The Instigator
lisacurtiscampbell
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
Zaradi
Con (against)
Winning
12 Points

age gaps in a relationship does not matter as long as it works and they are happy

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
Zaradi
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/14/2012 Category: Society
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 963 times Debate No: 28192
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (0)
Votes (2)

 

lisacurtiscampbell

Pro

do people worry about age gaps in a relationship?? if so why?? i know lots of people with older men its just the thing these days im happy with mine he,s awsome and its 20 yrs age gap.If people could have been with who ever in the older day,s i bet they would have its just some thing that happens more these days you cant help who you full in love with.I know guys with older women too there aint nothing wrong with it????
Zaradi

Con

Since my opponent decided to present her arguments round one, I shall as well.

My opponents arguments consist of two claims:

1) She knows plenty of people who age gaps have worked for

2) If it was done in the past there would be no stigmatization about it.

I'll address them in order.

Her first point about personal experience is completely anecdotal evidence with little to no actual warrant or falsifiability. I could sit here and say that I know plenty of people whose lives were ruined by age gaps and that they never work but there's no way to actually confirm this. My opponent must provide actual evidence in order to construct a coherent case, otherwise you prefer mine.

To her second point, I'd like to question it's relevance. While the common stereotypes are often wrong, I will agree with that, there are still legitimate reasons to not like age gaps that do not rely on common stereotypes. These objections are not time based and would still be valid regardless of when the objections are made.

Since my opponent has no compelling reason to believe that there isn't a problem with age gaps, I will present my case for why there are compelling problems to age gaps.

These reasons were compiled by psychologist Adriana Greene, MS
http://www.keen.com...

"There are several age cycles to adult life, each with different maturational milestones to achieve. Couples who are in different phases of their lives may find that they are in opposition to their partners' phase of growth. A woman just beginning her career cycle and whose partner is reaching the age of retirement may find him less than enthusiastic about her achievements. His "been-there-done-that" attitude and discouraging remarks in response to her personal strides in carving her place in the world can create considerable tension. He may be looking forward to relaxing rather than relating and may feel uncomfortable socializing with her colleagues and friends who are of a different generation. A woman's individuation process may be thwarted if her older man behaves like a father. Early in the relationship she perhaps thought his generosity, stability and other paternal qualities were desirable traits, but now they are interfering with her newly found freedom and sense of self. She will either continue to submit to his authority and lose her identity or rebel if he tries to dominate too often. Psychologically, she no longer wants a king to rule her. Instead, she wants a lover to match her. She will be at her sexual peak when he may have to take a little blue pill to feel as sexually alive."

"A man who chooses a "pretty young thing" to call his own, may have second thoughts when he snaps out of his midlife crisis. He will yearn for an equal complement rather than an object of affection and sexual pleasure. He may become intellectually bored with his "too young" romantic partner and may tire of waiting for her to catch up to his intellectual level. Wisdom is what he will desire as he steps onto the path of midlife spiritual emergence, someone insightful who can shine the light one the deeper aspects of his soul and fill the hours of his life with true companionship. As one of my friends who married a girl 24 years his junior confessed, "Now, I just want a woman who I can have a deep conversation with and who can match and stimulate my creative mind."

"When a couple is a generation apart they may not think the same way or even speak the same language. What was the colloquial "cool" for the American Graffiti generation is now considered "hot". As a result communication and relating can be awkward. The couple may not share the same values or have the same attitudes and opinions about a gamut of subjects. Each generation has its own evolutionary track and when there is a generation gap in a relationship it may prove difficult for both members to understand each other's perspectives. The lists of differences (likes and dislikes) may be too long, making it hard for them to find a common ground of mutual interests."

"Those who insist age doesn't matter usually bring up a number of arguments in support of their claim. They will say things like: "She's mature for her age"; "He's an old soul"; "We have so much in common"; "Age is just a number"; or "We are so much in love." All may be true and good enough reasons in one's own mind to pursue the relationship in the moment. But what is also true is that huge age gaps can create huge problems in the long run. One friend I spoke with confessed that her first marriage to a man 10 years senior was all about domination and control and as the years went on she felt more and more she had lost herself somewhere. Her second marriage was to a man 10 years younger than her. Her children from her first marriage objected, thinking she was an embarrassment. To this day, 10 years later, they won't speak to her."

Because of these reasons, I urge a con vote.
Debate Round No. 1
lisacurtiscampbell

Pro

lisacurtiscampbell forfeited this round.
Zaradi

Con

Sad forfeit
Debate Round No. 2
lisacurtiscampbell

Pro

lisacurtiscampbell forfeited this round.
Zaradi

Con

Another forfeit? Sad day.
Debate Round No. 3
lisacurtiscampbell

Pro

lisacurtiscampbell forfeited this round.
Zaradi

Con

pro

y u forfeit so much?!?!
Debate Round No. 4
lisacurtiscampbell

Pro

lisacurtiscampbell forfeited this round.
Zaradi

Con

Glory, glory hallelujah!
Debate Round No. 5
No comments have been posted on this debate.
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by 1Devilsadvocate 4 years ago
1Devilsadvocate
lisacurtiscampbellZaradiTied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro had bad conduct for F.F.. But con wasn't to nice about it. Con would have had S & G if not for rounds 2 - 5. The rest is obvious.
Vote Placed by DoctorDeku 4 years ago
DoctorDeku
lisacurtiscampbellZaradiTied
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Total points awarded:07 
Reasons for voting decision: Forfeit :O Also Con, don't copy/paste evidence directly. It's a bore to work through. Cite the relevant bits and just leave a link to the main article.