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4 Points
The Contender
Con (against)
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Story Writing Debate

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Post Voting Period
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after 2 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/10/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,046 times Debate No: 31150
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (13)
Votes (2)




Hello there!

Here is my story writing debate. Basically I'll start off with the start of the story and you will continue with it. The person who most smoothly connects the story and writes the best will be voted the winner.

1st round- Acceptance
2nd round-Start of story
3rd round- Middle of story
4th round- Towards the end
5th round- Wrap it up.


I accept; may the best writer win.
Debate Round No. 1


Sorry about this short piece but I have a family anniversary to attend and it had to be quick.

Chapter 1: The Wardrobe and an ADHD kid.

The room was dark and musty, like that old pot of beer from 1920 twenty that Grandpa had showed me last week. Except it was worse. Rat's remains where scattered across the floor like confetti at a birthday party. The shelves on either sides of me had collapsed and I was ankle-deep in scratchy ruble. The window was so dirty I couldn't see through it and not for the first time I wondered if any one had lived here.

The ceiling had caved in a few meters in front of me and it gave me a slight view of the second story. It was much the same as the first I must say. The only difference was the tattered couch with more holes then Jimmy's jeans.
"Remind me again why where here, Sam?" Speak of the devil, it was Jimmy. His little face beamed out from the crack in the roof.

"How did you get up there Jimmy?" I asked incredulously, there was no visible way up there. Jimmy sighed in annoyance, his nimble fingers running through his dark hair.

"There's a pipe on the wall over there, there's footholds on it as well. It leads through another hole I poked through on the roof." He grinned down at me. I would never have guessed. I crept over to the heavy white pipe strapped to the wall by duct tape.
"Are you sure this is safe?" I asked him as it bucked under my slim frame. He looked down at me like I was meant to be in a straight jacket.

"Of courses it will." I sighed. He was the only person that I felt I was more mature then. I tucked in my t-shirt and steadily put one hand after the other, slowly inching up the pipe.

By the time I was up on the second story platform, Jimmy was already scampering towards the large wardrobe that stuck out like a sore thumb. I nervously crept over to the wardrobe, afraid that the floor was about to give way. Luckily it didn't.

Jimmy beamed at me from his perch on a sticking out platform.
"This thing looks almost new. Come on let's open it." He hungrily grabbed for the door but I grabbed his arm.
"Look Jimmy, we've done what we've wanted to do now let's just get out of here. This place gives me the creeps" I shivered in the dying light. I had to remind myself hat Jimmy had ADHD and had as much chance of turning away from this as Sharon near a pair of heels.

"Come on." I grabbed his hand more roughly than before and gave it a tug. He sold still, a stubborn from echoed into his weather beaten face. I pushed my dirty blond hair out of my face.

"Man, we have that science test tommorow. You know Mrs. Malone is going to be like a wrecking bull if she finds out we didn't do the homework."

"Your just the same as everyone else Sam. You think I can't handle myself that I need some 24/7 to watch over me." I looked at him stunned.

"Please?" I said on a much meeker tone.
"No way, we haven't found one cool thing here. I'm sorry Sammy but this is my chance."

And with that he flung open the doors to the wardrobe.


Chapter 2: What Lies Beyond...

I didn't know what to expect to be waiting behind those wardrobe doors, finely polished without a hint of old age (very unlike the rest of the crap in here). Possibilites swirled about my head moments before Jimmy had opened it: treasure, perhaps, or at least a treasure map. Of course, I knew that was just wishful thinking; but this wardrobe looked so out-of-place, so myseterious, I might not have been surprised if a pile of doubloons had poured out, a treasure chest overflowing with gems riding atop the gold waves, and even a parrot sitting on top of that. It would look up at me and squack and I would look back and think "I'm rich!"

It might have been heartbreaking if the doors opened and there was nothing at all inside, except maybe a cobweb here or a mothball there. But, Hell, I would have taken that over what we actually found in there any day: a body, a human body, tumbled out and onto the floor, like it had been propped up against the inside of the doors.

"Christ!" I shrieked, falling back on my tailbone. "I-I-Is that what I think it is?"

"Well, it's not Narnia," Jimmy said, more disappointed than shocked it seemed.

