The Instigator
AnimeFanTony
Pro (for)
Losing
21 Points
The Contender
JustCallMeTarzan
Con (against)
Winning
27 Points

The Flying Spaghetti Monster and Jesus

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/25/2009 Category: Religion
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 1,796 times Debate No: 7553
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (11)
Votes (8)

 

AnimeFanTony

Pro

I have issued this debate as a challenge to anyone. It is a debate that is two part . The first part will be on whether or not Jesus could be the spawn of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will take up rounds 1-3. Rounds 4 and 5 will be on if the Flying Spaghetti Monster makes for a better diety and is more legitimate in doing its job than Jesus. I will be Pro for both of these parts obviously. So incase anyone doesnt understand I will be advocating the FSM and my opponent defending Jesus. Now onto part one of the debate.
I say that Jesus could in fact be the illigetimate son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster for the following reasons. (Which are also for my points in that number and order)
1)Both like alcoholic beverages.
2)Both displayed amazing powers
3)Both are often around prostitutes
I shall expond on these points further on in my speech. But first onto my first reason for why Jesus could be the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Jesus claimed to be the son of God. Therefore he could have been proclaiming to be the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Also both have many similarities such as the ones listed above. Also if the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the earth while drunk according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then I am sure that he could while drunk have sex with a woman. Normal humans do it all of the time. Also as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is super natural he could use his tentacles to keep Mary a virgin. But enough about that disturbing topic onto my points.
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These are my main points for this round.
1) Both liked alcoholic beverages.
To anyone who as ever encountered a Pastafarian it is clear that the Flying Spaghetti Monster LOVES alcoholic beverages. This is seen clearly as according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster their is a beer volcano in heaven. Also the Flying Spaghetti Monster supposedly created the universe after heavily drinking and it was in fact his intoxication that led to the many flaws on Earth. Now if anyone has every read the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John they would know that Jesus himself liked wine. In fact that was one of the things that he served at his last meal with the disciples (Last Supper). It is believed by many that Jesus drank wine while at the Pharisees house also as it was often served during that time period. Also Jesus even made an analogy saying "I am the True Vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me he will bear much fruit." and back then vine was associated with the grape vine whose fruit was used to make wine. Furthermore Jesus even turned water into wine! In the Bible it tells us that Jesus was at a wedding and that there were so many people that they ran out of wine. Jesus had some servants bring him jugs filled with water. He them proceeded to turn the water into the best wine anyone had ever tasted! So as one can see Jesus liked wine. The Flying Spaghetti Monster liked wine. They both like wine. Now this story of Jesus' power brings me to my next point.
2) Both displayed amazing powers.
Both the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Jesus displayed the ability to fly. Jesus show that he could walk on water, heal people among many others. I'm sure my oppenet will tell more about the powers of Jesus later on. As for the Flying Spaghetti Monster he can create many things even whist drunk or whilst with an intense hang-over. He can also do much more that I will elaborate on in later rounds. But as one can see both Jesus and the Flying Spaghetti Monster are clearly supernatural and displayed powers not of this world.
3)Both are around prostitutes
From the Bible we can learn that during Jesus' time on earth he hung out with prostitutes as well as many other sinners. He hung out with these people so much so that the Pharisees and other officials would say that he must be evil because he hung out with them so much. No even though we know this to be far from true as Jesus came to seek and save the lost it does not excuse the fact that he hung out with prostitutes. Similarly the Flying Spaghetti Monster has supposedly placed a stripper factory in heaven and both hell. However according to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster the stripper factory in hell's strippers have STD's. So as one can see both like prostitutes.
That concludes my arguments for round one. I hope my opponent accepts this challenge and I hope people enjoy this debate. Vote Pro everyone. :)
JustCallMeTarzan

Con

Since the resolution is a conjunct, I simply have to disprove either of the following two claims to "win" - as though there is a "winner" per se in this humorous debate...

1) Jesus is the spawn of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
2) Jesus is a better deity than the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Far be it from me to demean His Noodlyness, I shall concede the second of these two points and simply state of His Noodlyness, "May he reign forever, perched on His Holy Colander, justly Pastifying Christians and those Spagnostics."

Now... on to the contentions!

1) Both like alcoholic beverages.

