The U.S.A needs to be replaced with a giant carnival.
Debate Rounds (5)
First round is for acceptance only. This is a troll debate. Pro will be proposing that the United States of America should be turned into a carnival, with Rhode Island as the parking lot and New York State as the mall. Con will be arguing against that.
I accept. Have at me, brethren!
1. Rhode Island as a parking lot
You see, Rhode Island is the smallest state. It produces very little for the country as a whole but is still allowed to exist. I find this ridiculous. This is why we should do to Rhode Island what we do to those unproductive rainforests: level it out, and pour concrete all over it. This way, there will be no problem with parking. I also propose that we give tracking devices to those car owners so that they can find their car. Since Rhode Island is still an area too big to walk around, I propose giving out golf carts to drive around the parking lot that was once Rhode Island.
2. New York into a gigantic mall
Now, I must stress that New York City will still remain intact inside of the mall, as a sort of administrative hub of the entire circus. It will also be the only place in America still left normal. Nobody outside of New York State even cares about the other cities in there anyway. The reason it should be a giant mall is because everyone knows that New York is the shopping center of America. This also provides the needs that tourists at the Great Carnival would need.
3. Texas as the living area
Since we all know that the South is famous for it's giant, magnificent homes built on plantations, Texas would be an ideal place for people to live. Just imagine all of the traditional living, and families! This would help to balance out all of the evil liberal homosexuals that would breed in the Carnival.
4. California would be the prison
Since we all know the U.S is famous for its incarceration rate, I propose that one of the largest states, California, be the prison. We would gather everyone from Hollywood, and make people watch Mel Gibson, Justin Beiber, the Kardashians, and every reality show 24/7. Also, they would be reruns.
5. The rest of the states divided by the free market
Since we all know that the free market is the best system of government, I propose that we allow capitalism to do it's work. Each and every corporation, business, and shareholder will do everything it can to get a piece of the pie. That will give higher quality carnival activities with lower prices.
Back to you, Con.
My opponent is insane!
Rhode Island as a parking lot.
NO! Are you insane?!? It would cost far to much money! I HEARBY PROPOSE THAT WE BUILD A GIANT WOODEN CHICKEN AROUND RHODE ISLAND SO WE WON'T WASTE MONEY MAKING IT A PARKING LOT!
New York into a gigantic mall.
Are you crazy?!? All the unfriendly New Yorkers'll kick you out! I HEARBY PROPOSE THAT WE KILL ALL NEW YORKERS AND FEED THEM TO OUR CHILDREN!
Texas as the living area.
You imbecile! Nobody wants to live in Texas! It's too close to Mexico! Those Mexicans are more shady than Canadians (though still more trustworthy than the Russians). I HEARBY PROPOSE WE STEAL THE TEXANS' HATS AND SELL THEM TO THE JAPANESE!
California would be the prison.
You moron! Nobody wants to leave California! As we all know, Californians are hot. Don't turn California into a bin for shady people. I HEARBY PROPOSE THAT WE EXPORT ALL CRIMINALS OUT TO MEXICO!
The rest of the states divided by the free market.
NO! Imagine Christmas! Sinbad's character in Jingle All the Way has a rant that explains why capitalism is a bad idea. Paraphrased:
"Dear Santa, I want Nevada and Kentucky... NO! Your fathers been laid off... So now you have to work 24/7 delivering mail so you can pay allimony to wife who's slept with everybody in at the Post Office (carnival) but me!"
This following clip shows the frustration that the common man will have after working at the Post Office (representing the carnival). This man has lived in a circus for so long, he thinks carnivals are called "Post Offices"! I suggest that there be no one around to see you cry. See clip:
1. Rhode Island as a parking lot
"Are you insane?!? It would cost far to much money!"
Of course I'm not insane! Would an insane man have an idea so brillian? As for the money problem, we can just print more money, although I doubt it'll come to that with the power of the free market!
2. New York into a gigantic mall.
"All the unfriendly New Yorkers'll kick you out! I HEARBY PROPOSE THAT WE KILL ALL NEW YORKERS AND FEED THEM TO OUR CHILDREN!"
Of course. That's a given. After we do that though, we need to turn the empty, barren state into a mall so that everyone can buy quality goods, with the power of the free market! Of course, it is going to be a hundred stories tall as well.
3. Texas as the living area.
"Nobody wants to live in Texas! It's too close to Mexico!"
You forget that it's a southern style home, so there will be African slaves and Mexican servants! We need the Mexicans for cheap exploitation, for the greater good of the free market! Also, why would we sell them to the Japanese? The South Koreans are the ones that are materialistic and want to be white!
4. California would be the prison!
"You moron! Nobody wants to leave California!"
Which is why it would be a perfect prison! Nobody would escape because nobody wants to!
"As we all know, Californians are hot."
Exactly. With all those fertile, superior mates for the criminals to rape, one of two things will happen. Either crime will die out because of the angelic DNA overriding the criminals DNA, or we will have more criminals to put in the prison industrials complex, which will make corporations money, which they will invest in carnivals because everyone knows that carnivals are a breeding ground for pedophiles, which will fill the prisons, which will give a good return on investments! That's the power of the free market.
5. The rest of states divided by the free market
He's black. We all know they have no credibility. Even if we are to take this racially questionable source, you must understand corporations are people as well. Also, corporations are much more productive members of society. Who else puts that much economic output?
As for the money problem, we can just print more money, although I doubt it'll come to that with the power of the free market!
My granny says that when you print more money to pay for hospital (parking lot) stays, you cause tire-inflation. This IS good. You Socailist/Communist/Fascist/Atheist/Muslim(Terrificist!
