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The Easter Bunny Has Rights Too

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/27/2010 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 2,762 times Debate No: 11894
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (9)
Votes (1)




Greetings to my opponent and all viewers!

Let me relate a saddening tale filled with woe and despair this past Easter. The Easter Bunny generously left chocolate rabbits to all of the good people of the wealthy Democratic nations whom celebrate both the Christian and secular holiday. Anyhow, I received one of his (The Easter Bunny is currently a male named Easter Alphonzo CLXXIVX) gifts from a certain perpetrator who shall go unnamed, lest that person's infamy is recorded in the annals of inhumanity. Anyhow, this uncouth individual handed me a chocolate symbol of Easter Alphonzo CLVXXIVX, but this chocolate bunny was decapitated! The head was severed from the neck. Upon my protests at this blatant barbaric act against animals, all I received in response was sardonic laughter.

Hence, it is now my crusade to ensure that the Easter Bunny's rights are upheld! The Easter Bunny, who currently lives in New Zealand (* "Miracle on Thirty-Fourth Street", referenced by Santa Claus, who plays a round of golf with him periodically), kindly gives chocolate symbols of himself at Easter. And then these symbols are sadistically devoured in a callous manner. Many people take delight in cannibalizing these poor chocolate symbols, and it should hereby be stopped!

The Easter Bunny clearly does not intend for this inethical behaviour, as chocolate is bad for the health, and the Easter Bunny would never endorse anybody to become obese (as Ronald McDonald purportedly does). He likely intends that these icons of himself be hung up on the wall to be visually enjoyed by all, rather than being digested in manner of a hellish fate. Should we abuse and disregard his intentions in such manner?

Furthermore, if such murderous practice must be maintained, should legal steps not be enacted that prevent his symbols from a barbaric manner of ingestion. Rather, the execution must be enacted in an ethical manner before the rest of it eaten en masse without prolonged agony.

The Easter Bunny Has Rights too!!!

I wait in anticipation for my opponent.



My opponent greatly misunderstands Easter Alphonzo CLVXXIVX. But I, Aphonzo's closest friend that is what he calls a 'norm' (I thought it synonymous with human until I learned that Santa is not a norm) have been disclosed with his full side of the story.
My opponent received his side of the story an unnamed perpetrator of decapitating the chocolate bunny Alphonzo left him. He then speculates what the Big Rabbit would think about that, but I do not speculate I know first hand. He in fact does support this decapitation and eating of his chocolate emblem because it is Alphonzo's desire to be children's new icon of healing. He has become a huge fan of J K Rowling's Harry Potter series, he is such a nerd over those books its not even funny. But he is not alone and knows many kids are now reading these books and learning to associate chocolate with a fix all remedy like pepto bismal is for some family's. as you can see in this link mentally those becoming absorbed into series will start to believe chocolate heals, and the fact is that Alphonzo is one of those very absorbed in these books.
As far as an unhealthy effect of chocolate to worry about the bunny endorsing you will note that he never leaves enough to encourage obesity. in fact he has offered the solution for obesity cause by chocolate lovers! once we all catch on that he he is real his plan is that we give all our chocolate to him (he already owns nesquick secretly and you will find his image on there products) and that way we do not quite chocolate cold turkey but rather have in the moderation he gives us each year.
In fact in moderation all you have left is the positive health benefits of chocolate and this is Alphonzo's gift to us! we should how grateful we are by eating what he gives us.

Now that I cleared that misconception up about my good friends intentions with chocolate consumption (because he is not anti-chocolate) I do admit this does not address the resolution, that my friend has rights.

