The Instigator
kyro90
Con (against)
Losing
2 Points
The Contender
rogue
Pro (for)
Winning
19 Points

Story Battle!

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
rogue
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/29/2011 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,180 times Debate No: 19558
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (32)
Votes (5)

 

kyro90

Con

Ok guys this debate is basically just a bunch of stories that you guys can vote on which is best. So, here is how the debate will go for whoever agrees...

1. Each round will consist of ONE SHORT STORY.
2. It can be absolutely any genre you want so long as it stays within the number of characters.
3. When you people vote I would appreciate it if you would make a comment on which story out of all of them was the best.
4. When making your story you must type a title to go with it so that people that vote can just type the title of the one/(s) they enjoyed.

Good luck and thank you for the person that accepts my debate.
rogue

Pro

I will let my opponent post the first story so that we are able to have the same number of stories.
Debate Round No. 1
kyro90

Con

Alright then. Here is my Story....

Afterlife?

A dark and dreary storm came over sally's house. The only thing that could be heard were the sounds of the rain outside and her mothers footsteps as she was cleaning the kitchen. It was a long Christmas eve and her grandmother was coming over to visit. She just couldn't wait to finally tell her about the new friends she was making, or the toys she hoped she would get. Sally quietly paced herself as her mother quietly walked over to the bathroom to "powder her nose" so to speak. Sally was getting very impatient and wasn't able to wait any longer. She trotted herself downstairs to be welcomed by a dark lump figure on the couch. It was her grandmother. She had actually came. Sally was just delighted and ran toward her with sprinting action. They had hugged and kissed. Sally had demanded what took her so long for such an easy drive. Her grandmother had said she was just getting some gas and they both walked upstairs quietly into Sally's room. Sally lay on her bed while her grandmother had placed a blanket on her. Accompanied by all of the love, Sally was getting very tired and her eyes were resting slowly. The last thing her grandmother had said before Sally fell asleep was, "Marry Christmas."

Sally had awoken the next morning, jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen. Her mother was sobbing loudly while staring at a note inscribed by the police. Sally had asked what was wrong? Her mother had merely replied, "Sally," She lay a hand on Sally's shoulder. "Grandma wont be coming this Christmas. She has passed away by a car accident on the way here." Sally was certainly confused. She had explained, "But mommy, Grandma visited me last night." All her mother could do left was cry.
The end



Well? You like? Its supposed to be a sad story but I might have added to much description so it became less sad because of that but this was just the beginning. (I hope.. *_*)
rogue

