Supreme Court Case of Spongebob SquarePants v Bubble Buddy
Debate Rounds (5)
(Voters = The Judge)
(Pro = Attorney for Spongebob)
(Con = Attorney for Bubble Buddy)
"Your honor, in a previous ruling, my client, sir Spongebob Squarepants here, was convicted of negligible homicide for his actions on November 16th in the year 2000, where Mr Squarepants left a random beachgoer by the name of 'Scooter' in the care of his newly found friend 'Bubble Buddy', after the beachgoer requested to be buried up to his neck in the sand........... Mr Squarepants did so..." - Me
"Objection your honor" - Con, "With the absence of pants, Imabench's suspenders serve no functional purpose"
"Im going to allow it, but watch yourself mr. Bench" - Judge
"Thank you your honor. As I was saying, Mr Squarepants obliged by the request to bury the beachgoer up to his neck in the sand, and then left the still buried beachgoer in the care of Bubble Buddy with instructions to dig the beachgoer out of the sand before the tide came in, while Mr Squarepants ran an errand. However, Mr BubbleBuddy did NOT unbury the man before the tide came in, and as a result the young man perished.
Unfortunately, in a gross misappropriatment of judicial authoritah, the previous judge ruled against my client and wrongly declared him to be the murderer, declaring that Bubble Buddy is NOT a person and therefore cannot be held responsible for the death of Scooter, and that it is (wrongly) the fault of my client that Scooter passed away that day in 2000.
I will attempt to prove that Mr. Squarepants is innocent of the charge of negligent homicide and that Bubble Buddy is guilty of the same charge, while Mr. Con must prove that his client is innocent and that Sir Squarepants is guilty.
I now cede the floor to the con and allow him to make an opening statement, and then I will present arguments first in the next 'round' of this trial, as agreed upon prior to the trial..... We will then exchange arguments until the last round, when we shall both give final statements and then let the judge (you voters) decide the verdict."
"Yes, we believe it was racism. My client is part of a race that has been subjected to popping all over the world, above and under the sea. They have not been able to live in peace since the discovery of their delicate nature. While my client may be a lovable man, he was set up that day to be discriminated and popped.
"We know that people already hated Mr. Squarepants and my client for the seemingly insane nature of their relationship. We also know, that it is easy for a bubble to disguise his or her sentience. My client confirms that he was afraid that day of intense discrimination and only communicated with Spongebob in private. He chose not to reveal his sentience until the time of his near murder by Mr. Tentacles.
"In modern society I find it appalling that this would even become a question. We're supposed to over-support minorities, not hold them to the same level as everyone else. In this case, I believe we can honestly see that Mr. Bubblebuddy had legitimate reason to fear for his life had he revealed his sentience, and chose to stand by instead of do what he was told.
"In further defense, Scooter was actually pretty happy. He's in heaven now, and we know that because he flew up to the sky laughing and wearing a halo and angel wings. He seemed rather happy about it. I believe, your honor, that we must acquit my client under respect for other aspects of the law and the fact that we have legitimate cause for negligence outside of pure negligence. He was discriminated to the point of the most extreme introversion. Thank you." -me
"The defense begins by stating that Mr Bubble Buddy was set up that day because of widespread hatred that was aimed against him that day, and that there was a legit fear of his own life which prompted him to NOT help poor scooter from drowning. This however is a completely false claim to make, since at the time, NO ONE held any animosity towards Mr Bubble Buddy, or even seemed to know of his presence until AFTER the death of scooter took place. It was only until after Mr Bubble Buddy began to irk others of his presence due to holding up the bathroom line, among other things. "
"According to previous testimony, Mr Squarepants and Mr Bubble Buddy had exited the Krusty Krab and hadnt been at the beach for longer then a few seconds before approached by Scooter and asked to bury him. This immensely small time frame between the two arriving at the beach and the incident with scooter completely negates the defenses claim that Mr Bubble Buddy at this time was under threat from widespread racism at the beach and was fearing for his life......... No further opening statements your honor"
"Very well, you may call your first witness to the stand." - Judge
"I call my own client, Spongebob Squarepants to the stand!"