But you see he does not for a number of reasons.
1) when Easter Alphonzo CLXXIVX accepted the responsibility of being the Easter Bunny from Easter Alphonzo CLXXIVXI (his name was Peter then, but when anointed to office he has to choose a new name, for some reason they all choose Alphonzo. the hole ceremony and election process is eerily similar to how the a new pope is chosen) he gave up his rights. he is now a servant of the cause the holy order of the Easter Rabbit.
2) when my opponent mentioned he lives in New Zealend Thirty-Fourth Street, that is his true mailing address, but he is not a citizen of New Zealend. you will never be able to find records of his citizenship (he has this in common Obama). This is because he does not live in this realm exactly. the 'Bunny trail' he hops down on Easter day connects where he lives with all the 'non-norms' to our world in New Zealend, and that is why its his mailing address. this trail of course intersects with the famous rabbit hole that lead to wonderland first witch is why all who have attempted to chase him to coerce more chocolate out of him end up in Wonderland instead. Because it leads to New Zealend Santa and the Easter Bunny have chosen this as there favorite haunt to hang out in this world because of convenience.
Point is because of inability to produce league citizenship in any recognized nation hear on Earth he can never be said to have league rights. And even if he did produce them from his own world this would not solve the problem as the current tensions between New Zealend, and virtually everyother country on Earth and the Easter Bunny world, our worlds nations will never recognize it as a real nation because they refuse to share with us technology and instead give no-comment answers or treat us like were stupid and call it 'magic'.
This aggressive diplomatic tactic is the only thing we can hold over there nation if we want them to fold and let us in on there 'magic' tech that we have learned how to understand with our own advances in science yet. We should never give in on this until they fold. We figure that's the day we actually capture Alphonzo, deny him remanda rights until Alphonzo's government gives us there advance scientific secrets. the truth of the matter is we are at war with the non-norms, and they choose to taunt us by sneaking in once a year and 'leave presents under the Christmas tree' or even the most despicable where Cupid shoots arrows at individuals causing said individual to act very stupid. all 'non-norms' as they call themselves, shall not have any of there 'rights' respected by us until they start respecting us by giving us the secrets to there 'magic'.

So in conclusion:
1) if the Easter Bunny did have rights there not being infringed upon yet so there is no motivation for legal action to officially recognize his rights.
2) No Easter Bunny has rights because upon taking office they willingly give them up.
3) He is not a citizen of any country on Earth and legally no nation can afford to recognize his nation at this time. they will give in any day now!

Though he is my friend I cannot support giving him legal rights. Even if I wanted too I would get blacklisted for helping a 'non-norm'; witch buy the way Pro, you should really look into changing your name and moving to another state, lose all cell phones for a while and credit or debit cards. Just drop off the grid for a while and you should be okay.
Debate Round No. 1


"Even if I wanted too I would get blacklisted for helping a 'non-norm'; witch buy the way Pro, you should really look into changing your name and moving to another state, lose all cell phones for a while and credit or debit cards. Just drop off the grid for a while and you should be okay."

*gasps and clutches at heart* I wasn't aware that aiding and abbetting the rights of a supernatural 'non-norm' being could be so devastating. Does the Easter Bunny intend on killing me? If so, it is a very distrustworthy character which I might recommend we look into our rights and protect humanity!

However, I disbelieve that the Easter Bunny, who grants children in North America and England vast amounts of chocolate, eggs and symbols will willfully harm anybody (as I have aforementioned, it is impossible that he intends that children become obese from it. He does not mean for his symbols to be eaten.) I also find it incredible that Alphonzo CLXXIVX is a friend of the Con. This is a preposterous claim of which I refute emphatically. The Easter Bunny would by no means harbour the Con as his best friend. As my opponent pointed out, Easter Alphonzo prefers to spend most of his time in Wonderland and other places of another realm. While there, he somehow procures Harry Potter and other fine literature to chuckle over, in between rounds of golf, playing, visiting, having tea and observing the time (reference to his cousin the White Rabbit in Wonderland).

It is quite clear that due to the cruelty and abusive treatment of the symbols Alphonzo has manufactured, he doesn't wish them to be eaten (I have clarified why above). The foremost points was that they symbolize himself and cause children who don't embark in energetic activity to become obese.

- A note on obesity. My opponent proclaims that he gives in moderation. This is untrue. Consider the piles of chocolate that many children receive each year (among them is the symbol to be cherished and hung up on the wall rather than cannibalized).

Here is a blatant glutton who sadistically smiles as he greedily plans the demise of Easter's offering (note the veritable pile he possesses - tell me he won't gain several pounds? Also note the symbol of Easter which the Bunny clearly intends not to be eaten):

Here's another callous offender - note her diabolical smile -

Here's a story regarding a horrible offender - how inhumane! Imagine desecrating the symbol of Easter in such manner! I reported inhumanity in my first round, but this beats all! Chewing off only their bottoms and then painting them with lipstick! horrorible! She should be prosecuted, as the Easter Bunny has rights, too!

