The Instigator
Koopin
Pro (for)
Losing
3 Points
The Contender
MikeyMike
Con (against)
Winning
23 Points

We should move all Israelis to Canada.

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
MikeyMike
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/21/2012 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,162 times Debate No: 21352
Debate Rounds (1)
Comments (10)
Votes (5)

 

Koopin

Pro

RESOLUTION:

The United States of America should move all Israelis to Canada.

INTRODUCTION:

I would like to express my thanks to whoever accepts this debate. You may have noticed that it is only one round, which most likely means a win for you. I would also like to thank the audience and mean no offense to Canadians. No use of semantics please. Since I am American, I may use the phrase “we” instead of “Americans” at some point in the debate.

ARGUMENT:

For decades, Israel has been a topic of numerous debates. Many Americans feel it is their duty to defend Israel at all cost, which can be expensive. It is projected that the United States has given Israel $84,854,827,200 (1). Every year we attempt to keep our relationship with Israel going strong. However, this cannot go on. We are spending crazy amounts of money, and harming relations with other Arab countries. Obviously we cannot completely stop all aid to Israel without Christian and Jewish civil unrest in America. No, something else must be done.

Our best course of action is to move all the Israelis to Canada. Canadians as you know are naturally a little kooky (2). We cannot blame them, how would you feel if you were in a constant state of cold? Anyway, moving the Israelis to Canada would have many benefits.

Benefit 1:

If the Israelis were moved to Canada, then we would no longer have to pretend to like Hockey. It is a well known fact that very few Americans actually enjoy the sport. The truth is that we are afraid that if we admit to disliking it, Canada will no longer supply us with maple syrup and bacon. Once Israel moves in, we can get our yummy syrup and bacon from them, or pay them off to tell us the recipe (you can’t bribe a Canadian.) Once Hockey is no longer a sport in America, we can put the extra money into getting bigger football, basketball, and baseball stadiums.

Benefit 2:

If the Israelis were moved to Canada, we would be able to have them close. What is the point of funding a country if you can’t visit them for tourism? What American in their right mind would take their family vacation money and go to Canada? It takes a very long time, and a lot of gas to drive to Israel. If Israel was close, we would have the best vacations ever. Israel has a lot of enemies in the Middle East, if they are closer to the United States, then they will not have to worry. Iran can then build all the nukes they can, or buy them from us!

Benefit 3:

If you have never been to Canada, at one point in your life you are going to wonder “Does Canada really exist?” I still am undecided on whether they actually do. You rarely ever hear anything about them. They are all so busy with their cheap healthcare and their bacon that they rarely step out of their cozy country. America is the biggest party country in the world, and it is like we have an eighty year old neighbor next door who won’t join. Boring. Once Israel moves in, then we will party non stop. They are always in the news, and will supply us with entertainment. We can move all the Canadians to somewhere we don’t want, like Alaska.

Benefit 4:

In every movie, the Aliens attack the USA. We need somewhere to flee to if such a thing ever happened. In Canada (now called Israelda) we would get to play in the thick snow while government officials had meetings on how we would take back our beloved country. We could all survive for months on their endless supply of bacon. Alaska (now Canada) would be right next door. So if the aliens get hungry for human flesh, we could farm Canadians to appease their hunger.

Benefit 5:

If we took care of Israel, we might gain God points. He would bless us greatly for taking care of His people. We could dig up the whole country and spread the dirt all across Canada, that way it is still the soil their ancestors were on.

Closing:

Some of you are probably thinking “Canada won’t go along with this.” I must say, you are wrong. Canadians are the most peaceful creatures known to man. They are bound by some unknown law that stops them from killing. They will have no choice but to do as we tell them, move to Alaska, or be exterminated.

I would like to thank my opponent for this debate. Hopefully everyone can realize how great of an idea this is. Write your congressman, and tell him that we no longer want boring old Canada at our borders. This is America, and we do whatever we feel like.

Definitions:

(1) http://tinyurl.com...

(2) http://tinyurl.com...

(3) http://tinyurl.com...

Sources:

(1) http://tinyurl.com...

(2) http://tinyurl.com...

MikeyMike

Con

*Ahem* I am gravely offended by my opponent's resolution that we should move all Israelis to Canada. My best friend is a moose, and moose hate Israeli's. I will not allow him to live his life in constant despair knowing that Israelis lurk in every nook and corner. This one is for you Bullwinkle…

B1:
Pro:"we are afraid that if we admit to disliking it, Canada will no longer supply us with maple syrup and bacon." It=hockey, the Oxford dictionary defines the word "few" as such: a small number of (2).
Currently there are at least 485,018 (not few) registered hockey players in the U.S. who engage in the sport as a profession (1). Hockey isn't a popularly watched sport in comparison to others in the U.S. there is not much reason for such a large number to dedicate their life to the sport for any reason other than enjoyment or money. I contend that it is for both. We acquire maple syrup and bacon from Canada is predominantly through purchase; Canada is making money from the U.S., they are not giving us maple syrup and bacon because we like hockey. So, I contend that abolishing hockey in the U.S. and sending all Israelis in the U.S. to Canada would not help us procure more bacon and maple syrup. The money it would take to do such things would be immense anyways, and would have greater detriment than the U.S. not gaining bacon and maple syrup from Canada.

