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The Celestial Egg - Zaradi [Ep1]

NiqashMotawadi3
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5/4/2014 8:36:07 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
For a few eternities, shadows loomed in an abandoned chamber in the middle of 00122112. The only source of light was a grayish orb that attempted to escape this predominant darkness by bouncing back and forth on the walls until it finally collapsed.

There was silence for a while. Then a frightened blob of immaterial consciousness emerged from the iridescent dust. Zaradi was looking around nervously, attempting to identify his whereabouts. It took him a while to realize that he had a cognitive vision that encompassed all his near surroundings, but that did not stop him from turning in all directions.

"Mr. Zaradi, is that you?" asked Voice1.

"It is me, but I can't speak." Zaradi was shocked that he could. "Where am I?" he asked nervously.

Voice1 answered, "A celestial egg in 00122112, Mr. Zaradi. There is no reason to be afraid, we are only here to help."

"What are those numbers? WHAT is this place?" shouted Zaradi.

"This is our language... This is unimportant, Mr. Zaradi." Voice2 abruptly replied.

"Mr. Zaradi" shouted Voice1.

Zaradi was too frightened to say anything, but he noticed a soft light beneath his feet which seemed to follow him around when he walked away from the room's center. Zaradi gathered himself and asked in a rather demanding voice, "What's going to happen now?"

"Mr. Zaradi, we are only here to grant you a final wish. The consciousness within you necessitates another life of your choice, otherwise you would not move forward but scatter into electric charges. What is your wish?" exclaimed Voice 1.

"What wish?" Zaradi shot back. He looked at the emptiness before him, torn between skepticism and humility. This was possibly an after-death dream, he had read somewhere that minutes of brain-activity for a dead man could be hours of dreams. He walked around the room frightened and confused, recalling those dreadful debates where thoughts tortured his soul whenever he read his opponent's rounds. The Voices were about to speak again, but Zaradi muttered beneath his breath, "I'm not sure I believe you, but I would want to have a second life where I'm sweet." Zaradi's voice came out wounded again as he repeated his demand, this time louder and even more sorrowful , "I want to have a second life where I'm actually sweet."

With what seemed to be a smirk, both voices whispered "Granted, Mr. Zaradi", and before Zaradi could even draw any suspicion, the walls expanded and absorbed the room's occupants. Nothing was left except blots of nothingness that merged together and canceled out.

Zaradi woke up struggling against what seemed to be heavy smoke. He looked through the grayness and noticed a group of tribesmen gathering around him. He felt the weight of the thick ropes on his arms and the warm-breath of the fire dancing on his backside, he shook uncontrollably, until a man from the tribe approached the frightened boy with his dagger. Zaradi tried to shout but nothing came out. The man looked at him with a smile on his face, and pierced his white dagger through Zaradi's chest. "Manga fruit" the man bellowed as he snatched Zaradi's heart out, and the people around him jeered in astonishment. Zaradi watched his own heart being tossed around and tasted by the figures that surrounded him until his vision became blurry and his eyes slowly closed.

Voice1 and Voice2 stood from a distance and watched the scene ecstatically. "That was brilliant, Voice 1". Voice 1 laughed and remarked, "Shibboleth. Who's next?". Voice 2 whispered, "It's 00222122". Both Voices repeated the name and glided off to the celestial egg.
Linkish1O2
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5/4/2014 12:50:52 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 8:36:07 AM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
For a few eternities, shadows loomed in an abandoned chamber in the middle of 00122112. The only source of light was a grayish orb that attempted to escape this predominant darkness by bouncing back and forth on the walls until it finally collapsed.

There was silence for a while. Then a frightened blob of immaterial consciousness emerged from the iridescent dust. Zaradi was looking around nervously, attempting to identify his whereabouts. It took him a while to realize that he had a cognitive vision that encompassed all his near surroundings, but that did not stop him from turning in all directions.

"Mr. Zaradi, is that you?" asked Voice1.

"It is me, but I can't speak." Zaradi was shocked that he could. "Where am I?" he asked nervously.

Voice1 answered, "A celestial egg in 00122112, Mr. Zaradi. There is no reason to be afraid, we are only here to help."

"What are those numbers? WHAT is this place?" shouted Zaradi.

"This is our language... This is unimportant, Mr. Zaradi." Voice2 abruptly replied.

"Mr. Zaradi" shouted Voice1.

