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TUF
Posts: 21,309
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8/23/2013 10:37:53 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
This thread is for anyone and everyone who loves to write! If you have problems with too much creativity, than post it here for everyone else to see. Please also read and critique other people's writings as well.

Writing is non-specific. You can free-write, or make short stories, or whatever you want!
"I've got to go and grab a shirt" ~ Airmax1227
TUF
Posts: 21,309
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8/23/2013 10:38:54 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I shut the car door to my old 1970 Honda, and walked up the pavement to my home, excited to be off of work. It had been a long day. I was a college professor at the University of Arizona, and today I had a student complain to me about unfairly grading his History project, which was utterly horrible. I had talked to him and tried to explain the qualities the project was missing that didn"t match the paradigm I had set, but the student just cussed, and whined at me. Eventually I had just told him I would review it one more time, caving to him so I could go home from work.

I was tired. I was grading projects all night the previous night, and needed some much needed rest. I walked into the front door, and as usual was greeted by two little excited squeals "Daaaaaaaaddddddddy!" My two daughters ran to me with their arms outstretched for a hug.

"What are you two little munchkins up to huh? Getting yourself into trouble? Probably!" I teased, as I picked up Sarah, and Amy jumped on my back. I twirled them around the front room, as the girls giggled. I tossed Sarah lightly on the couch, and grabbed Amy by the arms and the legs. "Ready?" I asked.

Amy screamed happily, "Yes daddy!" I started swinging her.

"One for the money!" I started

"Two for the show" Said sarah with a huge grin.

"Three to get ready" Said Amy with an equal smile.

"And" Four" To" GO!" I shouted as I swung her on to the couch next to Sarah.

The girls laughter carried on throughout the house.

"Alright, Alright, Girls, go do your homework you little rascals." I ordered.

They moaned, obviously wanting to keep playing, but did as they were bid. They were both well mannered and respectful, for a pair of 6 year old twins.

"Hey, where"s Mommy at?" I asked.

Amy moved her blonde hair out of her face, and replied "Mommy"s in her room. I think she"s sad""

Not again. I thought to myself.

I made my way upstairs, into our bedroom. Sure enough, Sharon was sitting on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down her face.

I made my way over to her, and put my arm over her. I pulled her head into my chest, and let her cry, as I cradled and caressed her. She cried for a minute longer, before finally slowing, and wiping her tears.

"What"s going on baby?" I asked her.

She didn"t respond, but instead just reached over to the bedside table, and picked up an open letter, then handed it to me.

I opened it, with a bad feeling. A feeling of dread wafted through me, as I read the Notice of Foreclosure.

"We are going to lose the house Walter" What are we going to do?" I could see her fighting back more tears as she said the words.

I didn"t know what to say.

She continued "I think we are going to have to file for bankruptcy. Walter, I can"t do this. I can"t"" She broke out into more sobs.

"We aren"t going to do that babe. I will get this figured out, I promise."

I had to get out of the house. A few hours later, I got into the car and got ready to drive to the bar. I turned on the radio.

"-that"s right! It"s all going down tonight, at Busters Bar in Pheonix! It"s the fight night here, and you can watch all the action for only 20$! It"s an open matched night, so anyone can join upon signing a waver! So what are you waiting for? Come down to Busters Bar, to watch all the action go down!"

I changed the radio station. No. I wasn"t going down that path again.

I started thinking about my daughters, about my wife, about the foreclosure. I couldn"t lose that house. We had worked so hard to get in there, and we were doing fine until the economy has started it"s collapse. I couldn"t just give up though, on everything I had worked for. I had to do something.

Without even realizing, I found myself at a different bar than I had intended originally to drive to. I was at Busters bar.

I sat alone at the bar, considering, a drink, but refused. I sat watching the fights. There was a big man who they kept calling Mike "Bone Crusher" Steele. He had won three fights via knockout in the first round.

As the third victim lay unconscious on the mat, the referee entered the ring, and raised Bone Crusher"s hand in victory. The announcer came on and said "Congratulations for another Bone Crushing win! The undefeated Bone Crusher has just won another 2,000$! Wait, what"s this? They are telling me that if someone, anyone here is brave enough to fight the Crusher and can manage to win against this beast, we are giving away 5,000$! Wow, Tom, I think this is the most we"ve ever offered at a fight night before!"

Another announcer, presumably Tom, Replied "Yes Bill, it certainly is. But is it possible to beat the mixed martial artist that has just ran down three opponents in the first round?"

Then Bill "Well, Tom, you know as good as I do that in the world of mixed martial arts, anything can happen. So do we have any takers? Raise your hand if you are willing to try to win the 5,000$!"

There was some grumbling among the crowd, but no one raised their hands.

"Going once!" Still no answer.

"Going twice!" Again, no answer.

"Last chance!" I don"t know why I did it, but my hand shot up in the air. It had been a long time since I had been in a ring, but I couldn"t pass up on the money. I knew I was going to regret this.

"Well, Bill, here we have a hopeful challenger! Come on up sir!"

I gulped.
"I've got to go and grab a shirt" ~ Airmax1227
orangemayhem
Posts: 333
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8/25/2013 6:58:55 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:39:13 AM, TUF wrote:
Feel free to write a continuation also if you want.

