The Instigator
Pro (for)
3 Points
The Contender
Con (against)
0 Points

Worst College Admission Essay R2

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/24/2015 Category: Arts
Updated: 11 months ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 501 times Debate No: 82995
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (3)
Votes (1)




Because the last one was too short


Brain-deadness is my specialty:)
Debate Round No. 1


Life. Death. It's all the same to me. What is the difference? Pain exists. We feel pain. Every moment. Trickling down our spines is always pain.



Your school is but a distraction from such pain.

But a distraction is just what I need.

Also, if you don't let me in, I'll cause you even more pain, you little ****.


So like, what's the deal with everything going on these days? Amiright? The world just needs to like, love itself.

That is my motto, and I am always true to it. Haha. i wish I could just like, you know? Hahahahah.

Okay, so now thats dealt with, lets talk about what really matters: me. Ok, that sounded like SUPER selfish, but these are depserate times, and depserate times call for desperate measures. Amright? This actually makes me think of somethin. Ok, so like the first thing I wanted to discuss was like...yeah. You know what Im saying? So yeah, this is like my essay, and I hope you like, vote for me. Because lets get real, the world needs like, love.
Debate Round No. 2


The role of education is, ostensibly, to teach. But what is teaching? What is being taught? To answer these questions, we must first investigate one much more fundamental: what is being?

Being is. Being is. Being is.

So it has been shown that "Being is" is not simply "Being is," but rather three divergent themes, much like the piano may produce different melodies with the same keys. Being is - but what is? Being. But being is, is it not? What is is? Is is being. Being. Being.

These considerations are very complex, but, when analysed fully, it will be revealed that the only conclusion possible is that you should allow me into your school.


I took more of a Spinozian route. 

Collatum idcirco tibi me in vestra schola

I. I am a human.
II. Your college regularly accepts humans and only humans.

It is established: I meet the most basic requirements for admittance to your institution. (Q.E.D.)

Axiom I. I am a good student.
PROOF. - My transcripts attest to the fact. (Q.E.D.)

Axiom II. I performed well on the very standardized tests you use to admit your students.
PROOF - Evidenced by the score report sent to you on my behalf by the "College Board", who sent said report at my request, and to whom
I paid dearly for this service.

PROP 2. You wish to admit only the best and brightest. That being the case, and assuming that you live up to your stated creed, admitting me
to your institution follows most logically, while the opposite is completely beyond consideration.

PROOF. - My application, and in particular, the glowing recommendations contained therein, verily attest to the fact. (Q.E.D.)


I. Sensible - so as to produce within the mind a feeling that truth, as opposed to falsehood, is to be expressed by the course of action under consideration, should it
be carried out to its full extent, or to a considerable portion thereof.

PROP 3. Your admissions process is fundamentally not sensible.
PROOF. - Much of the application process is based on heresy; applicants tell you how they are special and you are required, by the laws of nature and convenience, to take them
at their word. It is in their best interest to paint themselves in the most beautiful colors available to them whilst still retaining some amount of plausibility, so as to enhance their chances at admission.
You, therefore, should take with great grains of salt the words that come out of their mouths, including mine, so as to lessen the ease with which you fall prey to their lying ways. It follows that much
of the application process is useless, which is indeed, to me at least, not a sensible way to conduct business in any fashion.

CORRALLARY. - You are not fit to continue as admissions officers, given your astonishing levels of gullibility, and should therefore resign at the first opportunity nature provides you. (Q.E.D.)

Debate Round No. 3
3 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Posted by dylancatlow 10 months ago
Yeah, bossy definitely won this lol.
Posted by Rami 11 months ago
Would you let me debate this?
Posted by dylancatlow 11 months ago
I hope you enjoyed vacuous hippie girl.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by 000ike 10 months ago
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Con provides two distinct models of a crappy admissions essay: the first, the incoherent and inarticulate rambling of a student who's probably not ready for college, and the second, the risk-taker who organizes his personal statement in a dry, uninformative, and unnaturally scholastic format. Hats off for the diversity of approach, but unfortunately the stylistic excesses of con's portrayal detract from the humor. Pro, however, masterfully captures the uneasy pretense of the typical personal statement. It is an essay wandering discursively in search of something profound, but never quite finding it... the kind of essay that feigns eloquence...the kind whose weak command of the english language is latent but nonetheless perceptible. This is mimetically accurate, and that's what makes it funny. Also, I lost it at "being is. being is. being is" lol -- so, arguments go to pro.