The Instigator
Koopin
Pro (for)
Losing
5 Points
The Contender
Zaradi
Con (against)
Winning
7 Points

We should elect Joseph Kony as Supreme Commander of Earth.

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 4 votes the winner is...
Zaradi
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/12/2012 Category: Politics
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,075 times Debate No: 22792
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (17)
Votes (4)

 

Koopin

Pro

I'm not busy this week, so I have time for a simple debate. Please be quick in your responses if you can.

If you are on the internet, chances are that you've heard about Joseph Kony.

This good fellow is supposedly capturing kids and forcing them to be in his "army."

This debate is simple, we should make Joseph Kony Supreme Commander of Earth.

The first round is just for acceptance.

Sources:
1. http://news.discovery.com...
Zaradi

Con

My opponent's entire claim is entirely false. While Joseph Kony, as I will concede, is a swell guy, there's nothing he can do to compete against a fvcking Sky Pirate.

Thus, I will negate the resolution and instead posit that the DDO user known as Thaddeus, or more commonly known as Thaddeus River, the Sky Pirate, should become Supreme Commander of the Earth.

I await my opponent's arguments.

Sources:
1. http://www.debate.org...
Debate Round No. 1
Koopin

Pro

Introduction:

I would like to humbly thank Zaradi for accepting this challenge. I am the Koopin. For many years I have cried over how horrible this system is. Every day billions of people wake up without any excitement or hope. I made this debate not as a joke, but as a solution to all our suffering. I hope that the leaders of the world will take this seriously and ask Kony to lead us all.


Argument:

For far to long the world has been constantly attacked by evil men. It seems that for every good person, there are two more bad ones. The world is suffering a great deal as it is now. Suddenly, there is hope. Out of the ashes has risen a great man named Joseph Kony. A man capable of leading us out of our own dark age. The world is un-united, and suffering because of it. We need to do the logical thing, which is to make the entire world one large country. This would in the end save lives, and reset the economy to a working function. I was going to make a case for there just being one leader, however my opponent is also arguing for it. He just wants a different commander.

Now obviously the union of the entire planet sounds like a good idea in theory. However, there are those who only have the pleasure and success of the special interest groups in mind. We need someone who is selfless, who has a good head on his shoulder. Someone who isn't going to back down or declare random attacks on people. Could you imagine Thaddues with a nuclear weapon when he is drunk?



Reasons why Joseph Kony would make a good Supreme Commander.

1. Kony will not give into the selfish wants of the people.
What happens when 48% of the population wants to settle Antarctica and 52% want to go to the moon instead? Chaos. The problem with society today is that some leaders want to please everyone. With Joseph Kony as the leader, no one may question him without getting an AK-47 to the face. He could make the decision, "Yes, we will go seek out revenge on camp Gingrich, let's head to the moon." Or, "Antarctica is a good place to set up a tropical resort."
We wouldn't be wasting most of our lives debating over pointless issues like gay marriage and health care.

Thaddeus Rivers however, cares a little to much. He still has a heart, therefore he couldn't resist listening to the single mom, or the doctor who wants more pay.

2. Kony is popular and looks funny.
Go ask someone on the streets, "who is Kony?" They will be able to tell you. People like him so much, they are even trying to elect him! Everywhere you look there are people saying "Kony 2012." On the other hand, go and ask random people you don't know who Thaddeus Rivers is. I have yet to see a Thaddeus Rivers 2012 sign.

Go and look at Thaddeus' face. He's a good looking chap, however, his face isn't as original as Kony. Kony's face is just so funny!


3. Kony is made of magical powers.
This is simple. Thaddeus is a great fellow, but doesn't have magical abilities (something that is required in a leader.) Kony on the other hand, does. He saw that the man Jason Russell made a documentary about hunting Kony. Joseph summoned magical invisible children to attack Jason Russell. Don't believe me? Go look it up on Google. He totally snapped. While he was fighting off the magic, someone was recording him. It is uploaded to the Internet, but I can't post it here because he is naked. Now, wouldn't it be great to have someone with magical powers leading us?

I must stop here, for fear of going overboard. I will elaborate more in my next argument when I have my opponents statements.
Zaradi

Con

I thank the benevolent Koopin for issuing his debate. Though his judgement seems to be clouded, I will attempt to clear the clouds that cloud his eyes and show him exactly why Thaddeus should be the Supreme Commander of the world.