I'd love to continue that except I've never been to a boxing match, so would have no idea whatsoever how to continue it.
I'm back (ish).
Ehlka
Posts: 3
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9/18/2013 9:16:10 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Intro:

i
Have you ever seen something happen that could not with any logic be explained? Something that does not follow our laws of physics and our perceptions of what can happen in this world, Maybe a so-called disease that can cause one to rapidly age, or a strange illogical death? These incidents are deemed (as by the burner codex) "Plot-holes", now you may be wondering why are these incidents called plot-holes . Then, if that question is in your head I have no choice to explain. It all starts with the beginning of time. No air. No land. No water. Nothing. Then within the smallest fraction of time something happens. It cant be explained what happened that day other than some two, three words. The Story Begins. The Writer sets his pen to the paper and in an instant the universe starts to form, pieces of rock and debris form out of thin air, they collide and the form planets, evolution happens on various planets and all of a sudden, Bam, The Writer has a story. Now of course the story has to be entertaining right? Or where would he get his money. So he tries his very best to control our fate so say, we fall in love, and he gets to sell a romance novel, but maybe this marriage doesn"t last that long. Perhaps due to plot-hole the wife dies because of a gunshot wound caused by a character from a separate story (as identified in the burner codex as a reoccurring character). Then the romance becomes a short story, not a single person buys it because of its frankly, shitty ending. Then what happens? They send in a burner to destroy the story and kill the reoccurring character and get out before they become considered one themselves.

Prologue:

1.
The sky had an orange aura to it, and a cool breezed that made me shiver passed through my hair. The Head-Burner told me that this was my last mission as an initiate, and the thought of that alone might have been the true cause of my constant shiver. I grope around in my pocket looking for the button that will change my life. I find it and push down. And it all stopped. The chitter and chatter of the characters in the park, the roar of the train, the ranting of the preachers, the chirping of the birds. They all stood still as they watched it, in disbelief, reassuring themselves this couldn"t happen, this was not happening, but all the children knew and I knew that it was. Then what happens next is inevitable, the screams of horror, the looks of dismay, and at that moment they realized what was happening they stood still, kept calm and, reassured their legacy, for the Author has taught them well. They know how to put on a show when their story ends, How to entertain the readers.

It burns. I look over at my right hand and it appears to be severed my left eye bleeds and the right one would have if not for its artificial protection. I stand up and walk, behind my back a city dies aflame. A man approaches me he opens his mouth as to say something but before I can hear darkness consumes me.

2.

It was a welcoming place, good old Cow Town, the streets had a certain buzz to them that seemed to be contagious, but not everything always goes as planned. I seem to remember that we were going to a hockey game that night ( I personally was never fond of the sport.) my 18th birthday was nearly over, and I had planned to drink till my stomach was burning and the world was spinning. That day was also the start of a new generation, the last of many and the first of even more, that day humanity had its final stand.
Ehlka speaks the truth
Ehlka
Posts: 3
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9/18/2013 9:20:58 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
@TIF A man named walter, in financial trouble, sounds oddly familiar?
Ehlka speaks the truth
immortalphoenix
Posts: 25
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9/21/2013 5:48:46 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The story of the Pegasus and its origin begins with two horses, a male and a female. They were loners, wild and free, away from the hand of Man. The Master had created the Earth not long ago, less than a millennium. The male was a light brown and white paint, and the female was a black and white paint. Their world was perfect: green forests, blue lakes and clear rivers, misty mountains. And food aplenty. The grass was sweet, the flowers absolutely delicious, and the water clear, cold, and refreshing. They lived in complete peace. Their abode was a cave on the face of a mountain. The walk to the forest was just a mile downward. It was a humble and small living space, but it was perfect for them. Because it was insulated with rock, it kept them warm in the winter. And the opening just had to be narrowed with rocks. In the summer, the high mountain winds kept them cool. The couple had inlaid the floor with soft moss, putting extra where they slept. This was their life, and it was perfect. Perfect indeed.
The Master looked upon these two horses, and decided to make another World. Not a World of Men, but a World of Creatures. Intelligent Creatures, with the capability of speech; some should be air-dwellers, too. He took the shape of a snow-white Horse with great wings. The horses looked upon Him with wonder, humbled by His amazing appearance. They both felt as if they were standing in front of someone very important, and bowed immediately. The Winged Horse spoke to them, in a voice that was low and deep but still clear:
"I looked upon thou and thou were humble before me. I have also seen thou both praise me for thy many possessions that I have given thee." The two horses looked at each other and then at the Winged Horse. They had indeed praised the Master for all He gave to them: their food, their home, each other. They had known immediately that the Horse was Him, for there was no horse that existed with wings. The Winged Horse again spoke:
"I can see that thou know who I am. I have decided to create another World which no Man knows of. It will be a World of transformed Beasts. I will give thou wings, and put thee on this newly made World. Thou will be known as the Pegasus, the great winged horse. I command thee to populate this World, the Second Earth. I am the Master, and those are my words."
Then something very strange happened to the two horses. They both rose into the air, and the Master emitted a sound that is something between a loud neigh and a screech, yet it was amazing and brilliant. They both felt a sharp pain on the middle of their backs, then a heaviness.
"The wings will take some time to get used to, but thou will, my newly born children," said the Master. "And like children, thou will be given names to suit thee." He passed over the two pegasi, first the male, then the female.
"Male Pegasus, thy name shall be Anubis." Anubis bowed his head.
"And female, thou will be known as Seerata." Seerata, in turn, bowed in reverence. The Master said:
"I shall take thee to the new world, made for thy kin. Thou and thy offspring will be known as the Clan of the High Pegasi. In time, I shall create more clans. At this new world, thou will find other Creatures, one being a long-necked bird that I have named the Phoenix. There will be many more for thee to find, but thy Clan will be the greatest, thy order of Pegasi the highest of the Creatures. Go now to thy world, and name it Amathia!"
Anubis spoke face-to-face to his Creator for the first time, "Master, we hear and obey You."
Then they were off!
Anubis and Seerata whirled around and around, as in a hurricane. Their chests felt tight, and getting tighter still. For a short time, they couldn"t breathe at all. Fear filled their bodies and minds. The world was spinning and refused to stop; it became cloudy, their thinking was muddled. They whinnied and struggled in the wind"s tight grip.
Then it was all over.
Anubis and Seerata were standing on firm ground, definitely alive. They looked around. They were in the middle of a forest, sunlight streaming in through the treetops, giving the surrounding a light green tint. They heard the sound of running water nearby. Anubis took a bite of the grass, then with his mouth full, motioned for Seerata to try. She did, and never regretted it. It was the sweetest grass that both of them had ever tasted. They drew their wings around each other and sighed. It was a perfect world. Amathia was their home, and their offspring"s, and theirs, too. Perfect indeed.