Jesus was a middle easterner, familiar with only wine from the middle east. Thus, any wine he created would need to taste like middle-eastern wine, else the entire personage at the banquet would be confused and suspicious. However, everyone knows perfectly well that the only wines that go well with pasta are from Italy. Any true son of the FSM would have made wine that went well with pasta.

Furthermore, Jesus only serves wine in a couple of places in the gospels. Any true son of the FSM would have served wine every chance he could, exemplifying the most holy drunkenness of his divine father. Also, if Jesus were truly the son of the FSM, he would have rendered more of his parables as being about wine and pasta, rather than kings and servants.

2) Both Displayed Amazing Powers.

Jesus never displayed the ability to fly while alive. However, the powers of the FSM greatly exceed the powers of Jesus. Jesus was man, and after a certain point would become so intoxicated as to pass out and be unable to exercise any of his powers. Any true son of the Most Holy Imbiber the FSM could drink as much alcohol as he wanted with no detriment to the exercise of his power.

3) Both Are Around Prostitutes.

There is a fundamental difference between Jesus and the FSM on this regard. The FSM, a most holy deity, is capable of maintaining a "noodly" character in his "appendage" while amidst strippers and prostitutes. As we all know, no man would be able to do this, and Jesus was a man. Any true son of the FSM would be able to maintain a noodly appendage, and since Jesus was a man, he could not have done so.

**********************************************

Additional arguments:

4. When Jesus supposedly multiplied food to feed 5000, he fed them bread and fish. Of course, any son of the Most Holy FSM would have fed the crowd Ramen. The cook time of the Ramen is of no importance, as any true son of the FSM could have simply ordered the Ramen to cook itself instantly - all forms of pasta necessarily obey the epitome of pastaness as well as his offspring.

5. I cannot, and will not believe that His Noodliness would dare splooge his Divine Alfredo Sauce from his no-longer-noodly appendage into something so comparatively lowly as a mere human female. The very thought is repugnant, violating every strand of his Noodly Gospel.

6. No mention of a "Jesus" being the son of His Noodliness is made in the Most Divine and Holy Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and this is not the sort of minor point that would have been merely left out, such as the type of beer to be served in heaven.

7. There is no evidence of this "Jesus" having anything resembling a noodly appendage. It is said that this "Jesus" was a man, but everyone knows that no man would describe himself as noodly. One may contend that he hid it to blend in with people, but everyone knows no true son of the FSM would dare disgrace his father by hiding his noodlyness from the world.

*******************************************

A short refutation for FSM vs. Jesus as a deity even though I've conceded the point:

All else being equal, the FSM can perform miracles and exercise his power with a .50 BAC. Jesus, on the other hand, would be so roaring drunk with a .15 BAC that he could not tell his left hand from his "noodly appendage" if you get my drift. Thus, the FSM is clearly the better deity, and since only the best deity should be in charge, he is more legitimate at doing his job than Jesus.

AFFIRMED.

Ramen.
Debate Round No. 1
AnimeFanTony

Pro

Well I would like to thank JustCallMeTarzan for accepting this debate. To all the Pastafarians out there, May you be touched by his noodly appendage. RAmen. Not onto debate.

1) In his speech my opponent stated that because Jesus was a middle eastern he would be only familiar with middle eastern wine and that the wine he created at the banquet would have to be middle eastern wine. However as the Son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster he would be able to create wine from any area of the world. This includes Italy. As to his claims that the wine created at the banquet would have to be middle eastern, this is of course false as they would expect the wine to be far superior as it been the result of a miracle. So he could have created Italian wine and no one would have suspected as the wine was supposed to be superior as Italian wine is. Also it states that in the Bible that the people at the banquet said that the wine made by Jesus was the best ever. So it clearly must have been Italian.

As to his argument that Jesus can't be the Son of the FSM as he did not serve wine often this is foolish as many times in the Bible it states that when Jesus was eating with different people there was wine. As to the lack of wine and pasta parable the reason for this was because they Jews had yet to be exposed to the wonderfulness of pasta.

2) Jesus did in fact display the ability to fly when he ascended into heaven after rising from the dead. Jesus was actually not man. He was the Son of God in man form. This would have allowed to him to drink heavily with almost no detriment. However as it was still a human body I supposed that after a while he would in fact become to intoxicated to use his powers effectively. This is merely because he was in a human body.

