The Instigator
swayamprakash
Pro (for)
Losing
1 Points
The Contender
Peepette
Con (against)
Winning
6 Points

Stepmothers- An Evil to the Modern Society

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
Peepette
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/6/2016 Category: Society
Updated: 11 months ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 683 times Debate No: 92337
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (16)
Votes (3)

 

swayamprakash

Pro

A child on losing his own mother who gave him birth at the only childhood stage cries for shelter in his Father's Lap. But later he finds that Father's Lap is not only sufficient for him rather Mother will make him sufficient and givr him enough care. Therefore when Father brings for him Another Mother he being happy tries to find shelter in his stepmother's lap. But he finds everything changed......................... He does not gets sufficient care from stepmother rather he is made do every kind of household work and being tortured day and night by his stepmother , when he confesses everything infront of his father he gets two things in return . One is the silence which he has never expected at least from his father and another is punishment for complaining against stepmother. Finally frustated child tries to find his own identity in a large pool of Society but he fails and gets nothing........................................................... Therefore Stepmothers are an evil to modern society
Peepette

Con


A child looses a parent due to a few reasons, divorce, death or state intervention. After the dust settles and a new routine is entrenched, adults move on with their lives. Eventually some parents remarry and a new stepmother or farther becomes a part of a kid’s life. This creates a different dynamic; the new step parent is a whole other person with a different perspective and expectations.


What is it that is/was insufficient care from your step mother? How did you lose your mother? I can only say from my experience that as a step mother I love my step children as my own. But, they have a natural mother which cannot be replaced and she loves them as well. I know their natural mother will always be first in their hearts. The best I could do is care, nurture, be there when needed and teach responsibility.


I was all in, kids and all when I married their dad. Early on I received harsh resentment from the girls because my standards were different than their natural mom. In collaboration and agreement with their dad, we established how things were to be handled, done with consistency and follow through. This is was what was missing in their natural mother’s household. There were no regular meal or bed times, no age appropriate chores to teach responsibility, no time set aside for just the family. A no from mom to a request was overturned if enough whining or yelling on behalf of the kids was done; just about anything went. The girls ruled the house and were neglected when with their natural mother.


As kids do when things change, they ranted to their dad that I was awful and unfair, they couldn’t do anything or go anywhere. This was due to their refusal to do basic chores like taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher or passing a vacuum in the living room; as well as endless yelling and name calling at me showing no respect toward me. Thankfully, when their natural mother heard the same rants, she backed us up, “their house their rules.” It took a few months for the routine and rules to settle in, it was not easy. As the years passed the girls accepted me, shared their day, their boy crushes and their heart breaks; I even gave them the sex talk and offered advice when they came to dating age. As they grew older they were given more responsibly and freedoms. When they didn’t hold up their end they lost privileges. There still was the occasional “You’re not my mother or the boss of me”. My classic response, “I’m the mom in this house, you deal with it because it isn’t going to change.” They did very well in school and later married good men. Their homes have order, and routine. My girls, now women with children of their own are respected by their kids. We weren’t perfect parents but the end result was worthwhile.


Debate Round No. 1
swayamprakash

Pro

I know that you are like respectable guide for me , but in this field of debate I would like to argue on this topic . Accordingly you said about your experience as a stepmother to your children . In your experience have you observed stepchildren's reaction to your rules and regulations. No matter how or why their natural mother back you up but children have the right to judge themselves and to decide what they should do what they should not. And as you have mentioned the daily chores , Basically i would like to mention that children should not do house daily chores at such a young age. Its like a torture for them. They are correct to think that they are not allowed to go here and there with move with their friends . And this relationship between Stepmother and her children ruins a childs life. Basically Girls are affected by this kind of so called torture by their Stepmothers.
Basically a stepmother's primary objective is to give birth to her own child and give her most importance in the family. So they search for one way or the other to make their stepchild get punished by their father and make them guilty in front of their father . This make a fathers natural child gain no importance or care infront of their father . Basically I would liketo cite an true example in front of you that my friend who is a muslim by religion gets everyday torture by her mom in their home. Her mom forces her to do everyday household works in the house . Even she scolds her uselessly with no reason due to which she was mentally affected and also tried to quit her life . She even complained infront her father but got return punishments. So this has happend in todays world that actual children have no importance to gain. And sorry to say Sex talks , it is not permitted to children mainly Girls when they are Virgin . This would urge them to experience what sex is. So Again I repeat STEPMOTHERS are an evil..............................
Peepette

Con


“In your experience have you observed stepchildren's reaction to your rules and regulations.”