I looked down at it; it was a man, a young man (maybe only 25 years old), with dark splotches beneath his eyes. I didn't see any blood or injuries on him (not that I inspected him all that thouroughly), and he wasn't moving at all. "I-Is he, you know...?"

"Dead?" Jimmy grabbed a nearby piece of debris (some kind of long pipe) and poked the body with it. "I think so," he concluded after it didn't respond. "Should we say a prayer?"

"We should get out of here," I declared, "like I said before."

"Alright, alright, don't be so antsy, Sam."

Maybe I was a bit antsy. I'd never been in the presence of a corpse before, and I had no desire to be any longer than I had to.

But then, a ringing came from inside the man's pocket. I wanted nothing more than to ignore it, but something told me Jimmy did not share my sentiments; the fact that he was already rummaging through his pants and coat was a pretty good indicator.

"Jimmy," I shouted at him. "What are you doing? Let's go!"

"Hang on a minute," he said, then shown a stupid grin when he finally found the cellphone, a small, silver model. He pulled it from the corpse and stared at it. "Maybe it's a clue."

"A clue? To what?" I doubt even he knew what he was talking about.

"I dunno," he admitted. "Let's find out." Then, before I had time to stop him, he flipped open the phone and spoke into it. "Hello?"
Debate Round No. 2


My heart skipped a beat as a gruff male voice echoed from the end of the line:
"Is this you Anthony?" I looked over at Jimmy who liked like he was about to do a victory dance around the room. Then again, he did a sort of jiggle when he heard the voice. Like the kind you do when you've just saved your iPod from running out of power.

"Yes, this is Anthony." I stuttered into the cellphone, feeling my cheeks burn.

"You ok Anthony? You don't sound like yourself today." Oh man, I put this whole situation in jeopardy just 'cause of my stutter. Before I could say anything more, Jimmy snatched the phone off me.

"Just a mild cold thanks." Jimmy said smoothly. I ground my teeth as I remembered how utterly hopeless I had been. I'm terrible with this kind of stuff. Jimmy's confident and weird in a way that's kind of cool. I'm weird in a way that's definitely not cool. Geeky stuff I suppose your non-geeky brain must be thinking at this precise moment.

"Alright then, but you better be up and ready for the delivery tonight." Again my heart nearly stopped a beat. Delivery of what? Drugs?

"Don't worry, I'll be there. But just in case, can you just run though the time and place with me? I've been a bit forgetful lately. Stress and all." Jimmy said solemnly into the phone. I had to smile at his ingenuity in the situation. No way would I be able to do that.

"Alright but you better listen closely because I'm not repeating myself. The place is the dock's down by Ralph's park. They'll give you it at dock number five next to barge seven. Ask them for the delivery and show them your badge. Be there on Saturday at 11 o'clock sharp or you'll be cut from the unit."

"Thanks, we'll be there." And with that the mysterious man on the end of the line hung up, leaving us staring at a blank screen and one ADHD boy's grin that looked like it would split his face in two.


Saturday, 11 o’clock sharp. Dock number five next to barge seven. Even though I didn’t exactly have my nerves about me at the time, I could still remember the whole conversation nearly verbatim. My memory was just that good at times.

I still remember when Jimmy and I first became friends quite vividly. It was in the first grade at lunchtime. I’d forgotten my lunch at home so I tried to steal Jimmy’s cookie right off his tray. Well, let’s just say I wasn’t exactly as guileful as I imagined myself being; he spotted me immediately and curled his tiny fist and socked me right in the eye. I retaliated, and soon we were on the floor wrestling until a teacher broke us up and sent us both to the principle’s office. And we’ve been best friends ever since.

What, that doesn’t sound like the story of two people becoming friends? What can I say, we were weird kids.

Now here we were, nearly ten years later, both of us in high school. I’d like to think we’ve matured a lot since then, but we’re still dumb enough to get wrapped up in situations like this.

Honestly, it wouldn’t have been hard to just pretend like we’d never found that phone or that body, and not even bother showing up at those docks at 11 o’clock sharp. For me, anyway. It was Jimmy, of course, who insisted on going.