3) Jesus may have well been able to maintain "noodly" character in his "appendage" whilst among strippers and prostitutes as he was the son of God. Also he was the Son of God in a human body so he may have used his holiness to maintain a "noodly" figure in his "appendage".

Now I will address his additional arguments.
4) Jesus may have been unwilling to serve pasta at this time as it had yet to be introduced to the Jews. Also he may not been able to speed up Pasta cook time as his mother was a human.

5 & 6) Jesus may not have been mentioned as he is the 'illegitimate' son of the FSM. One must take into account the fact that the FSM is a heavy drinker. He created the universe while drunk. So during a later time he may have spawned a son when equally drunk.

7) As Jesus often spoke in parable he may have in one revealed his noodly appendage to the people who in their ignorance missed it.

So thats that. My the sauce be with you.
RAmen
JustCallMeTarzan

Con

1) My opponent provides an excellent theory for why the wine tasted so good - of course Italian wine would have tasted extraordinary to these plebeian Jews. However, in the Middle East, they do not eat pasta, and no true son of the FSM would dare profane the holy combination of Italian wine and pasta.

While the Bible does say many times that Jesus was in a place where they were drinking wine, it makes no mention of Jesus himself drinking, and any true son of the FSM would imbibe as much and as often as possible. Furthermore, the fact that the Jews had never been exposed to pasta indicates that Jesus was not the son of the FSM, as any true son of the FSM would have conjured pasta for his followers so that they may eat of His Body and Drink of his Wine.

2) Jesus was not flying as he ascended into heaven - after he died, he had no more use for his body, and what we saw was merely his spirit. And since spirits are of course lighter than air, he rose by natural processes. Furthermore, if Jesus really could fly, he would never have walked on water, as it would have been much faster and far more impressive to fly out to the boat.

My opponent concedes the point that Jesus would have had a human body and be bound by the the effects of alcohol upon it. I contend that since the FSM was such a Most Holy Drunkard, his sperm would have been used to a high BAC and produced a son capable of drinking far more than a mere man.

3) My opponent holds that Jesus' holiness would have been enough to maintain a noodly characteristic in his appendage. However this holiness would prevent him from hardening his appendage if the need "arose." Any true son of the FSM would be capable of hardening his appendage at will... and thus, we can truly say that only one of these two characters could have risen.

4) The fact that Jesus was unwilling to serve pasta simply speaks to the fact that he was NOT the son of the FSM.

5/6) My opponent holds that the FSM would father an illegitimate son. This is blasphemy of the highest regard, as the Most Holy Alfredo Sauce of His Noodlyness would never create anything illegitimate.

7) Any true son of the FSM would never reveal his Noodlyness in anything so ambiguous as a parable... to do so would be a less-than-honest representation of a fundamental characteristic of His Divinity.

NEGATED.

Ramen.
Debate Round No. 2
AnimeFanTony

Pro

1) While the Bible does not state specifically that Jesus drank wine we should assume he did as everyone else was and it insinuates that he drank wine. Also we it is possible that Jesus served pasta and Italian wine with bread sticks at the Last Supper, because while the Bible does not state what they had we know that they had which they broke together and wine. Everyone knows that breadsticks go best with wine as opposed to regular bread and pasta would compliment the two of these splendidly.
2) My opponent says that if Jesus could have flown he would have rather than walking on water however his apostles were freaking out enough to when he walked on water so if they saw him flying some may have fainted during a dangerous while other would have abandoned ship in fear. This would have been disastrous for Jesus' cause and chaos would have ensued afterwords.

Of course I believe I said that it would take more alcohol to cause Jesus to be intoxicated than a normal human could handle. Being the son of God then he would be able to consume enough alcohol to kill two men before feeling the effects of intoxication.
3) I didn't mean his holiness but rather his divinity would allow him to keep his a 'appendage' as noodly or not if he so chose.
4) One must remember that sons often rebel against their fathers during different stages of their life. Jesus may have refused to serve pasta early on but as stated in my previous points he served it at the Last Supper.
5/6) By illegitimate son I mean son spawned outside the bonds of marriage. As the FSM is his Holy Noodlyness he could do this and his son would not be illegitimate. However for arguments that is what we will refer it as.
7) Jesus may have revealed his Noodlyness openly but one should remember the Bible was written by men. The writers may have forgotten to include this or it may have been lost over the ages.
May the Sauce be with you.
RAmen.
JustCallMeTarzan

