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I shouldnt be alive: DDO edition

imabench
Posts: 21,204
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6/11/2013 8:10:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
On the evening of June 10th, 2000 and whatever, an egotistical maniac secret mafia godfather named Imabench was banned from the super awesome DDO for violation of something, I forget. These are excerpts of his diary of his life while banned from DDO......

(Hours : Minutes : Seconds)

00:00:15""".. 15 seconds after being banned from DDO. Apparently my fight with sadolite "crossed a line" and now ive been banned until tomorrow afternoon". Hopefully I will last until then.

00:01:00""". Only a minute has passed and Im already suffering from heavy DDO withdrawal. I keep trying to login only to not be allowed since my account has been closed"..

00:03:00""" 911 says that being banned from DDO isn"t a "real" emergency". Those peasants have no idea what kind of emergency this is!

00:05:00"".. Been banned from DDO for 3 minutes now and I seem to have lost my pants and underwear.

00:07:00"".. I wake up in a pile of my own vomit, a sign of heavy DDO withdrawal. I question whether or not Ill be able to make it after I begin eating my own vomit

00:09:00"".. I am bored beyond belief and Ive only been banned for 5 minutes. Maybe Ill become an alcoholic or sell weed for a living.

00:12:00"".. Busted by the cops after I dialed 911 asking if they wanna hang out and smoke some weed". I would have called my friends but I don"t have any since I spent all my time on DDO instead of socializing. Its not my fault that I connect with people on DDO better then with people in real life!!! God I miss DDO

00:14:00"". While in jail I am convinced by a convict to convert and be a Satanist in the hopes that he will use his black magic to let me log onto DDO again

00:16:00"". I use my one phone call to ask my brother if my DDO account has been unbanned".. No luck

00:20:00"" I have become the top b*tch of a prisoner named Big Daddy, he takes care of me and looks out for me

02:40:00"". My bail is posted, mom is pissed. I say goodbye to Big Daddy and promise that Ill come and visit him in the future

02:50:00"".. Been banned for almost 3 hours when I finally get home from jail, my anus still aflame". Still cant get on DDO

03:00:00"". People on DDO have discovered I have been missing, hopefully FEMA will arrive on time and help me by letting me use their DDO account.

03:03:00"".. Ive given up hope on FEMA, I resort back to eating my own vomit
03:10:00".... Police arrive at the house because the neighbors heard a woman crying hysterically

03:11:05"". I begin crying hysterically since I apparently sound like a woman when I cry.

03:12:00"". I attempt to overdose on sleeping pills.

7:00:00"". I awake from my attempted overdose, apparently half a bottle isnt enough to kill me.

7:05:00"". Attempting to Overdose on sleeping pills AGAIN

12:00:00"". I wake up again after the failed overdose. twelve hours since being banned"". Slept for about 5 hours, woke up in a pile of my own thrown up vomit and I appear to have shat myself. I also dreamed about hosting the Weekly Stupid and posting the 100th episode of it on DDO.

12:03:00"".. Police show up at the house asking about why a dead body was found with a note attached to it saying "Big Daddy and Imabench don"t take sh*t from nobody

12:05:00"".. I dump the bodies of those cops asking about the house I burned down in the lake behind my house, they were getting too nosy.

12:07:00"" More cops show up asking about the missing cops. I claim to know nothing about it.

12:09:00"" Having an awesome time hanging out with the cops. Watching tv and eating a ton of doughnuts, having a great time.

12:11:00"".. I dump the bodies of the other cops on top of the other cops who I killed earlier"" They were Spurs fans

12:12:00"".. To take my mind off of all the arson, drug dealing, prostitution, and murder I have committed as a result of being banned from DDO, I check on DDO. Still banned

12:18:00"". Attempt to hang myself in my room but I cant go through with it because I keep trying to check DDO one last time.

12:19:00"".. My little brother walks in and asks me why im trying to hang myself

12:20:00"".. I dump the body of my little brother in the lake with the cops. He didn"t know about my recent crimes or anything, I just always wanted to do that.

12:35:00"".. Lunch. Peanut butter and Jelly Sandwich

12:36:00""" Mom askes if Ive seen my little brother. I claim to know nothing

12:40:00""" I check DDO again, still banned

12:45:00""" I eat a peanut butter and vomit sandwich.

