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Story Writing Debate (see rules for genre)

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after 3 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/17/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,057 times Debate No: 32618
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (5)
Votes (3)




I am training my self to write a novel and need some experience, I will be polite and let whoever answers decide with the genre of the story.

1. Each round will be a chapter of their story. Starting with chapter One on round two.
2. Voters will decide who has a more interesting story.

Please accept. Thank you.


I accept and the genre I have chosen is horror, but it doesn't have be strict it can have other genre, but it has to have an element of horror.
Debate Round No. 1


Fair enough.

Generic Slasher Story
Chapter One

I raced the kitchen, looking for my backpack. It had been a good two days since we planned our trip to the bottom of the grand canyon. Today was the big day. I got my backpack, and put it in the back of my car. I turned around to go back inside for my phone when I realized the door was open.
"Did I leave that open" I wondered. I figured it didn't matter, I went inside and got my phone. I stared at my one bedroom house. I had gone a long way since high school, and I felt things were finally coming up in life. Then I heard a creaking sound. I turned around, nothing seemed wrong. However it did come as a little strange that my house seemed to make noises of its own.

I decided it was probably just a mouse, I know, cliche. Anyways I didn't think much more of it and headed toward the door. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but this time I took more of an interest than the creaking sound. I looked around the living room Then I saw a flash and something knocked me to the floor.

My head throbbed from the pain of hitting the hard tiled floor. I rubbed my hand through my hair. Then I looked up
and was instantly relieved...and annoyed.

"Sh*t, what the hell?" I exclaimed. My best friend AJ stood over me, laughing like crazy. "Nick, man, you should'a seen the look on your face!" He said in between fits of laughter. I got up, and he laughed some more.

I playfully shoved him. After that we headed over to the car. I put the key into the ignition and put the gear into reverse. I backed out of the driveway, shifted gears and started driving away when AJ looked behind us.

"Did you invite anyone over?" He asked.
"No why"
"Ummm...theres someone in the window" His voice quivered.
"I'm messing with you man!" He snickered. I punched him in the arm.

Incase your'e wondering, I'm 19 years old, and so is he. But sometimes he acts like he is about twelve. The rest of the drive was uneventful. We parked in front of AJ's girlfriend Claire's house. Her and my friend Liz were going with her. They came out and Claire jumped in the front seat with AJ. For your sake, I'm not going to describe what they were
doing. Liz jumped into the backseat and we headed to our last stop before we left for the Canyon. Steve was another friend of ours, and of course he was going since he was good friends with AJ.

We got to the canyon about three hours later, where we met with our tour guide, his name was chase, he had an assistant named Derik, but he was a total jerk.

"Okay, everyone ready?" Chase asked.
"Um..Sure" We all replied.
"Wow, what a square" Whispered Claire to AJ.
"Hey, don't be mean!" Liz scolded.
"Hey guys," Chase interupted "Stop fighting, we should start the hike!"

He started walking down the canyon, we followed him, happy to finally start. Making jokes and pretending to push eachother off the whole way down there. Steve said he had to tie his shoe so we walked down lower without him, and he ended up peeing on us from a ledge above us. He didn't hit any of us but it made the girls pretty upset.

Later that night we stopped at a campground for the night, it was a pretty woody area, I didn't know there would be any trees down here, but what ever. While we were down there, Derik told some stupid story about how there was a guy who fell of the canyon and wanted revenge, so he killed anyone who went to this campground. It was so pathetic I laughed in his face.

After a while, at about Nine O'clock, we decided to go to bed, I pitched my tent and crawled inside. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard a scream come from Claire's tent.


The Walking Nightmare

Chapter I: Alarm


“Honey wake up it’s just a dream”


“You were just dreaming again is it still about your case”

“Jenny, I have to find this girl it has been two weeks without a single lead how can someone kidnap a girl in the middle of the night without anyone waking up or even a fingerprint.”

“I don’t know,”

“I’m starting to think that we will find her dead in a ditch.”