Con

1) Contrary to what my opponent would have you believe, we know exactly what was eaten at the last supper. Simply look at Da Vinci's painting (http://upload.wikimedia.org...(1452-1519)_-_The_Last_Supper_(1495-1498).jpg) The table is laden with bread, wine, what appear to be potatoes, and some kind of vegetable. NO PASTA. Unless my opponent wishes to defame Da Vinci and claim that his brush was not directed by God, we must accept the picture of the last supper as being our best representation of what was served. Furthermore, breadsticks and wine are a terrible combination. Bread must be combined with oil to serve with wine. And if Jesus was the son of the FSM, the Bible surely would have mentioned pasta being served at the last supper, because pasta is the holiest of all foods.

2) If Peter could climb out of the boat and walk to Jesus, the situation must not have been THAT grim. Thus, it stands to reason that they would have been able to keep a level head seeing Jesus fly, especially if they kept it together seeing Peter walking on water AND drowning.

>> "Being the son of God then he would be able to consume enough alcohol to kill two men before feeling the effects of intoxication."

It is of no importance - any true son of the FSM would be able to consume as much as he wanted. Drunkenness is not an attribute of God.

3) Well now we have some quibbling about the noodlyness of Jesus' appendage. Even if it was his "divinity" that kept his appendage noodly, he still would not have been able to harden it, for according to God, such lustful thoughts are sins, and Jesus was sinless.

4) I have refuted the silly notion that there was pasta served at the last supper. Furthermore, as I have already stated, for Jesus to go against God's will would be a sin, and Jesus was sinless. And no son of the FSM would EVER refuse to serve pasta.

5/6) Marriage is an institution created by God. The FSM has no need for marriage. Thus, his child born out of wedlock would be legitimate, as there is no proscription against such action in the most Holy Book of the FSM.

7) How the writers of the Bible would have "forgotten" to include the noodly attributes of Jesus' appendage when they remember exactly what he said when he put mud in a blind man's eye is beyond me. Such an important part of the character of the son of the FSM as his NOODLY APPENDAGE would have NEVER been left out of the bible.

NEGATED.

Ramen.
Debate Round No. 3
AnimeFanTony

Pro

1) I will indeed be insolent enough to claim that the brush of Da Vinci was not directed by God. The Bible was written by men and not taken very well care of during the ages to the fact that there was pasta at the Last Supper was lost through the ages or his kept secret by the Catholic Church.

2) But the disciple did not keep it together as they stared in awe and wonder and asked them selves "who is this man?"
As Jesus had a human mother he is still half human with divine attributes. So he would not be able to consume as much alcohol as he desired.

3) However Jesus would be able to do it with out being lustful as he was the Son of God. Being the Son of God he can do almost whatever the heck he wants to.

4) As I stated in my first point Jesus most like served pasta yet evidence of this was lost to the ages.

5/6) No the child would not be legitimate as any child born out of wedlock is a bastard and thus by definition an illegitimate child.

7) The writers of the Bible may have included it but like the Dead Sea Scrolls these may have been lost to time.

RAmen
JustCallMeTarzan

Con

1) My opponent provides no source for the "fact" that there was pasta at the last supper. I don't see any pasta in Da Vinci's painting... do you? He also maintains that the Church has hidden this pasta... Where is your source for this? The premiere sources we have for the last supper are the Bible and the painting. Neither mention pasta.

2) My opponent states, "[Jesus] would not be able to consume as much alcohol as he desired." Exactly. Any son of the FSM would be able to do so.

3) Jesus would be able to give himself an erection without lustful thoughts? That sounds bizarre... I highly doubt that whatever thoughts he would use to do so would be pure...

4) And as stated numerous times, there is absolutely no evidence that he did so. You are putting forth the claim that he did - the burden is on you to provide some sort of proof.

5/6) There is no such thing as "marriage" in the Gospel of the FSM; thus, no child can be born out of wedlock and all children are legitimate.

