The Instigator
Masterdebater1996
Pro (for)
Losing
2 Points
The Contender
THElittleRISK
Con (against)
Winning
8 Points

The Adorableness of Raccoons

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
THElittleRISK
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/13/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 5,148 times Debate No: 35551
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (5)
Votes (2)

 

Masterdebater1996

Pro

Raccoons should be given an award for their cuteness. As shown by this picture (1), raccoons have the face of an angel. They are certainly a gift from Heaven.

1: http://3.bp.blogspot.com...
THElittleRISK

Con

In this debate, I will be arguing that Racoons are certainly not a gift from heaven nor particularly cute. I wish my opponent well as this is her first debate and welcome her to the site :)

(If it is not already evident, it should be clear that this is a joke debate made more for laughs than anything)

I look forward to what will surely be a very fun debate!
Debate Round No. 1
Masterdebater1996

Pro

Thank you for the opening statement :)

Raccoons must know they are cute due to the innocence in their faces. The cute fluffiness of their large eyes shows friendliness, all they want is to be loved, taken care of, and fed, just like any other wildlife creature 1). Raccoons are curious when it comes to humans, and who wouldn't be? They have similar features to cats, and how adorable are cats? 2)

1:http://naturalunseenhazards.files.wordpress.com...
2: http://www.geocities.com...
THElittleRISK

Con

I would like to thank my opponent for her hear warming opening argument.
Unfortunately for her raccoons are furry little hell-spawn, and I'll prove it.

Pro claims that raccoons want to be taken care of. F#ck that. Raccoons want to f*ck sh!t up for humans as much as possible. According to this wildlife control publication (1), "Raccoons cause damage or become a nuisance around houses and buildings when they take up residence in attics or chimneys or raid garbage cans in search of food. Occasionally, raccoons tear off boards or shingles to get into an attic or wall space. Once inside, they may damage insulation and chew holes. In addition, raccoon feces may accumulate and create unpleasant odors." That's right, there could be a raccoon in your house right now, taking a dump in your roof. Does breaking and entering and vandalism sound adorable to you?

Raccoons are vicious little creatures (2) who eat turtles, mice, and the eggs and young of birds or reptiles (1). That's right, they eat cute little mice (3)! That doesn't sound adorable to me.

I look forward to my opponents attempt to defend these fiendish villains, and to extending my arguments on why racoons are probably Satan's personal henchmen.

Sources:
1: http://wildlifecontrol.info...
2: http://downespest.files.wordpress.com...
3: http://www.freewebs.com...

Debate Round No. 2
Masterdebater1996

Pro

Raccoons are not that terrorizing, they are purely innocent. Houses are made to be welcoming for any visitor, and since it is tough out in the wild, the raccoons must use our homes are safety nets. When someone tries to attack them, animal instinct takes over, mostly for protecting their babies 1). It is not their fault homes are so cozy, nor that they are incredibly smart animals. Raccoons have cute little paws, able to open anything just like a human hand, and are able to survive for roughly six years 2)! For being a wildlife critter, that is a pretty long time to live.

It is true that all they want is to be loved - most people dislike raccoons and will make it in their power to kill them off. That isn't right. There are easier ways to take take care of these adorable gifts from Heaven, they don't know any better 3). Help give them a home, after all, they do make great pets 4).

1: http://www.norcalsurvival.com...
2: http://library.thinkquest.org...
3: http://www.humanesociety.org...
4: http://www.urlesque.com...
THElittleRISK

Con

Raccoons are by no means innocent! They're pretty much the hobos of the animal kingdom, raiding your garbage, sleeping in your house without your permission, and doing unspeakable things to your dog (1). They also make worse house-mates than my alcoholic aunt Linda. According to this report (2): "Raccoons are wild animals - very sloppy and destructive by nature. Some people have tried to keep them as pets - aside from the danger of being bitten or scratched, the main problem is that they destroy everything in the house. A raccoon living in an attic of a house will cause some major damage. Raccoons will rip apart ducts, sometimes all of them. I'm not sure why, maybe just for fun, maybe in search of bedding material, maybe because they're curious about the air flow." That's right, raccoons will wreck your sh!t for literally no reason other than they think it's fun. Also, they leave their foul droppings everywhere (3). That's right, raccoons will just walk around your house sh!tting on everything you love (also like my alcoholic aunt Linda) because raccoons don't give a f#ck. Raccoons use those "cute little paws" to tear your goddamn roof open and watch you while you sleep (4). Raccoons don't want to be loved, they want to serve their great lord Lucifer by wrecking everything they come across. Does this face look like it wants to be loved? (5)

Sources:
1: http://mimg.ugo.com...
2: http://www.wildlife-removal.com...
3: http://www.wildlife-removal.com...
4: http://www.wildlife-removal.com...
5: http://www.saynotocrack.com...
Debate Round No. 3
Masterdebater1996

Pro

Raccoons are by no means "hobos of the animal kingdom!" That's how they were raised generation after generation. Hell yes they like to mess up your sh!t because it is fun! Reminds me of an adorable yet reckless child, and if you can tell me you didn't f*ck things up as a kid then by all means you win. I am telling you right now, raccoons are purely innocent and the most fluffy little creature you will ever see! That terrorizing face of a raccoon in your last photo was not because its a spawn of Satan, it was smiling 1). My dog does that all the time, baring his teeth to smile. Its the cutest thing in the world!