Sorry that its so long this is just the prologue. The book is actually quite interesting. i'm only on chapter 2
immortalphoenix is a Beyblade lover, is homeschooled, and loves debating. Her biggest fear is tap-dancing ninjas, such as her brother. She also refers to herself in the third person.
winkie
Posts: 85
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9/26/2013 9:56:32 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:37:53 AM, TUF wrote:
This thread is for anyone and everyone who loves to write! If you have problems with too much creativity, than post it here for everyone else to see. Please also read and critique other people's writings as well.

Writing is non-specific. You can free-write, or make short stories, or whatever you want!

Ok
Jack212
Posts: 572
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10/5/2013 6:48:54 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:37:53 AM, TUF wrote:
This thread is for anyone and everyone who loves to write! If you have problems with too much creativity, than post it here for everyone else to see. Please also read and critique other people's writings as well.

Writing is non-specific. You can free-write, or make short stories, or whatever you want!

I prefer word documents. That way I can edit stuff I don't like, and none of you have to see it before the final draft.
Dazz
Posts: 1,163
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11/12/2013 1:11:27 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
My Face Book_ A Short One

Whenever I ponder about what I did, it made me feel ashamed. I was in the artificial sense of comfort, which was dragging me around a circle. I couldn"t cover any distance and hence couldn"t discover the journey, I was moving for. My struggles led me toward a mountain with no peak associated. Only the name of a "Mountain", no characteristics and no character. Those were not my decisions, I took for the drive; I just followed the milestones which someone else had left behind in past. Or those decisions were not for my destination; which I selected to strive for.

Yes I gained the distinction by adopting to those things which were not the "distinctions" any more at the times. I decided to remain in the front line with a veil over my face invisible to others. This crushed my own identity. People started to know me and I started to know that they don"t know me. People told me about my face and I told them about the veil. They refused and I insisted for my truth; they insisted and I refused their truth. I couldn"t defend my point and they couldn"t get the reality; reality of my invisible veil. I came back to the mirror and found a face with spots, ashes and drawings of the others. I couldn"t found any veil; it was not surprising as that was invisible. That was my real face, I used to show off with a reflection of others" desires. That was me with a creative reality of my face, or I couldn"t explore my own self behind the veil. I was same as with my double standard personality; liking my own dislikes.

That was my face book I wonder about, not my own face. This is our face book which we used to represent our face that is our outer look not our self. How would we use it, it"s our decision but a good outlook is worthless until we don"t correct our inner self and a good self is useless until we don"t expose it through practicing over it.

Now, I happy to be unique in my view by not being viewed as popular as I was. Once people were capturing me as on a mountain but I wasn"t able to experience the superiority. Now there is time, when people don"t judge me as on the top, but I have my own peak of sense through which I can observe to all. This is my judgment and my decision; It should never be wrong".!It"s to strive for "Right". And it should be forever!
Remove the "I want", remainder is the "peace". ~Al-Ghazali~
"This time will also pass", a dose to cure both; the excitement & the grievance. ~Ayaz~
Dazz
Posts: 1,163
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11/12/2013 1:15:50 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The pen has dropped down, its nip has trampled by a harsh surface and its neatness has gone. Only a symbol is left showing its worthless body but it still works""""..

""it"s my life!

And the harsh surface is the world.

Let"s resolve the mystery! Do you know what are you, why are you, where you have to go, why are you living and just living since your birth if you know that once you was not and once you will not be,,,,,,,,,,?