7) Again, How the writers of the Bible would have "forgotten" to include the noodly attributes of Jesus' appendage when they remember exactly what he said when he put mud in a blind man's eye is beyond me. Such an important part of the character of the son of the FSM as his NOODLY APPENDAGE would have NEVER been left out of the bible.

NEGATED.

Ramen.
Debate Round No. 4
AnimeFanTony

Pro

AnimeFanTony forfeited this round.
JustCallMeTarzan

Con

Very disappointing... perhaps my opponent has been struck down for blasphemy against the FSM, claiming that this non-pasta-serving Jesus is somehow related to the Most Noodly FSM.

Ramen.
Debate Round No. 5
11 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Lexicaholic 7 years ago
Lexicaholic
Having indulged in wine and pasta, I am now eligible to vote upon this debate:
(Apologies for any spelling errors or typos. These are merely my human limitations, having not eaten enough of the pasta to counter my indulgence of the wine):

(1) Tied. I have no idea. Was Jesus pasta-inspired or not?
(2) Con. Jesus would have provided at least some display of pasta inspiration, and clearly there is none. Without evidence, I must assume that there is no such display.
(3) Con. Red forfeit = fail sauce.
(4) Con. Con was clearly inspired by the FSM, as his words danced upon the digital page like a hot noodle on a skillet. Pro, on the other hand, appeared to be merely influenced by the sauce.
(5) Con had a better argument. Pro set himself up to prove that Jesus was both the son of the FSM and/or one in the same. Pro has failed in producing enough evidence to convince me of this truth. Excuses for non-evidence are not equal to evidence.
(6) Con referenced Leonardo da Vinci. da Vinci was awesome sauce, and therefore has authority to comment on the will of the FSM. Da Vinci's lack of pasta in the last supper would evidence that he did not feel that Jesus was inspired by the FSM. All children are inspired by their fathers' care. See Vid. Therefore, da Vinci agreed with Con that Jesus was not a child of the FSM.
Posted by Rob1Billion 7 years ago
Rob1Billion
GirlforGod your comment makes no sense at all... you say jesus lived over 2000 years ago and the FSM was made up in 2005. That is like me saying that the FSM lived in 2005 and jesus was made up over 2000 years ago... They are both based on the same type of reasoning... either admit they are both real or admit they are both made up or you are risking logical fallacy.
Posted by dragonfire1414 7 years ago
dragonfire1414
If you are referring to me, then I asked because I just wanted to hear what the religion is about, I never said I was changing or questioning my faith.
Posted by charles15 7 years ago
charles15
Your profile says your a Christian, if this is true than how can you even begin to write what you have written, this is totally counter to your faith??
Posted by dragonfire1414 7 years ago
dragonfire1414
Who here actually is a pastafarian and actually believes in the flying spaghetti monster? Just out of curiosity.
Posted by colinc16 7 years ago
colinc16
This argument is absolutely rediculious, due to the fact that everyone knows that Uncle Sam is the true savior to the universe. I rest my case.
Posted by dtclark2188 7 years ago
dtclark2188
Don't you mean, turning back the glorious boiling of beginning and becoming al dente in order to issue his holy alfredo sauce on the world?
Posted by JustCallMeTarzan 7 years ago
JustCallMeTarzan
I would never impinge His Noodlyness by stating that he has a less-than-stoutly-solid appendage... My remarks about his appendage are concerning the most extraordinary personal control displayed by His Noodlyness in refraining from hardening his noodly appendage and splooging forth his Diving Alfredo Sauces.

Ramen.
Posted by trendem 7 years ago
trendem
"The FSM, a most holy deity, is capable of maintaining a "noodly" character in his "appendage" while amidst strippers and prostitutes."
To be explicit, does that mean a flaccid p*nis?
Posted by AnimeFanTony 7 years ago
AnimeFanTony
Then this should be an easy win for you if you were to accept. Also according to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he has been around forever (he is 'god') as he created the universe. His high prophet brought him to world attention in 2005. But you seem to be intelligent enough as you know when the Flying Spaghetti Monster was brought to world attention and when Jesus lived. That already makes you smarter than DATCMOTO. So please accept. It might be an easy win for you.
8 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Vote Placed by Lexicaholic 7 years ago
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Vote Placed by JustCallMeTarzan 7 years ago
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Vote Placed by wjmelements 7 years ago
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