The Instigator
brian_eggleston
Pro (for)
Losing
29 Points
The Contender
Maikuru
Con (against)
Winning
41 Points

Two heads are better than one

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/7/2009 Category: Science
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 8,725 times Debate No: 9983
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (15)
Votes (16)

 

brian_eggleston

Pro

They say "two heads are better than one" and they are right. I'm not talking about conjoined or Siamese twins here by the way - where two foetuses become fused in the womb and two distinct babies are born attached to each other - I'm talking about those fortunate mutants who are born with one body and two heads.

The advantages of having two heads are manifold. Below are three that come to my head immediately (though there'd be six if I was lucky enough to have two heads).

1 – Save valuable seconds crossing the road. Instead of wasting time looking left, right, then left again before stepping off the pavement (sidewalk), you can look both ways simultaneously.

2 – End the misery of exam revision. Simply give your textbooks to your other head to study while you watch television. Then when you come to sit the exam, your other head can discreetly whisper the answers into your ear.

3 – Drink and drive with impunity. If the police pull you over on your way back from the pub and accuse you of driving under the influence of alcohol, simply claim that you have been dutifully drinking mineral water all night and it was your other head that was guzzling tequilas and state that you shouldn't be punished for your other head's irresponsibility just because you happen to share the same body.

Yes, two heads are definitely better than one.

Thank you.
Maikuru

Con

First of all, allow me to thank my esteemed opponent for having the courage to declare what many of us dare only whisper. Indeed, who amongst us hasn't occasionally glanced woefully at our own bare shoulder, longing for some permanently attached company? However, while the boons of dual-headedness may seem plentiful at first, please take a moment to look deeper into the unpleasant underbelly of this apparent blessing.

1. Shopping – Two headaches for the price of one

The dual-headed have a lot more to deal with when shopping than proper sizes, fashion trends, and snobbish salespeople. Imagine having to pick out an entire wardrobe that is acceptable to not one but two personalities! As anyone who has ever tried shopping with a significant other has experienced, this exercise quickly leads to defensiveness, frustration, and in last ditch efforts to get it over with, sweaters with pictures of birds on them. Add to this the tailoring bills that two neck holes demand and the hassles of shopping become unbearable.

2. Appearance – Two faces only a mother could love

It is a sad fact of our species that, for the most part, humans are largely unattractive. Hollywood may broadcast its daily stream of glamorous and beautiful celebrities into our homes, but the average individual is lucky to spot a decent-looking person on the street, let alone be one. This means that your typical double-header is not only likely to have an unappealing mug on his shoulders, he'll probably have two! Considering having two mouths also increases one's already staggering likelihood of becoming overweight [1], even the most understanding or intoxicated stranger will have to pass.

3. Privacy – Two sets of prying eyes

Since our mutant friend is destined to be poorly dressed, overweight, and unsightly (see above), romantic attachments will surely be few and far between. As such, you can imagine the manner of private time he would require. To achieve some level of personal relief, though, lonely two-headers will have far worse to contend with than intrusive parents and lock-less doors. Permanently affixed company would make it nearly impossible to alleviate one's tension, meaning one misses out on many potential medical and psychological benefits [2][3].

::Rebuttals::

Unfortunately, every supposed benefit to sporting an additional head hides an inescapable catch. Whether it is crossing the street, studying for an exam, or committing a felony, having two heads is only beneficial when they choose to cooperate. Now if popular media and mother nature have taught us anything, it's that the last thing dual heads want to do is work together [4, 5 - see: If I Only Had A Brain]. The occasions of teamwork Pro describes sound like marvelous time-savers, but the bottom line is that double the cranium means double the conflict and half the triumph.

::References::

1. http://www.bio-medicine.org...
2. http://www.menshealth.com...
3. http://www.womentowomen.com...
4. http://news.nationalgeographic.com...
5. http://en.wikipedia.org...
Debate Round No. 1
brian_eggleston

Pro

With many thanks to Maikuru for accepting this debate, I should like to respond to his supposed disadvantages of having to heads as follows:

1 – Shopping. This should not be a problem as most twins share similar tastes (as The Proclaimers illustrate on the first YouTube clip). However, I do accept that clothes with two necks are difficult to come by but it is a simple matter of undoing enough buttons on shirts to allow space for two necks.

I did think that combing your hair in the morning might take twice as long, by the way, but then I remembered that people with two heads are ambidextrous so you could do both heads at the same time. And that's an extra bonus – most people would give their right arms to be ambidextrous.

2 – Appearance. My opponent claims that if you were ugly you would be doubly ugly, but the opposite also applies (the two-headed, inter-galactic trouble-shooter and all-round good guy, Beeblebrox, always has a stunning blonde in tow, as shown on the the second YouTube clip).

Furthermore, I don't accept that most people are minging - they might be in New Jersey where my opponent lives, I don't know, I've never been there - but over the bridge in Manhattan there are more beautiful people than you can shake a stick at.