~End Notes~
Remove the "I want", remainder is the "peace". ~Al-Ghazali~
"This time will also pass", a dose to cure both; the excitement & the grievance. ~Ayaz~
Dazz
Posts: 1,163
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11/12/2013 1:19:10 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
~Just a piece of Work~

I don"t talk much with people because they expose their ignorant when they talk much. This may seem arrogance to someone but this is what one can really experience. People don"t know much about their selves, don"t know what are doing, look at the circle and activities, seeming much arbitrary or centralized to the fuzzy comments, tagging worthless photos, liking to their own dislikes, or even not sure about the fact. Blasting"".manners! No contemplation"""

But exceptions are always there. No Doubt.
Remove the "I want", remainder is the "peace". ~Al-Ghazali~
"This time will also pass", a dose to cure both; the excitement & the grievance. ~Ayaz~
Dazz
Posts: 1,163
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11/12/2013 1:37:24 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
~Dare to say_ Think beyond the Obvious!~

People differ in their choices; they may argue on their side. Opinion is never opposed until it is just opinion, but no doubt when it comes to support ideas, it demands logics. When someone says, actually one shows; the level of mentality and the approach. One clearly explicits what inside when one uses the words. One depicts why he had selected a particular style and expression to convey the idea. That is what "thinking" means and concerns.

Huh".and what the thinking you want to show me, you have? What"s your problem"with me?

Rude".Problem is yours, not mine. Find it by yourself. Moving forwardly, come to the point, what we call, say and share is our own choice. What would you like to make it, most beautiful or most valuable? Lets make the things easy, what"s more important for you; what are the priorities? Being best or right? May be best right; you may wish. Come on to the field and examine to face the danger and you will be practicing the most of your best, unaware of being right or wrong.

Stop it at once. What are you talking about, dump. I am not interested in your meaningless suggestions, stupid!

This is what means by danger in field.

Now, where did the danger come from, foolish?

Someone has trapped. This is what's called as "danger".

O.. are you pointing at me? This time you offended me! You; completely out of your mind people. Always thinking with no direction defined.

True! People can be out of their minds and they are when they don"t think. After all, mind is never out of them. We usually don"t know why we are wondering, literally having no purpose sometimes. Or may be we have purpose but not a worthy one. We can also do mistakes and we are also unaware of it sometimes. But mistakes are leaded and direction is given towards them by intension. We can skip the evaluation by force applied, but we do complete processing if the orders are there. We are not biased with the conclusion, no matter what choice will be selected at the end. We are master minds but not the masters of our own selves. By the way, following a worse direction is more worse than having no direction.

Who is in worse direction, dump? Make clear statements! I don't have any concern with directions. And if you are pointing out at me, then go and have some knowledge. I am not from those persons who follow directions, I am one of those who just say and just say.

Then listen, I am one of those who think and just think but will not allow you to say anything before thinking.

I can"t think, stupid. This is your task. And who are you to allow me?

Alas! I can"t allow you but I want to stop you.

Why do you want me to think before speaking? Give explanation dump, that what kind of thinking I need before speaking and why. Give reasons.

Why are u asking when you can"t think? And why are you asking when you know that I can"t speak, except of thinking. I always get fear about what will happen if I couldn"t convey you my thinking. I know the right and wrong. But you don"t know what I mean by right. How will you accept it, when you don"t have thinkings like me? How can I make you understand?

So, there is no solution because there is no problem, right?

No, there is problem. And the solution also must be there, which I don"t know.

Where is the solution? Why do you think about the problems, if you can"t resolve them. You! just making the life as disturbed. Why don"t you take some rest, and let the others to do what they want.

You can't even "want" except to speak. And this rest is what you need the most- talking all the time and not even able to think for a while.

Oh.. just like you can think all the time and not even able to convey your own thinking. Super! Thoughts, which are useless and are just thoughts and will be vanished soon, when a wise person will analyze them.

Now I am also keen to meet with a wise person. And here we go""..towards the wisdom.

Let me to ask as you can"t speak. Amm" I am"".

Welcome! I know all about you, even more than you. This is only the will power which leads you towards the solutions. You both could speak and think except nothing but a trash. Since, no idea was delivered and hence, no sound was there to be listened. People don't understand that respectful conversation is required because it is never demanded, from the other side. Or people may get fear that whether their opinion will be accepted or not; they accept the other as it is, even though they feel it as wrong. If you both could extract the best out of you that was really yours" best. First, when someone says that he can"t share, this means he can say but not the most important. It requires the "Dare to say". And secondly, when you say, I can"t think and also perceives others as stupid, it means you can"t think but arrogantly. This is how much the positive thinking matters. You shows your best in your low character being unaware of it. This is what actual danger means and when someone is trapped by one"s own foolishness. It requires to "Think beyond the obvious".

And one last word of wisdom; if you both were really unable to speak or to think, then there must be a silent person in between who was translating one"s thoughts for the other one. Keep quiet and start listening to him.

Yes. I can convey the unspoken sound of minds to the speaking tongues to make a voice. And I can order the tongues to speak what I want. I can force the minds to think. Everything of your body is ruled by me. I can change the system and I follow the wisdom. But the only language I accept is the language of love. My name is "Heart", and I am not a jailer but I am the master, master of only the "master minds". People who may listen, I tell them_ the story of love, only if they are interested in.