I concede that we can make Rhode Island a parking lot ON THE STIPULATION THAT WE AGREE TO ALSO ENCAPSOLATE THE PARKING LOT WITH A GIANT WOODEN CHICKEN!
it is going to be a hundred stories tall as well.
Why not? I agree, but I would suggest we hire Muslims ("Obama Supporters") to fly airplanes into the taller/skyscrapers.
You forget that it's a southern style home, so there will be African slaves and Mexican servants!
What is wrong with you? The Mexicans'll steal something! As for the African servants, if we kidnap Africans, that stupid Russia'll come and attack. Russia values Africans. Idiots.
About the hats: Japanese have money that would pay for the giant wooden chicken. Also, knowing the Japanese, they would be overjoyed by their comboy hats. They'ld create robot-cowboy-hats! These hats would also be flotation devices in event of a flood.
crime will die out because of the angelic DNA
Why do they get the angelic DNA? Why can't good people get it? Charlie Sheen has Adonis DNA. What about me? Why can't we all live in a place where every guy has a Taylor Lautner body? Before you ask, I'm NOT gay. God hates gay people. Love thy enemy except for gay people? I WANNA LIVE IN HOTEL CALIFORNIA!
Y0U EVIL, RACIALIST JERK! UV AFFENDED MEH! MAH BRUTHER WUZ BLAK! HE WAS A MIRAKLE SNT BI G0D! AN D0'NZ SAY IT WUZ SIENC3, CUZ MAH PAR3NTS R WHITE! CL3ARLY A WORK 0F G0D! UR G0NA BURN! I WL CHEER! U DESERRVE TA DIE! U EV1L PRSON! I KILL U! I KILL U T0 DEATH! IPH U THNK THT Y0U W1LL G3T AWAY WIT D1S, U G0T AN0TH3R TH1NG C0M1N'! N0T EV3N CARL SAGAN W1LL SAVE YUO! YOU ARE GAY, AND MAH GRANNY SAY THST GAY PEOPLE ARE BAD! GAY PEOPLE DIE AND BURN! DONZ BE GAY! BE CHR1ST1AN, L1K3 MEH! I LOVE U CUZ G0D SAYD TO! CANT U SEE HOW MUCH I <3 U! BE LIKE MEH! ORE U DIE! I W1LL LAF WHEN U DIE! I WILL DANCE! H0PE U DIE PAINZFULLY! U DEZERV IT U EVIL RACAIST! RAICIST BURN! IM N0T RACAIST! I LUV EVERYBODY EXCEPT DOZ MUSLIMS, GAYZ, ATHEISTS, MIXICANS, RUSSIAN, DEMOCRATS, CHILDREN NEW YORKEZ, AND W0MEN! SEE U. DIS ROUND IS FINISH! IMMA GO TO YO HOUSE AND STAR TA FIRIN MAH LAZAR! IMMA GUNNA BE DA ONE WHO GONNA BRN UR HOUSE D0WN! WIT DAH L3MMONS! HAVE A NICE DAY!
"My granny says that when you print more money to pay for hospital (parking lot) stays, you cause tire-inflation. This IS good. You Socailist/Communist/Fascist/Atheist/Muslim(Terrificist!"
If you concede that printing money is good, then you must admit that it is a failsafe in case we need more money, therefore taking care of any financial problems. Also, you cannot be a communist and a fascist at the same time. A communist believes in government control of business, while Fascist believe in business takeover of government.
"I concede that we can make Rhode Island a parking lot ON THE STIPULATION THAT WE AGREE TO ALSO ENCAPSOLATE THE PARKING LOT WITH A GIANT WOODEN CHICKEN!"
Fine, but the chicken wouldn't be wooden. It would be a robotic chicken made of the hardest metal known to man, adamantium.
It is going to be a hundred stories tall.
"Why not? I agree, but I would suggest we hire Muslims (Obama supporters") to fly airplanes into the taller/skyscrapers."
Why would we do that? We wouldn't need false flag attacks anymore because the USA would be a carnival, and their wouldn't be a need for war, because everyone would love the carnival.
"What is wrong with you? The Mexicans will steal something. As for the African servants, if we kidnap africans, that stupid Russia will comand attack."
Mexicans are not theives! Plus, we have an endless supply, so we can execute them on the off chance that we do catch one red handed. As for Africans, we won't kidnap them. We would do what we did before and buy them from the corrupt African governments! Russia only cares about rich people anyway.
"About the hats: Japanese have money that would pay for the giant wooden chicken. Also, knowing the Japanese, they would be overjoyed by their comboy hats. They'ld create robot-cowboy-hats! These hats would also be flotation devices in event of a flood."
Ah, but we wouldn't need Japanese money because we'd just print up all the money we need, as you said yourself! If the Japanese loved cowboy hats, why don't they make it themselves, or better yet, let our massive debt we owe to them be paid off in hats! As for the flotation devices, we could just use nuclear powered devices!
crime will die out because of the angelic DNA
"Why do they get the angelic DNA?Why can't good people get it? Charlie Sheen has Adonis DNA. What about me? Why can't we all live in a place where every guy has a Taylor Lautner body?Before you ask, I'm NOT gay. God hates gay people. Love thy enemy except for gay people? I WANNA LIVE IN HOTEL CALIFORNIA! "
Simply put, we must make a sacrafice for the common good of the shareholders, and the pawns- I mean commoners.
" [Long incoherent rant about racism]"
How can you condemn me for stereotyping blacks when you did the same to Mexicans? Also, you never addressed my other arguments.
Kumquatodor forfeited this round.
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