The Instigator
Pro (for)
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The Contender
Con (against)
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The black bear is the best kind of bear.

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 9/22/2013 Category: Funny
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 5,003 times Debate No: 37990
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (2)
Votes (0)




Pro posits that the black bear is the best kind of bear.

As evidence, pro cites this discourse from the TV show "The Office"

Jim: Question: What kind of bear is best?

Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.

Jim: False. Black bear.

Dwight: Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought-

Jim: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Dwight: Bears do not - What is going on? What are you doing?! WHAT"S GOING ON HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Impersonation is a sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM. MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR! MICHAEL!



I would like to first point out that pro's sources are very unreliable. Jim and Dwight are sales representatives. As such, they know jack shi.t about bears. As for my own points, brown bears in the wild live anywhere from their late 20's to early 30's. In captivity, they can live to the late 40's! [1] Black Bears, however, commonly live to their late teens in the wild, with the average life span of a brown bear being equal to the record age for a wild black bear. [2] This shows that black bears are little bitches who get killed off years before the brown bear, which dies in a blaze of glory.

Now, since size matters, look at this.

Even if this man was only 5-feet tall, that would make the bear approximately 8 feet tall. And that's a conservative estimate.

Now, let's look at the black bear.

My god, is that a raccoon? A medium-sized dog could kill that thing. You could curl that up into a ball and play rugby with it.
If you try and curl a brown bear into a ball, it will rip your face off.

Native Americans even could see the pure might of a brown bear. A brown bear hunt was given the same amount of preparation that inter-tribal warfare was given. [3]

In short, comparing black bears to brown bears is like comparing Andy Dick to a petri-dish grown lovechild of Chuck Norris and Jesus Christ. I.E., a really bad comparison.

Debate Round No. 1


1) Since Con states that Pro's sources are not reliable, and then footnotes Wikipedia, Pro states that Jim and Dwight are no less reliable than Wikipedia Perhaps if one were to go a level above the salesmen, and listen to the Regional manager;

2)Con then states that Brown bears are better because they live longer. The debate is NOT about which bear lives longest, but which is best. That's like saying that uranium U-232 with a half life of 72 years is better than thallium Tl-209 with a half life of 2.20 minutes.

3) Con then states that Brown bears are better because they are bigger, Again the debate is Not over which bear is biggest, but which is best. Consider this situation. One is charged with packing the largest number of bears into a 10 cubic meter box. Clearly more black bears would fit into the box.

4) Con then uses a picture of a black bear near a fence and mocks his size. However a closer inspection of the photo shows that the black bear while smaller and shorter lived has other attributes. Clearly this bear had not only erected this fence, but had also parked his car neatly and set a camera on a self timer to take a clear picture of himself. Not to mention having to upload the picture to the net!

Further evidence

and further

and clearly, the black bear is much quicker in an obstacle course as shown below where the brown bear always lags behind.

Therefore the black bears is obviously best because

A - Because they have shorter lifespans they pack more fun into fewer years
B - Because they are smaller, more of them would fit into a clown car
C- Because they run away from people, not at people
D -Because they can smell salami from a long distance, which would make them good to have when looking for ingredients to make a sandwich. As in "Hey Black Bear, I have bread and cheese. Go find me some salami!"

sources cited

you tube
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Pro believes that longevity is not one way in which bestness is measured. This is a blatant lie in order to divert attention away from my substantial evidence. U-232 is better than TI-209 in terms of half-life. Because seeing is believing, here are some completely legitimate pictures of the Russian Ursine Cavalry.

Do you see Russians ridind black bears anywhere? I didn't think so. And it is a well known fact that anything the Russians do is automatically badass.

However, that's not to say that Brown Bears are solely bloodthirsty monstrous killers. Although they usually are. They can also provide comfort and joy to a little child, such as they do all aroud the world on a daily basis.

Are Teddy Bears black? Sometimes, yes. But people vastly disprefer the black ones, due to their obvious inferiority.

Why don't we take a look at pop culture, then? Films, music, books, etc...
Baloo, from The Jungle Book. The Berenstain Bears. Little Bear. GoldiLocks. Yogi. Brown Bears have long been used to entertain and teach our children. That's not to say, however, that adults' shows can't have them as well, such as Maloy from Brickleberry, Naughty Bear, and Ted.

As it can be seen, more poeple think that brown bears are better, so they're obviously right.
Debate Round No. 2


A quick look at this map shows that black bears are better because they are too smart to live in Illinois.

There is no way to tell from the map how many brown bears live there, but one can assume that the number could be in the tens of thousands. Therefore if a brown bear is dumb enough to live in Illinois, but the black bear is too smart to, one must concede that the black bear is better.

Even logic dictates:

Beauty is better
Black is beautiful
therefore black is better

by extension

Black is better
Black bears are black
Therefore black bears are better

or conversely

Black is better
Brown bears are not black
Therefore brown bears are not better.

Below we see a brown bear giving up and admitting that black bears are better.

And who took the picture?

So it is proven," Black bears are the best kind of bear". Any further discussion would of necessity be futile.


It can be seen here that brown bears are smart enough to stay not only out of Illinois, but out of America in general! This shows them not only to be more intelligent than black bears, but Americans too (not really much of an achievement, though).

All of the great nations of the world understand and accept the great might of the brown bear, with both Putin, AND Lincoln known bear jockeys.

Besides, it is a well-known fact that Asians first learned king-Fu from pandas. You know where pandas learned it, right? You guessed it: brown bears, for it is a skill they are naturally born with.

This opens another can of worms, however. Pandas are much more cuddly and cute than black bears, while polar bears are even more badass than brown bears (you have to be if you live within 100 kilometers of Inuits).

However, we have (thankfully) been able to avoid angering the brown bears. In return, they have built us a machine made for carrying our injured in combat, the aptly named BEAR (Battlefield Extraction-Assist Robot).

From this gift of charity, we can be assured our brown-colored ursine overlo- ahem, friends, have nothing but good intentions for us all.
Debate Round No. 3
2 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Posted by janetsanders733 2 years ago
That's debatable, there are simply two schools of thought.
Posted by CRAZ4SWAN 3 years ago
black bear win xDDDDDD
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