Hint: ~Characters are Tongue, Mind, Wisdom and Heart~
Remove the "I want", remainder is the "peace". ~Al-Ghazali~
"This time will also pass", a dose to cure both; the excitement & the grievance. ~Ayaz~
suttichart.denpruektham
Posts: 1,115
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11/22/2013 1:17:39 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
below is my story I used to told in my Toastmaster impromptus section

Story Title: Horrific Reality

Once upon a time there is this single young man living alone in his apartment. One day he noticed a movement inside his ceiling. It started with just a bit of a vibration in the air but each night the vibration from inside the ceiling has growing stronger and accompany with a horrible sound like something you could only hear at the river of pain that lead to Tartarus itself.

This young man spend his every night in terror as if he is being haunt by the evil spirit. He mutters the name of the lord but the ceiling only shaken heavier as is to mock his faith of high.

To night the ceiling shakes even more violence than usual as if whatever living inside is about to burst it open. The young man gather all his courage and stand up in defiance, even he is going to be eaten by the devil he will not let himself perish without dignity.

Finally the ceiling crack! and the spawn of darkness had review itself. In his final moment he finally heard the voice of the heaven that he had been cried for, for days.

The spawn of darkness, is not the devil of the underworld but a creation of heaven, that man like us digest through our system and flush it through a sewer! The vibration and the sound is a sign of danger that the room is poorly maintain and in the final flushing attempt of his neighbor in the upper floor, it broken down completely.

The man watch in terror as the pool of.. ...darkness? Had been falling on his face but just the vile substances had an opportunity to touch his body the motor fan hanging from his ceiling suddenly turn itself open.

His body was spared, with THEM flying all over his room and furniture.

Tomorrow, after get rid of his own unclean, materialistic property with the bless of lord, he move out.

Gentlemen, this is a true story.

Well' that is it. I actually am a professional writer I though I only wrote a few piece of work so far, It would be good if any of you can tell your comment about my story.
JessieWolters
Posts: 11
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12/12/2013 9:54:54 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:38:54 AM, TUF wrote:
I shut the car door to my old 1970 Honda, and walked up the pavement to my home, excited to be off of work. It had been a long day. I was a college professor at the University of Arizona, and today I had a student complain to me about unfairly grading his History project, which was utterly horrible. I had talked to him and tried to explain the qualities the project was missing that didn"t match the paradigm I had set, but the student just cussed, and whined at me. Eventually I had just told him I would review it one more time, caving to him so I could go home from work.

I was tired. I was grading projects all night the previous night, and needed some much needed rest. I walked into the front door, and as usual was greeted by two little excited squeals "Daaaaaaaaddddddddy!" My two daughters ran to me with their arms outstretched for a hug.

"What are you two little munchkins up to huh? Getting yourself into trouble? Probably!" I teased, as I picked up Sarah, and Amy jumped on my back. I twirled them around the front room, as the girls giggled. I tossed Sarah lightly on the couch, and grabbed Amy by the arms and the legs. "Ready?" I asked.

Amy screamed happily, "Yes daddy!" I started swinging her.

"One for the money!" I started

"Two for the show" Said sarah with a huge grin.

"Three to get ready" Said Amy with an equal smile.

"And" Four" To" GO!" I shouted as I swung her on to the couch next to Sarah.

The girls laughter carried on throughout the house.

"Alright, Alright, Girls, go do your homework you little rascals." I ordered.

They moaned, obviously wanting to keep playing, but did as they were bid. They were both well mannered and respectful, for a pair of 6 year old twins.

"Hey, where"s Mommy at?" I asked.

Amy moved her blonde hair out of her face, and replied "Mommy"s in her room. I think she"s sad""

Not again. I thought to myself.

I made my way upstairs, into our bedroom. Sure enough, Sharon was sitting on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down her face.

I made my way over to her, and put my arm over her. I pulled her head into my chest, and let her cry, as I cradled and caressed her. She cried for a minute longer, before finally slowing, and wiping her tears.

"What"s going on baby?" I asked her.

She didn"t respond, but instead just reached over to the bedside table, and picked up an open letter, then handed it to me.

I opened it, with a bad feeling. A feeling of dread wafted through me, as I read the Notice of Foreclosure.

"We are going to lose the house Walter" What are we going to do?" I could see her fighting back more tears as she said the words.

I didn"t know what to say.

She continued "I think we are going to have to file for bankruptcy. Walter, I can"t do this. I can"t"" She broke out into more sobs.

"We aren"t going to do that babe. I will get this figured out, I promise."



I had to get out of the house. A few hours later, I got into the car and got ready to drive to the bar. I turned on the radio.

"-that"s right! It"s all going down tonight, at Busters Bar in Pheonix! It"s the fight night here, and you can watch all the action for only 20$! It"s an open matched night, so anyone can join upon signing a waver! So what are you waiting for? Come down to Busters Bar, to watch all the action go down!"

I changed the radio station. No. I wasn"t going down that path again.

I started thinking about my daughters, about my wife, about the foreclosure. I couldn"t lose that house. We had worked so hard to get in there, and we were doing fine until the economy has started it"s collapse. I couldn"t just give up though, on everything I had worked for. I had to do something.

Without even realizing, I found myself at a different bar than I had intended originally to drive to. I was at Busters bar.

