The Instigator
imabench
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
Zaradi
Con (against)
Winning
3 Points

Soccer should be made into a full contact sport with metal armor and tasers

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
Zaradi
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/28/2012 Category: Sports
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 8,300 times Debate No: 23255
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (17)
Votes (1)

 

imabench

Pro

Soccer....... Its that boring a** sport you mastered in 4th grade that foreigners take seriously thats unamerican and for sissy's........... In my opinion. Lets face it soccer is boring as hell, If I want to watch a sport that will put me to sleep faster then a bear tranquilizer then Ill watch Women's Professional anything. Soccer is a boring sport, so I feel it is time to give soccer some credibility and make it more watchable to Americans by changing the rules of the game to make Soccer into a full contact sport.

What exactly does Imabench have in mind?

1) All players wear metal armor
2) Anything goes in Soccer now. You want to punch a defender in the face to get the ball then punch a defender in the face and get the ball!
3) Steel toed shoes so that when someone steps on another players foot they dont start rolling around like they got shot and start crying like a b*tch. Ive seen soccer injuries, 5% require medical attention while the other 95% require acting classes.
4) No more immediate medical care, if you get hurt you gotta crawl over to the sideline or wait until someone scores.
5) Goalies get to use Tasers
6) Elbowing and kicking other players is encouraged. Also legal is punching, headbutting, spitting, poop throwing, vomiting, holding, being offsides, facemasks, and anything else.
7) Only rule is no all out fighting.
8) All teams have to be renamed to something tougher, like the LA Galaxy Destroyers or something like that.

And most importantly

9) This only applies to American soccer teams

Parameters
1) Person who accepts this debate must have an IQ of 40
2) Person who accepts this debate must believe that Ron Paul is a loony crackhead who should never be in politics again

First Round is acceptance only, go for it
Zaradi

Con

I find Imabench's proposed plan to be of absolute stupidity and lack of class. Soccer is for the finer sport. Soccer is to classy as football is to neanderthals: they're one and the same. Anyone can run head on into another person and smack into them like s sack of mentally deficient potatoes, but it takes real class and finesse to juke around an opponent, spinning madly while still keeping a ball at your feet and your opponent dazed. Soccer should not be changed, but instead be instigated as the international sport, mandating that every country teach their youth to play it at least through highschool, in order to get our youth to understand a true work ethic and what true skill looks like.

As for my opponent's parameters, I am delighted to inform everyone that I have an IQ of 39.67. Rounded up, that's fourty one, so it's close enough.

And who's Ron Paul? It kind of sounds like too small, which seems to be some of the most commonly said words out of our female population. Pretentious b*tches.

I also have a few parameters of my own for my opponent to agree to:

1. Golf is the number one reason why old people fall alseep and never wake up again.
2. The egg came before the chicken.
Debate Round No. 1
imabench

Pro

"1. Golf is the number one reason why old people fall alseep and never wake up again."
Agreed
"2. The egg came before the chicken."
Everyone knows that already, agreed

"Soccer is for the finer sport. Soccer is to classy as football is to neanderthals.... It takes real class and finesse to juke around an opponent"

Soccer.... classy? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Soccer isnt classy, its just sad. Watching 130 pound weaklings jog for 2 and a half hours just to make the game 0-0 or 1-1 isnt a classy sport, its a waste of time. Also how is rolling around on the ground crying after someone steps on your foot considered classy?

"Soccer should not be changed, but instead be instigated as the international sport... in order to get our youth to understand a true work ethic and what true skill looks like."

Well I can solve that question right now, Here is what soccer looks like,



Here is what watching soccer feels like



So we established that Soccer is a long sport to watch and is played by sissy's, here are my changes to the game.

========================================================================================================================================================

1) All players wear metal armor

If everyone wore armor, it would prevent against any injury that would cause one of the soccer players to immediately fall down and start crying like a 2 year old little b*tch. The armor though wont be like the kind used in jousting, it would just be metal pads to protect areas that soccer players fake getting injured the most.

2) Anything goes in Soccer now. You want to punch a defender in the face to get the ball then punch a defender in the face and get the ball!

Soccer is a boring a** sport. The reason why other more AMERICAN sports are so popular is because they are much more physical then soccer, Hockey specifically. Watching people knock the sh*t out of each other is the trademark of a great sport to watch, which is something that soccer needs considering the only highlight that comes from any soccer game is when the fans get pissed that their team lost or tied and start rioting. Full contact soccer though makes players non-sissy's too and makes the game much more interesting to watch. The more people who watch the more ad revenue teams make which means that athletes get paid more too.

Athletes is the wrong word to describe soccer players though, Instead I will use the phrase "girl scouts".

3) Steel toed shoes

The biggest problem with Soccer girl scouts is that they often fake injuries over nothing, the most common one is someone stepping on another persons foot. Usually when that happens the player is next seen acting like they just got shot and need to go to a hospital....... For someone stepping on their foot.