Lets say you see a raccoon standard in the middle of the road, and it appears hurt. You don't just leave it there to die, one look into its eyes and it'll be having you in awe. You can help orphaned raccoons, just as if it was a child 2). Innocent. Think of the DVD of Bambi. There is a mother and a baby raccoon, the most friendly ones in the video. They are the cutest, tell me that Bambi did not make your heart beat wildly 3). Please consider for a moment if you were traded places with a raccoon. You wouldn't understand why everyone dislikes you, you are trying to make a living, so why the hell is everyone being so mean? Treat raccoons how you want to be treated. Fairly. Because one day they will raise above humans from their cuteness and you will all be sorry that you haven't noticed their adorableness sooner.

1: http://inanewhitterings.files.wordpress.com...
2: http://www.2ndchance.info...
3: http://farm3.staticflickr.com...
THElittleRISK

Con

Messing sh!t up may be fun for raccoons, but it is certainly not for humans. Raccoon damage can reduce property value by 5-10%, and makes a property very difficult to sell due to smell and damage. In most states you are required by law to get rid of raccoons before trying to sell a property. Inspections start at $150-250 (1). And for the record I was a perfect child and never f#cked things up. If your dog is baring your teeth at you all the time, please make sure you are not Michael Vick (too soon?)

You can help raccoons sure, but not keep them. " Raccoons are wild animals. They are not pets. Even when raised from babies they commonly bite their keepers. Raccoons are best suited to life in the wild. Besides, it is illegal in many states to keep wild animals as pets, including raccoons. (1) " Bambi did not makemy heart beat wildly, it just made me really want some venison. I'm nor saying we should wage all out war on raccoons, I'm just arguing that they are not adorable. Read this story: "A friend was coming over to watch a movie at around 2 a.m. one night. He ran into a little problem — or rather, six little problems. Outside my door were six fully grown raccoons, hissing and fighting with each other. He had gotten about halfway up my driveway when he was fully surrounded. (2)" That's right, raccoons ambush humans in packs. Do you find aggravated assault adorable? I think not.

I look forward to the conclusion of this debate :)


Sources:
1: http://allstateanimalcontrol.com...
2: http://thevarsity.ca...
Debate Round No. 4
Masterdebater1996

Pro

As a conclusion, raccoons are very incredible creatures. They are intelligent considering their ability to lift and open many objects along with being able to take care of themselves and their babies for a long time. Their soft and fluffy fur fits them very well including their masked faces being as they are the night bandit. Yes I will admit raccoons are troublesome at times, but just like any child; they don't know any better! You can raise and train a raccoon to act like a pet, almost becoming a cat-like animal. Nothing is perfect (might I add that my competitor could not have been a perfect child in his young stages of life), everything rebels at some point. Give raccoons a chance, after all, how can you resist this face 1)? My point being, raccoons are innocent and friendly. Imperfection is what people tend to love, uniqueness, and a raccoon is definitely unique. Thank you.

I wish my competitor good luck, and also thank him personally for being my first opponent in a debate :)

1: http://www.intheiropinion.com...
THElittleRISK

Con

In conclusion, raccoons are more malevolent than adorable due to their behavior. They commit offenses to society such as burglary, vandalism, public indecency, and assault. If you give raccoons a chance like my opponent suggests, they'll bash you over the head with it and steal your fridge and your family while you're unconscious. Raccoons are not innocent, they are devious little hell-balls who torment humans for no reason other than they enjoy it. This isn't childlike innocence, it's full blown psychopathy. I leave you with this image (1).

Thanks to those who read this debate and to my opponent for allowing me to participate in a fun debate. I hope she enjoys Debate.org as much as I do :)

(I also want to reiterate that this is a joke debate. I don't actually believe most of the things I said, I took real data/sources and exaggerated very generously.)

I hope you enjoyed this debate!


Sources:
1: http://quick-rite.com...
Debate Round No. 5
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by THElittleRISK 4 years ago
THElittleRISK
Thank you for your advice, I will be sure to use that tactic for my next debate, or for the next time I'm forced into a family reunion in order to better express my feelings without as many consequences.
Posted by Ragnar 4 years ago
Ragnar
*WARNING, THE FOLLOWING COMMENT IS ONLY FOR THE IMMATURE WHO ARE COMFORTABLE WITH NAUGHTY LANGUAGE*

Unclefucker. Turdspray. Browntonue. Wanker... And that's not even getting into just using http://thesaurus.com... to find other words with the same meanings.
Posted by THElittleRISK 4 years ago
THElittleRISK
@Ragnar
Thank you for your vote! I would like to know what you suggest I use to bypass the profanity filter in the future?
Posted by THElittleRISK 4 years ago
THElittleRISK
Did it? Sorry, I'll try to fix that, thank you for telling me.
Posted by Ragnar 4 years ago
Ragnar
Your forum posting had a broken link...
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 4 years ago
Ragnar
Masterdebater1996THElittleRISKTied
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Total points awarded:25 
Reasons for voting decision: They are pretty cute, but this sealed the deal for me: "Raccoons are by no means innocent! They're pretty much the hobos of the animal kingdom, raiding your garbage, sleeping in your house without your permission, and doing unspeakable things to your dog (1)" Sources go with it, since sources were better used (as in that picture of what they do to your dog; which will haunt me). Spelling and conduct as a deterrent for needlessly bypassing the profanity filter; when there are so many worse things to say which it can't catch! (yes, this is not a serious debate, thus my vote isn't to the usual serious standard)
Vote Placed by TheHitchslap 4 years ago
TheHitchslap
Masterdebater1996THElittleRISKTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: michael vick comments coupled with the "raccoons are satans spawn" made me LOL hard.