I sat alone at the bar, considering, a drink, but refused. I sat watching the fights. There was a big man who they kept calling Mike "Bone Crusher" Steele. He had won three fights via knockout in the first round.

As the third victim lay unconscious on the mat, the referee entered the ring, and raised Bone Crusher"s hand in victory. The announcer came on and said "Congratulations for another Bone Crushing win! The undefeated Bone Crusher has just won another 2,000$! Wait, what"s this? They are telling me that if someone, anyone here is brave enough to fight the Crusher and can manage to win against this beast, we are giving away 5,000$! Wow, Tom, I think this is the most we"ve ever offered at a fight night before!"

Another announcer, presumably Tom, Replied "Yes Bill, it certainly is. But is it possible to beat the mixed martial artist that has just ran down three opponents in the first round?"

Then Bill "Well, Tom, you know as good as I do that in the world of mixed martial arts, anything can happen. So do we have any takers? Raise your hand if you are willing to try to win the 5,000$!"

There was some grumbling among the crowd, but no one raised their hands.

"Going once!" Still no answer.

"Going twice!" Again, no answer.

"Last chance!" I don"t know why I did it, but my hand shot up in the air. It had been a long time since I had been in a ring, but I couldn"t pass up on the money. I knew I was going to regret this.

"Well, Bill, here we have a hopeful challenger! Come on up sir!"

I gulped.

Thank you! Actually, I have a hard time sometimes in writing composition, because most of the time I write the ideas are almost the same. How can I have bright and fresh ideas in writing? Thank you!
"To change your phrase somewhat, I know that I like an art where disparate elements form an entity."
~ James Schuyler
gpy222
Posts: 7
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12/15/2013 7:01:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Please give constructive criticism. I am by no means done.

The man on the moon ran away when morning came
And the earth reached up to touch
His stiffly flowing veins.
The wandering miles
Brought him back
To the land where
Pressed flowers
Kept their shelter
In books
long forgotten
By name

He ran beside the flying machines
At dusk
Amidst the fields and dreams
And runways of
Summer beetles,
Tied and tethered

But then the moon rose again in the hollowed out streets
And he wept the wistful tears of
Old hounds as they dream of
Chases remembered, and
Whimper
In their sleep
Dazz
Posts: 1,163
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1/13/2014 3:05:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 12/22/2013 2:16:28 AM, KingDebater wrote:
"What?"
"Huh?"
[sighs] "Nothing."

What's it?
Remove the "I want", remainder is the "peace". ~Al-Ghazali~
"This time will also pass", a dose to cure both; the excitement & the grievance. ~Ayaz~
Pareidolic-Dreamer
Posts: 84
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1/17/2014 1:35:17 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:37:53 AM, TUF wrote:
This thread is for anyone and everyone who loves to write! If you have problems with too much creativity, than post it here for everyone else to see. Please also read and critique other people's writings as well.

Writing is non-specific. You can free-write, or make short stories, or whatever you want!

The conversation

I walked into the grocery store. There was a guy standing in front of the milk.
"How ya doing?" I said inside my head, which I accompanied with a nod of my head in his direction.
He said "Leave me alone." inside his head, which he accompanied with a quarter turn to the right.
"That was rude!" I said inside my head. Then I took the gallon of milk that was directly in front of his face.
He said "Hey WTF!" inside his head, and stepped back as though I had spilled something on him.
"That's what you get!" I said inside my head, and I resurrected the original nod from the beginning of the conversation.
It was hard to tell what he said inside his head next, because he turned and walked away, but it sounded a lot like "F*ck you, man!"
Pareidolic-Dreamer
I see wall people.

When I argue against someone's truths, I always feel like I am arguing just as strongly against my own.
bubbatheclown
Posts: 1,258
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1/17/2014 6:37:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Tenth Cycle

Synopsis:

Mankind has existed for nearly 1000 years upon the world. Technology is primitive, about the equivalent to the technological level of the Roman Empire, 2nd century AD. There's also magic in this world, but few people are able to do magic.
However, those with knowledge of the calendar know that when 1000 years pass since man first walked this world, the Reset Star will pass by the heavens and destroy all life, replacing it with completely new life.
Nine times before man, "cycles" have existed and they have been wiped out by the coming of the Reset Star every 1000 years. Man is of the 10th Cycle.

However, in every "Cycle," there is a single "spared one" who survives the destruction of his or her cycle and that spared one enters the next cycle, where he or she shall live immortal until the next cycle comes, in which he or she shall finally die after 1000+ years of living. There is a spared one from the 9th Cycle who has guided over man for the past 1000 years. When the Tenth Cycle ends by the arrival of the Reset Star, the spared one of the Ninth Cycle will finally die and will be replaced by the spared one of the Tenth Cycle.

To become the spared one, a person must climb a very treacherous mountain and reach the ancient castle at the top, a castle which has stood since the First Cycle, and be there when the Reset Star hits. If more than one person is alive within the Castle when the Reset Star hits, there will be no survivors of that cycle. Therefore, those who reach the castle must kill everyone else inside of the castle if they seek to be spared.