Steel toed shoes eliminate these fake foot injuries completely, and they also have the benefit of being able to kick the ball much further now since they have steel toed shoes to kick with.

4) No more immediate medical care, if you get hurt you gotta crawl over to the sideline or wait until someone scores.

You get hurt, make your way over to the sideline. This will prevent soccer games from being derailed by fake injuries that chew up the final minutes of the game and will further curtail players making injuries.

5) Goalies get to use Tasers

Thats just to make it more interesting to watch.

6) Elbowing and kicking other players is encouraged. Also legal is punching, headbutting, spitting, poop throwing, vomiting, holding, being offsides, facemasks, and anything else.

Full contact sport means full contact sport, just about everything goes.

7) Only rule is no all out fighting.

This will preserve some of the "class" that soccer has.

8) All teams have to be renamed to something tougher, like the LA Galaxy Destroyers or something like that.

It would attract more audiences and make the game that much more interesting.

9) This only applies to American soccer teams

European soccer teams can make soccer as boring and unexciting as they want, this will only apply to American sports.

========================================================================================================================================================

Your turn Con
Zaradi

Con

My turn it is. Come at me bro.

"Watching 130 pound weaklings job for 2 and a half hours just to make the game 0-0 or 1-1 isn't a classy sport, its a waste of time."

1. And debating about soccer on the internet is a better use of time? :P
2. It's a classy sport because we soccer fans appreciate technique and skill above flashy lights and big numbers. We can truly appreciate a sport for what it is: a sport to be enjoyed for it's full duration because of what it is. Soccer is not for those who can't pay attention to something for less than two seconds. Sorry, imabench :P

As to respond to his pictures, so that's how Grandpa passed away....watching golf. Fair enough. Let's look through his proposed plan.

1) Metal armor? What year is it, 400 BC?

Metal armor is so outdated. Running around like little pretend knights in a game of LARP isn't going to make the sport more entertaining: it would make it harder to watch. Your plan is flawed.

2) Anything goes? Hang on a second...

...didn't you just say below a couple of rules that we couldn't break out into fights? WTF! I call bullsh*t.

3) Steel toed shoes? How does this fix fake injuries?!

If anything, this gives players a feasible excuse to flop on the ground to grab the call, claiming that they were "injured by the steel toe kicking the back of their shin. Your plan is flawed again, good sir.

4) Immediate medical care? Hold on...

Didn't you say that all players do is fake being injured? So why would they need medical care to begin with? I'll go with this, just not the rest of your plan.

5) Goalies get to use tasers...

Yet I can't get in a fistfight with the prick forward who insulted my mother. Uh huh. That works.
Moreover, your attempt to preserve some of the class that soccer has falls short here, as shooting someone with a taser has absolutely no class. It's as classy as farting in the middle of a dead silence at your family dinner table during Thanksgiving.
Inb4 you say that's classy.

6) Full contact?

Yet I still can't get into a fight? For the second time, WTF!

7) No all out fighting? You whore.

Just when things were starting to get interesting, you pull the fine print out on me and waggle your finger like my fourth grade teacher. What a total killjoy. Which overlooks the fact that it contradicts half of the rules on here, but hey, sh*t happens.

8) Renaming teams?

Sure, I'm down with this.

9) American teams only.

Sure then. But you never specify which gender, which means that both male and female soccer teams are included under this rule. Let's explain why this idea is sh*t-poor with this in mind.

First, this is what girl soccer players look like.


.
.
.
.



Now that we see that any straight guy wants to keep girls soccer around, here's why his plan is going to end girls soccer.

1) No chick wants to run around in metal armor.
2) No chick wants to run around in ANY kind of armor.
3) No chick wants to get shot by a taser.
4) While chicks fighting may be really hot, chicks don't like fighting, and thus won't join.
5) When chicks get hurt, the world stops until they're seen to. If you try to ignore them, they get pissed off and you end up sleeping on the couch.

Your turn pro.
Debate Round No. 2
imabench

Pro

1) The poor application of the word "athletes" to soccer players

" It's a classy sport because we-"

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH, Classy???? How the f*ck is soccer classy?

"soccer fans appreciate technique and skill above flashy lights and big numbers"

So soccer fans riot after games because the classiness of the game is overwhelming and not because it ended in a 0-0 tie? Ill call bullsh*t

"We can truly appreciate a sport for what it is: a sport to be enjoyed for it's full duration because of what it is"

BORING AS SH*T

" Soccer is not for those who can't pay attention to something for less than two seconds. "

Or for people who cant pay attention for two minutes, or four minutes, or forty minutes, or an hour, or two hours, or three hours either. The only reason soccer is so popular in other countries is because other countries only have like four TV channels, three of which are run by the government, and the last one is for sports. But because countries are broke as sh*t soccer is the only sport they can play and the only sport that can chew up an entire day in poor countries.