Not MY rules and regulations, “our rules” as parents working together for the benefit of the children.


children have the right to judge themselves and to decide what they should do what they should not.”


Children do not have the intellectual or emotional capacity to make judgments concerning their well being; especially young children. Children are motivated by wants not need or responsibility. They want to eat meals of ice cream and potato chips with a soda chaser without regard to their health. They would choose the stay home and play Xbox rather than attend school without concern for their need to become educated; the list goes on.


Basically i would like to mention that children should not do house daily chores at such a young age. Its like a torture for them.”


At what age is too young? Age appropriate chores teach responsibility, self-reliance and how one must contribute to the family unit and later to society. Asking three year olds to assist in picking up their own toys is not unreasonable, nor a 10 year old to take a bag of trash to the curb; 13 year old to sweep the kitchen floor. They will be asked to do things they don’t like as adults and need to learn the disciple toward work as they develop. Failure to do prescribed tasks in the work place will result in no paycheck. There are things I have to do at my job that I find torturous, but cope and get them done. Failure to do age appropriate chores and loss of privileges instills the requirement to develop a work ethic and the need to contribute. Responsibility and learning to cope with undesirable tasks is part of the child’s development and the responsibility to teach these skills falls upon the parents.


They are correct to think that they are not allowed to go here and there with move with their friends . And this relationship between Stepmother and her children ruins a childs life. Basically Girls are affected by this kind of so called torture by their Stepmothers.


As a parent, I'm not going to give into every whim or want of a child. If I did I’d be creating an ego centric, self indulgent brat who believes that his/her lot in life is to be catered to and provided for with no contribution or responsibility taken by him/her. Surely you would find it reasonable not to allow a teenager to go see friends if their homework was not done or their room was a mess with soiled clothes. Should I not insist that they show respect for their possessions and the space they live in? I will not be cleaning their home when they are grown of, shouldn’t they learn to take care of their own space?


The girls did spend a great deal of time with their friends and had a wide varieity of fun experiences, after they took care of the few brief chores they were asked to undertake. Most took no more than 10 or 15 minutes to accomplish, except for laundry which they were responsible for their own at 16. We did develope a mutual respect, love and affection towards each other which has lasted into their adult lives. As adults, I have never heard them recall of any tortures they endured by my hands.



“Basically a stepmother's primary objective is to give birth to her own child and give her most importance in the family. We decided our family was large enough; I did not have any children with my husband. I was graced with three beautiful step-daughters my life felt complete. There was no mistreatment of my daughters, discipline or loss of privileges for wrongs were agreed upon together, their father and I. Loss of computer time or being housebound for a weekend were not unjust diciplinary measures.



my friend who is a muslim by religion gets everyday torture by her mom in their home.


Like said before, kids need to learn how to do chores. They need to learn more complex tasks as they as grow older; to cook, clean, how to take care of a home and property, all when age appropiate. I would never ask a six year old to climb a ladder to clean gutters. At that age no more can be expected than the child to put away his/her own toys independantly, no other chores should be assigned. I would expect that an 18 year old to clean gutters once a year and to mow the lawn once every two weeks. But, children should not be given too many chorse so they have no time to enjoy their childhood. They need free time to go and do things and to spend time with friends. This it is just as important, so they can learn how operate in a larger world; also just to have fun for fun’s sake. Children should spend much more time experieincing joy, happiness and fun than time spent doing chores.


I don’t know the age of this girl or what was expected of her. You tell me one side of a story within a culture that I am not too familiar. Without details or context I cannot make statements on the matter. It is truly unfortunate and sad that the girl wished to end her life.



