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Would this pass? Satirical Rap. [Experiment]

NiqashMotawadi3
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4/11/2014 7:40:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
This is just an experiment. I wrote a satirical rap about Jesus mainly to see if something like this could pass in a rap battle, according to the new moderation policy.

This might read out like garbage, but hey, I tried.

In this rap, I pretended to be the Saint of the Lake, which is an unknown historic figure who exists in Islamic literature, but nobody knows who the f*ck he is. I couldn't find anything about him on Google, but I did find some references in Arabic texbooks which are not even online. However, he is not said to have interacted with Jesus, or any of the other figures except Mohammad, which means that almost everything below is satire.

Okay... Here it comes...

Hello, hello, hello, my believin lil fellows
I'm the saint of the lake but I've been in bordellos
I shared women with Mohammad, I bro-fisted Jesus,
I broke Diogenes' bowl and bathed with Archimedes.

Once upon a time in Jerusalem
A freak approached my homies tryna f*ck with them
He said, "Doesn't matter all the crap down your throat"
"Only matters what you think and comes out your thought"

I followed him from street to cornfield to paddy
The way he touched lil girls made me think "sugar daddy"
We approached a temple and when I heard him shout
I saw him chasin chicken and kickin merchants out
He shouted to his boys, "Respect a place of worship"
I replied back "One built from the merchant's hardship"
"Who bought the wood, who traded to get stone"
"The arrogant priest or the merchants wandering on their own?"
"And If God's everywhere, can't you worship at a sty?"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I followed the weirdo 'cause his robes made me hard
He was no messiah, but I was bored of playin card
We ran through peeps holding an adulterous woman
He cried "the sinful do not stone, whatchu guys doin?"
The men looked at him while the disciples mooned
But I stood there staring not even slightly swooned
He shouted at me "What?" I shot back "special pleadin"
"Your heavenly pups said nuttin bout the conditions precedin"
"You're making exceptions when you should be concedin"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I shouted "yeah, yeah, woo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo"
"Censor me through your boys, I'm not censorin you"
He tried to land a punch on my handsome face
But our fists slowly met and landed on each other
Luke cried amazed "That's a bro-fist, brotha."

Whatchu guys think? Would this pass the moderation?
Mikal
Posts: 11,270
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4/11/2014 7:59:12 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 7:40:21 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
This is just an experiment. I wrote a satirical rap about Jesus mainly to see if something like this could pass in a rap battle, according to the new moderation policy.

This might read out like garbage, but hey, I tried.

In this rap, I pretended to be the Saint of the Lake, which is an unknown historic figure who exists in Islamic literature, but nobody knows who the f*ck he is. I couldn't find anything about him on Google, but I did find some references in Arabic texbooks which are not even online. However, he is not said to have interacted with Jesus, or any of the other figures except Mohammad, which means that almost everything below is satire.

Okay... Here it comes...

Hello, hello, hello, my believin lil fellows
I'm the saint of the lake but I've been in bordellos
I shared women with Mohammad, I bro-fisted Jesus,
I broke Diogenes' bowl and bathed with Archimedes.

Once upon a time in Jerusalem
A freak approached my homies tryna f*ck with them
He said, "Doesn't matter all the crap down your throat"
"Only matters what you think and comes out your thought"

I followed him from street to cornfield to paddy
The way he touched lil girls made me think "sugar daddy"
We approached a temple and when I heard him shout
I saw him chasin chicken and kickin merchants out
He shouted to his boys, "Respect a place of worship"
I replied back "One built from the merchant's hardship"
"Who bought the wood, who traded to get stone"
"The arrogant priest or the merchants wandering on their own?"
"And If God's everywhere, can't you worship at a sty?"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I followed the weirdo 'cause his robes made me hard
He was no messiah, but I was bored of playin card
We ran through peeps holding an adulterous woman
He cried "the sinful do not stone, whatchu guys doin?"
The men looked at him while the disciples mooned
But I stood there staring not even slightly swooned
He shouted at me "What?" I shot back "special pleadin"
"Your heavenly pups said nuttin bout the conditions precedin"
"You're making exceptions when you should be concedin"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I shouted "yeah, yeah, woo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo"
"Censor me through your boys, I'm not censorin you"
He tried to land a punch on my handsome face
But our fists slowly met and landed on each other
Luke cried amazed "That's a bro-fist, brotha."