[Mr Squarepants takes a seat in the booth, his shoes squeaking with every step]
"GO SPONGEBOB, YOU GOT THIS, WOOO!" - Patrick Star
"Mr Star, please no talking" - Judge
"Is Mayonnaise an instrument?" - Patrick Star
"No Patrick, Mayonnaise is not an instrument............................................ Horse Radish isnt an instrument either" - Judge
"Mr Squarepants, on the fateful day in November of 2000, what happened at the Krusty Krab?" - Me
"Well, me and Bubbly buddy were getting hungry, so we went to the Krusty Krab and ordered one of everything" - Mr Squarepants
"You entered the Krusty Krab at about 8:10 and didnt leave until 2:00, why did it take almost 4 hours for you and Mr. Bubble Buddy to eat food at a fast food restaurant?"
"OBJECTION. The speed at which my client eats his food is not relevant to the case your honor" - Con
"Overruled. You may answer the question Mr Squarepants" - Judge
"Well, it took us four hours because Bubble Buddy is a very picky eater. We had to keep reordering the food because our waiter kept messing it up" - Spongebob
"NO I DIDNT, YOU JUST KEPT MAKING RIDICULOUS DEMANDS TO MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE" - Squidward
"Mr. Tentacles, please sit down and be quiet" - Judge
"Yeah Squidward sit down, you shouldnt interrupt the trial like that, its just rude" - Patrick Star
"Whats rude is making me provide excellent service and then stiffing me with the bill!" - Mr. Tentacles
"You still owe me my money you damn dirty bubble!" - Mr Krabs
"Mr Krabs and Mr Tentacles please sit down. If you make another sound I shall hold you in contempt and issue you a fine of $500 dollars." - Judge
[both Mr Tentacles and Mr Krabs sit down]
"So mr. Bubble Buddy made it clear to you how he did and didnt like his food, essentially revealing that he was indeed a person to you is that correct?" - Pro
"Yes" - Mr. Squarepants
"So on that day in the beach, you were already aware that Mr. Bubble Buddy was indeed a real person, and placed him in charge of unearthing young Scooter from the sand before the tide came in?" - Pro
"Yes Sir, I mean Ma'am, I mean Captain, I mean poo-bah" - Spongebob
"No further questions your honor" - Pro
"Very Well. Con you may either interrogate this witness, introduce a new witness, or you may simply rest and allow for the prosecution to introduce their next witness." - Judge
"Mr. Squarepants, would you consider yourself a nice person?" -con.
"Objection! This is irrelevant!" -pro.
"Overruled, she may continue." -judge.
"Yes, I'd certainly like to think so." -Spongebob.
[Squidward grunts in disagreement]
[Judge glares at Mr. Tentacles but lets it slide]
"Is that why Mr. Bubblebuddy could probably trust you with knowledge of his sentience without fear of ridicule?" -con.
"Bubble buddy and I have been best friends since the day he was born." -Spongebob.
"So to be clear that's a yes?" -con.
"Yes, it is." -spongebob.
"How well did you know Scooter?" -con.
"I've never really talked to him that much." -Spongebob.
"Okay, thank you. No further questions, your honor." -me.
