The Instigator
Jingle_Bombs
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
imabench
Con (against)
Winning
3 Points

Who would win in a bar fight between Vladimir Putin and Dick Cheney?

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
imabench
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/15/2014 Category: Politics
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 955 times Debate No: 49175
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (3)
Votes (1)

 

Jingle_Bombs

Pro

This is a seriously humorous discussion of who would win in a hypothetical bar fight between Vladimir Putin and Dick Cheney - arguably the two most feared, cunning, intelligent, and evil politicians of recent decade. I'm challenging Imabench based on his reputation for troll topics. First round is for acceptance, 2nd round for main points, 3rd for close/counter arguments. Since I'm challenging him, imabench may choose which character he'd like to argue for.
imabench

Con

I gleefully accept and will argue for Vladimir Putin

State your case :D
Debate Round No. 1
Jingle_Bombs

Pro

Jingle_Bombs forfeited this round.
imabench

Con

..... ok then
Debate Round No. 2
Jingle_Bombs

Pro

Apologies to my opponent for the late submission, but let’s have at it!

------

Well this is hardly a contest really, and according to most US and NATO intelligence estimates, a bar fight between Vladimir Putin and Dick Cheney would go something like this:

Vladimir Putin walks into a bar, orders vodka.

Dick Cheney walks into the bar with his shotgun, and orders “shots all around.”

Everyone dies. Dick Cheney turns into a bat and flies away (Stole that last line, but it’s still funny!).

Or alternatively:

Vladimir Putin walks into a bar, orders vodka.

Dick Cheney walks into the bar, orders three pints of blood.

Putin sees Cheney, hardcore animal planet like stare down ensues.

Then as if something out of a George Lucas film; Putin is Force Chocked to death!

As Putin suspended body takes its final breath, Cheney lets go of a tightly clenched hidden fist and mutters his trademark: “Go **** yourself!”

But enough wargaming, on to the main points!

1)Cheney is virtually heartless.

When George W. Bush looked into Putin’s eyes he saw a soul, but when he looked into Dick Cheney’s eyes he saw a bionic VP with a high tech Darth Vader like pacemaker equipped with its own cable TV and high-speed internet broadband. Honestly, who else can survive 5 heart attacks and still survive the Bush white house? And how cold do you have to be to accidently shoot someone in the face with a shotgun and have the victim apologize??? That’s some mean sh** right there.
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2)Putin would get waterboarded.

In Russia, torture is when you get your *** tied to a tree and your balls painted with honey so the bears in Siberia can lick it off; but in the world according to Dick Cheney, you get water boarded.

According to Urban Dictionary (the only acceptable dictionary for troll debates), water boarding is defined as:

1) When a girl flexes her ***** and accidentally discharges her vaginal fluid on your face whilst being Drop Smeared.

2) When you're on the bottom in a 69 position with your woman and she pees on you.......filling up you entire nasal sinuses.

http://www.urbandictionary.com...

So you tell me which is worse. I honestly don’t think Putin, or any man for that matter, could survive water boarding for even half a second!

3)Compared to Darth Cheney, Putin is a wuss.

Compared to Dick Cheney, Putin is your typical shirtless adolescent playground bully with no ****ing muscles or backbone. A dipship milk money stealing midget who needs to pick on people weaker than himself in order to complete his ego: poles, women, flamers, the neighbors, nobel prize winning community organizers, oil rich kids, the United Nations, and Chechens with funny sounding names. These are hardly the Nazis or evil American capitalists that would have made real iron fist leaders like Stalin and Khrushchev proud. His favorite victim of course, is a Kenyan Nobel peace prize winning community organizer with 99 problems and a little dick tends to be one – talk about weak! And what’s up with being the ring leader for all the world’s biggest losers like Iran, Syria, and North Korea? The leader of North Korea is a lousy imitation of a bond villain, the Roger Moore version; Assad looks like Pinocchio; while the Iranians seriously look like a bunch of Disney Villains: http://www.israellycool.com...