"Think of it like an adventure," he had said. "Like one of those books you read, but not so boring."

Well, apparently that snide remark had been enough to convince me because there I was, standing at the docks a few minutes before 11, gnawing at my fingernails that were already too short to scratch a lotto ticket.

Sometimes, I really wish I’d tried to steal a cookie from someone else’s tray. It wasn’t that I disliked Jimmy or even disliked hanging out with him; I just wished his idea of fun and mine overlapped a bit more. What’s wrong with sitting at home and playing video games every once in a while?

"Hey, you still got that guy’s badge?" Jimmy asked, and my thoughts were derailed.

"Yeah," I said after a moment, then showed it to him.

The thing was still as mysterious as when we first found it in the coat pocket of that guy Anthony. It was a golden thing with an unusual emblem depicting the head of some snarling beast (a wolf, I think). It definitely wasn’t a police badge or anything like that; whoever these guys were, they were most likely on the opposite side of the law.

"You ready for this?" he asked.

"I think so," I said, but I was sure it sounded unconvincing. "I mean, I don’t know, Jimmy. What if they’re dangerous? What if they know we’re not the guys we’re supposed to be?"

"Relax, will you? You think I came unprepared?"

Yes, I thought, but didn’t say it aloud.

"Don’t worry, I brought something just in case," he said, patting the pocket of his jacket. “Look, there they are.” And with that, he took the lead toward three distant silhouettes near the end of the dock.

"Howdy, boys," Jimmy greeted them.

These were three of the buffest guys I’d ever seen in my life, and the shortest among them (the one in the middle) stood a foot taller than us both. Whatever Jimmy had in that jacket pocket of his had better be a gun, and even then it didn’t seem likely to help.

For a moment, they just stared at us, then the middle one spoke. "You got a badge or not?"

"Course I do," Jimmy said, sounding rather insulted, then he flashed them the wolf emblem.

"Terry said you’d be young, but I didn’t expect a kid." Then he eyed me. “And I didn’t expect two kids. You got a badge, too?”

Jimmy spoke up before I could answer. "He’s a newbie," he said. "There was some kind of mix-up with his badge so he doesn’t have one yet."

"I’m afraid I can’t do business with someone who doesn’t have a badge," he said, "unless the unit approves it. I’ll just call it in." He took out a phone and started dialing.

I looked at Jimmy, the expression on my face undoubtedly one of fear. For a moment Jimmy just looked back at me; it seemed like he was considering what to do; wait and continue to play it cool or take action.

He chose action, and suddenly revealed the thing he had been concealing in his jacket pocket. My eyes widened when I saw it; now that I could see it definitely wasn’t a gun, I wished again it had been.

Jimmy, I thought, are you nuts?

Debate Round No. 3


At first I though it was an egg. Like the kind you see in magical movies that contain dragons. But it wasn't that, although it looked extremely similar.

It was a potion.

Don't ask me how I knew that for my brain is as much as a mystery to you as it is to me. I just knew. It was a glowing green sphere with a large cork at the top symbolized with the same crest as the badge. The liquid inside was a deep red color with cloudy blue infused with it. And Jimmy, his face as serious as though is father had died the day before, threw it at the men's feet. Before even a gasp could come from my mouth, the liquid/gas erupted onto the platform.

At first it felt that something was clawing at my throat, a ghastly ripping feeling running through me. After a minute my mind cleared and I yearned for fresh air.

I couldn't see anything but a strange green mist that would not go no matter how many times I swiped at it. It took a couple of minutes but eventually my wandering was cut short by the mist clearing. It was like seeing the sun for the first time, the fresh air filled my lungs till I had breathe out deeply. I nearly collapsed right then and there as a seagull pecked me on the head but I groggily pushed my eyes open.

The first thing I noticed was Jimmy's body strewn across the steps like a grotesque rag doll. I choked back a sob and sprinted over.

Jimmy couldn't be dead. This was the Jimmy that had made a sit-wad firing machine so he wouldn't have to chew the paper.

"No, No, No" I muttered to myself as I slid over to is limp body. Just as I tried to put my hand against is heart a blow do hard I was thrown back, lashed against my back. Pain racked my body and I was sure that I had cracked numerous ribs. I turned round, only to find myself looking at the short, buff man that had been in the talker's crew.