Soccer isnt classy or popular, its watched because countries are too poor to play anything else, but its so long its the only thing they ever see on TV and they are brainwashed into liking it due to a lack of another sport to like.

========================================================================================================================================================

1) Metal Armor

"Running around like little pretend knights in a game of LARP isn't going to make the sport more entertaining: it would make it harder to watch. Your plan is flawed."

Yes because sports in America that require the use of pads dont do well at all like Baseball or Football or Hockey, oh wait, thats right.....

Metal armor might not be the best choice, but soccer players should still wear armor nonetheless.

2) Anything goes

"didn't you just say below a couple of rules that we couldn't break out into fights? WTF! I call bullsh*t."

You can kick someone in the throat, all you have to do is not go in an all out fight because then soccer loses the meaning of the game, which has already been lost quite a bit caused from how boring as f*ck soccer is

3) Steel Toed Shoes

"If anything, this gives players a feasible excuse to flop on the ground to grab the call, claiming that they were "injured by the steel toe kicking the back of their shin. Your plan is flawed again, good sir."

Thats what the metal armor is for!!! With steel toed shoes soccer ladies wont be able to cry when someone steps on their foot because they too will be wearing steel toed shoes to protect their feet, and because the armor will protect everything else.

4) No more immediate medical assistance

"Didn't you say that all players do is fake being injured? So why would they need medical care to begin with?"

95% of injuries are faked, and they are faked because the players know they will be immediately attended to if they fake it good enough. But if there isnt immediate care then players wont pull stupid sh*t anymore and preserve any "class" the sport has left.

5) Goalies with Tasers

" shooting someone with a taser has absolutely no class."

Its not meant to be classy its meant to be funny as f*ck to watch and make the sport interesting. Maybe the Con would prefer if soccer was played by everyone wearing Armani Suits, top hats, pocket watches, and looked like the monopoly guy.....

6) Full contact between soccer players

Dropped. Its like hockey Con, you can knock a guy on his a** just dont fight him.

7) No All out Fighting

Dropped, same argument as above....

8) Renaming teams

Dropped, honorably

9) American teams only

"But you never specify which gender, which means that both male and female soccer teams are included under this rule."

Allow me to clarify, this will only be applied to American men's soccer teams.

Back to you Con ;D
Zaradi

Con

Since I'm tired (and lazy) as f*ck, I'll keep this short.

Padding doesn't have anything to do with full fvcking metal armor. Soccer players already wear pads in the form of shin guards, so this is a null point to begin with. Unless we all wanna look like acne-covered LARPers (Live Action Role Players. Yuck.) then this is totally bogus.

Moreover, he tries to justify goalies using tasers, but how I can't get into fights with the other team. It's disappointing to say the least.

And his attempts to further restrict the debate to only guys who live in America is abusive. I'm fine with just talking about American people, but being sexist is taking it a bit too far, bench. Don't make me get Royal, the femenazi, in here to b*tch about women's rights.

So my point about women's soccer still stands. His idea disentivises female soccer, which is something that any straight guy wants to keep around.

Pro's turn! :D
Debate Round No. 3
imabench

Pro

Sorry I took so long. Ill make this quick.

1) Metal Armor

Try to think of a sport that has metal armor that wasnt cool.

Exactly

Metal armor instantly makes any sport more watchable and enjoyable while keeping players safe. Imagine if football players wore metal armor and you got to watch Ray Lewis knock the sh*t out of Eli Manning in a regular season game, while wearing metal armor. Metal armor makes a sport more watchable and also protects players just as well as pads. Also last I checked, soccer players wearing pads still suffer from fake injuries a lot.

2) Making Soccer a full contact sport

Dropped

3) Steel toed shoes to prevent injuries and increase ability to kick the ball

Dropped

4) No more immediate medical assistance

Dropped

5) Goalies with Tasers

Might have been dropped, is he still mad that people dont get to get in an all out brawl with the other side still? Tasers just make the game that much more fun to watch, especially if its a head shot.

6) Turning it into a full contact sport to make it more watchable

Dropped

7) No all out fighting to protect what little "class" soccer already has

First he wants to protect the classiness of soccer now he wants to get rid of it, MAKE UP YO MIND FOO

8) Soccer players fake injuries

Well established fact, I just added this here since the argument about renaming American teams to sound more awesome has been agreed upon.

9) Limiting these changes only to women's soccer

The reason why I am against making changes to Women's soccer is because I dont believe that women's soccer is a recognized sport. Your telling me that women in the kitchen are actually athletic and can play the same sports men can? Go ahead and get Royal in here, I want to hear her try to convince me that women should have the right to vote when they CLEARLY should NOT be able to vote, or read books for that matter.....
Zaradi

Con

Let's do this.