Whatchu guys think? Would this pass the moderation?

They call me Jesus and I'm the mother Fuk**g King
I turned water in wine, changed the color like a mood ring
Slapped that btch lazarus so hard that he awoke from the dead
Even when I got nailed to the cross, Forgive them was the first thing that I said

I am a literal King, I reign in heaven that place that is way up in the sky
F**k smoking green, get the holy spirit if you want a real high
I bled for your sins, so you you did not have to burn
They cracked my flesh like a zombie, except i refused to turn

I stood tall against the evil that corrupts everyone at birth
I refused to stay dead, hell they didn't even put my body in the earth.
3 days I was down, "he is gone forever" they said
I shed my skin like a snake, I was a spirit that arose from the dead

I am sitting at the right hand of the father for all eternity.
All you have to do is ask forgiveness, to join this heavenly fraternity
One day soon I am gong back for an inspection
Dont let me catch you sinning, or I will not accept your concession.
NiqashMotawadi3
Posts: 1,895
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4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
They call me Jesus and I'm the mother Fuk**g King
I turned water in wine, changed the color like a mood ring
Slapped that btch lazarus so hard that he awoke from the dead
Even when I got nailed to the cross, Forgive them was the first thing that I said

They didn't call you "Yeshua" because they forgot your stupid name
"You turn water into wine" every magician made that claim
But you did slap Lazarus, and he laughed and went to sleep
'Cause you hit like a girl and then turn the other cheek.

I am a literal King, I reign in heaven that place that is way up in the sky
F**k smoking green, get the holy spirit if you want a real high
I bled for your sins, so you you did not have to burn
They cracked my flesh like a zombie, except i refused to turn

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die
You bled for my sins, well that's not a f*ckin crime
Yo mama also bled when it was her first time.


I stood tall against the evil that corrupts everyone at birth
I refused to stay dead, hell they didn't even put my body in the earth.
3 days I was down, "he is gone forever" they said
I shed my skin like a snake, I was a spirit that arose from the dead

I am sitting at the right hand of the father for all eternity.
All you have to do is ask forgiveness, to join this heavenly fraternity
One day soon I am gong back for an inspection
Dont let me catch you sinning, or I will not accept your concession.

I'll rather roast in hell and stay away from your fraternities
For ever and ever and a couple of eternities
And you're sitting at his right hand? Well, that must hurt
I'm not sure if that's procedure or the way you guys flirt.
Mikal
Posts: 11,270
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4/12/2014 5:47:51 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 8:46:05 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
Lol. I totally suck at rap.

actually that first line of bars was creative lol
rross
Posts: 2,772
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4/12/2014 10:26:01 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die

You use a balloon metaphor a lot, right? I've only seen you use it once before.

At 4/12/2014 5:47:51 PM, Mikal wrote:
At 4/11/2014 8:46:05 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
Lol. I totally suck at rap.

actually that first line of bars was creative lol

I thought it was fairly brilliant, and Mikal too, but I'm hardly a connoisseur of rap. Maybe I should read more of it.

...........................

The main reason I'm popping onto this thread is to do my own experiment.

On my profile, YYW has promised that wherever I am in the public threads, I only need to call his name and he'll come running. He's said that he'll respond to me every time I speak about him. I don't want to get too excited though because I get the impression that he's a person who never really backs up what he says.

So here's my experiment.

Yoohoo YYW! I'm talking about you! Come and respond!

Now, let's see if he's a man of his word...
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
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4/12/2014 11:03:55 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
They call me Jesus and I'm the mother Fuk**g King
I turned water in wine, changed the color like a mood ring
Slapped that btch lazarus so hard that he awoke from the dead
Even when I got nailed to the cross, Forgive them was the first thing that I said

They didn't call you "Yeshua" because they forgot your stupid name
"You turn water into wine" every magician made that claim
But you did slap Lazarus, and he laughed and went to sleep
'Cause you hit like a girl and then turn the other cheek.


Haha that last line is great

I am a literal King, I reign in heaven that place that is way up in the sky
F**k smoking green, get the holy spirit if you want a real high
I bled for your sins, so you you did not have to burn
They cracked my flesh like a zombie, except i refused to turn

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die
You bled for my sins, well that's not a f*ckin crime
Yo mama also bled when it was her first time.