"Your frie-" The short man coughed at fell against the deck, his head hanging loosely on his neck. In the light I could see that he had a tattoo on his neck of a woman with the caption: My love is what keeps me going. This just made me choke more. He had a loving wife that he could never go back to. The other men where strewn similarly across the deck, there faces just as pale.

No, he couldn't be dead either. This was not meant to happen. We where suppose to see what the delivery was and then leave. No, No, No, No, No. I repeated to myself as I staggered over to Jimmy's body. His t-shirt was ripped and the area around his shoulder dripping with blood.

A deep gash above his eye made his face look like waterfall of blood. I assumed he had smashed into something and I was proven right as I saw the glass shards in his shoulder

What had been in that awful potion? I looked fearfully at his lips where I could see no signs of breath. Just to be sure I knelt down.

And an answering breath tickled my neck.


"Run," he said. Jimmy was alive, but barely, using the last of his breath to tell me something he must've thought was very important. "Take this and run."

He held out his hands, a box gripped weakly between them. I took it out of obligation, but I didn't care about the damn thing. I cared about my friend.

"What were you thinking, Jimmy?" I said, tears welling in my eyes.

"Don't cry, man," Jimmy said. "It's so... uncool."

But I couldn't help it. "What were you thinking?" I repeated. "Where did you get that potion?"

"Anthony," he answered.

Made sense, I guess. Actually, it didn't. None of this made any sense. And I suddenly realized I didn't care about the answers anymore either. "Let's get out of here," I said. "Forget this dumb package. Forget these guys. Let's just go." But I knew that was impossible, that only one of us was leaving that place.

Jimmy's eyes trailed to the glass shards sticking halfway out of his shoulder, knowing his fate better than I did. "You go on ahead," he said. "I'll catch up."

A joker till the end.

"That package is important," Jimmy explained. "Take it, and this badge, and get out of here."

I got the sudden feeling like I'd missed something. Why did it sound like Jimmy knew something about all this? I didn't ask, though. I'd bothered him enough with questions.

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself," I said.

"You're a true friend, Sam," he said with a smile. "Now get the hell out of here. When you're somewhere safe, open the package. You'll know what to do after that, I know it."

By then, I could hear footsteps and quiet voices in the distance. A group of people (at least three of them) were approaching from the other end of the docks. Maybe they were part of this same wolf emblem mafia group, maybe they weren't. I didn't want to stick around to find out.

I wanted to say something to Jimmy before leaving, something profound. Something like what a true friend should say. But I couldn't think of anything. It was just all so surreal.

"Go now," he said as the footsteps grew louder.

And I did. I turned and walked off, my pace gradually quickening. Before I knew it, I was running along the docks faster than I thought was possible. I didn't look back until I was far away from the docks and gasping for breath. This was as safe a spot as any, I thought, and looked down at the package between my hands.

Jimmy said I'd know what to do after I opened this, but I already knew what I wanted to do: I wanted to kill whoever was responsible for Jimmy's death. But who? Who were these guys?

"I'm sick of all these questions," I think to myself aloud. "I want some answers now." Then I remove the lid from the package and stare down at its truly shocking contents. "Oh my God..."
Debate Round No. 4


It was the ring my father wore before he died. Right down to his initials scratched into the black gem.
I sobbed as I saw it, only seeing my mothers horror stricken face when the police had come. He had been shot three times in chest outside his work. And now Jimmy's death was linked to it. It all made me feel sick to the core.

Why wasn't the world fair? I had seen my best friend die and my dead fathers ring, all in less than fifteen minutes. But what was my fathers ring doing here and where had Jimmy found it? There where to many questions and to little answers.

At first I thought ran was trickling down my face but then I realized it was my own tears and I guiltily wiped them away, tucking the box with the ring in my bulging pocket.

"Give me the ring." I jumped, but a hand shot out and pinned me to the wall of one of the barges. Standing in front of me was a pretty girl with platinum blond hair that would turn any guys head. It turned my head because she yanked it so hard I saw stars. I took the moment to grab her wrist and yanking towards me, making her lose her balance. She tipped forward, but not before grabbing my hand with her and we both toppled into the icy water.