Sex talks” A difference of cultural norms. When our daughters were young teens we felt it necessary to inform them on the changes of their bodies and how to stand firm in resisting the wants and pressures from boys. Their virtue was of greater worth than someone else’s wants. When they reached dating age we frequently reinforced this morality and how to behave in a manner that would not mislead or deceive the boys they dated; no meant no without exception. We were blunt, honest and open about sexuality and gave the girls the knowedge they needed to be in control of their bodies; they we well behaved honorable young women as a result. In the Muslim culture such matters are seen in a much different way. If I was a Muslim, I know I would have guided my step-daughters in the manner that was religious and culturally appropriate. Any other way would not have permited them to live with honor within the Muslim community. We taught our girls how to behave with honor and virtue within our culture.


Debate Round No. 2
swayamprakash

Pro

You have answered my arguements word by word and paragraph by Paragraph. Its convincing . I want here to say that we so far discussing about stepmothers who have married to their husband when he has divorced her wife. But in this round I specially want to focus on my perspective aboutr stepmothers who have married to their husband and take care of their stepchildren who have lost their natural mother at an early age and are otherwise regarded as orphan.They feel peaceful when they see their another mother infront of them and they expect a motherly care from her. They want that as their mother has given utmost love ad importance they must be given utmost sympathy in the family. But they did not know what was waiting for them in the future from their so called stepmother . In all over the world a survey has been conducted that most probably 75% of total stepmothers are rude to their stepchildren in many ways and the leftovers 25% treat their stepchildren as their own children and I proudly and respectfully say U are one of those stepmothers who treat your children as your own children. But the real point is tht If stepmothers in my case treat their stepchildren in a rude manner then what is the main reason behind that ? For me I would like to stick o my own second round reason that they want to give importance to their own children . ..........................................
Peepette

Con


I don’t know where you obtained your percentages of 75% rude 25% nice step mothers. Good women don’t treat any child unkindly; that is not to say there are no unkind women, they do exist. When a new mother comes into the home it is an adjustment for everyone. She has to adjust to a new role with children who have been already imprinted by their natural mother. The step children do not accept her easily.


You have not stated the age of the child, just a young age. This point is important. Our youngest was 7 when we became a family; she was the most difficult, not accepting me. She did not understand why she could not longer live with her mother (unfit). She was fiercely loyal to her natural mother. Any care or assistance offered her was met with a fight, from helping her zip a coat to brushing her hair. Her older sisters had to serve her meals because if I put it down, it would not be eaten. I had to let these slights go, In her mind taking anything from me was a betrayal of her natural mother http://tinyurl.com.... She also felt jealous of the time I spent with her father; she clung to him at every opportunity. She would push herself between her father and me when we sat on the couch. Her father was her security; she needed to be first with her father. We let her do this; eventually she did realize there was no competition between her and me for dad’s affections. The youngest was insecure about her place in the new household. We gave her the time she needed to find that security on her own terms. If her mother had passed away I feel I would have gotten the same resistance.


You are from a different culture so it’s difficult for me to assess the family dynamic; but I do have a close friend who married a foreigner with 2 sons (mother passed away). Her husband did not allow her to parent his sons, only to provide needed services such as meals and clean clothes. She could not enforce rules, discipline or make any decisions regarding the boys, only he and the (father’s mother) grandmother were permitted this role. This was due to the husband’s hierarchal patriarchal culture. The boys were valued much higher than the new wife. She had to push her maternal feelings aside. The boys were overindulged. They saw how the step mother was disrespected by the father’s mother. They boys became very verbally abusive toward their step mother because they knew she held no authority, to the point she had to leave.


Some step mothers might be jealous of the bond between the father and child http://tinyurl.com... , the step mother feels in second place; rudeness toward the child is the result. This is not right since children do need to some first. I don't think this behavior is the norm, but the exception.


Most often from what I have read, (my situation being different) the bonding of the step mother to child does not have anything to do with either party, but with the lack of support that the step mother gets from the biological father and rest of the extended family. The biological mothers and father's parents come (grandparents) into play; the new step-mother is not always well received, and often criticized. These factors place a lot of stress on the step-mother; many suffer from depression as a result, which is seen as manifest upon a child as uncaring of unfeeling http://tinyurl.com....