"Try to think of a sport that has metal armor..."

So a grand total of zero.

"...that wasn't cool."

The only thing I can think of that uses metal armor is LARP, and no one wants to be caught dead or alive doing that. So it's pretty much not cool.

"Exactly"

Iknoright?

"Imagine if football players wore metal armor..."

So instead of guys flying into each other and beating the sh*t out of each other, the metal armor would weigh them down so it would look like Betty White trying to tackle Orvil Redenbacher. No thanks.

"Makking soccer a full contact sport

Dropped"

FALSE, good sir!

"Steel toed shoes to prevent injuries and increase ability to kick the ball

Dropped"

These slanderous lies must cease and desist! You dropped the argument that I placed against this that it would only cause MORE fake injuries.

"No more immediate medical assistance

Dropped"

Okay, this one may be partially true, but the point was pretty irrelevant either way, so sure.

"is he still mad that people dont get to get in an all out brawl with the other side still?"

Maybe...

"Tasers just make the game that much more fun to watch..."

False. It turns from a game of soccer into a game of Nerf Dart Tag, something that would be incredibly boring for us all to watch.

"Turning it into a full contact sport...

Dropped"

Why must you f*cking make things up to try and win? I totally responded to this.

"FIrst he wants to prect the classiness of soccer now he wants to get rid of it, MAKE UP YO MIND FOO"

Go go Mr. STRAWMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm saying that you're reducing the classiness of the game to a negative number. Tasers =/= classy. Fencing swords = classy.

"I don't believe women's soccer is a recognized sport."

Translated into English:
"I'm a flaming homosexual who didn't get the slightest bit of a stiffy from the pictures Zaradi posted. Lemme go jack off to the pictures posted in the second round by imabench real fast."

It's a legit sport.

So, at the end of the day, we have to realize two things:

1. Imabench's plan is trying to turn a fully legitimate sport into a LARP-fest with metal armor and weapons. Soon, he'll be asking for cardboard dragons and people running around throwing napkins at each other screaming "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!". No one wants to watch that.
2. His plan ends women's soccer, which is something that any straight guy obviously wants to keep around. So if you're a guy and you're straight, you'd better be voting for me. Heck, even if you're a guy and you're gay, you're still voting for me, since you can just watch all the guys fapping in the stands during a women's soccer game.

With that, I bid thee adieu and wish everyone kfc.
Debate Round No. 4
17 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Elizabeth_Kate 2 years ago
Elizabeth_Kate
Every player that is able to walk gets back up. Most of the time they continue to play. Only reason please come off for scraped knees is because we are not allowed to be bleeding on the field. I personally have played through 3 broken noses , hyper-extended ligaments ,sprained ankles , broken fingers and toes. Soccer takes more skill than a lot of sports and logical reason (ex: as a goalie or defender you have to figure out what is going to happen before it happens). Some of the smarts, athletic people play soccer.
Posted by imabench 2 years ago
imabench
lol, you CANT stand full blows with no padding.... If you ever watch a professional soccer game, every 4 minutes someone goes down for half an hour because they scraped their knee.
Posted by Elizabeth_Kate 2 years ago
Elizabeth_Kate
I am a girl soccer player and girls soccer is more violent than boys sometimes. Also if soccer is a sissy sport than how come we can with stand full blows with no padding while other sports (hockey, football) have full padding ?
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
i know, wtf?
Posted by Zaradi 4 years ago
Zaradi
What's super funny is I've cussed just as much as bench has, yet bench is te one getting chewed out xD
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
Youve been here for 53 minutes Mich, and if you knew anything about me at all you'd know that this debate is just for laughs, that swearing isnt a reportable offence unless its meant as hate language directed at one individual, and that since you havent even been in a single debate when Ive been in hundreds that you dont even know how to debate on this site.

Try to be a little nicer to people you meet for the first time and learn about them before you judge a book by its cover and make an a** out of yourself
Posted by MichelinMan2013 4 years ago
MichelinMan2013
Imabench doesn't know how to debate. I don't care if you put little **** into f*ck and a** and sh*t. It's still swearing, and you should still be reported. Debating with swearing is like using your shoe as a condom. Yeah, it might pack a punch, but it entirely defeats the purpose. Please debate again when you actually grow some sense. This was absolutely pathetic. Zaradi wins. Hands Down
Posted by Zaradi 4 years ago
Zaradi
Y'know, I think imabench is mad :p
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
Wallstreet I will slap you with Koopins d*ck if you ever say something that stupid ever again
Posted by Wallstreetatheist 4 years ago
Wallstreetatheist
The student has become the master.
Zaradi > imabench
kittens
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Thaddeus 4 years ago
Thaddeus
imabenchZaradiTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Football is the gentleman's game. Vastly superior to Handegg in almost every facet. Also woman's football - yes.