This was also pretty funy


I stood tall against the evil that corrupts everyone at birth
I refused to stay dead, hell they didn't even put my body in the earth.
3 days I was down, "he is gone forever" they said
I shed my skin like a snake, I was a spirit that arose from the dead

I am sitting at the right hand of the father for all eternity.
All you have to do is ask forgiveness, to join this heavenly fraternity
One day soon I am gong back for an inspection
Dont let me catch you sinning, or I will not accept your concession.

I'll rather roast in hell and stay away from your fraternities
For ever and ever and a couple of eternities
And you're sitting at his right hand? Well, that must hurt
I'm not sure if that's procedure or the way you guys flirt.

Well... This part wasn't so good but the other two parts were really funny lol

You guys should do a rap debate with Mikal as jesus and you as satan
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
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4/12/2014 11:15:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 7:40:21 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
This is just an experiment. I wrote a satirical rap about Jesus mainly to see if something like this could pass in a rap battle, according to the new moderation policy.

This might read out like garbage, but hey, I tried.

In this rap, I pretended to be the Saint of the Lake, which is an unknown historic figure who exists in Islamic literature, but nobody knows who the f*ck he is. I couldn't find anything about him on Google, but I did find some references in Arabic texbooks which are not even online. However, he is not said to have interacted with Jesus, or any of the other figures except Mohammad, which means that almost everything below is satire.

Okay... Here it comes...

Hello, hello, hello, my believin lil fellows
I'm the saint of the lake but I've been in bordellos
I shared women with Mohammad, I bro-fisted Jesus,
I broke Diogenes' bowl and bathed with Archimedes.


Mah name it is a Jesus
Ah didn't come to ease us
Or Please us, when you sneezus
I bless your ugly penus

Mah muther wasa sinless virgin
Unlike the dirty vermin
That you call your own mother
Who got f*cked by her own brother
And ended up making another
Sister blister f*cker

Yeah I'm talking bout you
I'ma circumcised Jew
But when you do the do
Your partner says moo

In nomine patris et filio
I came down here to rescue yo
You're an ugly motherf*cker
But you can still call me brother
And join in the heavenly choir

Once upon a time in Jerusalem
A freak approached my homies tryna f*ck with them
He said, "Doesn't matter all the crap down your throat"
"Only matters what you think and comes out your thought"

I followed him from street to cornfield to paddy
The way he touched lil girls made me think "sugar daddy"
We approached a temple and when I heard him shout
I saw him chasin chicken and kickin merchants out
He shouted to his boys, "Respect a place of worship"
I replied back "One built from the merchant's hardship"
"Who bought the wood, who traded to get stone"
"The arrogant priest or the merchants wandering on their own?"
"And If God's everywhere, can't you worship at a sty?"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I followed the weirdo 'cause his robes made me hard
He was no messiah, but I was bored of playin card
We ran through peeps holding an adulterous woman
He cried "the sinful do not stone, whatchu guys doin?"
The men looked at him while the disciples mooned
But I stood there staring not even slightly swooned
He shouted at me "What?" I shot back "special pleadin"
"Your heavenly pups said nuttin bout the conditions precedin"
"You're making exceptions when you should be concedin"
He lifted his hands and said "see you, goodbye"
And told his gangsta Matt "never record it when I die."

I shouted "yeah, yeah, woo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo"
"Censor me through your boys, I'm not censorin you"
He tried to land a punch on my handsome face
But our fists slowly met and landed on each other
Luke cried amazed "That's a bro-fist, brotha."

Whatchu guys think? Would this pass the moderation?
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
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4/12/2014 11:20:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
They call me Jesus and I'm the mother Fuk**g King
I turned water in wine, changed the color like a mood ring
Slapped that btch lazarus so hard that he awoke from the dead
Even when I got nailed to the cross, Forgive them was the first thing that I said

They didn't call you "Yeshua" because they forgot your stupid name
"You turn water into wine" every magician made that claim
But you did slap Lazarus, and he laughed and went to sleep
'Cause you hit like a girl and then turn the other cheek.