999 years into the Tenth Cycle, two brothers who have foreseen the end make their way to the ancient castle, hundreds of miles away from where they live. They are determined to overcome every obstacle and reach the top. However, what they don't want to think about now is that when they reach the top, one will have to kill the other...
bubbatheclown
Posts: 1,258
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1/19/2014 2:04:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Unnamed Sci-Fi Idea:

Setting: Thirty minutes into the future

A huge alien ship arrives in our solar system, and it shoots a beam into the Earth's atmosphere. The beam causes everyone in the world to switch bodies with some random person. For example, an Italian fisherman goes into the body of Barack Obama and Justin Bieber goes into the fisherman's body and an East Asian American communist guerrilla goes into Justin Bieber's body and an American tourist in France goes into the communist guerrilla's body and so forth.
Everyone in the world has been transferred to someone else's body. This results in utter chaos on Earth, complete and utter anarchy. And every seven days the aliens responsible do it again, to insure that order can never be re-established. Meanwhile, the aliens send invisible soldiers down to Earth to steal every weapon, government or civilian, and send them back to the mothership. The goal is to completely disarm and then enslave humanity.

The story would be about several humans who, despite being whisked to random bodies every seven days, fight back against the aliens.
MrVan
Posts: 82
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1/29/2014 1:59:26 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/19/2014 2:04:56 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
Unnamed Sci-Fi Idea:

Setting: Thirty minutes into the future

A huge alien ship arrives in our solar system, and it shoots a beam into the Earth's atmosphere. The beam causes everyone in the world to switch bodies with some random person. For example, an Italian fisherman goes into the body of Barack Obama and Justin Bieber goes into the fisherman's body and an East Asian American communist guerrilla goes into Justin Bieber's body and an American tourist in France goes into the communist guerrilla's body and so forth.
Everyone in the world has been transferred to someone else's body. This results in utter chaos on Earth, complete and utter anarchy. And every seven days the aliens responsible do it again, to insure that order can never be re-established. Meanwhile, the aliens send invisible soldiers down to Earth to steal every weapon, government or civilian, and send them back to the mothership. The goal is to completely disarm and then enslave humanity.

The story would be about several humans who, despite being whisked to random bodies every seven days, fight back against the aliens.

I love your premise, it really brings me back to "Y: The Last Man" and "The Screwfly Solution". But if I were you, I wouldn't dwell too much on the causes or reasons behind the phenomenon in your story. Or if you do, I wouldn't dwell on it too much; stories that do this have a bad habit of making such phenomena less interesting or trivial. Maybe focus more on the social, political, and personal consequences of having their bodies switched that your characters must face? I, a white man-child, could only imagine what it'd be like to be switched into the body of a black man in Kenya, or a fat old woman somewhere in Europe, or a cancer-stricken man on his deathbed.

I also wouldn't personally go with the aliens angle; this is admittedly nit-picky because I'm a big hard sci-fi nerd, but it also kind of raises more questions than answers- too many questions for the reader to keep track of. Like; Why would aliens advanced enough to travel to our solar system from God knows where need slaves? Why not make slaves via robotics or bio-engineering? If they're so advanced that they can scramble our consciences, why would they worry enough about our weapons to have to steal them? Honestly though, this isn't as important a criticism depending on what kind of reader your looking for. You could completely ignore these questions and still make an awesome story!

It's honestly a great premise, and if I were a publisher I'd definitely pick it up!
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,367
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2/8/2014 1:22:22 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
There's a site that I am on: www.wattpad.com

All of you have such amazing work and I would love to read more!

On Wattpad, there's a competition each year where you can enter your book and if you win, you can get cash prizes.
Sometimes, even financial aid and help to publish your book.

You can even put a cover, give your characters casts, etc.

If you join, PM me on DDO or www.wattpad.com/user/TurningANewPage

P.S. I rarely update my books so please don't read. I'm not much of a writer either.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,483
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2/10/2014 12:28:30 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Excerpts. Different works.

---

It is often rumored that musicians share a special connection with the sea. Though this may be more or less accurate, it was plainly true in the case of the performer seated in the corner of the bar. He was seated at a small harpsichord, playing a visceral melody which seemed to harmonize perfectly with the distant crash of the waves and ambient ebb and flow of the lazy tide. This was interrupted only occasionally by his pausing to swig a strong ale, the number of empty containers of which, collected on a nearby table, had gradually increased over the course of the evening. The bartender had been persuaded to overlook a few drinks in exchange for a night's entertainment. A few extra hungry travelers had wandered in from the somewhat chilly coastal air, enticed by the sound of the music and the promise of a warm meal (or drink, as the case usually was), and the proprietor figured he was getting the better end of the deal. The only possible locus of disagreement was that, though patrons often approached the musician in the hope of requesting a tune, none were obliged--typically, they were not even acknowledged. This usually found its remedy in another round of beer, though a few wondered why their entertainer was behaving so inflexibly. He did not seem in a sour mood, or especially drunk, as much as entirely engrossed in his almost ceaseless performance.