Secondly, when a new child comes along, as with any new birth even in intact families, the new baby requires much more attention; older children might feel slighted because the focus is no longer on them. Feeding every two hours, endless diaper changes and lack of sleep leaves little time for a new mother. Older children are not any less loved, just not the center of attention. Step children especially view this as being put aside in favor of the new child, but that’s a child’s perception not necessarily the reality http://tinyurl.com... .


I ask you these questions: Did the father support the step-mother in her role as a mother to his child or treat her as just a provider of essential services? How did the dead biological mother and father’s parents, along with extended family treat the step mother; was she welcomed and supported, or criticized? There are many factors on why a young child might not feel or get the love and caring from a step mother, be it real or perceived. Not all step mothers are an evil to modern society.


Debate Round No. 3
swayamprakash

Pro

First of all I would like to specify that in this debate I consider young age as less than 8.
I would like to discuss with you first of all on this age . Yes this age children are not matured full or even partially they only seek the help of their parents or so called grandparents or they are called as Father's biological parents. Preferentially the child seeks the utmost care and appreciation of the biological mother . When , unfortunately on the loss or the separation of his or her natural mother a child being alone hopes for new mother to take care of his/her. And for the information when any new mother arrives in their house it depends on her how she takes care of her stepchild , either she will take utmost cae of her stepchild or she would start exploitation. This depends on her.
Secondly I would answer your all questions you asked in your previous argument ;
1: Did the father support the step-mother in her role as a mother to his child or treat her as just a provider of essential services? you think then why would a father marry a specified beautiful and a hottie woman to be with him for his all life and does not this indirectly mean he loves that woman . But he also loves his biological children equally as his second wife . And for the further taking care of the family Stepmother has to step forward on her own to take care of her new family and stepchildren. So father will only expect this kind of responsibility which she must bear on her shoulders because it is her responsibility for which stepmothers are nowadays cruel.
2: How did the dead biological mother and father"s parents, along with extended family treat the step mother; was she welcomed and supported, or criticized?
Dead biological mother's parents , they must think that the decision is up to their son-in-law to decide what to do and what not to do for the welfare of their grand children . So they would naturally respect the son-in-law's decision and therefore welcome the new stepmother. And for the Father's parents they would consider their son's decision as the final as they would be sure that their son is now a grown up child and can distinguish between what is right and what is wrong . So they also naturally welcome her . And this would happen only in the first when she is married as they would think that their grandchildren have got someone to take their care. But later consequence and the rude behaviour of the stepmother would force them to criticize her.
Finally In my conclusion I would like to state that as I have told stepmothers are naturally an evil to the society but I have not focused to all stepmother s in my debate rather I have said more than half of the stepmothers are so called evil. Thus stepmothers are in no reason are torturing to their stepchild an the reasons they are showing are useless. So I would like to say that till this round Con is in her peak and has impressed me but as a pro I would like to say "vote for pro".
Peepette

Con

First, young children have a different perspective. Their sense of fairness and justice is ego-centric. Not getting the cookie they want seems unfair. An older sibling or step sibling having greater freedom of movement where it is denied to the younger is deemed unfair from a small child’s point of view. A teenager gets clothing more often than a younger child due to growth, or a cell phone, the younger child not reciprocated in kind; this child sees it as favoritism toward the older child. Most things in a young child’s mind is measured on a black and white scale of equality, what one gets, the other should also receive, regardless of circumstance, need or age. This point of view clouds the child’s judgment on whether he/she is being treated with equal favor or love from a parent or step-parent.

Little brother Joe got a pair of new shoes. I got nothing, not fair… Joe can sleep in late, I have to get up by 7 to go to school, not fair. Mom picks up Joe’s toys, I have to pick up my own, how is that fair? Mom (step-mom) hates me; this is how it goes in a child’s mind when things don’t go their way.

For the purpose of this debate what is defined as “utmost care” and what the parameters of this entails has never been stated by my opponent. Nor a definition or description of “exploitation,” this could be anything from slavery, utilization of resources to victimization and manipulation at the expense of another. Also, the situation of step parenting has not been presented within a firm cultural context. It’s obvious that we come from different cultures. Hierarchal structures, division of labor, paternal responsibly and a child’s gender status within the family unit differs greatly from culture to culture.

