We have no right to question the motives of a chicken who has recently crossed a street.
Debate Rounds (3)
Thank you for this debate, Con. It certainly brings an important point to the minds of our audience. Just how far should our civil rights movement extend? Should we have stopped after freeing African-Americans? Should we have stopped after granting rights to homosexuals? Should we stop before giving rights to chickens? "Yes, yes, I believe in civil rights. But rights for a chicken, that's ridiculous." Well, ladies and gentlemen, if you are someone who says this then you are a blasphemous pig who hates life and baby polar bears. For reference in case you are wondering if this is you:
Yes. If you vote against me in this debate you hate this creature. Go ahead, hate this tiny bear. Make it cry. I dare you.
But do not despair, vile creatures of DDO! I come to convince you that chickens deserve rights and polar bears are deserving of your love. At the end of this debate you will pray to me, "Wise prophet, wise prophet, thank you for delivering us from evil!" And I will respond lovingly, "No prob m8." Now, let us get onto the argumentations.
Argument 1: Chickens are People Too
Yes, they are. Although this may seem strange, it turns out that chicken are actually people/humans. I contacted a prestigious professor of some sort that works at a university in the U.K. that will not be named (that one prestigious university that some Americans go to. Think big load-bearing animals and a major automotive company.) He informed me that recent studies have shown that ancient studies have been confirmed that chickens are people.
This source clearly demonstrates my point: chickens are peeps.
Argument 2: Revoking the Rights of Chickens is Degrading
It is just rude. If you were a chicken, would you want the right to cross the road for whatever reason you desired. It's repulsive that these poor poultry are constantly questioned and joked about. Think of your mother (who is probably a chicken.) Don't you want her to feel comfortable crossing the road? We simply cannot restrict the rights of chickens. If we do this, what's next? Jailing chickens in horrid outdoor prisons and slaughtering them for food? Disgusting!
Argument 3: The Story of Chester
Despite the better judgement of my staff, I am going to share a story with you. This story is tragic and tear-inducing, so please step away from your computer if you succumb to sadness easily. This is the story of a chicken named Chester. Chester Chicken we called him, in reference to his being a chicken and also being named Chester. Chester Chicken was a happy chicken, living with his two black friends (I know, I know, a dangerous situation for a chicken) in rural Denver. He enjoyed playing cards with his friends and going to raves organized specifically for chickens. He loved to dance. Chester always loved to dance. On Christmas Eve, Chester Chicken was crossing the street when a police officer took him aside and questioned him. Chester was flustered and embarrased, he didn't understand why he was being asked such questions. Unfortunately, Chester Chicken couldn't take the pressure and the next day a tragedy occured:
WARNING: The following image is extremely graphic and not intended for those under the legal age of consent.
Cry not for Chester Chicken but for subjugated chickens everywhere. And please give a prayer for these two grieving men. Although Chester tasted really great and went well with waffles, his death was truly tragic for both of them.
Please friends, uphold the civil rights of chickens. Don't allow people (yes, people) like Chester to fall by the way side and be forgotten. Sing with me, sing for the year, sing for the chicken and sing for his friends. Sing with me, just for today. Maybe tommorow, the good Lord will take Chester away.
Thank you and vote meh.
Give rights to a chicken, and you will regret it. I like Polar Bears... They are survivalists and can actually fend for themselves. Unlike this defenseless chicken.
I am thoroughly appalled at my opponent's consistent ignorance and hate. He has disgraced all of our mothers and the beloved Chester Chicken. If Max wouldn't get mad, I would use some serious French, if you catch my meaning. Screw it, vous sucez. Now I'll get onto my arguments and rebuttals.
Defense of Argument:
My opponent didn't really provide any rebuttal (typical of a polar bear hater), except for saying that he doesn't hate polar bears. Unfortunately, this is logically impossible, as I pointed out in R1. Other than this, he addresses nothing.
"They are very hazardous and could hurt someone on the road"
What evidence is their of this? My opponent quickly assumes that chickens are hazardous. I researched chicken related vehicular incidents and all I found was this:
I know friends, I know. I am also disgusted by this human driver's lack of caution. He crashed into Mr. Chicken! I happen to know Mr. Chicken. He is an honest, hard working man and a foolish human endangered his life. This highlights who the real danger on the road is!
"Why did the chicken cross the road? He shouldn't have the right to do that"
And who is my opponent do dictate the rights of chickenfolk? He assumes these executive powers but provides no evidence or reasoning to back up his arguments.
"Why should we give rights to "people" who eat seed out of their own poop? It is gross and inhumane...
Give rights to a chicken, and you will regret it"
Chickens are a proud people. How dare you accuse them of attrocies like waste-seed eating. And why will we regret giving rights to the chickenfolk? Explain yourself, knave!
I see no reason to elaborate on my arguments. I have firmly protected the concept of chicken civil rights. Vote meh.
Shame on you. Shame on you for posting a silly debate and then being the biggest buzz kill on DDO.
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