B2:
Pro: "If the Israelis were moved to Canada, we would be able to have them close. What is the point of funding a country if you can't visit them for tourism?" "If Israel was close, we would have the best vacations ever." People visit Israel for their culture and that includes not only the people but the place itself. Sending Israelis to Canada wouldn't help much if any in the American citizen's quest to visit Israel. They would still have to make the trip to the actual country of Israel to experience the full culture. Israelis would be close, not the country of Israel. Pro: "Israel has a lot of enemies in the Middle East, if they are closer to the United States, then they will not have to worry" If Israel has a lot of enemies in the Middle East, moving them to Canada would only cause problems for us. Other countries generally don't attack U.S. soil because of the difficulty of such an act, and the consequences resulting from such. If we move Israelis to Canada, they might not think twice about attacking them there, and an Israeli vs. other countries war would not be good for the U.S. Imagine if the other country drops a nuke on Canada, the U.S. will definitely be negatively affected by such an attack. Sending Israelis to Canada would cause more problems than benefits.

B3:
Pro: "Does Canada really exist?" I still am undecided on whether they actually do." Pro makes such a statement about being skeptical about the existence of Canada, but then goes on to state numerous things about the country pointing to the fact that he knows Canada Is in existence. My opponent has contradicted himself. Pro: "We can move all the Canadians to somewhere we don't want, like Alaska." This is much easier said than done. Somehow, I don't think Canadians would take kindly to being deported out of their own home. I mean the U.S. did it to the Native Americans with seemingly no severe detriment, but then again the Native Americans didn't have weapons of mass destruction to retaliate with…

B4:
Pro is attempting to base this benefit on fictional scenarios found in movies in which Aliens attack the U.S. Such reasoning is absurd and irrelevant seeing as how the Aliens are really attacking the whole planet Earth and/or the human race, the initial strike just happens to takes place in the U.S., moving to Canada would not save us. Examples: War of the Worlds (3), The Day The Earth Stood Still (4), Transformers (5).

B5:
Even if taking care of Israel did give us God points, I'm sure that kicking Israelis out of the U.S. against their will does not fall under the realm of "taking care of". Neither does forcing them to go to Canada where they'll have to endure the musical stylings of "Drake" and watch him parade around in his gaudy sweaters (6). God would surely curse us for unearthing the country of Israel and superimposing it upon Canada.

Closing:
Do the right thing and vote Con, or see Pro's plans come to fruition, thus plummeting the world into an apocalypse in which only the likes of Ozymandias (7) could save us from.

1. http://www.nationmaster.com...
2. http://oxforddictionaries.com...
3. http://en.wikipedia.org...(2005_film)
4. http://en.wikipedia.org...(2008_film)
5. http://en.wikipedia.org...(film)
6. http://www.washingtonpost.com...
7. http://en.wikipedia.org...(comics)
Debate Round No. 1
10 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by InsertNameHere 5 years ago
InsertNameHere
This is hilarious.

Btw, we have plenty of room here in Canada and it would make the Palestinians happy. xD
Posted by Doulos1202 5 years ago
Doulos1202
canada would love this
Posted by Zaradi 5 years ago
Zaradi
xD There really wasn't a way to vote this round xD
@jawyer: get your panties out of a knot. This obviously isn't a serious debate.
Posted by jawyer 5 years ago
jawyer
i happen to find this very offensive to a massive majority of people in the world. unless you're taking the piss, this is not funny at all.
Posted by MikeyMike 5 years ago
MikeyMike
lol boo at Zaradi for voting this a tie, and giving the argument points to Koopin

I will hunt you down and punish you for such transgressions.
Posted by thett3 5 years ago
thett3
Benefit 3 = Pro wins
Posted by Deathbeforedishonour 5 years ago
Deathbeforedishonour
NO! We must stay out of middle-eastern affairs!
Posted by 16kadams 5 years ago
16kadams
Canada is huge and has like 5 people. Israel has 5 people too... They would fit.
Posted by 16kadams 5 years ago
16kadams
Wtf
Posted by THEBOMB 5 years ago
THEBOMB
hahaha awesome debate :D
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by LlamaMan 5 years ago
LlamaMan
KoopinMikeyMikeTied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: All of pros sources are from the same website, and pro gave himself a side that was very hard to provide valid arguments. Result: Con wins
Vote Placed by trippledubs 5 years ago
trippledubs
KoopinMikeyMikeTied
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Total points awarded:06 
Reasons for voting decision: Interesting and deserves more research. It would be cool to have our friends closer instead of Canadians
Vote Placed by 16kadams 5 years ago
16kadams
KoopinMikeyMikeTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: All of pros arguments are well how do I say this... BS. They are all unlikely scenarios and well fallacies. Conduct as it would piss the whole country of Israel off if they saw this. Also cons arguments where more realistic. He disproved pros contentions, easily. Pros case was either a fallacy or downright wrong. Con proved this. Con negated the resolution, negated pros points, and had superior logic, hence I voted for con, the one who won. Odd debate.
Vote Placed by DevonNetzley 5 years ago
DevonNetzley
KoopinMikeyMikeTied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Some of my best friends live in Canada. And Con made more convincing arguments.
Vote Placed by Zaradi 5 years ago
Zaradi
KoopinMikeyMikeTied
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Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: While the con certainly brings up good points, I feel that they are all outweighed by the possibility of earning more bacon and maple syrup. And I just don't even know if Canada even exists. It's not on a map anywhere... So yeah. That's how I vote.