Pro

BLACKNESS: A short story by Rogue

Moments of silence, having no idea what just happened, Lenina sat nervously in her bus seat, biting her lips. The jolt had shaken her and she held her head in shock looking down through her straight dark brown hair. One of the other two passengers in the almost deserted bus stood up. The tall, young, black woman, anxiously running her fingers through her long, braided hair said shakily "What was that?!" The driver got his fat, lumpy self out of the driver's seat and leaned on the first seat saying "A big pot hole or bump maybe?" "That could not have been a pothole!" said the black woman, "I thought I felt myself thrown out of my seat and I somehow ended up right back where I was!" The third passenger interjected at this point, "It doesn't matter what happened, let's just get where we need to go." He was a short, young, asian man with glasses who seemed a very organized, sensible person with his button-up shirt, dress pants, and briefcase. "We can't," said the driver as he ran his chubby fingers through his greasy brown hair, "I cannot see a thing outside. The headlights are on but it just looks like continuous blackness. I can't drive if I can't see where I'm going." This alerted Lenina. She scooted over in her seat to look out the window. Nothing. Just blackness. It was night, but there was no moon, stars, streetlights, just black. Frightened, Lenina let out a little scared moan. "Oh! I forgot you were there honey!" the black woman walked over to Lenina and put her arms around her, "It's alright, we're ok, we'll get home," obviously sensitive that Lenina was the youngest of the group. "I wouldn't be so sure," said the asian man ominously, "This blackness is not normal." "Well what do you suppose we do then?" said the black woman who was clearly annoyed. "I would like to know why we can't see anything. I going to go outside the bus," said the asian man. Lenina felt it was too quiet. It wasn't the blackness that was bothering her, it was the silence. She realized she hadn't heard a voice for nearly five minutes. Never had it been so quiet in her mind for so long. "Don't!" Lenina cried out, distressed, "There is something wrong with this place!" "Is there something you know that we don't?" said the asian man as they all turned round to look at her inquisitively. "If I tell you, you'll just think I'm crazy. I mean I am crazy. But that makes it even more strange," said Lenina. "Fvcking amazing. I'm stuck on a bus with a should-be inpatient," said the bus driver caustically. "Shut up you aren't helping," said the black woman. "What's going on?" she said empathetically to Lenina. "I'm crazy, I know I am. I am a diagnosed schizo. When I was younger I used to think that the voices I heard in my head were passing spirits that hadn't moved on. I thought they traveled the world endlessly and that I could hear their thoughts when they passed by me. They all had different voices but I heard at least ten every minute. It has been this way all my life. Now suddenly I can't hear anyone. I haven't since the bump. My disease doesn't just leave," said Lenina. "Is it possible you hit your head during the bump and that...fixed...everything?" said the asian man. "It doesn't work like that," said Lenina. "Well we have to do something," said the black woman urgently. "I'll use my cell phone to call for help," said the asian man. They all waited patiently as he took out his phone and fiddled with it. "No service," he said, disheartened. The rest took out their phones and found the same difficulty. "Well, what do we do?" said the black woman, clearly hiding her fear to help keep the situation under control. "I still say someone goes outside the bus. Maybe we have service out there," said the asian man. "I don't think that's a good idea," said the black woman cautiously, "We can't see a thing." "We can't just sit in here and do nothing," said the asian man, frustrated. "We can wait until help comes," said the black woman assuredly. "That will be hours, maybe days!" exclaimed the asian man, "I have a project to finish and a deal to finalize. I'm going out there." He walked over to the door and opened it. Cautiously he stuck his hand out first. As it went past the door, it disappeared from sight. Startled by this occurrence, he quickly closed the door and went back to his seat, his face a mixture of shame and fear. Silence. The driver stood up. "Fvck this. I am not sitting in here with you all, too scared to take action. I am going outside and contacting someone. You are all a bunch of superstitious freaks," said the bus driver. The other three gathered around the window next to the door to see if they could see him walk away from the bus. His body was quickly enveloped by blackness as it passed the steps of the bus, as if there was a wall of blackness that swallowed him up. Outside they could see nothing. Worried, the black woman called to him, "Driver! Hey! Can you hear us?! We can't see you!", she paused, "Driver?! Please respond!" Nothing. They sat down slowly, terrified and confused. "He's gone. What do we do now?" said the black woman, looking around anxiously. "What can we do besides wait?" said the asian man hopelessly.

In the hospital, Nurse Brown urgently pushed four gurneys down the hallway of the hospital. Doctor Fitzpatrick strode along beside her in his emergency mode. "What happened?" said the doctor. "Bus crash," replied the nurse. "Three passengers and a driver. The driver died during his transportation to the hospital. The asian man and the black woman are comatose. The only passenger that seems fairly unharmed is a young girl. Just a few scratches. But we've had to strap her down. She won't stop talking and trying to move around. She is completely unaware of her surroundings, but there seems to be no reason for her apparent psychosis. She is having conversations with herself." The doctor walked beside the young girl trying to listen to what she was saying: "Driver?! Please respond! He's gone. What do we do now? What else can we do but wait?"
Debate Round No. 2
kyro90

Con

Alright, I made it one time! ^_^ Anyway here is my story...

Beauty and the Vampire (Remix of mine)
Chapter 1
Hey, how's it hangin? Congratulations! You just ruined a great dream?! Man, I was sucking the blood out of Chuck Norris... Not that ill ever get THAT dream again... Your wondering what's with the blood sucking? Well I'm kinda a vampire.. Yeah one of those blood sucking demons you just described.. Well anyway, now that you understand me.... I've got a bit of a confession to make.... You heard of that kid? What's his face? No that's not it... Ledge? No.... Oh! Cliff! That's him! Yeah can you believe that guy? See, when me and him where eating lunch he told me he'd gotten himself a love. What the heck does that mean? Does it mean he loves someone or something? Eh, Who needs love? I've got the clothes on my back, the fangs in my teeth and my own apartment floor so I- Oh? Yeah I live alone. Ever since mom died the place has been quiet. I've been hiding the body ever since the "Accident". RING RING! Well, that's my alarm to get up so I guess id better do what it says before it gives me another bruise... Anyway, see you on the other side....