“Don’t talk like that; I know you will find her”

“Thanks I really needed to hear that”

“Try to get some sleep”

Hello my name is Jake Zimmer I am a detective for the Chicago Police Department, I’m married to Jenny Zimmer and I don’t sleep. I worked by tail off to get where I’m at, seven years of hard work as a Police officer to finally become the youngest detective in my department, did I mention that I am only twenty-seven, yes that young. You are probably wondering why I don’t sleep well it all started when I got my first case, a kidnapping of an African girl living in a working class home without any traceable evidence. I kept on having dreams about her watching someone drag her from her bed, out of her small four room apartment and someone torturing her and killing her, it was so graphic and realistic I just couldn’t sleep. But, one horrifying morning changed my life.



“Time to get up”

“Just give me five minutes”

“Well you got to hurry or you are going to be late for work I have pancakes downstairs when you are ready”


I dragged myself out of bed. Went into the bathroom shaved and took a shower then got dressed and went down stairs. I turned on Fox News as I poured myself I glass of coffee.

“Breaking News on the kidnap case of Cali Owens the girl who was kidnapped out of her family’s apartment we will send it over to Pam with the latest”

“Thanks Mark around 2:30 a.m. last night a highway patrol officer spotted a blood stain on the side of the road, he went to check on the matter and found a trail of blood leading to the edge of road and saw a body in the underbrush bellow it has been confirmed that it is the body of Cali Owens the missing girl we will keep you updated on this breaking news back to you Mark”

“Thanks Pam you know sometimes it isn’t always a happy ending”

I dropped my cup of coffee and turned on the T.V. and ran to my car in angry drove to the station where I meet up with the Sherriff.

“HOW IN THE HELL did you not call me! I am the detective on this case any new evidence you should call me first.”

“Calm down Jake, I did call you first you just didn’t answer your cell.”

“Sorry it has just been so stressful.”

“No need for apology, I understand.”

“So what it the latest”

“Well it looks like she was killed a few days ago and she was tortured by a large knife or machete the killing strike was across her throat.”

“How many times was she cut”

“Around forty-five”


“Take the day off we have it covered it has been a long case”


I went home exhausted, confused, angry, almost every emotion at once. I went to my closet to put away my clothes when I found a bloody machete sitting there with dry blood on it.
Debate Round No. 2


I like the detective POV, good job.

Chapter Two:

The shrill scream echoed in my ears. I scrambled out of the tent and headed towards claire's tent. I opened the flap and saw what she was screaming at.

A spider....

"You woke me up for a daddy long legs?" Aj mumbled, and layed back down.

I was upset, but I suppose it wasn't worth yelling over. I stumbled out and headed back to my tent. I was exhausted from the hike and heavily needed some sleep. I layed down and fell asleep almost instantly. When I woke up in the morning, the tour guide chase told us that today we would hike out to the very bottom of the canyon, and take a boat on the river to the next campground, where we would stay the night and then begin our hike back up.

We decided to explore a bit afterwords. Me and AJ went walking through the woody area. We had some lunch with us, and finally decided to sit down and eat after about an hour.

"So, whad' you think" Aj asked, munching on an apple.

"It's pretty cool" I replied, taking a sip of mountain dew.

"Yeah, hey remember when steve tried to pee on us?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I paid him five bucks to."

I laughed. Afterthat we finished our lunch and decided to go back, it was already about 7:00 at night. I guess Chase decided to wait til tommorow to head out, I thought.

We walked back to the campground, where we saw Claire and Liz crying, and Steve's mouth open wide.

Laying beside them was Chase. He had a big gash right below his temple, and a bunch of stab wounds around his chest. His shirt was ripped and drenched with oozing red blood. He had a single bullet hole in his forehead as well. Blood dripped down his head into the grass.


Chapter II: Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite

I quickly slammed the closet shut

"What in all that is good and holy?"

"Honey is everything ok"

"Yes everything is fine just closed the closet a little to rough"

"Well I have to grab a few things from the store, do you want anything."


"Are you sure you are alright"

"Never been better."

"I will be back in a couple hours."