"Pro, you may call your next witness to the stand" - Judge
'I call Squidward Tentpoles to the stand" - Pro
"Its TENNISBALLS, I MEAN TENTACLES" [murmurs under his breath] - Mr. Tentacles
[Mr Tentacles sits at the interview stand thingy]
"Mr. Tentacles, When you first met Mr Squarepants and Mr Bubble Buddy on November 20th 2000, what was your first impression of Mr. Bubble Buddy?" - Pro
"Well for starters, he has more brains than Spongebob" - Mr Tentacles
"What would you say about his conduct?" - Pro
"Spongebob has always been a pain in my -" - Mr Tentacles
"I mean the conduct of Mr. Bubble Buddy" - Pro
"Oh him, well anyone who voluntarily hangs out with spongebob for a full day is probably an idiot" - Mr Tentacles
"Oh please! I hang out with spongebob all the time, would you say that IM an idiot?" - Patrick Star
"Yes, a thousand times YES" - Mr Tentacles
"Mr Star, please sit down and be quiet" - Judge
"I have to go to the bathroom" - Patrick Star
"Then go ahead" - Judge
[Mr Patrick sits still with a blank face for several seconds]
"Ok im done" - Patrick Star
"idiot....." - Mr Tentacles
"Anyways, what was Bubble Buddy acting like when you last saw him?" - Pro
"He apologized and said he was going to go out of town since things were getting kinda weird around here" - Mr. Tentacles
"So he was in a hurry to leave town?" - Pro
"Yes" - Mr Tentacles
"Would you say that a possible reason he was in a hurry to leave because he had inadvertantly killed someone???" - Pro
"Objection! Pro is forcing the witness to speculate!" - Con
"Sustained" - Judge
"No further questions your honor" - Pro
"Very Well. Con, you may question this witness, introduce your own witness, or you may rest and let Pro call up a new witness" - Judge
Jonbonbon forfeited this round.
"The Defense has chosen to rest, Pro you may call forth a new witness" - Judge
"Very well, I call Thomas Smith to the stand!" - Pro
[crowd murmurs in confusion and curiosity. Mr Smith sits down at the stand http://spongebob.wikia.com...]
"Mr Smith, would you care to introduce yourself to everyone" - Pro
"My name is Mr. Smith, people around bikini Bottom know me primarily for my obsession and crippling addiction to CHOCOLATE!!! " - Mr Smith
"I see. You were at Goo Lagoon that fateful day when young Scooter died in November of 2000, is that right?" - Pro
"Yes, that is correct" - Mr Smith
"Could you explain what you did that day? Specifically what you said to a group of people gathering into an angry mob to go after Bubble Buddy and Mr. Squarepants?" - Pro
"Well. I had seen from a distance a lot of the chaos that Bubble Buddy was causing that day, and I was simply incensed at how arrogant and uncaring he was acting and behaving towards everyone else. Then when people started to gather into a crowd to talk about what Bubble Buddy had done to them, I decided to speak up about how something should be done" - Mr Smith
"And what exactly did you say?" - Pro
"I said 'he poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague onto our houses' " - Mr Smith
"When someone asked you if mr Bubble Buddy actually did any of those things, what then did you say?" - Pro
"I said 'no, but are we just gonna sit around and wait til he does?" - Mr Smith
"So you believed that Mr Bubble Buddy was a clear threat to the well being of the people of Bikini Bottom, to the very point that you sincerely believed that all of their lives were at stake?" - Pro
"Yes" - Mr Smith
"Now what happened after that?" - Pro
"Some old guy said 'lets tip something over' " - Mr Smith
"Mr Krabs?" - Pro
"Yeah that guy. After we tipped over lifeguard tower, someone suggested that we beat up the life guard. Then some hideous lookin dude said that Bubble Bu-" - Mr Smith
"IM NOT HIDEOUS, IM GORGEOUS!" - Mr Tentacles
"Baliff, remove that man from my courtroom!" - Judge
[A very large Baliff literally throws Squidward out of a window. A large crashing noise is heard and a car alarm goes off]
"Please continue" - Judge
"Well, that guy who was just thrown out the window said we should go after Bubble Buddy since he was the one causing all this trouble, not the lifeguard" - Mr Smith
"And how many people were in this angry mob?" - Pro
"About 2 dozen people I believe" - Mr Smith
"So you and a large group of other people believed that Bubble Buddy was an immense threat to the well being of the people of Bikini Bottom, to the point where you felt that you HAD to do something to stop him" - Pro
"Yes" - Mr Smith
"I have no further questions for this witness your honor" - Pro
"Very well. Con, you may either question this witness, introduce your own witness, or you may rest. This is the last chance you have to interrogate a witness or introduce your own witness, after this both sides will give a final statement and then the jury shall vote" - Judge