It was freezing and not just freezing refreshing, but absolutely bone-chilling freezing. I gasped as I plunged into the water and swam crudely to the edge. The girl was lying on the top of the water and with a huff I swam over. I grabbed her by the waist and yanked her up to the edge of the boardwalk. Her eyes fluttered open and I sighed in relief. She closed her eyes when she saw me and I shrugged, anxious to get going.

But there was something in her pocket. I grabbed it, shaking off her feeble attempts to secure it. It was a handgun, small and solid with a strange grey tone to it. I gave her one quick glance then put it into my pocket, wondering if I'd ever use it.

"You have to double pull the trigger to fire it, kid." For about the hundredth I spun around only to face an extremely handsome man. He wore a broad smirk, a shoulder holster, ripped jeans and windswept blond hair. Add a pair of awesome sunglasses and he would have melted any girls brain.

"Who are you?" I asked wearily. He looked at him strangely then answered.

"I'm your father Sam."


Tears probably would have welled in my eyes, emotions overflowing my brain, if not for the fact I was mostly just confused. "D-Dad?" I asked, almost sceptically.

"Yes, son, it is I," he said, pretentiously archaically as always. "You're father."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Allow me to explain, son. Really, it's all so simple."

"And by simple, you mean overly convoluted and probably riddled with plot holes?"

"Well, what do you expect?" he asked, a little annoyed. "I mean for gods sake, since the beginning of this tale, the only things being presented were questions without answers and now here I am, someone who was supposed to be dead for years, and I have to provide all those procrastinated answers? At this point, the only thing that make sense if this whole thing was just a dream, but that's so cliché, isn't it? I mean, what the hell was up with that new-looking wardrobe in the first place?"

I stare at him, unblinking. "I, uh... I don't know."

"Well, then sit back and listen," he said, more composed. "There's this unit called the Fierce Wolves. They deal with drug-trafficking, human-trafficking, even traffic-trafficking."


"Yes, now pay attention. This unit seeks out and solicits the recruitment of talented young boys shown to have potential."

"Like me?"

"No, you little idiot," my father said. "Like Jimmy. He was a part of the Fierce Wolves. That is, until a few years ago when he went rouge."

"Went rouge?"

"Are you going to repeat everything I'm saying? Trust me, it'll make a lot more sense if you don't think about it too much. Anyway, one day he just decided this entire group was founded in immorality. So he faked his death to get out."

"Wait, how do you know all this?"

"Because I did the same thing," he explained. "I'm sorry I worried your mother and you, but it was the only way. But Jimmy's past and my past started to catch up with us a few months ago when we showed up on the Wolve's radar again. Anthony, the guy you found in that wardrobe was hired to snuff us out for real. But he was no match for Jimmy's sheer cunning."

"H-He killed him?"

"Yes, and then he planted him in that building in a conspicuous object, the new-looking wardrobe, so that you'll find him."

"But, why?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he said, but then paused to think. He thought for a long time. I was about to ask if he was okay, but then he spoke again. "Yes, of course. He wanted you to find the body so that you'd realize what kind of horrible group these Fierce Wolves were and never get involved with them like he did."

"But... But if he didn't do that, I never would have even known about this group."

"Oh my God," my father suddenly exclaimed. "Is that gunfire I hear?"

I looked around, but didn't see or hear anything.

"You must run," my father warned me and handed me a suitcase. "Take this. Inside, you'll find a fake ID for yourself, a passport, and enough money to fly someplace far away. Now go, and don't ever look back. The Fierce Wolves will kill you if they catch you."

So I ran. I ran to the nearest bus stop, then took that to the nearest airport, then took that to the nearest European country. And I never looked back.


"So, did he buy it?" Jimmy asked.

"Of course he did," my father told him. "He got his brains from his mother's side."

They both shared a hearty laugh, then Jimmy spoke. "Thank God. Now that he's out of my life, and you're out of your wife's life, we can finally be together."