Id awoken by the blaring sound of my alarm bell. Its bright red and black design was pretty much the only thing that could be seen within a few feet from my room with all this darkness inside of it. I cant really go into the light so I've got to keep the rooms dark so I don't get a huge rash on some very few strange places when it gets hot... Id gotten up, attempted to brush my freakishly sharp teeth without injuring the toothbrush and got dressed. Id turned on some "Why cant I?" and turned to overlook my apartment window like I always do during days like these where I think about what's wrong. Cliff's Words really pined me alote in my heart when id heard about it. Id gotten jealous. I mean, I've never really loved someone so why do I have these feelings all of a sudden. they make me want to jump into the sun without my sunscreen... So id turned off my music player before it could get to the sad part and took the flight of stairs down outside after id put on some sunscreen. I knew id soon get bored at my usual spot so I decided to got to the pool. Id always enjoyed the water ever since I was little. Heh, Once when I was little actually almost drowned until someone had pulled me up. It was pretty blurry so I didn't know who it was. Though all I know was it was a mother because I could hear a little girl talking to her mom in the background and the lady would keep responding, "Not now sweety.." and the little girl would leave. After that event I've always went to the pool to do things like clear my thoughts, get better at swimming, or just to snore in my usual corner.

As I ran across the fence that splits the pool to the road I saw a few lump figures. Oh geez.. People... I thought. I knew that communication with people was bad for Vampires like me because id probably end up fed up with them and suck their blood. I tried to avoid the still wet of the two humans and go to my usual corner when I noticed it was already taken. That seriously got me mad. But I tried not to stomp my feet when I had to go to another spot with a shady umbrella. After id done all of this hullabaloo just to get a spot id finally had the chance to take off my shirt to get ready for the pool. As id pulled off my shirt my old birthmark the shape of a cross with a half ring on the top felt like it was burning through my skin even more than it already was. I slowly paced myself as I walked across to the five feet zone, the highest point in our pool so that I could get away from the two females at the foot of the stairs that suspended the lowest 20 or so centimeter pool side. As I looked just a bit more at these girls I could make out their features with my keen senses of sight. One has long milk chocolate brown hair that would have been beautiful if it was not wet. She had a sort of Gothic black and red bikini. Her face was one of the most beautiful I've seen. Just her eyes could make out the makings of a masterpiece. Her nose was perfectly pointed and her lips were normal sized with a mixture of black and red lip gloss. Her mouth must have met the water at some point for that to have happened maybe. Her age looked young. She looked like she could have been in maybe high school or middle school. She looked like the age of about thirteen. A year younger than me with a perfect body to finish it off. As I finished taking a small peak at the brown haired girl, I slowly tilted my head to take a gander at the younger looking girl. She had white/blond hair with a few occasional stripes of brown here and there. There father or mother must have been brown haired. I felt like I had enough with the glances and dove underwater. The feel of the beautiful cold water felt like it was picking me up and drifting me away into a faraway land where only I was invited. Once I resurfaced the water id felt my hair feel wetter than normal so I decided to shake my head a little so that my hair could get acquainted with the cool water. As I flicked my hair back and forth with my eyes closed from water, I had heard a loud shriek that felt like it came from right next to me. As I slowly opened my eyes out came my worst nightmare. People, the two girls swarmed me and I felt trapped. With my claustrophobia kicking in I felt like running for it but something in my gut said; Don't make a move, maybe they will go away if you don't move... So I turned my head to meet the older girl with the long brown chocolate hair. "Hi, How are you?" The mysterious girl asked. I felt like I was in an asylum. Where all the nurses would ask if you are ok and all I could simply do to awn ser her was say, "Yeah." with that I tilted my head to show here I was still on earth. "Oh that was good, I thought you might have drowned or something," I gave her my dumb look like are-you-kidding-me look. "Just kidding, my names Parker, this girl here is Megan." She gestured her hand to the girl floating on my other side. "So what's your name?" She asked anxiously as if she was about to win a game show. Id never cared about my name since my mom would keep calling me it after I keep telling her what I wanted my name to actually be. Id gotten smacked alote from saying it so I'm used to saying my real name now. "My names Kira." Id said with just one senctance. She looked at me confused. "Kira? Wierd name. Anyway want to race?" I felt like I was with Cliff. Always having me race with him where I would always win using a bit of my super speed. This time I thought id go easy. We had a few laps around and it actually felt great to be around someone who wasnt my mirror. I felt like I was finally alive. Not the undead vampire alive but like I was a real human doing what real humans do. After all the laps both of us were already pooped after maybe 5 laps and we just called it as a draw. As Parker and I were talking we both heard a vibration that came from Parkers watch which probobly meant it was time to go. "Well, Ive got to go. It was nice talking to you Kira." As she was giving me an adeui she gave me a smile that would have light up my entire apartment. After that event I felt like melting into the water so I could be apart of it. But as she walked down the road I decided to see her departure into the sunset. When she turned around I guess she could see me watching her because she suddenly went into sprinting position and ran to the house two doors down from my apartment. After that entire event I had finally known what Cliff meant when he found his love.
End of Chapter 1