Response: The step mother does not have full say on the care of the step children in the household; the husband has input. Most women want a happy home where children and husband are cared for with love and affection. But as stated in the previous round, often the ability for, or lack of affection for care for a step child is not solely dependent on the woman but, the support she receives from her mate, extended family as well as acceptance from the child. Her efforts are sometimes futile with excess stress resulting in depression. Here she is not evil, she’s having difficulty coping http://tinyurl.com....

Without specifics on how a step mother exploits her step child, it cannot be addressed. Chore assignment can be seen as exploitive in the eyes of a child. Parent’s who live on farms have the expectation that children will help in the fields, that’s exploitive of child labor. Circumstances are not outlined.

Statistically it has been found thatContrary to expectations,” said Stewart D’Alessio PhD., “Our results showed that the effect of a child’s genetic status on the likelihood of physical injury was in the opposite direction as predicted by sociobiology.” In fact, the stepchildren were less likely to be physically injured than the biological children.” http://tinyurl.com... Not all step-mothers are evil.

Wives (step-mothers) of widowers with children desire to develop an affection toward and to receive affection from their step children http://tinyurl.com.... If both parents are not on the same page the process can be very difficult http://tinyurl.com...The new woman has many new responsibilities without full status on what occurs in the home.

why would a father marry a specified beautiful and a hottie woman to be with him for his all life and does not this indirectly mean he loves that woman…”.

The majority of widowed men remarry for companionship and love of a woman. A small few marry for the conveniences of having a woman in the home, for cooking, cleaning and child care etc. There are cultural differences and priorities on how or why a man takes on a new wife; it’s not always for love. It was not uncommon in rural America during the colonial era and beyond for a widower to take on a mail order bride for the sole purpose of caring for his children when the original wife passed. In exchange, the woman gained a roof over her head. Similar arrangements still occur in cultures throughout the world where a woman’s social/familial status are prohibitive toward obtaining a spouses or economic self–support is lowly.http://tinyurl.com..., http://tinyurl.com... p.8

For the most part, a man would not enter into a new union with a woman who was unfit nor willing to care for his children. The woman would only agree to the marriage if she had full intent on providing care and love for him and his children; she knows this will be part of her responsibility. Why would a woman agree to take on such a task then be cruel to the children? This would undoubtedly put stress on the marriage and create an unhappy home for the adults and children; it’s counterproductive. It does not serve any purpose for a step-mother to be unkind toward her step children.


Dead biological mother's parents , they must think that the decision is up to their son-in-law to decide what to do and what not to do for the welfare of their grand children…… .”

That is not always the case when the son-in-law takes on a new wife. Grandparents will always show preference toward the dead mother since it was their child, and compare the new step-mother against the natural mother. They can be very critical on the differences on how things are done and make it very difficult for the step-mother. She can be seen as not doing anything right and grandparents might meddle in the affairs of the newly formed family. Many grandparents are very involved in their grand children’s lives, especially after the death of their mother. Once the son-in-law remarries their interaction and position with the widower’s children lessens. Grandparents no longer have input on how the children are raised and cared for; some do not accept this change well. It took some time for my new mother-in-law to accept me and to recognize I was the woman of the house not subject to her authority and for her to realize my priority was her grand children’s best interest. We eventually grew to respect each other and became very close. This is contrary to your assertion.

The title is “Stepmothers- An Evil to the Modern Society” implies all. Nowhere has it been stated by you, up to now, that of half of the step mothers are an evil to modern society. I negate this premise.

Step mothers as a whole are not rude, exploitive or useless. It is a want for every step mother to love and care for her husband’s children; it makes for a happy marriage and home. If by rare chance only ambivalence results, she is hardly useless if the child’s needs are provided.

Summary: I have more than adequately rebutted your assertions that step mothers are evil. It surely is a heavy role and responsibility for a woman to take on. It serves no purpose for a step mother to mistreat, her husband’s children. Their intent is for a happy home with loving embrace of a newly formed family.

Age appropriate chores are fundamental in the development of self–reliance and responsibility and proven not to be a form of torture; although, the number and amount of time taken to do chores should not infringe upon the enjoyment of childhood.

House rules and disciplinary measures are best decided mutually between both parents. The view of a step child that their step mother is evil due to disciplinary measure or chores is an affect in having someone to blame for an unwanted situation, rather than push back upon the father to which children are loyal; it has no basis in reality. The Cinderella effect is a fallacy.http://tinyurl.com...