All the stranger, then, when he took his leave entirely without warning. He had been listening for a time to a noisome drinking contest--bar patrons regularly amused themselves this way, he noticed, though the spectators were almost always louder and more raucous than the participants, who should by all means have been the loudest revelers. When the contest ended (for which moment the eruption of laughter and cheering served as a reliable cue), he turned briefly, his fingers never leaving the harpsichord's keys, to see what lumbering hulk had won today (larger men, he frequently observed, tended to dominate these matches); to his surprise, it was no behemoth, but what appeared to be a petite--almost fragile--young woman. Appearances could often be deceiving, obviously so in a case like this, and the musician wondered whether she might not prove a source of interest. He had nowhere to be, and it occurred to him that pursuing the girl could see him entangled in idle mischief. She stood to exit the bar, and he made a mental note of which direction she headed after breezing out the entrance. He reached down into the large rucksack propped against the harpsichord and pulled out a small, square sheet of paper and something which, to the curious eyes of patrons now deprived of song, appeared to be a small brush or some sort of marker. They watched with sideways glances as he made a few thick strokes. When he finished, the paper shined momentarily with a glossy sheen before returning to its former mundanity [+1]. He slid the small square of paper, which was no larger than a small index card, into a fold in his tunic, took up his travel pack, and strode toward the door. Wary of the bartender's ire, he reached into his pocket for a few coins, which he placed on the counter as he walked by, substituting a smile and a nod for parting words as he left.

He was happy that he had not tarried too long--no more than twenty or thirty yards away, he spotted the young woman with the strong constitution. She seemed to be heading for the docks, though she had evidently made up her mind to travel by air, rather than by sea. He found himself speculating about why she might be so eager to leave town. He was skeptical that she had cheated during the contest, but this left him without even a dubious explanation. Satisfying his curiosity seemed a sufficient motivator, and he approached her where she stood, now apparently quite upset (she now appeared much less fragile, he noted), next to a large airship to which she had (so he conjectured) been denied access.

"You know," he said as he came within a few yards of her, "If your intention is to be let on, I don't imagine howling at them will prove very helpful." He spoke in a gentle, easy tone, his body language as relaxed as his voice. "Judging by the way you were addressing them, I daresay you and they are not acquainted. I find a bit of cordiality is usually beneficial when meeting new people, particularly if one intends to sequester oneself with them thousands of feet in the air." He cast a quick glance at the door, giving it three quick raps with the knuckle of his middle finger. When he spoke again, his voice was raised slightly to address whoever was inside. "If you have spare room for a fellow traveler and I, we would like to book passage aboard your airship. We would be happy to negotiate a fair price--preferably sheltered from the cold--be it money or services rendered. I can't speak for my comrade here, but I'm afraid I don't have any precious goods with which to barter."
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,483
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2/10/2014 12:30:02 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
As their handshake sealed the agreement, Mercer's silent servant returned, bearing, in place of the silver tray, a midnight blue bag woven from unspecified material. The entity extended the bag to Avarice, remaining expectantly still.

Mercer politely returned Sorano's bow, then gestured with an open palm to the medium-sized pouch. "Before you leave, be sure to take the equipment I've promised you. There are two pairs of gloves stowed inside, each carrying identical protective enchantments. Do not forget that, unlike the bag, the gloves will not provide indefinite protection.

"As far as supplies are concerned," he continued, "you may take anything you feel you need, free of charge, from my inventory. You are free to go elsewhere, of course, but I thought you might like to eliminate a few needless expenditures."

Sorano had retreated to her prior place behind Avarice, and her face had become an intriguing mosaic of emotions, most notable among the pieces of which were the sweet, docile smile which held her lips and the penetrating stare she cast down at Avarice, though whether this latter was hostile or merely contemplative was difficult to tell. He sensed multiple subtextual tensions lingering below the shallow semantic surface of their conversation, and there lingered in his mind the unpleasant possibility that, should their personal troubles fail to find resolution before the end of their trip, his investment would again be jeopardized. Commercial gridlock was sufficiently annoying once--subsequent iterations of the same were unthinkable. A fine test, he thought: if Sorano intervened disagreeably, as seemed somewhat likely, Avarice would be compelled to decide between slavery and freedom, between serving a King and being one.

"The exit I open will return you to the antechamber. When you finish your preparations, you will be meeting my employees at the airship docks. I have booked passage on a small ship; it will take you to a modest dock nestled at the base of the range. When you have retrieved the scrolls, one of my employees will provide you with a pouch containing a certain spell reagent. There is a certain rune, which should be attached to the pouch, which you may use, if you like, to return--it only requires that you draw out a circle, large enough to fit everyone you wish to transport, and inscribe the rune within. It will return you to this plane, so you may arrange for alternative transportation if you don't plan on coming right back."

He turned away from the two, his eyes now burning with the recognizable fiery intensity which, along with a quick gesture, signaled the reemergence of the portal. The slim door materialized on a nearby wall, its faint hum, resonating in the closed space, slightly louder this time.

He offered the three of them a gracious bow and a warm smile. "Well then, I won't keep you any longer. Good luck, Avarice, and safe travels."
Jack212
Posts: 572
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2/11/2014 5:53:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/23/2013 10:37:53 AM, TUF wrote:
This thread is for anyone and everyone who loves to write! If you have problems with too much creativity, than post it here for everyone else to see. Please also read and critique other people's writings as well.

Writing is non-specific. You can free-write, or make short stories, or whatever you want!

While I like the idea of a writing thread, it could get really messy if people just write their material in the comments. Also, if you want to get your stuff published, it might help to have a structured writing group. Perhaps we could use this thread (or a new thread) for networking/tip-sharing/goal-setting instead?