"Love you"

"I love you to"

............the door shut

"I got to do something about this"

I went to my police bag and grabbed an evidence bag. I put the machete inside, but took a sample of the dry blood on it. After I took the sample I put the bag with the machete inside in my bed stand drawer and locked it. I drove down back to the station to go the forensic lab to get some DNA testing done. That is where I met Dr. Lindsey Booth.

"Hello Dr. Booth"

"Hello Detective Zimmer, why are you here"

"I need you to run this sample of dry blood"

"Is this from that kidnap case"


"I heard about it, sorry"

"I just need you to compare the DNA in that blood to the victims to see if there is a match"

"Ok, but didn"t they search her apartment and found zero evidence"

"Well, we found some"

"Come back in two days I should have the results by then"

"Thank you"

I drove back home and laid down on my coach and started crying.

"How could this be at all possible"""THE DREAMS!!!"

Now it started to make some sense those violent dreams I was having could they be at all connected. I ran to make kitchen and grabbed the phone book and flipped the page to find a doctor that specialized in sleep, I found a Dr. Henry Gob. I grabbed my phone and started to dial 552-1235"beep".beep".

"Hello Dr. Gob"s office the sleep doctor how can I help you"

"Yes I"m Jake Zimmer I would like to make an appointment"

"What date do you want to make this appointment sir"

"Can you fit me in today"

"Today? Well I can fit you into 5 does that work for you?"

"Sounds perfect"

"Have a nice day"

"Good bye"

I sat there waiting for an hour the longest hour I have ever waited for when it was quarter to 5 then took off and sat down with Dr. Gob.

"Well what seems to be the matter Mr. Zimmer."

"I have had problems sleeping"

"What kind of problems"

"I keep having violent dreams of murder and kidnapping."
"Well this sounds every interesting, do you mind if you spend the night here and I will do some tests to see what the problems are."

"That will be wonderful"

"You should call your wife and tell her you won"t be home tonight."

I called my wife and told her that I would be here at the hospital doing a sleep test. I then went to my room and changed into my hospital clothes and laid in the hospital bed.

"Get comfortable Mr. Zimmer we will be watching you vital signs to see it there is any problems and we will be checking brain activity."

"Sounds great."

"We will no put you under"


"Don"t worry you will be just fine."

"How will"..I know".if the".drugs are"..working"

"You will see soon enough"

"I"".don"t even feel"".I thing"."


"What is going on"

I had gotten out of bed and punched through the glass in my hospital room.

"What is wrong with me?"
Debate Round No. 3


I ask that my opponnent give me feedback, as I started this debate for practice.

Chapter 3

I tried to scream, but nothing came out. The body was horrifying to look at, I couldn't stand it. I tried to look away, but couldn't. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw the body.

"bu-bu-but" Aj stammered.

Derik was crawling out of his tent.

"Oh my god!" He screamed.

"Ok, thats it. We're leaving." I finally managed to say.

"How? Wer'e gonna hike up half a mile of canyon in a few hours?" Aj asked.

He's right, I thought. Also, if a killer is after us, he would chase us on the way up, and if he can take down a 30 year old man, he could take out a couple of nineteen year olds.

"We could call the police" AJ pointed out.

He pulled out his phone and dialed 911. A minute later he threw it on the ground.

"No service!" He yelled.

Great. I thought. Just great. We decided that we had to go on foot, hopefully whoever killed chase was gone by now. We walked for about ten minutes before I came up with the idea that maybe we could call the police at every campground we get to, and maybe they would have service.

"So what do you think happened" AJ asked.

"I don't know" I replied.

Which I seriously didn't. I did think about it though. We were the only ones hiking down here. We were alone. Then I thought something. Me and AJ were gone. Which leaves claire, Derik and Steve. Derik was best friends with Derik, Claire is too much of a siss to kill anyone, and so is Liz, which leaves Ste-

"Hey Nick, hurry up" Aj Called.

So after about 30 minutes we finally made it to the next campground. It was empty, which didn't help things very much. We called 911, still no service. We turned around to leave when AJ suddenly uttered 4 terrorfying words.