"Yes," my father said intimately, then took a sip of his wine. It tasted sweeter than he remembered.
Debate Round No. 5
13 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 5 years ago
"Anyways, Con wrapped the ending up pretty well, and made it a bit better, though I honestly didn't agree with him making the epilogue a romantic relationship between the father and the friend. That was the icing on the cake of weird, and dis-orienting plot."

Glad you enjoyed reading it, TUF. As for the epilogue, I figured what the hell, nothing I could possibly come up with could adequately tie all the loose ends together, and the plot was weird and nonsensical enough anyway, so why not? lol
Posted by TUF 5 years ago
Spelling and grammar definitely goes to con. I recommend in the future that Pro uses Spell check (they also now have grammar check too). There were several mistakes in every round made by pro, and very few made by con.

Convincing arguments goes to Con for continuously attempting to save the story, when at times it didn't really seem possible (I understand how that is though, I recently did the same thing with lannan :/ )

Conduct, was good on both sides, so a tie.

I'll give sources to Pro though, because of his writing style and ettique was appealing. I definitely think he needs to work on his plot, creativity, and compilation, but the components in his text were more appealing to me, and were finesse. You definitely did a good job at wording things, and making your writing "look good". Just hammer out that spelling and grammar, and writing should come a bit easier to you.
Posted by TUF 5 years ago

Okay First I will share my thoughts on the story and then give the RFD.

The plot of this story was absolute crap. No offense, I mean, but I really didn't feel a connection to the story or the characters.

Here's basically the break down of why the plot wasn't very good. There were a lot of loop holes in the story, and things that didn't seem to make a lot of sense. The story had the potential to be good, but the plot was continuously butchered. I liked the concept that Con introduced with the dead man in the closet, and the cell phone ringing, and got pretty excited for the following story. But then pro turned it into some sort of drug/something deal? Where did that come from? Con had led the story on to make it seem as it they had no idea who the dead man was and why he was there, just that two random kids had stumbled into some sketchy business that had nothing to do with them (which would have made a far better story I think). Anyways, that and the mixture of who was on the cell phone was definitely a plot flaw. Anyways, Con came to save the day and made the story a little bit more interesting with the drug deal and the irresponsible friend.... Until Pro ruined it again. A potion? really? A potion?! That was so... weird. And it made no sense with the story line. Also why the heck did he break the potion? What was his incentive? The 3 people meeting him didn't even neccesarily show any actions that would indicate that they were going to attack. And the final thing that disturbed we was the introduction of the Father. WTF. I didn't think the story could get any more weird or confusing. Anyways, Con wrapped the ending up pretty well, and made it a bit better, though I honestly didn't agree with him making the epilogue a romantic relationship between the father and the friend. That was the icing on the cake of weird, and dis-orienting plot.

RFD in a sec.
Posted by KRFournier 5 years ago
I posted it for you in his comments. In the meantime, send him a friend request if you haven't already.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 5 years ago
Unfortunately, I can't post on your profile, TUF :(
Posted by TUF 5 years ago
Post this on my profile and I'll try to read and vote soon.
Posted by TUF 5 years ago
Yeah KRF is a pretty fantasic writer. I have done a ton of these too. That's basically all I do now lol.
Posted by KRFournier 5 years ago
These kinds of debates are fun. I did one of these if either of you are interested. I think it turned out pretty well.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 5 years ago
Well, that was a trip. Thanks for making this awesome story possible, Cm57105!
Posted by Cm57105 5 years ago
S'alright about switching tenses. I do it all the time.
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by TUF 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:24 
Reasons for voting decision: RFD is located in the comments section of this debate. Good job to both of you, definitely needs some improvements, but it kept my interest enough for me to finish the whole thing. It was short, and not too strenuous to read.
Vote Placed by KRFournier 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:24 
Reasons for voting decision: Good story. Pro gets a couple points for his use of visceral description, but Con clearly wins in all other areas. My biggest problem was Pro's R3. Con had ended with Jimmy on the phone and Pro began with Sam on the phone. Moreover, the story is 3rd person subjective, so how was Sam able to hear everything on the other side of the phone? Also, Pro had a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. Con, good job on finding clever ways to deal with out of place elements like the potion, and kudos on wrapping up the loose ends. I even liked how the father broke the 4th wall a bit. Good job to the both of you.