy so as to prevent breathing. A depth of approximately two meters could, by my calculations accomplish this. This method is subject to a ravenously hungry enemy eating has way out, but that could be preventing by planning the strike right after lunch. So lethality could be achieved.

A second method would be to propel one or more skittles at a velocity greater than the speed of sound so it could kill. Doing so is problematic. If a standard gunpowder charge is used, the skittle would disintegrate from the initial explosion. Possibly a very long tube with a compressed air charge could get the skittle up to the needed speed, but a government grant would be required to do the research. In these difficult economic times such an award is more likely to go to a more common candy such as jelly beans, or it might go to chocolate. I remind my opponent that chocolate is not only popular and tasty, it can be molded into a useful projectile shape. Yes, the money would go to chocolate way before skittles. But even if skittles were successfully weaponized, the skittle would be the projectile not the weapon. Guns are weapons, not bullets.

Keep in mind that the resolution requires that skittles "are" deadly weapons, not just that they can be. A Google search of "man killed by skittles" revealed no present use of the candy as a weapon. The highly regarded newspaper The Washington Fancy reports,

Neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman fatally shot Trayvon Martin for his Skittles and iced tea – but it was nothing personal.

Zimmerman, a Florida resident, saw the teenager exit a convenience store with the candy and drink. “I was starving,” Zimmerman said. “The Skittles bag sent me drooling.”

http://thewashingtonfancy.com...

While that is completely understandable, that is skittles as a motive, not as a weapon. No, skittles are not used as weapons.

I warn readers not to be distracted by any attempt to distort the clear meaning of the resolution. Trust me, my case is flawless.

I would like to point out to my opponent that I had no intention of messing around with the sources, and would have probably used the same ones he did, if I had not been on an iPad when I made the debate.

I will emphasis, this is a JOKE debate. And, while I assume my opponent will tear me apart nonetheless, I hope that the voters and my opponent will treat it as such.

Now on to my arguments.

Skittles are a Deadly Weapon.

Why?

Because, as we all know, Skittles, as proof from Video #1 can be used to make rainbows!

Now, you may be asking yourself right now "Ober, how does this make them deadly? Rainbows aren't deadly."

Well, you sir(or ma'am), would be wrong!

As shown by video #2, it can be used to make people depressed, happy, and essentially on various drugs all at once.

Rainbows are also a symbol of hippies, so you get a free hippie army to boot.

Now, I would like you to look at video #3, and this picture: http://www.flickr.com.... In the video, there is a gun. It is known as the Skittle Gun. Now, my opponent may use some argument about, how its a different gun, and how it has nothing to do with Skittles. BUT, obviously, since this gun is called, the Skittle Gun, clearly, it must fire Skittles. No questions about it.

And thats all I really have.

Remember, Skittles are able to conjure up rainbows, which are be deadly, and shot, which is deadly.

A joke debate? Does my opponent realize that if Skittles were successfully weaponized, it would be a slippery slope to the weaponization of all manner of confections? If skittles could kill, imagine what an Almond Joy[tm], with a 45 g mass, could do. http://www.hersheys.com... No, this is serious.

Alleged rainbow lethality

It may possibly be the case that skittles can create rainbows, although the appearance of a trap door in the rainbow casts doubt on the veracity of the TV commercial. I know it's hard to believe that a commercial broadcast over major media word be incorrect in any respect, but there have been rumors to that effect for some time. Unless rainbow creation by skittles is verified in a peer-reviewed journal of meteorology, I must reject the claim.

For the sake of argument, however, I will consider the possibility that rainbow creation by a skittles mechanism is possible. Even if it were true, the claim that rainbows are a lethal weapon is a slander upon rainbows everywhere. In the case of a double rainbow, it is a double slander.

The only evidence offered of rainbow lethality is the Yosemite video, where there is doubt that the observer was even properly trained in meteorology. Pro claims that the rainbow induced a possibly-dangerous euphoric state in the observer. Frankly, I don't think that the euphoria was rainbow induced, but more likely induced by a separate non-meteorological agent not specified in the report. In fact, it's more likely that the rainbow was an effect rather than a cause, but we needn't go into that. The fact is that the observer was not killed by the rainbow, and that settles the issue. A lethal weapon is one that kills, not merely induces giddiness.

Pro points to a danger of rainbows summoning up a hippie army. This is not a real danger. for one thing, hippies are now so old that with their failing vision it's unlikely they could even see a rainbow if one appeared. If they did see the rainbow, the expected reaction would be to immobilize them as hey stared and said, "Wow, man, that's like groovy." that's how hippies react to everything from rainbows to debt crisis.

Alleged Skittles gun

The skittles gun illustrated in the image from flickr is what analysts call metaphysically challenged. It doesn't exist. The previous image on the photo steam is "steam punk ray gun" which gives an idea of the conceptual nature of the work. In R1, I explained the technical problems of getting a compact confection up to lethal velocity, and there is no doubt the artists conception could not be made to function. the explosive charge would pulverize the skittle, so that at the worst it would project harmless candy sprinkles. That's not going to disable a fanatical terrorist.

The video game has something which Pro says is a skittles gun. I don't know how to break the news delicately, but video games are not real. A noted anonymous authority on video games has prepared a list of things in video games that cannot be done in real life. http://danmayerisgod.hubpages.com... Among the differences listed, in a video game you can "Survive being bit, slashed, crushed, and blown up, only to die from a little girl kicking you in the shin." This proves, or is at least strong evidence, that video games are not real. (Try not to spread this information around in the DDO forms, for fear of mass panic among DDO gamers.)

Summary

I have fully answered all of my opponents claims of skittles dangers. He has not cited a ingle case of death by skittles, and he must prove that that skittles are lethal.

Trust me, my case is flawless.

I told you my case was flawless.

Done.

The most amazing prt is that apparently some took me seriously.