"Guys.....Steve is missing."


Chapter III: Never Sleep

I found myself standing up and having punched right through the doctors view window, the worst part of it was that I was having a sleep test. I soon found myself screaming the name of my doctor.

"DOCTOR!........DOCTOR GOB!.....GOB!"

"Shhhhhhhh it"s alright nothing is going to happen."

"Doctor what happened"

"quiet don"t say a word and lay down I have some news for you."

"What is it doctor."

"Well me and my assistant were watching the machines for signs of increased pulse rate, brain activity, and muscle movement and I have come to the conclusion that you are a sleep walker."

"I sleep walk? Then explain why I punched the window."

"Well, some people sleep walk and eat, or work, or just walk around with no apparent reason, but in your case it seems like you have a violent behavior when you sleep walk."

"Well what does that mean?"

"It means you could seriously hurt someone especially since you are a detective with real police and combat skills."

"What should I do?"

"With any sleep walker I recommend powering down before going to sleep you can do this by not eating three hours before bed, turning of technology a few hours before bed, and just relax before bed."

"Thanks Doc I going home."

"I think that you should stay I want to do a few more tests before letting you go."

"Sorry I am done with testing for right now."

I quickly went home to see my wife and be away from work and tests, but that"s before I got the news from my wife.

"Honey I"m home."

"So how did the doctor visit go."


"Oh I almost forgot Dr. Booth called she left a message on the answering machine."

I walked over to the phone and pressed the answering machine button.

"Hello this is Dr. Lindsey Booth I have a message for Jake Zimmer the DNA results are back and the dry blood that you brought in does match the victim"s if you have any more questions please call me back at 236-5525."

My mouth dropped wide open.

"Jake, what"s wrong?"

"Nothing, I have to go to my room now."

"Are you sure you are ok."


I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and unlocked the drawer with the machete in it. I grabbed the bag and put some gloves on and then I took my detective bag and pulled out my dusting tools. I dusted the handle for finger prints and found some. I then took out an ink pad and pressed my fingers to it and then pressed my ink covered fingers on a white blank piece of paper and compared.

"It"s a match"..I killed that girl."
Debate Round No. 4


Sorry for taking so long!

Chapter 4: The End

That now familiar feeling of not being able to say anything crept over me. I felt terrible. I was sitting there conspiring whether Steve was the killer, and now he's gone.

"Oh god" Aj stuttered. "This is bad, this is bad"
The two girls were crying. I felt I had a duty to keep them calm, me being the one that organized the trip. But to be honest, I was just as scared as them.

"Where is he?" AJ cried.

Unfortunately our questions were answered in a few short minutes.

I once again looked around for anything that I could find that would have any clue to where Steve was at. We decided to go into the cabin to look for him, after all, if he was anywhere, it would be in there.

I slowly opened the door. The cabin consisted of three rooms, a room for eating and sleeping, a bathroom with a toilet and shower, and a closet. The living room had a cot in it, a desk, and a gas stove. The first place to look was obviously the closet, due to the risk of anything happening we decided to stay close to each other.

I crept up to the closet door and put my hand on the door handle, and opened it.

A scream echoed in my ears.

"Hahaha, loser" Steve said, he was hiding in a closet! What a jerk, I thought. I can't believe he would do that. Expecially considering that we just saw our tour guide die.

"You douche!" Claire exclaimed.

Our anger was cut short when he let out a gasp, and fell to the ground. A deep red gash was in his back. Blood seeped down onto the flour.

I let out a slow terrified moan. Standing above him was someone dressed in a ghostface costume, like from the movie scream. He slightly cocked his head to the side and cleaned the blood off his knife with his hand. He hit me with the handle and went straight for Claire. Liz screamed and AJ tried to tackle the killer but then "Ghostface" took his head and slammed it into the desk.

I tried looking at Claire, but my vision was blurred from that hit from the handle. I felt my nose, and sure enough, blood was oozing down it. I got up and ran towards "Ghostface". He took my hand and slung me into the cot, which broke from the impact.