Zaradi was too frightened to say anything, but he noticed a soft light beneath his feet which seemed to follow him around when he walked away from the room's center. Zaradi gathered himself and asked in a rather demanding voice, "What's going to happen now?"

"Mr. Zaradi, we are only here to grant you a final wish. The consciousness within you necessitates another life of your choice, otherwise you would not move forward but scatter into electric charges. What is your wish?" exclaimed Voice 1.

"What wish?" Zaradi shot back. He looked at the emptiness before him, torn between skepticism and humility. This was possibly an after-death dream, he had read somewhere that minutes of brain-activity for a dead man could be hours of dreams. He walked around the room frightened and confused, recalling those dreadful debates where thoughts tortured his soul whenever he read his opponent's rounds. The Voices were about to speak again, but Zaradi muttered beneath his breath, "I'm not sure I believe you, but I would want to have a second life where I'm sweet." Zaradi's voice came out wounded again as he repeated his demand, this time louder and even more sorrowful , "I want to have a second life where I'm actually sweet."

With what seemed to be a smirk, both voices whispered "Granted, Mr. Zaradi", and before Zaradi could even draw any suspicion, the walls expanded and absorbed the room's occupants. Nothing was left except blots of nothingness that merged together and canceled out.

Zaradi woke up struggling against what seemed to be heavy smoke. He looked through the grayness and noticed a group of tribesmen gathering around him. He felt the weight of the thick ropes on his arms and the warm-breath of the fire dancing on his backside, he shook uncontrollably, until a man from the tribe approached the frightened boy with his dagger. Zaradi tried to shout but nothing came out. The man looked at him with a smile on his face, and pierced his white dagger through Zaradi's chest. "Manga fruit" the man bellowed as he snatched Zaradi's heart out, and the people around him jeered in astonishment. Zaradi watched his own heart being tossed around and tasted by the figures that surrounded him until his vision became blurry and his eyes slowly closed.

Voice1 and Voice2 stood from a distance and watched the scene ecstatically. "That was brilliant, Voice 1". Voice 1 laughed and remarked, "Shibboleth. Who's next?". Voice 2 whispered, "It's 00222122". Both Voices repeated the name and glided off to the celestial egg.

I stopped reading after the first word, so boring.
"I am a mystery and to unlock the mystery at my core, one must simply embrace slendermans hug with no fear."- me

"I hearby declare myself a phantom in the darkness."-me
ESocialBookworm
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5/4/2014 3:39:48 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 8:36:07 AM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
For a few eternities, shadows loomed in an abandoned chamber in the middle of 00122112. The only source of light was a grayish orb that attempted to escape this predominant darkness by bouncing back and forth on the walls until it finally collapsed.

There was silence for a while. Then a frightened blob of immaterial consciousness emerged from the iridescent dust. Zaradi was looking around nervously, attempting to identify his whereabouts. It took him a while to realize that he had a cognitive vision that encompassed all his near surroundings, but that did not stop him from turning in all directions.

"Mr. Zaradi, is that you?" asked Voice1.

"It is me, but I can't speak." Zaradi was shocked that he could. "Where am I?" he asked nervously.

Voice1 answered, "A celestial egg in 00122112, Mr. Zaradi. There is no reason to be afraid, we are only here to help."

"What are those numbers? WHAT is this place?" shouted Zaradi.

"This is our language... This is unimportant, Mr. Zaradi." Voice2 abruptly replied.

"Mr. Zaradi" shouted Voice1.

Zaradi was too frightened to say anything, but he noticed a soft light beneath his feet which seemed to follow him around when he walked away from the room's center. Zaradi gathered himself and asked in a rather demanding voice, "What's going to happen now?"

"Mr. Zaradi, we are only here to grant you a final wish. The consciousness within you necessitates another life of your choice, otherwise you would not move forward but scatter into electric charges. What is your wish?" exclaimed Voice 1.

"What wish?" Zaradi shot back. He looked at the emptiness before him, torn between skepticism and humility. This was possibly an after-death dream, he had read somewhere that minutes of brain-activity for a dead man could be hours of dreams. He walked around the room frightened and confused, recalling those dreadful debates where thoughts tortured his soul whenever he read his opponent's rounds. The Voices were about to speak again, but Zaradi muttered beneath his breath, "I'm not sure I believe you, but I would want to have a second life where I'm sweet." Zaradi's voice came out wounded again as he repeated his demand, this time louder and even more sorrowful , "I want to have a second life where I'm actually sweet."

