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Aliteration Poetry

Bennett91
Posts: 4,237
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7/30/2014 5:23:29 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Would anyone like to read some of this and comment? Every word begins with the same letter and sound and no word repeats, here are a few letters that I've done:

L

Loki's Loose Locution,
Litigiously Learned,
Lends Legislators Levying Ludicrous Laws,
Looting Lethargic Laymen.

Lawmen Lecture, Lying, Leeching, Living Lavishly.
Lest Lessers Lividly Look, Lockup Looms.
Leaders Lump, Laying Low.
Lexical Luminescence Languishes.

Loving Luxury,
Labor Lures Lost Lads,
Lambasting Lapsed Limitations Lulls Ladies.
Lampooned Liberty Laughs.

P

Penniless People Pray,
Poor Peasants Prop Powerful Positions,
Presidents, Popes, Proving Progress Pointless.

Plump Plutocrats Perpetuate Poverty, Plundering Potential Profits.
Perfect Pieces, Precisely Placed, Plans Protrude, Perturbing Paradise.

Priests Preach Poignant Platitudes,
Placating Purposely Puzzled Populaces.

Ponder Puny Prostitute!
Popular People Pay Pricey Portions.
Prolific Pimps Pontificate Pathetic Parables.

Primeval Penchants Push Painful Pleasures,
Prompt Punishment Promotes Propriety.
Purity Pines Pummeling Penance.

W

Wind Wafts Whetting Wishes Westward, Welcoming Weary Weathered Wonderers.
Whistling Wenches Wash Wares While Worriless Waiters Work,
Wined Women Watched Whimsically Winking.

Waterfowl Weightlessly Wade Water,
Without Warning Wings Weltered,
Whirling Waves Within Wintered Woods.

Wayward Whiffs Waken Woad Warriors.
What Wild Wolf Wouldn't Want Wondrous Waffles?
Waiting Will Waste Wanton Whims.

Wending, Weaving Whereupon Witnessing Wealthy Whelps.
War Whelmed, Warmth Waned.
Wounded Watchmen Withdrew,
Widows Woefully Wept "Why?!"
SolonKR
Posts: 4,043
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7/30/2014 9:44:38 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I think the second one is fantastic.

My main criticism is that some of the thoughts are not quite contiguous. For example, I lost track of where things were going with the jump between "Loki's loose locution" and "litigiously learned". Did he learn to have a loose tongue while involved in lawsuits? I couldn't figure out any meaning that made sense in context. Furthermore, what exactly is lent to the legislators legislating ludicrous laws? It gets back on track in the next stanza; just watch to make sure you always have a clear idea of what exactly you want the poem to say, and don't just put words down because they happen to start with the same letter.

A suggestion I would have, in terms of style, is that you might want to consider adding articles and connecting words like "and", "or", "but", and so on. They don't break the feel of alliteration (try saying "Ponder the puny prostitute", and you'll see that it still sounds similar), and they vastly increase your options of expressing yourself when you're working with a limited set of words.
Lemme shoot out an example. I'll use the letter Z.

Zany zebras zoom,
Zig-zagging to Zodor.
Zipping zanily to the zoo,
Zebras zap zits off Zoey.

Yeah, that didn't make sense, but hopefully it shows that, when alliterating, you aren't necessarily limited to just words that start with that letter.
SO to Bailey, the love of my life <3
Bennett91
Posts: 4,237
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7/30/2014 4:53:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/30/2014 9:44:38 AM, SolonKR wrote:
My main criticism is that some of the thoughts are not quite contiguous. For example, I lost track of where things were going with the jump between "Loki's loose locution" and "litigiously learned". Did he learn to have a loose tongue while involved in lawsuits? I couldn't figure out any meaning that made sense in context. Furthermore, what exactly is lent to the legislators legislating ludicrous laws?

A suggestion I would have, in terms of style, is that you might want to consider adding articles and connecting words like "and", "or", "but", and so on. They don't break the feel of alliteration (try saying "Ponder the puny prostitute", and you'll see that it still sounds similar), and they vastly increase your options of expressing yourself when you're working with a limited set of words.

Thank for for comments! I'll explain L, maybe the over use of commas threw you off. "Loki's loose locution/letigiously learned" isn't a direct reference to Loki, the Norse trickster god, but saying that if you study tricky legal language (Loki's locution) as lawyers and legislatures have it lends to their ability to steal from unsuspecting laymen.

As for the connecting words, yes I agree it would greatly increase my expressive range and better paint the picture in my head. But part of the fun/challenge was to only use one letter, so I didn't use them. Also "Ponder puny prostitute!" doesn't need a "the", the poem is directly talking to the prostitute, or perhaps the reader? Har har.

Here are a couple short ones, they're a bit dirty:

Lusty Lesbians Love Licking Labia,
Lips Link, Loins Lock.
Luscious Lollapalooza Leaps.