However, since any educated being realizes that a mammal cannot lay chocolate eggs, Easter Alphonzo obviously intends that imbecile humans with a craving should eat, in moderation, the eggs, which don't desecreate his image or endorse animal cruelty whatsoever. However, most humans don't realize this - the trangressors! The Easter Bunny has rights!

The Universal Declaration of... Rights and Freedoms declares in Article five, "Article 5.
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment." * This stands for Alphonzo. Individual nations do not have to recognize him as an entity or being for him to have rights under the Universal Declaration.

I also disagree that the Easter Bunny cedes his rights, even if they are ethical rights, upon taking office. This is blasphemous of the Easter Bunny. His will should be respected and regarded, otherwise he should take measures to embargo the human race due to the insentient offenders who desecrate him and his symbols.

That is all, my dear friends, opponent and viewers! Please support ethics, let your heart out to this famed being and vote PRO because the Easter Bunny possesses rights, too!

Universal Declaration of Rights:


gasps and clutches at heart* I wasn't aware that aiding and abbetting the rights of a supernatural 'non-norm' being could be so devastating. Does the Easter Bunny intend on killing me? If so, it is a very distrustworthy character which I might recommend we look into our rights and protect humanity!'

My opponent here completely misunderstood the source of danger I was implying. The Easter Bunny is my friend and he would not be so if I thought he might harm me. The source of danger is our 'norm' governments. ever since Elvis faked his death so that he could go full time underground FBI agent (we all know he's not dead, we just cant prove it just like with OJ's trial) The FBI has become very effective. They get what they want because Elvis well get it for them. He's the first man they will call to duty if Chuck Norris ever turns evil. And currently he's on an assignment titled 'Operation Elmer Fudd' aka Rabbit hunting. Elvis goes after people that protect the Bunny, witch is what your doing by defending his 'rights'.

My opponent doubts I'm friends with the Easter Bunny; to this contention I would like to link you all to this and if you will look at my list of friends on DDO you will see that Koopin (who you cannot prove is not the Easter bunny) is one of them. For the record I cant prove your not Elvis. and in this debate you cant prove you know the Bunny's name is Alphonzo. I recognize this and do not hold it against you, and only ask that the audience in lack of evidence for either side view who's overall presentation is better, sounds more like the real world. like how we all know if the Bunny is real our government would surly be after it and not just let it be going about its peaceful egg delivering business.

Or for example, my opponent finds it a realistic idea that my friend Alphonzo would want people to admire his chocolate rabbits like an idol. But you see if that were true the Easter bunny would leave stone rabbits, not chocolate. All cultures in the past that have idols have made them out of things that last like stone. The fact that Alphonzo made them chocolate shows his intention for them to be eaten
Plus there's the fact that he makes his trip on the day of Jesus resurrection, who opposed making any idols, so it would be very odd for Alphonzo to support idolatry on this holiday and not be more vocal about his intentions than he is now.

Even if my opponent was right about the Alphonzo intending they be admired and not devoured, ultimately he has any rights its to quite bringing the deprecater's of his idols more each year, but not to stop them from eating his gifts. once a gift is given to you its your right to determine what you do with it, the giver can only hope.

Moderation: Though it is true that on the individual day there is a lot of chocolate given, but my friends intention is still moderation because his intention is that this is all you allow yourself to eat for the whole year. witch is why I specified in round one why we should give control of the worlds chocolate supply to him so that we only get chocolate on Easter Day. Alphonzo is making efforts to monopolize chocolate but he says he's waiting to bankrupt and buy out all other chocolate suppliers before he actually keeps what he's got from us. He needs to keep selling the Nesquick so he can have the cash to get his competitors.

The Bunny Cedes his Rights: I provide this to show you how Bishops have the power to censor pastors under them in the church if there doctrine doesn't agree. I quote my pastor who said 'when I became a pastor I essentially gave up my right to freedom of speech, because though I may disagree with the bishop sometimes; at the end of the day he's the bishop and I'm the pastor.' He further noted there's nothing wrong with that, he agreed to it, its just one of the affects of the church chain of command and authority.
Alphonzo has made the same commitments when joining this order. He has the walk the line of what the council of Elders, rabbits that are two old to make the trip themselves tell him. He has no freedom of speech, he only has his duty, he may have his own opinions but the council forbids him to protest against the public's actions with them.