Well, Its over everyone. So sorry it was so long I just really wanted to make a romance one based off my old book I used to write Ireally enjoyed writing the book so I thought id let you guys get a taste of what the book is about.

rogue

Pro

Surprise!

Becky woke up from a bad night's sleep caused by anticipation of the next day. She got up and looked in the mirror and smiled to herself. Its my birthday. She thought. Today will be a good day. No one would dare be mean or rude today. She spent the next hour and a half doing her daily beauty routine. She thought to herself how exceptionally beautiful she looked today with her curls and sparkly eye makeup. Guys might normally fawn over Tara or Alison, but not today. Today is all about me.

Becky sat where she normally did during her first class next to Tara. "Move," said Tara rudely. Astonished and confused, Becky squeaked out "But I always sit here..." "Well I don't want you to sit next to me anymore," said Tara, "I want to sit next to Melissa now. I like her better," Tara said without a second thought. I don't understand, thought Becky, she's always been happy for me to sit there. I can't believe she's acting like this after all I've done for her. Embarrassed, Becky moved to the seat over.

This trend continued all day. In gym Melissa called Becky a clumsy oaf for dropping the ball. In American History Alison called her a slut for bending over to pick her pencil up in front of a boy named Ricky. At lunch, the three of them insisted she sit a seat away from them, all the while commenting on how stupid she was. Anytime the three girls were around her, they seemed to try to be as mean and rude as they could possibly be, and just to her. Her best friends in the world, treating her like crap. Becky did not know what to do. How can they do this to me? What did I do? thought Becky.

Finally the end of this torturous day came. Melissa had just commented on how ugly Becky's hair was and Becky decided she had had enough. Alison ran up to Becky as she was walking out of the school looking excited and happy. "Hey Becky, I have something to tell you!" she said. Becky broke in: "Tell me what? That my skirt looks awful? That I look dumb when I walk? What else could you possibly find that's wrong with me? I am done with all of you! I can't believe you all decided to tell me what you really thought of me on my birthday! My birthday! The one day of the year that is supposed to be all about me and how great I am! And you know what? I am better than all of you! I stayed away from Skylar even though he liked me and I liked him because you liked him, Alison! Fat lot of good that did you! He still doesn't like you! And instead of repaying the favor, you went and slept with my ex without even thinking about how I would feel! And Tara, you slept with Greg a million times when he was dating Karen and I never told anyone how much of a slut you were! And Melissa, you stole so much from Tara and Alison and I always kept your dirty little secret! You are all horrible people!"

The most horrible silence followed. The faces of her three friends were a mix of deep sadness and hurt. Slowly dozens of people came out from behind lockers and doors. Most of them had cameras and microphones. Becky was confused beyond all reason.