My opponent makes the mistake of assuming that I seek the same ends as him, but with a different leader. In this assumption, he would be false. I seek to promote Thaddeus to Supreme Commander of the Earth because the resulting anarchy would allow DDO to get away with building the "End of the World Orgy Bunker"[1]. As it is now, Santorum would oppose our plan to build such a marvelous thing, as would Kony, but under Thaddeus, we would be fully prepared for the end of the world, following with the amazing orgy to follow. This is a reason we ought to have Thaddeus as Supreme Commander over some weakling named Phony or Bony or something like that.

My opponent is also of the belief that declaring random attacks on people is a bad thing. This, blatantly, is a false statement, as randomly attacking people is the only effective way to loot them of their plunder and fair maidens, as is the goal of any good Sky Pirate. With plenty of plunder, booty, and 'booty' *winkwinknudgenudge*, we will be able to unite the entire world under a single flag of epicness. That flag will not be able to fly in all of it's glorious glory if we elect Homy to be Supreme Commander, as his religion says it's a bad thing. We need someone free from any moral code to make the best decision for us. That person is Thaddeus Rivers.

My opponent then asks a very difficult question: what happens when 48% of the population want to chill down in Antarctica with the penguins and 52% want to bounce around on the moon with Hitler and the Illuminati[2]. The answer to this, under Tony, would be neither, as he lacks the transportation to go to either of those places. Thaddeus, however, is the captain of a flying pirate ship that can transport the 48% to Antarctica and the 52% to the moon. So everyone would be happy. The only time Thaddeus Rivers would listen to a single mom was when he was taking her smoking hot daughter[3] to pound town.

My opponent then brings up the compelling argument that Drony is popular and funny looking. But neither of these things are things you want in a Supreme Commander of Earth. As Machiavelli put it, it is much better to be feared than loved, and people fear Thaddeus Rivers when they see his flying pirate ship. Moreover, looking funny doesn't command any respect, and without respect, you can't get anything done because nobody takes you seriously (a prime example of this is Thett3, who is a cat[4]). Thaddeus, however, is British. And everyone knows that British are highly sexy, and thus command a massive amount of respect. So Thaddeus will be better than Grony here.

The last point my opponent brings up is that Lony has magical powers, but his powers are weak compared to Thaddeus's flying pirate ship. Children will run in terror when they hear the massive cannon shots from his pirate ship's cannons. None can stand before Thaddeus and live. None.

I agree on the points that my opponent brought up in a certain aspect, though: these are the exact criterias that a Supreme Commander of Earth must meet. However, Thaddeus clearly meets these better than Trony does, and thus deserves to be declared Supreme Commander of Earth.

I await my opponent's surrender.

Sources:
[1] - http://www.debate.org...
[2] - http://www.debate.org...
[3] - http://1.bp.blogspot.com...
[4] - http://www.debate.org...
Debate Round No. 2
Koopin

Pro

I would like to thank my opponent again for this debate. I accidentally made it three rounds instead of four, so I apologies for that. This will be my last argument.

My opponent claims that the anarchy that follows would be a good thing, when in reality, it would make DDO horrible.
If DDO had its sexy orgy, the STDs that follow would be outstanding!
I won't name any names, but quite a few of these people have admitted to me that they have aids!
With Thad as commander, he would surely have thousands of women for himself.
After participating in the Debate.orgy, he would be spreading mass destruction to all the beautiful women.
He'd also pass a law stating that he gets any woman he wants, whether she is yours or not!
And could you imagine how irritating the Debate.orgy would be?
All those feminists in one place? Blah. There would be an uprising against Thad. Joseph Kony on the other hand, would have order. He loves guns more than women, and that is somebody we need. LRA AKA NRA. But let's move on.

Moving to my opponent's next point, random attacks are bad when you are the subject to the attacks. I cannot tell you how many times he has threatened me. He can have a hot temper at times. Please review this hateful PM I took from him. http://i42.tinypic.com... (1)
I have informed the owner of juggle and he is in the process of banning him for his hate crimes.

My opponent believes that just because Thaddeus has a British accent he is sexy.
He may not have been able to the the pictures, but can you honestly tell me that the "My Little Kony" wasn't hot?
It's super sexy (hand check.) Kony is tall, dark, and handsome. Three of three. Thaddeus is only two of those thing, handsome and dark (we all suspect.) (2)

This is not a matter of who deserves to be commander. If that were the case of all elections the results would be much different. No my friends, this is a case of what's best for all of us. Would you want a crazy British fellow showing off to the lady folk with his mighty nukes? Would you like to live out your life in fear, praying that Thaddeus won't come and steal your wife? He may be good for the first few months, but after he experiences his mad power trip we are toast.

I would like to keep this debate readable, so I shall end here. I thank my opponent and audience for reading.

Sources:
(1). http://shark-tank.net...
(2). http://i42.tinypic.com...
Zaradi

Con

As this is the last round, I will try to not bring up anything new, but only respond to old points or points that my opponent made in his last round.

