The Instigator
TN05
Pro (for)
Winning
3 Points
The Contender
LotusNG
Con (against)
Losing
0 Points

You can never teach a llama to drive

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
TN05
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 5/6/2013 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,938 times Debate No: 33336
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (5)
Votes (1)

 

TN05

Pro

This troll debate is on whether or not you can teach a llama to drive. Rules:
1. First round is acceptance; everything else is fair game
2. No forfeiting
3. Forfeiture results in a loss for the side that forfeited
4. This is a troll debate, so it is supposed to be funny; it is OK to not tell the truth
LotusNG

Con

I accept this challenge and look forward to a fun debate.

Good luck.
Debate Round No. 1
TN05

Pro



Now, I hope it is plainly obvious to everyone that a llama cannot be taught to drive by you. Here is a llama:



As you can see, this llama cannot drive. It is sitting down, a clear sign that it is too lazy to drive. While the llama's long kneck might give it an advantage over other animals, it has hooves - it is very hard to drive with hooves. While llamas are capable of getting in and out of cars as well as being ridden,[1] nowhere has it been proven that you can teach a llama to drive.

Another evidence that llamas cannot be taught to drive is that their own song does not say they can drive. The Llama Song, widely regarded as the 'national anthem' of llamas everywhere, contains the following lyrics:

Here's a llama
There's a llama
and another little llama
Fuzzy Llama
Funny Llama
Llama Llama duck

Llama llama
cheesecake llama
tablet, brick, potato, llama
llama llama mushroom llama
llama llama duck

I was once a tree house
I lived in a cake
but i never saw the way
the orange slayed the rake
I was only three years dead
but it told a tale
and now listen little child
to the safety rail

Did you ever see a llama
kiss a llama
on the llama
llama's llama
tastes of llama
llama llama duck

Half a llama
Twice a llama
not a llama
farmer llama
llama in a car
alarm a llama
llama duck

is that how its told now
is it oh so old
is it made of lemon juice
doorknob, ankle, cold
Now my song is getting thin
I've run out of luck
Time for me to retire now
and become a duck

Notice many llamas are described in the song, but none of them are 'driving llama'.

Finally, I would like to note that, even if llamas can be taught to drive, you cannot do it. My opponent has no experience in teaching llamas to drive, and the widespread scientific consensus is that you cannot teach a llama to drive.[2]

References:
1. http://brangesllamas.com...
2. ASDF Movie 2
LotusNG

Con

Apologies for my tardiness, I'll have this debate up within 24 hours, I hope.
Debate Round No. 2
TN05

Pro

Alright, that's fine. Use the next round as opening argument and we'll have a clash round as the fourth, followed by closing arguments in the comments.
LotusNG

Con

(First, I would like to thank my opponent for such a topic. This is my first troll debate, and I hope not to screw up. Second, thanks for your patience, personal, family, and school problem kept me too busy to put a lot of effort into debates, and, this being a troll debate, I wanted to put a lot of effort into it.)

Now, my opponent had very, very good points, They were so good that a lesser woman might have concede. In fact, anyone should concede to such an amazing argument. But I am not just anyone.

"As you can see, this llama cannot drive. It is sitting down, a clear sign that it is too lazy to drive. While the llama's long neck might give it an advantage over other animals, it has hooves - it is very hard to drive with hooves. While llamas are capable of getting in and out of cars as well as being ridden,[1] nowhere has it been proven that you can teach a llama to drive."

1. Have you ever been inside of a llama's head? Seen into its mind? Well I have. It only acts lazy to lure you into a false sense of security, but one day the llamas will rise and overthrow their human overlords!

2. Cars can be upgraded to help those who are handicapped drive, why can't they be upgraded to work with hooves? It wouldn't be impossible.

"Another evidence that llamas cannot be taught to drive is that their own song does not say they can drive. The Llama Song, widely regarded as the 'national anthem' of llamas everywhere"

I call bull, that isn't the llama song, that's the llama-duck song.

The llama song actually goes like this:

Happy llama,
Sad llama,
Mentally retarded llama,
Super llama,
Dead llama,
Big fat mama llama,
TACO

So as you can see, llamas are capable of being superhero llamas, and go through a wide range of emotions, from joy to utter depression. This is easily proof that llamas are capable of learning, if given enough time.

"Finally, I would like to note that, even if llamas can be taught to drive, you cannot do it. My opponent has no experience in teaching llamas to drive, and the widespread scientific consensus is that you cannot teach a llama to drive.[2]"

How do you know I have no experience in training llamas to drive? I'll have you know I have plenty of experience training llamas (http://www.borderllamas.com...), thank you very much.



Now for my own argument.

http://www.llama.org...

That is a llama. This llama is standing up, a clear sign that it is not too lazy to drive.

In fact, this llama is capable of speech, something very rare in llamas. If this llama can speak and understand us, then it is obvious it can be taught to drive.

One final thing: http://personal.smartt.com...

This llama is driving. Anything to say about that?
Debate Round No. 3
TN05

Pro

1. Have you ever been inside of a llama's head? Seen into its mind? Well I have. It only acts lazy to lure you into a false sense of security, but one day the llamas will rise and overthrow their human overlords!

Llamas ruling the world? Madness! Everyone knows robots will rise up and take over the world!

2. Cars can be upgraded to help those who are handicapped drive, why can't they be upgraded to work with hooves? It wouldn't be impossible.

How would you control a car with hooves? Normally to operate a steering wheel you need to be able to grip the wheel.

I call bull, that isn't the llama song, that's the llama-duck song.