"What I was going to tell you," said Alison, "was that I was sorry for being so mean to all day and that it was all for a reality tv show. Your birthday present was supposed to be that you would win a thousand dollars for putting up with us and that you would get to be on national tv. We were also going to read you letters we wrote about how much we love you and how grateful we were that you were such a good friend to us. I guess they don't mean much now since you think so little of us. I guess I'm glad we saw your true colors. Here's the money. Happy birthday."

Speechless and frozen, Becky took the money. The producer of the show tried to come up to her and congratulate her on making tv gold, but she wasn't listening. This was the worst birthday ever.

Debate Round No. 3
kyro90

Con

A cruel death

I had always been the nice girl in the family. I had always gotten better grades than my depressed sister. But until my head got chopped off, I I had been changed. Ever since that discusting night, id always been up in the clouds staring at my killer. wondering what life had been if I had avoided that night. It all started with the morning ruteign. As always, I would get dressed to my normal clothes. Go through my normal school day. Eat my nromal dinner. Then, it started. Id been upstairs locked in my room to study for the midterms that would confuse me most. Id heard a tapping on the door with my mother calling from the other side. "Fiona honey, would you like something before you start your studies?" My mother had replied softly as she always does while I am trying to do homework or study. "No mom, im fine." I responded and waited for her to reply, "Alright, we will be going to bed now so dont stay up late." With that last sentance, the doors all closed and the lights turned off. I was left to finish my studys with nothing to see in but the light by the table. I had always been jittery and would always turn whenever noise was made so I would turn very frequently because of the branches tapping the window. While I was doing my studies I felt very thirsty. As always I went downstairs and got my self a cup of water. Thats when it all started.

While walking myself uptairs thinking of the tune for "Hey Soul Sister" Id heard a rustleing within my bedroom. I slowly crept up to it and took as small a peak as I could. But when I peaked in, nothing appeared to be damaged or harmed. After all of that hallucinations I decided it was time to rest. As I was putting my books and homework in my bag I felt something was wrong. That someone did enter in my room. I slowly turned around and what I saw was a half shirtless man. But the wierd part was he had his shirt on. Id studdered as all I could keep in my view was the place his pants should have been. The man stepped closer to me. I felt like screaming for help but all I could do was wait. The closer he walked to me the more his gaze crept closer to the lower half of my body. Once has was within only a foot from me he grabbed me. Threw me on the couch and ripped off all the clothes that I had on. Next thing I knew, He was inside of me. The more he pushed through the more I felt that I was about to throw up. After a few minutes going through my mom had heard the noise and was walking down the long corrider to my room yelling "Fiona, You there?" A few seconds later my raper grabbed a knife from somewhere under the bed and he realized he had to do something fast. He drew the knife next to my neck and said. "Tell me you love me." I did. Then my head was off.

rogue

Pro

Til Death Do Us Part

Don't cry, they're all watching you. They know what happened. That know you were fired. What am I going to do now? We're barely getting by with my lousy salary and now that's gone. I can't ask Will to work yet, he isn't ready. He only got out of that place three weeks ago. I fear he's still...unstable. He's made so much progress, I can't risk it now. I'll just have to pretend to have my job until I get another one...

That evening:

"What's for dinner honey?" Oh he smile is so lovely. It makes me so happy that he's smiling again. "Nothing special. I hope you don't mind." "Of course not. I should make dinner more if I want something extravagant." I can't believe I was fired. What are we going to do? How am I going to support him? Don't think about it now. You are already starting to tear up. "Honey, are you alright?" Damn. He noticed. "Yeah everything's fine." Go away stupid tears! "You don't look fine." "No really, I'm fine!" "Honey, you can talk to me. I know you think I'm weak but really I can be who you need me to be." I can't hold it in after that. "I'm so sorry baby, I was fired." "What?" "My boss. He let me go. He came onto me and I rejected him so he fired me. I'm so sorry! I don't know what we'll do!" I hope I did the right thing by telling him. "Did he tell anyone?" "I don't think so. He told me I had the rest of the week and then I could leave discreetly without anyone knowing." "Then don't worry about a thing." His arms are so comforting around me. "I'm gonna make this right. Everything's going to be alright ok?" His voice is so reassuring, I almost believe him.