My opponent's claim that if we had a massive DDO orgy we would spread STD's is inherently false. The very condition of acceptance into the bunker, as outlined in the first round of my first source, was that no member in the bunker would have STDs of any kind. So there would be no STDs to spread, making your rebuttal false.

Also, Koopin's just squeemish of saying who admitted to AIDs because he admitted to me that he was one of those people. I, however, am not afraid of childishly pointing a finger at someone, and will always do so with reckless abandon.

Also, while Thaddeus may make a law to get all the womenz, Grony would outlaw the entire idea of the DDOrgy, as his religion would frown on it and would cause him to be smited with heavenly wrath. This would prevent us from having the bunker, which would mean we would all die when 2012 came about.

And the feminists would not uprise against Thad because all of the feminists on thsi site love Thad. LDF, a prominent feminist herself (she told me so in a PM) confessed that she secretly wanted to have Thaddeus's babies (also confessed in the same PM). So your predicted uprising would never happen.

Also, the blatant forgery of a PM to incriminate Thaddeus is quite obvious. If Thaddeus really didn't like you, you would be a smoldering pile of ashes that would be crushed underneath his mighty cannon shots. The fact that you are still alive proves that this is a blatantly false accusation.

I do not deny that the "My Little Kony" picture was quite attractive, but nothing is more attractive than a sky pirate with a british accent. A poll recently taken suggests that 98% of people, male and female, have sexual fantasies about getting it on with a sky pirate with a british accent, thus making Thaddeus a far more attractive option than Nony.

While Kony may be tall, dark, and handsome, Thaddeus is dark (blatantly true), handsome (he's obviously quite attractive), and British. The British outweighs the tallness (who really wants to be with a 8ft tall guy compared to a british sky pirate? Yeah, thought so), so Thaddeus is still sexier.

So, in summary of what has transpired here today, I shall sum up the round with the reasons why you are going to support Thaddeus for Supreme Commander of Earth:
1. He's british.
2. He's a sky pirate.
3. He's amazing.
4. He's british.
5. He's more attractive than Kony.
6. He's british.
7. Sarah Palin will fall in love with you if you go against Thaddeus (and no one wants that).
8. Chuck Norris will kill you if you go against Thaddeus (almost the worst one, but Sarah Palin just barely tops this).
9. Thaddeus is british.

So, for the above reasons, I support Thaddeus for 2016 Supreme Commander of Earth.
Debate Round No. 3
17 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Yep 2 years ago
Yep
I cant believe ppl r taking this debate seriously >.< For every smart person on DDO there are 5 of "lesser" intelligence... I agree with Koopin, Kony>Thaddeus! My little Kony really sold that part for me, I may buy a few of them
Posted by Zaradi 2 years ago
Zaradi
I know. Jeeze. Obvious joke debate is Obvious.
Posted by Koopin 2 years ago
Koopin
lol @ n00bs taking this seriously!
Posted by Zaradi 2 years ago
Zaradi
I try Thaddy. I try. :D
Posted by Jon1 2 years ago
Jon1
Heh, he's still better than Obama. Obama is a socialist!
Posted by Thaddeus 2 years ago
Thaddeus
Words cannot express how much win Zaradi captured in this debate.
Posted by kyro90 2 years ago
kyro90
WTF Was this!?!? I saw this and I rofled so hard! xDDD
Posted by Zaradi 2 years ago
Zaradi
Or Kony xD
But I'm sure he's too busy abducting children to really get on DDO.
Posted by Koopin 2 years ago
Koopin
Or Kony!
Posted by Zaradi 2 years ago
Zaradi
And now we wait 'till Thaddeus see's this thread...xD
4 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Vote Placed by Thaddeus 2 years ago
Thaddeus
KoopinZaradiTied
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Total points awarded:24 
Reasons for voting decision: This travesty can no longer be ignored. Koopin I still love you but quite evidently Zaradi's arguments blew yours out of the water. He also wins conduct. Because. Don't be like that, you get sources!
Vote Placed by Yep 2 years ago
Yep
KoopinZaradiTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Frozen your an idiot >.< I Tied this debate because it's just so funny :D Good job on both sides for a fun debate, but honestly theres no way to judge this >.<
Vote Placed by imabench 2 years ago
imabench
KoopinZaradiTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Countering Frozen, why would someone take this seriously?
Vote Placed by frozen_eclipse 2 years ago
frozen_eclipse
KoopinZaradiTied
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Reasons for voting decision: i just dont agree with this whatsoever. This man cannot and will not fix suffering in the world. COn had better refutaions