"No!!!" I screamed as he stabbed Claire in the chest, blood seeped down from her shirt. AJ scramble up and knocked "Ghostface" off of Claire. I slowly walked over and checked her pulse. Gone.

Ghostface scrambled up and knocked Aj Down, and started beating him with the handle of the knife. He flipped it around to stab him when I kicked him in the face. He fell off of AJ and grabbed Liz's leg. He shoved the knife into her kneecap, and she let out a shrill scream. I took him to the ground and punched him in the face, as many times as I could. He cut my hand and knocked me off. He, stood up, and stomped on my face and then again on my throat, crushing my windpipe. He then kicked me as hard as he could in the ribs. He raised the knife up when Aj jumped on him. I tried to get up, but the throbbing pain was so bad, I couldn't move.

He stabbed AJ in the stomach, and then again in the chest. Blood was pouring out of AJ's mouth. I couldn't move. I tried so hard, but I couldn't get up. So right here I had to watch Ghostface kill my best friend. AJ punched Ghostface, and knocked him off. Aj lifted his fist, and punched him in the throat, he raised his fist again, when Ghostface raised the knife and slashed it across AJ's throat.

His mouth opened, and he fell over.

I wanted to scream, but my windpipe wouldn't let me make a sound. I looked over at Liz, she has passed out from blood loss, but seems to be fine otherwise.

I got up, and ran at him, he pushed me down onto the stove, I hit my head on the top of it. He turned the burner on and smashed my face on to it. Once again I tried to scream. The pain was terrible. He picked me up and threw me back onto the stove, then slammed me into the desk.

Ghost face walked up to me, cocked his head to the side, cleaned off the knife, and he plunged the knife into my chest.......

I let out a small groan. I looked down out my chest, all I saw was red liquid pouring out of my chest. I looked up at Ghostface. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I tried to get up, but fell over. Then I passed out...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

My eyes fluttered open. I thought my chest was still bleeding, I wondered why I wasn't dead. Then I realized that the blood has stopped, as I was laying face down onto a piece of the desk, which I assume means that the pressure from the wood stopped the bleeding. Everything wasn't fine though. I was having trouble breathing, which means my lung was punctured. I had to do something.

I looked over and saw Ghostface dragging Aj and Steves body into the closet, I guess Claire's was already in there. I stumbled, and rolled over. I looked at Liz. She didn't deserve this, I thought. None of them did. I may of lost them, but Liz was still alive.

I grabbed the knife, and started tugging at it. Light red blood started spurting out of the wound. The pain was unbearable, but I kept trying. I pulled and pulled and the knife came out. I slowly staggered to get up, and stumbled over to where he was. I took the knife, and shoved it into his back.

Blood seeped out of costume, he screamed in pain. He turned around and hit me in the face, my stomach landed on a broken piece of wood from the desk, and it started bleeding, luckily, it wasn't that bad. I looked over towards the rubble of the desk and saw a miracle from one of the desk drawers.

A handgun. I crawled over to it, struggling not to pass out again, As i knew I would die. I grabbed the gun, and pointed it at ghostface. He took the knife out of his back and ran at me, he stepped on my chest wound, which caused me to scream. Then kicked me in the ribs. I pointed the gun, and he kicked it out of my hand. He turned me over, and stabbed me in the neck. The fact that I wasn't dead indicated he missed my Jugular vein. I pushed him over, and crawled over to the gun. Knife still in my neck, I decided to keep it in there because it was probably the only thing keeping me from bleeding out. I pointed the gun right as his head. And pulled the trigger.


He fell down, and two holes in his mask were seeping out blood. I heard sirens in the distance, I guess they found out about the dropped 911 call earlier. I pulled the mask off,

and it was Derik.

The End.

Please review my story when you vote! Anyone who wants to see a sequel just challenge me!


