A Top Hat is clearly the best kind of hat. How come we don't wear them anymore? Because society has become corrupt and people have become too stupid to realize that the vacuum sealed air above the head when housed by a top hat facilitates enhanced brain neuron transmission thus increasing overall mental capacity. Why have people become stupid enough to overlook this? Because they haven't been using top hats, as you can see the logic is circular. They are also magical because if you put rabbits and stuff in there you know what happens don't play coy. Also Abraham Lincoln wore a top hat, and what did he do? Well I don't have time to tell you so go read a book. But suffice it to say he would be a shadow of the man that he was without his top hat, I mean, his shadows would be smaller and also not as big, unless it was high noon, in which case there is not much of a shadow anyway. Now you know the truth.
False, bowler hats are clearly the best hat. Their sleek design paired with the innumerable amount of color schemes make for the perfect fashionable and practical hat. Do you have a navy suit and a black shirt? You're in luck, you also happen to have a navy bowler with a black band. The essence of 40's and 50's fashion, the bowler hat combines style with class.
Although top hats are a great alternative to no hat, it cannot be worn regularly (as in without a suit in a casual dress manner). That, for me and countless others, is a deal breaker. Its versatility, colorability, and class make for the ultimate hat. Nothing tops off an outfit, casual or otherwise, like a nice bowler hat.
While a bowler hat might be good for the mediocre bowling association. Or for eating plain cheerios out of a bowl. Is it good for anything else? Nope.
While you are putting baby kittens to sleep with your 'dear god save me from this singularity of infinite boringness bowler', I will be at the top of my game on top of the world at the top o' the mornin, topping the charts at top speed spinning like a top from top to bottom with a top-notch top quality top hat with a cherry on top to top it off.