14:00:00""". Noon. 14 hours since being banned from DDO. I wake up in a pile of my own vomit and I appear to have shat myself again".

14:01:00""". I pledge to get my life together and put DDO and everything about it behind me

19:00:00"".. I now have a girlfriend, a much better job, tons of close friends, doing great in life all around, I even plan on visiting Big Daddy once in a while.

19:01:00"" Police show up asking about the missing policemen, my missing brother, and dead body with a note on the body that implicates me.

20:00:00"" Admitted into an insane asylum by pleading insanity in my trial. My skillful trolling works perfectly in making me seem like im criminally insane. The eating my own vomit sandwich and arguing that there isnt poop in DNA did most of the work though

22:00:00"" I pull the old shawshank redemption thing and succeed on tunneling my way out of the prison, currently living the high life in Mexico under the name "Pedro leBenchy"

22:01:00"" I check DDO again, still banned.

22:02:00"" I become involved in the Mexico drug trade.

22:03:00"" Detained along the US-Mexico border, let go because I pass the Texas immigration test (It was a one question test regarding how white I am)

22:05:00".. Drive to the airport to get a flight back home to Florida. I go first class because first class on a Southwest flight is like coach on any other flight

23:30:00"" Arrive at Ft Lauderdale and make my way back home

23:59:59"" Arrive back home and promise to not get back on DDO after all I had been through.

24:00:00"" Ban has expired, back on DDO, I post my journal entries in a thread.
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

DDO: THE MOVIE = http://www.debate.org...
http://www.debate.org...

VP of DDO from Dec 14th 2014 to Jan 1st 2015
imabench
Posts: 21,204
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6/11/2013 8:24:52 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/11/2013 8:18:53 PM, airmax1227 wrote:
haha good stuff

Welcome back "Pedro leBenchy"

gracias senor.
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

DDO: THE MOVIE = http://www.debate.org...
http://www.debate.org...

VP of DDO from Dec 14th 2014 to Jan 1st 2015
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/12/2013 1:30:00 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
This is obviously a cover up created to make it look like the mafia godfather isn't really so powerful.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
TUF
Posts: 21,297
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6/12/2013 12:24:09 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/11/2013 8:10:17 PM, imabench wrote:
: 12:11:00"".. I dump the bodies of the other cops on top of the other cops who I killed earlier"" They were Spurs fans

: 12:19:00"".. My little brother walks in and asks me why im trying to hang myself

12:20:00"".. I dump the body of my little brother in the lake with the cops. He didn"t know about my recent crimes or anything, I just always wanted to do that.

19:00:00"".. I now have a girlfriend, a much better job, tons of close friends, doing great in life all around, I even plan on visiting Big Daddy once in a while.

22:00:00"" I pull the old shawshank redemption thing and succeed on tunneling my way out of the prison, currently living the high life in Mexico under the name "Pedro leBenchy"

22:05:00".. Drive to the airport to get a flight back home to Florida. I go first class because first class on a Southwest flight is like coach on any other flight

23:59:59"" Arrive back home and promise to not get back on DDO after all I had been through.

24:00:00"" Ban has expired, back on DDO, I post my journal entries in a thread.


lol all these made me laugh
"I've got to go and grab a shirt" ~ Airmax1227
RyuuKyuzo
Posts: 3,074
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6/12/2013 3:13:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Christ, airmax oughta ban you weekly to get more stories like this XD
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
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6/12/2013 3:34:38 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/12/2013 3:13:53 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
Christ, airmax oughta ban you weekly to get more stories like this XD

Except make it a video diary and call it the Weekly Insanity.
Nolite Timere
justin.graves
Posts: 220
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6/12/2013 4:14:42 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/12/2013 3:34:38 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
At 6/12/2013 3:13:53 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
Christ, airmax oughta ban you weekly to get more stories like this XD

Except make it a video diary and call it the Weekly Insanity.

Totally.
-Justin K. Graves, Demon Hunter
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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6/12/2013 5:06:34 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
00:05:00"".. Been banned from DDO for 3 minutes now and I seem to have lost my pants and underwear.

I can tell the withdrawal is getting to your head.
Music composition contest: http://www.debate.org...
RyuuKyuzo
Posts: 3,074
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6/12/2013 5:26:45 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/12/2013 5:13:20 PM, Smithereens wrote:
Post #2000 Hail Smithis!

How the hell did you beat me to 2000 posts?
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.