Chapter IV: Click"Click

The puzzle was coming together on my horror filled nightmare. The dreams, DNA evidence, the machete, and the doctor"s tests have all come together in proving at least to me my guilt. But how can I be responsible for killing a little girl when I was sleep walking. The evidence must be destroyed. I took the machete and buried it outside. Now a new problem is evident what if I kill again. I came to the conclusion to spend the nights at a hotel safe from my home to secure my wife"s safety. Night was coming close and the fear was settling in, but I knew that I was doing the right thing. When I was leaving my house my wife said something to me.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to spend a few nights at the police station a break in the case has happened, we think that we know who the killer is."

"Well, be safe."

"Make sure you lock the doors in the house there are some crazy people out there."

"I will, I love you."

I stopped all of a sudden those words have never had as much of a meaning as it did now.

"I love you too."

I climbed into my car and drove down to the nearest Best Western and checked in. I went up to my room number 232B. I locked all the locks on my door and went to bed and turned on the TV to watch my favorite basketball team the Chicago Bulls play the Utah Jazz.

"Just have to relax no big deal nothing is going to happen."

Soon it was getting late and my team was losing by a large margin. My eyes soon began to feel like more like bricks than eye lids.



"Aren"t you supposed to be at the police station".what is that".NO".WHAT ARE YOU DOING""STOP YOU ARE SCARING ME"..PLEASE DON"T"AHHHHHHHH""...ah"umm""."

I woke up all of a sudden.

"What going on?"

There I was on top of my sweet Jenny my beautiful wife with the same machete I buried outside stabbed into the middle of her chest.


Soon I heard the sirens of the police. The neighbors must have called 911 when they heard the screams. Soon I say the famous blue and red lights flash outside my window when I look over and say my gun. I heard the door being busted down and grabbed my gun and pointed it to my head.

"GOD have mercy on my soul."

I pulled the trigger as I heard the police officers run up my stairs.

Click"..Click, Click, Click.

"My gun is out of bullets. My gun is out of DAMN BULLETS."

That is when the police officers busted down the door in my bedroom.


I dropped my gun and put my hands above my head. The cuffs where put around my wrists as I was read my Miranda Rights.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"


I was sent to prison, booked, fingerprinted, and put into a jail cell I didn"t say anything until my lawyer came, I remained silent, and plead the 5th. But, arraignment did come 5 days later and I was standing there alone without a lawyer as the Judge asked.

"On the soul count of Murder in first degree how does the defendant plead?"

"On the soul count? I murdered the Cali Owens girl."

"Well that would be impossible there was a confession yesterday her mother killed her for the insurance money."

"But, what about the machete with her blood on it in my home."

"That was evidence given to you to watch over to give the mother a false sense of security to rat her out."

"What about my fingerprints on the machete, well two are from you, but one that fits the date of the murder was from the mother. You must have forgotten to put on gloves when you grabbed it."

"The dreams I had."

"I can"t help you there. Time is a wasting what do you plead?"

"Guilty of killing her, but I was sleep walking."

"Yeah sounds very realistic so the defendant has plead guilty to the soul count he is sentenced to 25 to life in prison."

I later found out that the mother did kill her daughter and the violent dreams I had where all inaccurate of the actual events. I learned that I suffered short term memory loss that is why I didn"t remember the machete and that I forgot to give it the proper treatment to insure the evidence wouldn"t be tampered with. The horror I felt of killing a little girl was great, but knowing that my wife is dead by my own had keeps me up at night that is why I won"t sleep.
Debate Round No. 5
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by Someguy224 4 years ago
Thanks Utah, If we had started at round one, Chapter one would have been completely devoted to character development, however I had to start at round two.
Posted by utahjoker 4 years ago
Time to review Someguy224 short story horror

I enjoyed it for the most part, but I felt that there needed to be more character develop which will come when you write a novel. Also make sure to keep all of the characters in check so the reader doesn't forget who is who. But, overall you did well just need some practice to hone your skill.
Posted by Someguy224 4 years ago
This one reviewed me. This entire debate was useless.
Posted by baylieboo22 4 years ago

Dude! This is amazing! You gotta finish!!!!
Posted by utahjoker 4 years ago
I will give my remarks at the end of the debate
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
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Reasons for voting decision: You both did great. It was fun reading this story.
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