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The Contender
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funny poems contest

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after 1 vote the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/8/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,257 times Debate No: 35384
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (5)
Votes (1)




Hi! Here are the rules of this debate.
-Write a funny poem. The first debater will provide the topic for the opponent's poem(he'll need to write about that topic), and vice versa.(just keep the subject relatively clean, please)
-Poem does not have to rhyme (though it could be funnier,I suppose.)
-minimum of three stanzas
-Poems need to be well written and easy to understand.
-Can add pictures, links, videos for further humorous effect. :)
-Whoever has the most entertaining, well-written poems wins.

The topic that I choose for my opponent's poem is: Burnt waffles

Looking forward to an amusing debate! Thank you!


Mummy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast

[Daddy fixed the breakfast.
He made us each a waffle.
It looked like gravel pudding.
It tasted something awful.

"Ha, ha ," he said, "I'll try again.
This time I'll get it right."
But what I got was in between
Butiminous and anthracite.*

"A little too well done? Oh well,
I'll have to start over."
That time what landed on my plate
Looked like a manhole cover.

I tried to cut it with a fork:
The fork gave off a spark.
I tried a knife and twisted it
Into a question mark.

I tried it with a hack-saw
I tried it with a torch
It didn't even make a dent.
It didn't even snorch.

The next time Dad gets breakfast
When Mummy's sleeping late,
I think I'll skip the waffles.
I'd rather eat the plate.]
Debate Round No. 1


My opponent chose fried chicken for my poem. I am really impressed (and envious) with my opponent's ability to rhyme, because i have no talent at rhyming whatsoever. Plus the poem was funny. Oh well, here's a shot:
The Dilemma

Fried Chicken:
Hi! I am Fried Chicken
You know, the one with
the hot, crispy skin?
Today I present a dilemma,
and I promise you'll be the one that

Now see kind sir, I wouldn't be
opening my mouth,
if my fate wasn't so miserable,
I'd never squawk so loud!
But listen please as I tell you
the awfully despicable.

Everyone loves fried chicken,
everyone loves me.
They gobble up my golden skin,
tear away my tender meat
sing odes to me and wrap me up
for breakfast, lunch, and din-din.

But really, I'd be happier to pursue
the things I want.
My dream is to be have a band,
touring the world around.

Yet because of humans' love
I am forever on their plates
never out to achieve my dream,
having to wait and wait.

But consider all the calories,
the fat in my tempting skin!
The heart disease I 'll bring upon you;
eating me is a sin!

Or else you'll be as fat as me,
and I know you don't want that!
It's better if you drink some tea
or dine on some scrumptious veggies!

You are my savior!
My greatest oppurtunity!
Oh, pity me, gentle monsieur,
I but a mere fried chicken!
Left to suffer an unhappy fate,
please, have sympathy!

CRUNCH. Mum, can I have some more fried chicken,

I choose beans as the topic for my opponent's poem, and apologize for the length of mine. Thank you, and good luck!


I think my opponent did great! Now, it's my turn.

[Beans, beans they're good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So let's have beans for every meal.]

Please note that my brother taught me that poem. It seemed pretty funny.

Debate Round No. 2


That was an amusing poem! Anyways, my opponent chose bananas as the topic for my poem.

Beauty Contest

"Looking for one with
a ripe yellow peel,
no age spots, please, please!
And must be strong as steel.

Tall and curved, that's the type
liable to win.
But no brown stripes or dots
running down the skin!

Oh, but also, don't forget,
the value of the flesh!
must be sweet and creamy,
soft and white and fresh.

Nutrition is important too,
minerals should be there.
calories only a little bit,
definitely no fat to fear."

So Mum searched and searched and searched
combing the yellow bunch,
looking for the right one
perfect for Junior's lunch.

Finally she found the best,
a banana squirming with glee.
"Oh boy, oh boy I've won the beauty contest!
Now I'm the honoree!"

And thus the good banana
went into Junior's lunch,
later down his mouth
without so much a crunch.

The topic I choose for my opponents poem-Broken plates.


Broken Plate

[Sorry, mate
I broke your plate.
But don't be mad,
I'm just a lad.]