A new child in the household between the step mother and father does not result in a push-aside of the step children or lesser love felt toward them. Younger children require much more physical attention on the part of the mother. The same is true with in-tact families with older siblings.

Children are not the best judges on what is best for them; their basis is on want not need. Their perception on fairness is self-centered which results in their rationalization that they are not loved or treated fairly by the step mother.

Debate Round No. 4
16 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by swayamprakash 11 months ago
swayamprakash
Thnks @Emmarie
Posted by swayamprakash 11 months ago
swayamprakash
I think Emmarie has been right in correcting my mistakes. I will further see to it
Posted by fire_wings 11 months ago
fire_wings
Good vote ED!
Posted by Emmarie 11 months ago
Emmarie
I was gonna change this vote to a tie, because Peepette PMd me info that let me know she was justified in referring to her step daughter's mom as "unfit" but I decided just to add a comment, since my vote should only be about the information that was provided in the debate. If she had provided the info in the debate that she PMd me I would have voted a tie.

I'd like to add that I don't think many people realize how much resentment a child can develop for calling their mom unfit, whether it is true or not. Kids forgive parents and they expect others to forgive them as well.
Posted by Emmarie 11 months ago
Emmarie
My RFD isn't posting correctly, so I'm reposting it in comments.
Swayamprakash didn't convince me through the use of his arguments, but he was more cordial concerning the perspective that con provided of her experiences as a step-mother. Con seemed more intent on defending her own role as a stepmother, than having compassion for pro"s situation. Neither debater met the burden of proof for the resolution, so I discounted arguments in my decision to not award argument points, but awarded conduct points to pro for maintaining his composure against an opponent that was less than sympathetic to how a stepmother affected him. My vote will probably get removed, as con did not forfeit or attack pro, but her inability to execute compassion is the reason I awarded him conduct point.

Con"s siting of her step-daughters mother as "unfit" shows me that she lacks compassion for the perspective of her step-daughter and gives credence to pros resolution. Pro wasn"t able to convince me that all stepmothers are "evil", through the use of his arguments, but did convince me that remarriage ought to be seriously considered by anyone who has children.
Posted by Peepette 11 months ago
Peepette
I don't find you rude at all. This is one of the more calm debates I've been in. Carry on, be well.
Posted by swayamprakash 11 months ago
swayamprakash
sorry @peepette for my such rude sayings . But as a friend in this debating world I would like to debate seriously . Please dont take this in serious as it is against you .
Posted by lord_megatron 11 months ago
lord_megatron
oh i confused step-mother with foster parents. still open to debate though
Posted by corporealbeing 11 months ago
corporealbeing
I'll debate this.
Posted by dtien400 11 months ago
dtien400
@lord_megatron

I believe by "step-mother" he is referring to "a woman who is married to one's father after the divorce of one's parents or the death of one's mother." I'm not quite sure what people call their adoptive parents...but I'm pretty sure adoptive parents are not step-parents.
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by Udel 11 months ago
Udel
swayamprakashPeepetteTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Con explained that a stepmother's rules are often aligned with the father's rules as well, so stepmothers aren't evil but coparents and partners. Con explained why stepmothers should not give in to all kids' demands and Pro only used anecdotal evidence in his case, saying that the stepmothers he knows are bad. Con used similar anecdotes but this just proves not all stepmothers are bad, so Pro must give specific reasons on why stepmothers are evil. Con explained that young people have a different (limited) perspective so the things they might not like might not really be evil. Pro asks Con a lot of personal and irrelevant questions about stepparenting but does not explain why stepmoms in GENERAL are evil. Con explained that stepmoms might show discipline or even disagree from biological parents, but tend to offer similar care and concern and are not evil.
Vote Placed by Edlvsjd 11 months ago
Edlvsjd
swayamprakashPeepetteTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Although pro shows that all women can't be great stepmothers, con shows that some women can fulfill the motherly needs of as child that is not her own.
Vote Placed by Emmarie 11 months ago
Emmarie
swayamprakashPeepetteTied
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Total points awarded:10 
Reasons for voting decision: RFD in comments