I am a literal King, I reign in heaven that place that is way up in the sky
F**k smoking green, get the holy spirit if you want a real high
I bled for your sins, so you you did not have to burn
They cracked my flesh like a zombie, except i refused to turn

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die
You bled for my sins, well that's not a f*ckin crime
Yo mama also bled when it was her first time.


I stood tall against the evil that corrupts everyone at birth
I refused to stay dead, hell they didn't even put my body in the earth.
3 days I was down, "he is gone forever" they said
I shed my skin like a snake, I was a spirit that arose from the dead

I am sitting at the right hand of the father for all eternity.
All you have to do is ask forgiveness, to join this heavenly fraternity
One day soon I am gong back for an inspection
Dont let me catch you sinning, or I will not accept your concession.

I'll rather roast in hell and stay away from your fraternities
For ever and ever and a couple of eternities
And you're sitting at his right hand? Well, that must hurt
I'm not sure if that's procedure or the way you guys flirt.

Lol nvm I got the last part now...

Quid putabis de me
Si non conservaveram te?
Scio quid agis
Quod intelligo omnis
Et tu futues parva puellae
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
NiqashMotawadi3
Posts: 1,895
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4/13/2014 9:43:44 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/12/2014 10:26:01 PM, rross wrote:
At 4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die

You use a balloon metaphor a lot, right? I've only seen you use it once before.

Yes, it's a Zajal(Lebanese poetry) reference from Khalil Roukoz.

At 4/12/2014 5:47:51 PM, Mikal wrote:
At 4/11/2014 8:46:05 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
Lol. I totally suck at rap.

actually that first line of bars was creative lol

I thought it was fairly brilliant, and Mikal too, but I'm hardly a connoisseur of rap. Maybe I should read more of it.

...........................

The main reason I'm popping onto this thread is to do my own experiment.

On my profile, YYW has promised that wherever I am in the public threads, I only need to call his name and he'll come running. He's said that he'll respond to me every time I speak about him. I don't want to get too excited though because I get the impression that he's a person who never really backs up what he says.

So here's my experiment.

Yoohoo YYW! I'm talking about you! Come and respond!

Now, let's see if he's a man of his word...

LOL. YYW's behavior is pathetic. It's really amusing how he became popular and won a hall-of-fame entry, and then died out too quickly after that.
YYW
Posts: 36,355
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4/13/2014 12:01:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/12/2014 10:26:01 PM, rross wrote:
At 4/11/2014 8:37:53 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:

You're a hot balloon and I'm the kid who takes you high
I strangle you with your string and watch you bleed and die

You use a balloon metaphor a lot, right? I've only seen you use it once before.

At 4/12/2014 5:47:51 PM, Mikal wrote:
At 4/11/2014 8:46:05 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
Lol. I totally suck at rap.

actually that first line of bars was creative lol

I thought it was fairly brilliant, and Mikal too, but I'm hardly a connoisseur of rap. Maybe I should read more of it.

...........................

The main reason I'm popping onto this thread is to do my own experiment.

On my profile, YYW has promised that wherever I am in the public threads, I only need to call his name and he'll come running. He's said that he'll respond to me every time I speak about him. I don't want to get too excited though because I get the impression that he's a person who never really backs up what he says.

So here's my experiment.

Yoohoo YYW! I'm talking about you! Come and respond!

Now, let's see if he's a man of his word...

lol
Tsar of DDO
rross
Posts: 2,772
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4/14/2014 6:12:56 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/12/2014 11:20:56 PM, zmikecuber wrote:

Lol nvm I got the last part now...

Quid putabis de me
Si non conservaveram te?
Scio quid agis
Quod intelligo omnis
Et tu futues parva puellae

"You fvck like a little girl"? What does that even mean?

Although even without making sense it's really disturbing. And in latin...so...
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
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4/14/2014 8:38:50 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/14/2014 6:12:56 AM, rross wrote:
At 4/12/2014 11:20:56 PM, zmikecuber wrote:

Lol nvm I got the last part now...

Quid putabis de me
Si non conservaveram te?
Scio quid agis
Quod intelligo omnis
Et tu futues parva puellae

"You fvck like a little girl"? What does that even mean?

Although even without making sense it's really disturbing. And in latin...so...

Whoops. Wrong case... it should have been accusative case, but I was trying to make it rhyme...
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."