The Instigator
Masterful
Pro (for)
Winning
7 Points
The Contender
FallenAngel1
Con (against)
Losing
3 Points

Write a short story. The best one will win. 4k charcaters

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
Masterful
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/25/2017 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 11 months ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 654 times Debate No: 103293
Debate Rounds (1)
Comments (7)
Votes (3)

 

Masterful

Pro

Write a short story, keep it interesting, legible and short, yet concise. No more than 4k characters.

"Son, your mother and I want to talk to you, please sit."
I acknowledged this request and sat down with minimal concern, for it was not the first time my parents had bothered me with such petty trepidations.
To that I answered very arrogantly "What could it possibly be this time father?"
With a stern and emotionless look he told me in a crisp, yet sincere tone, "We want you to leave the house, we're done looking after you and we're done being disrespected by you."
The sudden realisation hit me; this comfortable life-style I was living was not meant to be. The weight of the world began its slow, cruel asphyxiation onto my chest, weighing evermore heavier with each breath I exhaled; the room began to spin in a circular motion. I tilted my head back and began to gasp for air that didn't seem to exist. Panic set in and my hands began to fidget helplessly, I was powerless to the strangulation that was tightening.
While desperately struggling for my existence, I flicked my eyes in the direction of my parents who were sat there confused, non-reactant to my impending doom. "Help" I whispered vulnerably. I got no response from them, they did however, stand up and walk out of the room, I heard my father present a question to my mother,
"Shall I put the kettle on sweetie?"
This only further instigated my close battle with death, as I felt my heart thud in an uncontrollable manner. My ears began ringing and my vision blurred, as though I had received a ghastly and dizzying blow to the head. I was in an immeasurable amount of pain and so much distress that my last resort attempt to scream produced nothing more than a gargle of dribbling saliva.
I lay there, like a limp corpse. My vicious suffering began fading and so too, my life. I knew I would succumb to the hallowing darkness that began its persistent crawl through my body, I felt nothing, I had finally died and my pain had subsided in its entirety; I smiled before finally fading away, to become one with nothingness.

"Get up off the floor you silly sod you." As my mother walked in and so rightfully called my bullsh*t
"F*ck off mum, why do you always gotta be a b*tch?" I stormed up the stair case and decide that was enough drama for one night. I lay there awake, scheming my next move.
"So the f*ckers didn't buy my act, guess I'll have to MURDER them both, mwahahaha, mwhahaha, MWHAHAHAHAHHA!!!"

...To be continued in the next episode of Dragon Ball Z
FallenAngel1

Con

Dark grey clouds rolled in from the south, streaks of white lights flashed from above, thunder crashes above the clouds, splashes of rain pattered against the window, the wind blew hard against the tall dark trees making them dance. I sat there alone on the comfort of my bed watching the storm past waiting for the time to end, in my left hand holding tightly was a sharp shiny object with spots of rusty crimson liquid, I slowly placed it to my wrist first softly I than sliced it against my skin all I could see was white lines running across my wrist than I started to do it harder more showed crimson liquid seeped from the fresh slots on my wrist dripped down my pale skin to the already bloodstained bed sheets, I soon moved to my left wrist more slits came while I had a smile on my face, the pain was going away with every cut I had done. A car door slammed closed and the front door slammed closed footsteps ran up the stairs silence came, the footsteps stopped at my door the doorknob started to rattle silence BANG a knock came after "Lilith please open the door" mother pleaded with me "why" I muttered, she could tell what I was done "please open this door I"m begging you" my mother sobbed behind door. "Please open this door" mother was now crying "why are you doing this to yourself Lilith, don"t do this not again, don"t be like your father, stop being like him I"m begging you to stop this" mother continuously saying I couldn"t listen why did she have to bring this up. The next thing I knew the blade went back to my skin but instead I put it across my forearm slits form across my skin bright crimson liquid floods out of the cut, I couldn"t stop it this was all my mother fault. black spots danced in my vision the black grows larger it encased my full vision finally I"m leaving this place this is all over, I could hear sirens coming closer from the distance, the front door slammed open footsteps running up the stairs banging the bedroom door open but they were to late was all I could think while my eyes slowly fell shut.

to be continued
Debate Round No. 1
7 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 7 records.
Posted by NDECD1441 11 months ago
NDECD1441
Wow... that story really is like from a.... fallen angel =O
Posted by FallenAngel1 11 months ago
FallenAngel1
i graduate and i gotten an A on it my parents already think im crazy and beside that's not the idea i was trying to to see what its like to have depression that is a mental problem or with parents divorce or the LGBT community im trying to show people what its like how i feel see most of these haven't happen to me yes i feel like i got depression and anxiety and some thing are not rainbows and unicorns this helps with all this everyday im scared off something will happen to me or my family
Posted by Masterful 11 months ago
Masterful
Ok well maybe take out the bit where you cut your wrists and instead replace it with an alcohol drinking problem or something less sinister.
For no reason other than it might upset your parents and teachers, right? This is only a story, not a confession about your darkest pursuits.
You don't want people to think you're a nut job I hope?
Posted by FallenAngel1 11 months ago
FallenAngel1
yep my parents told me i have a problem i also wrote this exact story for my English assessment
Posted by FallenAngel1 11 months ago
FallenAngel1
yep my parents told me i have a problem i also wrote this exact story for my English assessment
Posted by Masterful 11 months ago
Masterful
Damn that's really dark and messed up.
Posted by FallenAngel1 11 months ago
FallenAngel1
hey i was going to accept your challenge for the short story but sadly im underage from you im just going to put it here hope you like p.s it is a very dark story
The Last Breath
Dark grey clouds rolled in from the south, streaks of white lights flashed from above, thunder crashes above the clouds, splashes of rain pattered against the window, the wind blew hard against the tall dark trees making them dance. I sat there alone on the comfort of my bed watching the storm past waiting for the time to end, in my left hand holding tightly was a sharp shiny object with spots of rusty crimson liquid, I slowly placed it to my wrist first softly I than sliced it against my skin all I could see was white lines running across my wrist than I started to do it harder more showed crimson liquid seeped from the fresh slots on my wrist dripped down my pale skin to the already bloodstained bed sheets, I soon moved to my left wrist more slits came while I had a smile on my face, the pain was going away with every cut I had done.
A car door slammed closed and the front door slammed closed footsteps ran up the stairs silence came, the footsteps stopped at my door the doorknob started to rattle silence BANG a knock came after "Lilith please open the door" mother pleaded with me "why" I muttered, she could tell what I was done "please open this door I"m begging you" my mother sobbed behind door. "Please open this door" mother was now crying "why are you doing this to yourself Lilith, don"t do this not again, don"t be like your father, stop being like him I"m begging you to stop this" mother continuously saying I couldn"t listen why did she have to bring this up.
The next thing I knew the blade went back to my skin but instead I put it across my forearm slits form across my skin bright crimson liquid floods out of the cut, I couldn"t stop it this was all my mother fault. black spots danced in my vision the black grows larger it encased my full vision finally I"m leaving this place
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by JimShady 11 months ago
JimShady
MasterfulFallenAngel1Tied
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: Masterful wins... in my opinion, his was more interesting and emotional, and the twist at the end was nice. FallenAngel1 was also interesting, but not as emotional... I felt like I knew masterful's 1st person character more. And an extra point to Masterful for spelling and grammar, I noticed several mistakes throughout Con's story
Vote Placed by dsjpk5 11 months ago
dsjpk5
MasterfulFallenAngel1Tied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Con's story was more interesting.
Vote Placed by Mharman 11 months ago
Mharman
MasterfulFallenAngel1Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: I liked pro's story better