The Instigator
Poe-vahkiin
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
purpleduck
Con (against)
Winning
3 Points

Troll Debate

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
purpleduck
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/30/2015 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 1 year ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 342 times Debate No: 72576
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (4)
Votes (1)

 

Poe-vahkiin

Pro

In my opinion, we should roast the dwarves slowly. Though I believe this to be the obvious solution, one might argue that we should mince them fine and boil them. If this is your opinion you may accept this debate. First round is acceptance.
purpleduck

Con

i accept. Good luck
Debate Round No. 1
Poe-vahkiin

Pro

If said dwarves were roasted, they would retain water, keeping the meat from drying out. Using this cooking method would also allow their fat to, for the most part, dissolve. This would be crucial as they are very large beings, due to the size and frequency of their meals. It would not only allow a greater taste, but would also have some health benefits. If they were minced, much of the fat would remain, and even be absorbed by the meat, which could cause blood clots and heart problems in the future.
purpleduck

Con

Dwarfs are typically known to have high body mass, so if this debate is about those kinds of dwarves, roasting them would not be a good idea for a number of reasons.
1. Dwarves' high body mass makes roasting them have a higher chance of leaving the insides undercooked
2. If the dwarf has a high body mass due to fat, the fat will either stay on the meat or melt and seep into the meat, making the fat content of the meat very high
3. If the dwarf has a high body mass due to muscle, the meat will be tough unless tenderized, something that cannot be done if the dwarf is roasted whole
4. Because roasting involves dry heat, the moisture in the meat will evaporate. Because the chest of any animal, be it human, chicken, or dwarf, tends to retain less water than the legs due to the fact that the legs have more fat content are thus juicier. Because of this, the chest needs less cooking than the legs, meaning that if you want both the chest and the legs to be juicy, you must cook them separately, something that cannot be done when you roast it whole.
5. Looking at something that resembles a human with brown, oiled. and crispy skin with corneas that have literally evaporated and sclera that have melted over the pupil is quite a ghastly sight to behold. /r/nosleep worthy.

On the other hand, when you mince and boil the dwarf, quite a few problems that are present in roasting are solved.
1. Mincing the dwarf will ensure that all the meat is cooked uniformly, and nothing will be left undercooked
2. If the dwarf has a lot of fat, it can be removed before cooking, allowing for healthy, lean meat.
3. Minced meat not only can be tenderized but also marinated, allowing for juicy, flavorful meat.
4. Mincing allows for different parts of the body to be cooked separately, allowing the chest to be cooked less than the legs
5. The aesthetic qualities of a minced dwarf is much less gruesome than that of a dwarf roasted whole
Debate Round No. 2
Poe-vahkiin

Pro

Though mincing would make the meal more pleasing to the eyes, you have to think of your health as well. Roasting, especially over an open fire, the fat would fall of the meat, and even cause a hotter flame, cooking thoroughly. Though undercooking could be a problem, this could be easily solved by either roasting the dwarf in sections, or roasting by burying it and heating the ground, as was and still is a widely used cooking method. Roasting it in a liquid could solve the problem of drying meat. Flavorings could not only be added to the food directly, but placed in the fire as done with pine to give more flavor. It is healthier to cook the dwarves through roasting, and you can gather friends around the fire before the sun comes up, thus avoiding petrification.
purpleduck

Con

Flavoring is more difficult to add when cooking large sections of meat, especially if the dwarf is cooked whole. Moreover, since dwarfs typically consume exorbants amounts of alcohol, eating the dwarf whole would most likely result in unwanted wild nights and massive hangovers due to the fact that the alcohol vapors inside the body are not released. Because of this, cooking the body whole would trap the alcohol vapors inside the body and cause the the body to pressurize and expand, and if temperatures become high enough, which they most likely will, the body will explode, causing a very gruesome mess. Moreover, dwarves also tend to store old food inside their beards and bodily hair. Because roasting involves minimal cleaning of things such as hair, it would be difficult to remove all the rotten food the dwarf has stored inside them. Mincing and boiling it, however, allows you to skin the dwarf and thus remove all the hair, leaving only the fresh meat and not mixing in a year's supply of expired dwarf food. Burying the body and heating the ground also has a risk of attracting various exotic bugs to the cooking site . Of the exotic bugs that may be attracted range from the heat resistant Musca Cyclorrthemophilae to the temperature resistant Scarabaeus Thermorphanos, both of which could easily devour your delicious dwarf meat in a matter of minutes. Putting it in a pot and boiling it inside the house removes the risk of any exotic insect intruding upon your delicious meal, save the Sympetrum Flammorapenetrae, which has the uncanny ability to move through walls using a wall hack. However, since these insects die instantly from cold, setting up liquid nitrogen turrets inside your kitchen will remove such a threat.
Debate Round No. 3
4 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Posted by purpleduck 1 year ago
purpleduck
i have a lot of debates right now, maybe next week?
Posted by Poe-vahkiin 1 year ago
Poe-vahkiin
We could always replicate. Care to do so?
Posted by purpleduck 1 year ago
purpleduck
oh i totally forgot about that book! should have told me, I would have argued that way
Posted by Poe-vahkiin 1 year ago
Poe-vahkiin
This debate is actually a reference to the Hobbit, wherein a group of trolls are arguing as to how they are going to cook the Dwarves that Bilbo Baggins had been traveling with.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by tejretics 1 year ago
tejretics
Poe-vahkiinpurpleduckTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Con's technicality based on dwarf body mass plus "flavoring" [gross ... LOL] tactics that were almost like molecular gastronomy give Con arguments. This was *eloquent* trolling with LOTS of technical terms XD.