Cheney on the other hand, was a classic neo-con hawk, a freaking sith lord, and the 43rd President of the United States. A man responsible for Gitmo, NSA wiretapping, Drone strikes, the Iraq War, and water boarding; and was actually allies with other “real” villains and war criminals like Rumsfeld and George Bush. When Cheney invaded a country he went in Shock and Awe, took the oil, hung the leader, and made sure life would be ruined. But when Putin invades, not only does he not fire a shot (like a panzy), but everyone shouts with glee and rejoice and voluntarily votes to join him! Honestly, what kind of ex-KGB supervillian is that? War criminals aren’t supposed to be wimps! They’re supposed to be cold hearted killers! And furthermore, in any bar fight, I think we all should be scared to death of a heartless Dick Cheney!
imabench

Con

"1)Cheney is virtually heartless."

He's not virtually heartless, he IS heartless..... He had to get an artificial heart installed a couple of years ago since his old one was failing pretty bad. Cheney has suffered heart attacks since the age of 37: http://www.washingtonpost.com...

Anyone who has 5 heart attacks in their life is a withered old man who is on death's doorstep, Putin on the other hand has NOT had a heart attack and appears to be in no danger of getting one soon.

Therefore, Putin is almost infinitely healthier than Cheney, and therefore more likely to win in a fight between the two.



2) Torture

"In Russia, torture is when you get your *** tied to a tree and your balls painted with honey so the bears in Siberia can lick it off; but in the world according to Dick Cheney, you get water boarded."

Putin is an ex KGB officer (KGB is the Russian equivalent of the CIA), and seeing as how the Soviet Union was about 5 times as hardcore as the CIA in terms of torture and how it treated enemies of the state, theres no way of knowing what kind of twisted stuff that Putin could have seen, carried out, or was even subjected to as part of his training.

Cheney on the other hand gets a heart attack every time someone reminds him that the US is no longer at war with Iraq, or every time Gay Marriage is legalized in another state.....



3) Bravery

"Putin is your typical shirtless adolescent playground bully with no ****ing muscles or backbone. "

Putin is in charge of a country who's motto is literally 'Dont be a p***y', its pretty safe to say that he has more muscles and backbone than anyone else in Russia since they elected him president 3 times now.

http://theweek.com...



"A man responsible for Gitmo, NSA wiretapping, Drone strikes, the Iraq War, and water boarding;"

He didnt actually invent those things though, he just liked them, in the same way a scrawny teenage nerd would like League of Legends....



"And furthermore, in any bar fight, I think we all should be scared to death of a heartless Dick Cheney!"

If the guy cant even tell the difference between a bird and a person when he goes hunting, then he's pretty nonthreatening to be around so long as he doesnt have a gun on him..... Hell if you stick a decent powered magnet to his artificial heart it would probably knock it out, effectively killing him.

Putin cannot be killed with a magnet, Cheney can





4) Conclusion

Putin is an ex-KGB Russian officer who is in far better health than Cheney is, who also has senses that function an an adequate level and has NOT suffered from heart attacks since the age of 37..... Cheney on the other hand cant tell his a** from his elbow, has had to have numerous organs replaced due to failing health, and could literally become crippled by a magnet if you held it close to his mechanical heart....... Its pretty clear that Putin could take Cheney in a fair fight.

Debate Round No. 3
3 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Posted by imabench 3 years ago
imabench
just post your argument in the comments and ill respond to it in the debate
Posted by Jingle_Bombs 3 years ago
Jingle_Bombs
Blahh I did make an argument for this but didn't make the timer because I was still editing. We can either redo the debate or I can forfeit the round.
Posted by Blade-of-Truth 3 years ago
Blade-of-Truth
Lol, I got $5 on Putin...
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Wylted 3 years ago
Wylted
Jingle_BombsimabenchTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: 1.Cheney is heartless:Cheney being heartless is a sign of old age not toughness.2.putin would get water boarded: Putin was shown to be more adept at torture in both receiving and giving.3.They're both puss's so this category is tied. The forfeited round was taken into account as well.