Next morning at work:

What's everyone freaking out about? I've never seen such a commotion. "What's going on? What's the big deal?" "You haven't heard? Mr. Reynolds is dead! He was murdered that night in his bed." Dead. Murdered. Out of nowhere... "Did he tell anyone?" "Then don't worry about a thing."

That evening:

I have to ask him. I'm sure I'm just being paranoid but I need to know for sure. I don't think he'll lie. He never did before. He looks so normal sitting there on the couch. "Baby, can you turn off the tv? I just wanna talk about something." "Sure honey what's up?" "Well, today they found Mr. Reynolds dead in his bed. You didn't have anything to do with that right?" "Oh I didn't think you' have a problem with it. I killed him. Now you can keep your job since no one else knew you were fired. Maybe you will even get promoted now that you'll have a new boss." I can't believe he's so calm. He's even smiling. "Yeah of course not baby, that's so sweet of you." Six months in that hell and he's worse than before.

Late that night:

This is the best way. At least he'll keep his dignity. "Hey honey" "Uhhh what? Honey it's late. What do you want?" "I just want you to know that I love you." "I love you too." Just squeeze the trigger. Oh! It's ok to cry now. It's over. Ok open the window and unlock the door. Dial 911. "Someone broke into my house and murdered my husband!"



Debate Round No. 4
32 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
Wow one point against fifteen.... I lost already without it even starting lol and Now that I said this I probobly jinxed myself lol
Posted by rogue 5 years ago
rogue
thanks peaceful chaos!
Posted by PeacefulChaos 5 years ago
PeacefulChaos
Very original and creative idea, Con! I gave Con conduct simply for creating such an original idea. S&G goes to Pro for obvious reasons (Con, use spell check in the future). "Convincing arguments", or in this case, better stories, goes to Pro. My favorite either has to be Pro's first or second story. The first left me with so many questions to answer while the second left me feeling sorry for the birthday girl. Con needs to work more on his endings and also needs better plot summary. Pro, on the other hand, showed excellent skill in detail, building up to the climax, and always had an ending that left us hanging. Con's just left me falling, lol. Overall, this was an excellent "debate". Nice job to both of you!
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
Heh, thanks Rogue ^_^
Posted by rogue 5 years ago
rogue
wow logicrules is a hater. thanks greyparrot!
Posted by rogue 5 years ago
rogue
and Kyro, I thought your stories had good ideas! The thing that bothered me the most was your spelling and grammar. Don't give up! It takes time to develop short story writing!
Posted by rogue 5 years ago
rogue
@ Hardcorepwnography: Dude. Names are not copyrighted. lolz. I can't believe you even brought that up.
Posted by kyro90 5 years ago
kyro90
Yes everyone I know, I have bad grammer, I KNOW!!!! -_-
Posted by Hardcore.Pwnography 5 years ago
Hardcore.Pwnography
rogue, in your first story, Lenina is a character from Brave New World.
copyright infringement much !
Posted by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
:O! I love how GreyParret votebombed this lol..
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by renji_abarai 5 years ago
renji_abarai
kyro90rogueTied
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Total points awarded:14 
Reasons for voting decision: Con...you had a strange story at the end. i gave both conduct a tie since you both had good storys.
Vote Placed by PeacefulChaos 5 years ago
PeacefulChaos
kyro90rogueTied
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Total points awarded:14 
Reasons for voting decision: Reasons in comments section.
Vote Placed by logicrules 5 years ago
logicrules
kyro90rogueTied
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Total points awarded:01 
Reasons for voting decision: Story one,,,Poor grammar, wrong word choice, concept good overall story fair. Second Story grammar unacceptable, run on paragraph, failed attempt at impressionist, i think. Story 3..No quotation marks-poor grammar again, misuse of past participle. Story 4...best, but fair. Over use of compound sentences but at least it had paragraphs and an attempt at a twist. Ergo, pro wins, but barely.
Vote Placed by Greyparrot 5 years ago
Greyparrot
kyro90rogueTied
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Total points awarded:06 
Reasons for voting decision: wow rogue! I liked all of your stories.
Vote Placed by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
kyro90rogueTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: Well, See comments.