3 – Privacy. You'll never need it. You'll be so popular with top quality twins that you'll be fighting them off with a sh!tty stick. Take the Romanian novelty pop twins The Cheeky Girls for example (watch the third YouTube clip to see them sing their top hit "Touch my Bum"). They go everywhere together and do everything together. And I mean everything. However, they are old fashioned girls and wouldn't have sex with two men at the same time, which is why they are still virgins (probably). That is where you with your two heads step in. You kiss Monica while your other head kisses Gabriela and, if you are any good, you'll soon have them both frothing at the g@sh – at which point you can tear their clothes off and satisfy all their womanly needs and pent up sexual frustrations.

In the final analysis, I accept that while having two heads is a gift that few of us are lucky enough to be blessed with, it may also have its drawbacks, but anyone with a brain can transform them into advantages and anyone with two brains could do so twice as easily.

Thank you.
Maikuru

Con

This debate has come to a close much too quickly, as this is an important issue and one deserving of extensive debate and discourse. I thank Brian for opening the door to what is sure to be continued interest in this timely topic.

1 – Shopping

Twins are known to dress similarly, especially when it is a part of their adorable childhood appeal or essential to their income. What happens, though, when they grow older and discover their own interests? Pop culture has documented that very transformation before; Tia and Tamera of the sitcom Sister Sister underwent the common journey from identically dressed kids to very different has-been adults before our very eyes [see: Youtube video 1]. Two-headers are no different in their longing for individuality, and the fashion industry has already started producing mannequins to accommodate them [1].

2 – Appearance

Possessing two gorgeous heads would be a wonderful gift. Unfortunately for all of us, that simply isn't very likely. Those locations sporting some of the world's most unattractive people (including New Jersey) are also well known birthing grounds for the deformed. As common sites for nuclear power plants, toxic waste dumps, and abundant electrical wires, Jersey and the surrounding areas tend to do a number on the resident gene pool [see: Youtube video 2]. While one rarely finds shapely sunbathers on the beaches of Rio de Janeiro sporting a second skull, having an extra appendage or two is business-as-usual in the poorer and uglier regions of the world.

3 – Privacy

Pro imagines having two heads would make one a sexual Casanova. However, even if they do manage to overcome fashion frustrations and a double dose of ugly to find a pair of dates, our mutant friends would soon regret it. Imagine the arguments over who gets the attractive girl and who is stuck with her friend with the "great personality." It's one thing to see your buddy go home with the girl you wanted, it is quite another to be forced to listen from a few inches away. Also, we're taking for granted that both heads would even be interested in the same thing. Should one head be straight and the other gay (a documented occurrence among twins [2]), the privacy issues I mentioned earlier would be the least of their concerns!

::Conclusion::

When it comes right down to it, people are terrible. They are bad dressers, unpleasant to look at, and almost always wrong. The only reason many of us are even able to stand each other is that, when necessary, we can leave. Take that option away from us and what do we have left? A novelty for parties and a ticket to a daytime talk show, sure, but nothing you would want to be permanent. I count my blessings for the one face I have because trust me, none of us would benefit if I had two.

::References::
1. http://3.bp.blogspot.com...
2. http://www.worldpolicy.org...
Debate Round No. 2
15 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Maikuru 6 years ago
Maikuru
You're scaring me with these votes, m93 haha.
Posted by m93samman 6 years ago
m93samman
Brian, you're one of my favorite debaters to read on this site. Second only to myself, because I connect with myself.
Posted by Cerebral_Narcissist 7 years ago
Cerebral_Narcissist
Brian, I think I love you...
Posted by philosphical 7 years ago
philosphical
Really funny debate guys
Posted by Maikuru 7 years ago
Maikuru
Very true, but a serious debate was the last thing we were going for =D
Posted by Korashk 7 years ago
Korashk
When having a serious debate about this topic one must also consider the fact that mutants almost always have a life expectancy that is severely shortened. Many don't even survive birth.
Posted by silntwaves 7 years ago
silntwaves
one body and two heads instead of two heads and one body..:]]
Posted by Rezzealaux 7 years ago
Rezzealaux
Ditto to Wjm. Major disappointments.
Posted by brian_eggleston 7 years ago
brian_eggleston
Yes, that was cool, thanks for that Maikuru. B/t/w, your last round was hilarious, especially the gay head / straight head scenario - I didn't think of that!
Posted by Maikuru 7 years ago
Maikuru
This was a blast. I should do more of these =D

"Maikuru used a Simpsons reference... always a winner in my books!"

Haha I thought of you when I put that in there! Too bad I couldn't come up with any Seinfeld ones.
16 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Vote Placed by KingDebater 8 months ago
KingDebater
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Vote Placed by 9spaceking 2 years ago
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Vote Placed by RyuuKyuzo 3 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Con came out as funnier to me.
Vote Placed by tulle 3 years ago
tulle
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Reasons for voting decision: Countering KingDebater's Spelling/Grammar and Sources vote.
Vote Placed by F-16_Fighting_Falcon 5 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Funny arguments from both sides. Loved it!
Vote Placed by Atheism 6 years ago
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Vote Placed by Cliff.Stamp 6 years ago
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Vote Placed by m93samman 6 years ago
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Vote Placed by philosphical 7 years ago
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