The llama song actually goes like this:

Happy llama,
Sad llama,
Mentally retarded llama,
Super llama,
Dead llama,
Big fat mama llama,
TACO

So as you can see, llamas are capable of being superhero llamas, and go through a wide range of emotions, from joy to utter depression. This is easily proof that llamas are capable of learning, if given enough time.

According to the researchers at know your meme, the most reputable resource for anything, the only song called the 'Llama Song' is the song I mentioned![1] Further, if there is a superhero llama, why would he need to drive? Everyone knows all superheroes can fly.

How do you know I have no experience in training llamas to drive? I'll have you know I have plenty of experience training llamas (http://www.borderllamas.com......), thank you very much.

NOT SO FAST. On your profile, you say your name is 'Nicole'.[2] According to the llama website, the name of the owner is 'Michael'.[3] You can't possibly be both Nicole and Michael!

As to your arguments, that llama is not really a llama. That is Emperor Kuzco, who was turned into a llama briefly by his wicked advisor Yzma. This explains why he can talk. Your other image, of a llama in a racecar, is not sufficient proof that you can teach a llama to drive because the picture is still - in other words, the car isn't moving. They could of just stuck that llama in the car and then taken the picture.

References:
1. http://knowyourmeme.com...
2. http://www.debate.org...
3. http://www.borderllamas.com...
LotusNG

Con

"Llamas ruling the world? Madness! Everyone knows robots will rise up and take over the world!"

Have you ever seen a working, conquering loving robot? No, no one has. But we have seen llamas. They're everywhere. In the trees, in our racecars, on our fields... One day, they will take over and destroy the Earth, and the sooner you come to that conclusion the better prepared you will be for the inevitable invasion.

"How would you control a car with hooves? Normally to operate a steering wheel you need to be able to grip the wheel."

Easy, you just remake the steering wheel to accommodate hooves.

"According to the researchers at know your meme, the most reputable resource for anything, the only song called the 'Llama Song' is the song I mentioned![1] Further, if there is a superhero llama, why would he need to drive? Everyone knows all superheroes can fly."

Please, everyone knows Wikipedia is the most reputable source on the internet, ask anyone.

Superheroes have secret identities, and llama superheroes have even more. They must keep themselves secret, otherwise their great intelligence will be revealed to the world, and their invasion plans will be ruined!

"On your profile, you say your name is 'Nicole'.[2] According to the llama website, the name of the owner is 'Michael'.[3] You can't possibly be both Nicole and Michael!"

Apologies for the accidental implication that I was the writer of the article. I was merely giving an example of a llama trainer like myself.

"As to your arguments, that llama is not really a llama. That is Emperor Kuzco, who was turned into a llama briefly by his wicked advisor Yzma. This explains why he can talk."

But you concede that it IS a llama. You did not say I had to be capable of training pure llamas (which I can do), you simply said I had to be capable of training llamas. Humans turned llamas are still llamas, if not pure llamas.

"Your other image, of a llama in a racecar, is not sufficient proof that you can teach a llama to drive because the picture is still - in other words, the car isn't moving. They could of just stuck that llama in the car and then taken the picture."

I will concede that, without a larger version of this picture or a video, there is no way to tell that this llama is actually driving.
Debate Round No. 4
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by TN05 4 years ago
TN05
RESPONSES:
Robots will win, unless aliens attack. This is not negotiable. However, you make a good point with superhero llamas - disguise is important. I suppose this is why I have seen no superhero llamas.

Finally, I concede to my opponent that, for the purposes of this debate, both 'pure' and 'upure' llamas count.

CLOSING ARGUMENT:

Ah, we come now to the time at the end of the debate when each side will sum up their case and urge the jury to vote for their side. I have clearly demonstrated reasonable hurdles towards you teaching a llama to drive - namely, llamas are not able to drive, llamas are lazy, llamas do not claim to be able to drive in their own song, and nobody, let alone you, has ever taught a llama to drive. My opponent responded valiantly, but alas, my arguments were top-notch. So now, it is up to you - vote for who proved their case better. If you can't teach a llama to drive, vote Pro!

*Llamas can stand up
*A llama can talk
*A photograph shows a llama driving

Unfortunately, these were easy to refute. The llama in the photograph was actually a human who was turned into a llama. Needless to say, that is no ordinary llama. Further, llamas would not need to drive since all superheroes can fly, and the photograph is insufficient evidence because it is not a video.

Accordingly, I have established very key points and refuted my opponent's first set of arguments. Her last set of re
Posted by BMS97 4 years ago
BMS97
If a llama can spit, a llama can drive. I personally own a 13 llama llama farm and all but 2 of my llamas drive my golf carts.
Posted by LotusNG 4 years ago
LotusNG
PLEASE DO NOT VOTE!!!

We have one final round in the comments, so PLEASE do not vote yet!
Posted by Kumquatodor 4 years ago
Kumquatodor
ALL HAIL THE LLAMA!

I check my closet for the Boogeyman.
The Boogeyman checks his closet for Satan.
Satan checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris, when he is done intimidating Satan and throwing roundhouse kicks to the Space-Time-Continuum, he prays to the Llama-being.
Posted by leojm 4 years ago
leojm
Looking forward to this debate :D
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 4 years ago
Ragnar
TN05LotusNGTied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Made more convincing arguments:--Vote Checkmark3 points
Used the most reliable sources:Vote Checkmark--2 points
Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Impeccable conduct by pro, for not using missed rounds to further his arguments (con was good too, I just have to reward that rarity). Arguments avoided semantics (no talk of slicing their brains, or drive what?), however both made me laugh, and beyond that I'm unsure what standard to use. Sources: I preferred pro's use of sources, he clearly took the lead on this when he called one of con's into question on validity.