[Mrs. Puff sits at the stand]
"Mrs. Puff, could you please explain your relationship to Mr. Squarepants?" -Con
"I'm his boating school teacher." -Mrs. Puff
"I thought this was Spanish class." -Patrick Star
"Bailiff get him out too!" -Judge
[Bailiff drags Patrick to the window]
"I believe in you, Spongebob! You can do this!" -Patrick Star
"I'll find you, Patrick!" -Mr. Squarepants
[Patrick is thrown out of the window followed by the sound of Squidward in pain]
"So, Mrs. Puff, would you say Mr. Squarepants is a nice person?" -Con
"Well... Yes I would have to say he is." -Mrs. Puff
"Does he do his best to behave in class?" -Con
"Why yes, he has the most golden stars in our class." -Mrs. Puff
"Would you describe him as compitent?" -Con
[Mrs. Puff screams and inflates then rolls out of the stand]
"No..." -Mrs. Puff
[EMT breaks down the door and the nurses put her on a stretcher]
"I'm sure she'll be just fine." -Nurse
[They load her in the ambulance and drive to the hospital]
[The room settles and a slight murmur is cut off by the banging if a gavel]
"Objection, your honor, Mrs. Puff has been diagnosed by psychologists as having Extreme Hate for Spongebob Disorder and can't be taken seriously as a witness." -Pro
"Objection! Mr. Bench is out of order!" -Con
"Who is sustained?" -Con
"I don't care, both of you." -Judge
"Can I challenge Mr. Bench's psychologist?" -Con
"Objection! Ms. Bon is out of order!" -Pro
"Can you guys just go sit down and play the quiet game?" -Judge
"Does the winner get any money?" -Mr. Krabs
"Okay, now that the last witness has been hospitalized, I would like each side to offer their final statements starting with Mr. Bench." -Judge
Mr Squarepants, a well-meaning member of Bikini Bottom, knew that Mr Bubble Buddy was indeed alive and left poor scooter in his care on that fateful day in November in the year 2000......
Mr Tentacles, a shovel-faced member of Bikini Bottom, explicitly stated how Mr Bubble Buddy immediately tried to get out of town in a hurry when an angry mob came after him for his deplorable conduct on the beach that day......
Mr Smith, a chocolate obsessed citizen of Bikini Bottom, held legitimate fears that Mr Bubble Buddy was a threat to society, along with the 2 dozen other people on the beach that day.....
Mrs Puff, a woman who has been subjected to countless hours of torture due to Spongebob's incompetence behind the wheel of a boat, stated herself that Spongebob is a nice person!.....
It is clear that Mr Squarepants is a nice, well meaning sponge who wouldnt even harm a jellyfish, let alone drown someone.... Mr Bubble Buddy on the other hand has, in just a few short hours of arriving in Bikini Bottom, stiffed waiters at restaurants, caused an angry mob to form, made a speedy exit from town when he felt that things were getting too hairy for him to stick around, and caused a list of other ills to society in the process.
It is clear that Mr Squarepants is innocent, that Mr Bubble Buddy is guilty, and that the prior conviction of Mr Squarepants for the death of scooter is unjustified and should be negated!
Thank you." - Pro
"According to testimonies, we are faced with a difficult decision. We can conclude that both of these citizens mean well for the people around them, as Mr. Squarepants being a nice person has trusted Mr. Bubble Buddy as a nice person. However, with the death of Scooter, who's fault was it?
"As I stated, Mr. Bubble Buddy has been in fear of discrimination since he was born and preferred acting like a normal bubble around everyone except for his best friend, Mr. Squarepants. For my client, this was a situation of life and death for himself, and I believe I was something Mr. Squarepants forgot to take into account.
"As we've also heard in testimony, Mr. Squarepants is so incompetent that Ms. Puff was actually hospitalized due to anxiety over it. Is being incompetent a crime? No, but it should not be a supporting reason to charge my client.
"This was not a negligent crime. This was a situation of deep moral and situational conflict, and my client had no other choice, but to choose his own self-preservation.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Mikal 2 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: There is like no voting metric for this but I think it was great.I did like cons presentation better. Just mainly due to rebuttals but it was weakened because of the ff. I think she could have one had that ff not occurred. This was really worth the read though and a cool idea.
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