Sorry for not remembering to tell what topic I will give to my opponent for his poem. Please don't vote me down for that. But, now I remember to give out my topic. So, the topic I will give to my opponent is, rotten eggs.
Debate Round No. 3


Food Du Jour
Good evening sir and welcome,
we have rotten eggs today.
Green and black and slimy,
cooked perfect every way!

Would you like some fried,
an omelette perhaps?
Green Eggs and Ham* with real green eggs,
so good you'll collaspe.

Excuse me good waiter,
I can't quite believe my ears.
(How sickening, ugh, really?!)
But I would only like a beer.

I tell you our rotten eggs are good!
They're stinky as pig manure.
You'll love them, that's for sure,
there's really no way for failure.

Oh, but I would recommend,
a delicious Eggs Benedict.
It oozes around and down your plate,
(with lots of benefits!)

Actually, my dear waiter, I'd hate to interrupt,
I'm certain your rotten eggs are great,
but I'd love to have a beer.
(I'm relieved I already ate!)

Oh, but you must try them!
Our rotten eggs are the best!
Friccassed, deviled, poached,
Put them to the test!

And if you want it simple,
then boiled you will have.
Behold the greenish beauty,
with slushy yolk to match.

Honestly, dear waiter, I'm really quite bewildered.
But anyways, I want a beer,
so would you please go get it
instead of standing by my chair? (!!!!!)

Perhaps you'd like something healthy,
well our egg salad's just for you!
Creamy as putrid cheese,
and slightly acidic too.

You would certainly be pleased to know,
the chef's selling "Rotten Egg Glaze".
Sweet as honey and greasy, soupy, zingy goo,
it's worthy of your praise.

(I would like to call you something rude.)
But before I really lose it,
I'm leaving this place for FOOD!

Bye bye, repulsive restaurant,
we won't meet again someday.
But my TripAdvisor review,
will have quite a bit to say.

Well, what a man he was,
so rude and stiff and mean.
We'll never really make rotten eggs!
It's all just cheese and cream.

Thank you! I'm getting the hang of rhyming. The topic for my opponent's poem-Hamsters. Have fun!
* Reference to the book Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. (book tittle should be underlined)


My Hamster Has a Skateboard

[My hamster has a skateboard.
When he rides it, though, he falls.
He takes off like a maniac
and crashes into walls.

He screams, "Geronimo!"
and then goes crashing down the stairs.
He's good at knocking tables down
and slamming into chairs.

He'll slalom through the living room
and then you hear a, "Splat!"
which means that he's collided with
my mother or the cat.

He plows right into cabinets,
and smashes into doors,
I think he's wrecked on every bed
and every chest of drawers.

It's fun to watch him ride
because you're sure to hear a smash.
He doesn't skate so well but, boy,
he sure knows how to crash.]
--Kenn Nisbitt

Thanks to my opponent for having this contest with me. :)
Debate Round No. 4
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by savvga13 5 years ago
Posted by fractaldreams 5 years ago
hey savvga, i like your 'food du jour' but i shan't say more than that because a good poetry critic i do not make. well done, and i'm sorry i am not allowed to vote yet, i feel you made a valiant attempt at originality.
Posted by Enji 5 years ago
I thought the rules were fairly clear on that - I just wanted to clarify.
Posted by savvga13 5 years ago
I intended poems to be original, and I thought everyone got that, though I probably could have been clear in my rules. Anyways, I tried for my poems to be as funny as possible.
Posted by Enji 5 years ago
Are the poems written in this debate supposed to be original? At least three of sweetbreeze's poems are taken from external sources - notably "Mummy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast" by John Ciardi (original author not cited) and "My Hamster Has a Skateboard" by Kenn Nesbitt (original author cited). "Beans, Beans.." is another popular American children's song/poem (there's even a wikipedia article on it). In contrast, all of savvga13's poems appear to be original.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Enji 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: Con plagiarised "Mummy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast" by award-winning children's poet John Ciardi and copied "My Hamster Has a Skateboard" by Kenn Nesbitt (although she gave credit to that author). Con also used popular children's poems such as "Beans, beans.." The intention of this debate was for both debaters to write their own poems, as indicated by the rules. Conduct and arguments to Pro for writing all original poems.