The Instigator
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The Contender
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7 Points

turtles are too slow

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 5/10/2009 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 8 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 938 times Debate No: 8200
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (5)
Votes (1)




So, I was driving one day and all of a sudden.. this turtle begins to cross the road.. it took him approximately 17 minutes. Turtles should not be allowed to take there time.. they should rush. This is obviously cussed by there bare feet against the hot tarmac surface. I propose we force them to wear shoes.

I leave the floor open to my contender.. whoever it may be


I thank my opponent for his bigoted position.

I will begin with a quote from Albert Einstein;

"A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: "What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise." The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the tortoise standing on?" "You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady. "But it's turtles all the way down!""

Well naturally, this old lady is right. The world, the universe and time teeters precariously on the backs of infinite turtles, and what would you have them do? Rush. Do you not realize that this would, in turn speed up time itself and destroy us all?

Let's look at this from a macro prospective. If the world was truely supported by a giant tortoise, his pace would determine our orbital speed around the sun and through the universe. If we were to suddenly change his velocity, this would in turn make the normally consistent orbiting of our solar system turn chaotic and cause the interconnect gravities of each planet to be thrown out of whack. It is quite possible that by changing the speed of said turtle that we will move the earth either closer to or further away from the sun, thereby creating inhospitable conditions on earth and destroying life as we know it. While I'm sure my opponent's anti-turtle rhetoric is founded in some personal problems, I highly doubt he wishes to destroy our planet as a result of his unfounded hatred. As long as there's the possibility for total annihilation, I would rather not gamble on it.

Furthermore, as for my opponent's insane proposition that they 'wear shoes', I would ask him; how do you intend to pay for this? As government bureaucracy is already a nightmare, I automatically reject the proposition of yet another government organization, even if it is such a worth venture as clothing turtles. Or would my opponent waste important resources from the FBI, CIA or forestry departments so that he can fulfill his wasteful agenda? I think I would rather these dollars go to pay for healthcare or education rather than to these free-loading turtles.

What's more, I think a strong position against shoes would be beneficial to our national security. In the post 9/11 world we have seen evidence for two concrete shoe-related attacks that presented grave danger to the people of the world. The first was the infamous Richard Reid, a.k.a The Shoe Bomber. The man who tried to ignite his shoes while en route to Miami. While I realize that Miami is a Godless city of filth, I sincerely doubt that they deserve a horrible death as my opponent would have. The other reprehensible attack was on George W. Bush, who was almost given a loafer-lobotomy at the hands of a shoe-wielding maniac. I think turtles everywhere are standing up to say 'enough is enough' and oppose the wearing of shoes to protect every man, woman and child of the world.

To further build on my case, there is an evolutionary argument to be had. If the world was to stop wearing shoes and mimic the slowness of turtles, I think we would receive many reptilian benefits. Turtles, for example, have very resilient feet. Sure, the first few centuries of a shoeless world may be painful, but we would see very obvious changes in that our feet would be incredibly durable. Turtles also suffer from very few heart attacks, most likely do to their relaxed lifestyle. If mankind were to adopt their slow, patient way of life I believe we would be much more health. The benefits are endless; turtles are able to live for as long as 175 years and they are also amphibious. Imagine this; underwater seniors complexes! This would save millions of lives each year that are lost to water-related deaths, create more room for our unwanted old people and allow the possibility of cheap labour by an elderly population with nothing else to do for the next 80+ years.

I believe I have logically proven that we should not intervene in the turtle industry, as it would not be beneficial to our survival, national security or evolutionary track. I sincerely doubt that m opponent can disprove any of this, though I invite him to try.
Debate Round No. 1


Turtles are a way to .. giving them shoes would solve this problem.. if u truly believe that our world is completely supported by a tortoise.... and that his speed determines our lives and our movement across out universe. Then I propose finding help.
As for this slow tortoise stuff, they should be forced to rush or not be allowed in street for 17 minutes to get across the street in preposterous
I look forward to my opponents unrelenting wrath...


I would like now to turn this debate towards the fact that there appears to be a concerning trend in the amount of morons who like to spam DDO with their idea of comedy, yet it is consistently annoying and unfunny at the same time.

I accepted this debate because I like to mock people, yet any pleasure I derived from it was defeating by the fact that I'm encouraging you. So please, please stop posting like you're eight years old.
Debate Round No. 2


madmonkey889 forfeited this round.


What a waste of internet.
Debate Round No. 3
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by MistahKurtz 8 years ago
I spoke too late, madmonkey 889's account is already closed. Huzzah!
Posted by Ribler 8 years ago
I Love turtles!
Posted by rangersfootballclub 8 years ago
hes got a fetish for it lol .
the goats a give away

also next time you come across a turlte crossing the road slowlky do one of two things

1) scoop it across with your feet
2) blare girls aloud out your speakers in your car , it will move faster. no turtle , never mind living thing could listen to them for over 17 mins .
Posted by KirstinKate 8 years ago

whats with the animals wearing shoes in all of your debates?
Posted by madmonkey889 8 years ago
these unwanted old people could make the shoes for 0.07 cents each
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by MistahKurtz 8 years ago
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Total points awarded:07