Total Posts:3|Showing Posts:1-3
Jump to topic:

Prose.

mishapqueen
Posts: 3,995
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
9/26/2014 6:08:37 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I wrote some prose today while stuck at a train crossing. The train held us up for 23 minutes. Hence, my prose. Beware, this is a new style for me. So, it's not very good.

Waiting for a train. Hearing the bells. Clanging in never-ending rhythm. Train cars stretch as far as I can see. From horizon to horizon. Colorful words painted on green sides. Bare brown shafts of empty cars. Wheels still upon the track, then creeping forward. Speed. Hope. Wait. Hope grows with speed. Colors blurring. Last few cars. Empty tracks. Joy.
You cannot choose whether or not you will live by rules, but you can choose which rules you will live by. --Me

"I was wrong. Squirrels are objectively superior to bunnies in every conceivable dimension."
--Joey

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" --PetersSmith

Nunc aut Numquam
NiamC
Posts: 905
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
9/27/2014 2:40:54 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/26/2014 6:08:37 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
I wrote some prose today while stuck at a train crossing. The train held us up for 23 minutes. Hence, my prose. Beware, this is a new style for me. So, it's not very good.


Waiting for a train. Hearing the bells. Clanging in never-ending rhythm. Train cars stretch as far as I can see. From horizon to horizon. Colorful words painted on green sides. Bare brown shafts of empty cars. Wheels still upon the track, then creeping forward. Speed. Hope. Wait. Hope grows with speed. Colors blurring. Last few cars. Empty tracks. Joy.

In honesty, I prefer prose-like text compared to that of a verse format text. I like how your prose is inspired by something (especially trains). This is not bad, especially if this was your first time, although in my opinion, many of the sentences didnt seem to be captivating enough.
~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~
Niam est amor, vita Niam
~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~
mishapqueen
Posts: 3,995
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
9/27/2014 2:42:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/27/2014 2:40:54 PM, NiamC wrote:
At 9/26/2014 6:08:37 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
I wrote some prose today while stuck at a train crossing. The train held us up for 23 minutes. Hence, my prose. Beware, this is a new style for me. So, it's not very good.


Waiting for a train. Hearing the bells. Clanging in never-ending rhythm. Train cars stretch as far as I can see. From horizon to horizon. Colorful words painted on green sides. Bare brown shafts of empty cars. Wheels still upon the track, then creeping forward. Speed. Hope. Wait. Hope grows with speed. Colors blurring. Last few cars. Empty tracks. Joy.

In honesty, I prefer prose-like text compared to that of a verse format text. I like how your prose is inspired by something (especially trains). This is not bad, especially if this was your first time, although in my opinion, many of the sentences didnt seem to be captivating enough.

Thanks for the feedback. I don't have much time to practice, and so, that is why it's rough. My life is a whirl of activity.
You cannot choose whether or not you will live by rules, but you can choose which rules you will live by. --Me

"I was wrong. Squirrels are objectively superior to bunnies in every conceivable dimension."
--Joey

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" --PetersSmith

Nunc aut Numquam