Mecca Mandates Muslims Must Murder.
Mad Mullahs Muster Many Munitions.
Masturbate Much?
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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7/31/2014 3:37:19 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Interesting style of poetry.
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
"Good Times" ~ Max
"If Jesus isn't in heaven, then it's not heaven; instead, it's hell." ~anonymous
"Suffering is unimaginably confusing, but it's a way to be drawn closer to God" ~Me
"Tell me what consumes your heart most, and I'll tell you who your God is." ~Dad
Bennett91
Posts: 4,237
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8/4/2014 8:07:24 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Here's S.

S

Seven Silly Salamanders Salaciously Sucked Strawberry Smoothies.
Seemingly Sinful Since Some Sought Salvation,
Saying, "Spare Sultry Slurpers! Such Sins Support Society!"
Soon Several Sang Songs Saluting Sweet Sensational Slushies.

Suddenly Sun Set,
Shadows Swarmed Surrounding Slow Susceptible Snails.
Shells Snapped, Slaughter Spread.
Survivors Screamed "Sanctuary!"
Scintillating Sanguine Slime Spewed,
Saturating Sacred Soil.

Swollen Stomachs Slept Satisfied.
Spiced Swill Subtly Spilled, Soaking Slain Sacrifices.
Sorrow Swept,
Sustaining Satanic Serenity.
Truth_seeker
Posts: 1,811
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8/4/2014 8:10:02 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/30/2014 5:23:29 AM, Bennett91 wrote:
Would anyone like to read some of this and comment? Every word begins with the same letter and sound and no word repeats, here are a few letters that I've done:

L

Loki's Loose Locution,
Litigiously Learned,
Lends Legislators Levying Ludicrous Laws,
Looting Lethargic Laymen.

Lawmen Lecture, Lying, Leeching, Living Lavishly.
Lest Lessers Lividly Look, Lockup Looms.
Leaders Lump, Laying Low.
Lexical Luminescence Languishes.

Loving Luxury,
Labor Lures Lost Lads,
Lambasting Lapsed Limitations Lulls Ladies.
Lampooned Liberty Laughs.

P

Penniless People Pray,
Poor Peasants Prop Powerful Positions,
Presidents, Popes, Proving Progress Pointless.

Plump Plutocrats Perpetuate Poverty, Plundering Potential Profits.
Perfect Pieces, Precisely Placed, Plans Protrude, Perturbing Paradise.

Priests Preach Poignant Platitudes,
Placating Purposely Puzzled Populaces.

Ponder Puny Prostitute!
Popular People Pay Pricey Portions.
Prolific Pimps Pontificate Pathetic Parables.

Primeval Penchants Push Painful Pleasures,
Prompt Punishment Promotes Propriety.
Purity Pines Pummeling Penance.

W

Wind Wafts Whetting Wishes Westward, Welcoming Weary Weathered Wonderers.
Whistling Wenches Wash Wares While Worriless Waiters Work,
Wined Women Watched Whimsically Winking.

Waterfowl Weightlessly Wade Water,
Without Warning Wings Weltered,
Whirling Waves Within Wintered Woods.

Wayward Whiffs Waken Woad Warriors.
What Wild Wolf Wouldn't Want Wondrous Waffles?
Waiting Will Waste Wanton Whims.

Wending, Weaving Whereupon Witnessing Wealthy Whelps.
War Whelmed, Warmth Waned.
Wounded Watchmen Withdrew,
Widows Woefully Wept "Why?!"

lol i use that
Bennett91
Posts: 4,237
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8/4/2014 8:11:52 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2014 8:10:02 AM, Truth_seeker wrote:
lol i use that

So you've done the same thing I have? Care to share?
Truth_seeker
Posts: 1,811
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8/4/2014 8:15:06 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2014 8:11:52 AM, Bennett91 wrote:
At 8/4/2014 8:10:02 AM, Truth_seeker wrote:
lol i use that

So you've done the same thing I have? Care to share?

i mean i don't like it that much, but i used it in a rap battle in an ABAB format

"An asinine attitude have you actually actin n askin for attraction
Ba! Bassline batter brute if you bravely backin up benefaction
Acronyms akin to alkaline still apathetically makes me assonant
Basking in a bin with battle-rhyme to better me so I'm blatant"
Bennett91
Posts: 4,237
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8/4/2014 8:21:03 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2014 8:15:06 AM, Truth_seeker wrote:
i mean i don't like it that much, but i used it in a rap battle in an ABAB format

"An asinine attitude have you actually actin n askin for attraction
Ba! Bassline batter brute if you bravely backin up benefaction
Acronyms akin to alkaline still apathetically makes me assonant
Basking in a bin with battle-rhyme to better me so I'm blatant"

Not really what I've done ... But thanks for not liking it!
Truth_seeker
Posts: 1,811
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8/4/2014 8:22:55 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2014 8:21:03 AM, Bennett91 wrote:
At 8/4/2014 8:15:06 AM, Truth_seeker wrote:
i mean i don't like it that much, but i used it in a rap battle in an ABAB format

"An asinine attitude have you actually actin n askin for attraction
Ba! Bassline batter brute if you bravely backin up benefaction
Acronyms akin to alkaline still apathetically makes me assonant
Basking in a bin with battle-rhyme to better me so I'm blatant"

Not really what I've done ... But thanks for not liking it!

lol i don't mean your work, i mean alliteration in general. It depends on how i use it in poetry.