Just one more point I would like to make, Not one of the chocolate rabbits he leaves are in his image. Here is a copy of what he looks like and you will note that not one of his chocolate presents has antlers. (He had to overcome a lot of stereotype the council of elders to earn the position of Easter Bunny, there's been a history of racism against Jackalopes; Alphonzo has such amazing character)

So lets review:
1) No Earth nations currently recognize his universe as a legal nation much like the outcome of Cherokee Nation Vs Georgia Because of political pressures to acquire there magic. and we cannot afford to cave in now if we want there 'magic', so Alphonzo's legal rights cannot be recognized.
2) Considering the day he delivers his chocolate gifts, its unlikely he supports idol's
3) the fact that they are chocolate and not stone suggest they are not intended to be idols but rather treats to eat.
4) Alphonzo does intend moderation; but requires we give up chocolate for the rest of the year, he currently has no power to enforce and can only recommend his diet to you.
5) High as his office is, he has elders to answer to, and can say nothing in public protest or they well censor him.
6) Alphonzo is the first Jackalope breed Easter Bunny, and if the chocolate Easter rabbits were for us to admire his image they would have antlers.

-----though this doesn't really pertain to the resolution as a whole I find it worth mentioning, No gift giver has the right to determine what you do with his gift once its yours, he only has to right to quit giving it to you. Alphonzo has been in office for 12 years now and has yet to do this, so he must have no problem with it.----------

Thank you for this highly entertaining debate. And my friend wants to thank you sticking up for him, he knows your intentions are good, and he plans on giving one stone image of himself next Easter as he knows your appreciate it. It will look a lot like this
Debate Round No. 2
9 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Posted by Koopin 7 years ago
Posted by 1stLordofTheVenerability 7 years ago
" think that together, we have made the EasterBunny mythos more awsome in this debate."

I agree! A rather amusing one, to say the least. :P Quite spiff, wot wot!

A whole new perspective on the Easter Bunny.

I can't vote. lol But if you'd like, feel free - I mean, you haven't gotten a vote, yet, so a point or two would make it a little closer for your sake. I know what you mean, though. :D I'd be voting for myself every time some poor sport does it first.

Elvis... LOL that was an imaginative addition, mate. ; )
Posted by Marauder 7 years ago
Koopin gave up his right, and for you OreEle. You should appriciate his actions. PM him a thankyou card for always being on the lamb runnin from Elvis.
Posted by Ore_Ele 7 years ago
Koopin has no rights!
Posted by Marauder 7 years ago
I think that together, we have made the EasterBunny mythos more awsome in this debate.

I try not to vote for myself cause, you know what real good does it do me? but for some reason in debates that have an end of voting period a temptation comes to vote for ones self, and I have given in a few times. But I wont vote if you dont.
Posted by 1stLordofTheVenerability 7 years ago
Good luck in the upcoming voting, Marauder. Since this debate was of lighthearted tone, it matters to me little if you vote for yourself... though I would appreciate it if you did so in moderation. :P

It was tremendous fun and I hope to debate you again, sometime! Thanks!

Posted by 1stLordofTheVenerability 7 years ago
I agree, Brian - down with Michael Jackson!
Posted by Marauder 7 years ago
@ any reading flaiming librals:
The Obama comment is mearly ment humor by referince a common idea about my president that republicans like accusing him of. I dont see any reason to not believe him an american citizen, and I also dont care, wouldnt have him taken out of office even if he wasnt born in the US. Please dont take it too seriously.
Posted by brian_eggleston 7 years ago
"I received one of his (The Easter Bunny is currently a male named Easter Alphonzo CLXXIVX) gifts from a certain perpetrator who shall go unnamed, lest that person's infamy is recorded in the annals of inhumanity."

Name him and shame him - he deserves his fate.

Nobody should tolerate symbolic cruelty to animals, especially to cute little bunny rabbits!
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Sonofkong 7 years ago
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