Worst College Admission Essay R2
Debate Rounds (3)
Because the last one was too short
Brain-deadness is my specialty:)
Life. Death. It's all the same to me. What is the difference? Pain exists. We feel pain. Every moment. Trickling down our spines is always pain.
Your school is but a distraction from such pain.
But a distraction is just what I need.
Also, if you don't let me in, I'll cause you even more pain, you little ****.
So like, what's the deal with everything going on these days? Amiright? The world just needs to like, love itself.
That is my motto, and I am always true to it. Haha. i wish I could just like, you know? Hahahahah.
Okay, so now thats dealt with, lets talk about what really matters: me. Ok, that sounded like SUPER selfish, but these are depserate times, and depserate times call for desperate measures. Amright? This actually makes me think of somethin. Ok, so like the first thing I wanted to discuss was like...yeah. You know what Im saying? So yeah, this is like my essay, and I hope you like, vote for me. Because lets get real, the world needs like, love.
The role of education is, ostensibly, to teach. But what is teaching? What is being taught? To answer these questions, we must first investigate one much more fundamental: what is being?
Being is. Being is. Being is.
So it has been shown that "Being is" is not simply "Being is," but rather three divergent themes, much like the piano may produce different melodies with the same keys. Being is - but what is? Being. But being is, is it not? What is is? Is is being. Being. Being.
These considerations are very complex, but, when analysed fully, it will be revealed that the only conclusion possible is that you should allow me into your school.
I took more of a Spinozian route.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by 000ike 10 months ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Con provides two distinct models of a crappy admissions essay: the first, the incoherent and inarticulate rambling of a student who's probably not ready for college, and the second, the risk-taker who organizes his personal statement in a dry, uninformative, and unnaturally scholastic format. Hats off for the diversity of approach, but unfortunately the stylistic excesses of con's portrayal detract from the humor. Pro, however, masterfully captures the uneasy pretense of the typical personal statement. It is an essay wandering discursively in search of something profound, but never quite finding it... the kind of essay that feigns eloquence...the kind whose weak command of the english language is latent but nonetheless perceptible. This is mimetically accurate, and that's what makes it funny. Also, I lost it at "being is. being is. being is" lol -- so, arguments go to pro.
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