With what seemed to be a smirk, both voices whispered "Granted, Mr. Zaradi", and before Zaradi could even draw any suspicion, the walls expanded and absorbed the room's occupants. Nothing was left except blots of nothingness that merged together and canceled out.

Zaradi woke up struggling against what seemed to be heavy smoke. He looked through the grayness and noticed a group of tribesmen gathering around him. He felt the weight of the thick ropes on his arms and the warm-breath of the fire dancing on his backside, he shook uncontrollably, until a man from the tribe approached the frightened boy with his dagger. Zaradi tried to shout but nothing came out. The man looked at him with a smile on his face, and pierced his white dagger through Zaradi's chest. "Manga fruit" the man bellowed as he snatched Zaradi's heart out, and the people around him jeered in astonishment. Zaradi watched his own heart being tossed around and tasted by the figures that surrounded him until his vision became blurry and his eyes slowly closed.

Voice1 and Voice2 stood from a distance and watched the scene ecstatically. "That was brilliant, Voice 1". Voice 1 laughed and remarked, "Shibboleth. Who's next?". Voice 2 whispered, "It's 00222122". Both Voices repeated the name and glided off to the celestial egg.

You're actually a good writer. Wow. I'm impressed.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,373
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5/4/2014 3:51:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 3:47:25 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
You're actually a good writer. Wow. I'm impressed.

What parts did you like and what parts didn't you like?

I like how you write. I love your descriptions.

I honestly don't dislike anything. The only thing is that I don't know who the two voices are and I really wanna read more.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
NiqashMotawadi3
Posts: 1,895
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5/4/2014 4:11:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 3:51:53 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 5/4/2014 3:47:25 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
You're actually a good writer. Wow. I'm impressed.

What parts did you like and what parts didn't you like?

I like how you write. I love your descriptions.

I honestly don't dislike anything. The only thing is that I don't know who the two voices are and I really wanna read more.

If more than three people like this, I might continue. I already have good ideas for the next episode.
Blade-of-Truth
Posts: 5,036
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5/4/2014 4:32:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Excellent. I can't say that enough. I loved it. Not even because it was Zaradi, but the whole idea of such an occurrence is fascinating. The implications of powerful beings toying with tortured souls on the verge of death. The inclusion of the last-few-minutes theory (I'm only familiar with Dr. Lakhmir Chawla and his work). The idea of celestial eggs and the mystery of what these beings are. The way in which they granted his wish was brilliant and so void of compassion. I wish it didn't end, lol. Also, the way in which Zaradi 'came into being' was effective at painting a mental image of the occurrence.
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ESocialBookworm
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5/4/2014 4:41:46 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 4:11:21 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
At 5/4/2014 3:51:53 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 5/4/2014 3:47:25 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
You're actually a good writer. Wow. I'm impressed.

What parts did you like and what parts didn't you like?

I like how you write. I love your descriptions.

I honestly don't dislike anything. The only thing is that I don't know who the two voices are and I really wanna read more.
:
If more than three people like this, I might continue. I already have good ideas for the next episode.

Were you not the one who said that you wouldn't write for others but yourself though?
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
NiqashMotawadi3
Posts: 1,895
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5/4/2014 4:50:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 4:41:46 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 5/4/2014 4:11:21 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
At 5/4/2014 3:51:53 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 5/4/2014 3:47:25 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
You're actually a good writer. Wow. I'm impressed.

What parts did you like and what parts didn't you like?

I like how you write. I love your descriptions.

I honestly don't dislike anything. The only thing is that I don't know who the two voices are and I really wanna read more.
:
If more than three people like this, I might continue. I already have good ideas for the next episode.

Were you not the one who said that you wouldn't write for others but yourself though?

I write for myself, but who do I publish my writings for? I won't bother publishing my writings if nobody is interested, just write them for myself and keep them for myself.
ClassicRobert
Posts: 2,487
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5/4/2014 4:52:00 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Very good. I like it.
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NiqashMotawadi3
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5/4/2014 4:53:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 4:32:06 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Excellent. I can't say that enough. I loved it. Not even because it was Zaradi, but the whole idea of such an occurrence is fascinating. The implications of powerful beings toying with tortured souls on the verge of death. The inclusion of the last-few-minutes theory (I'm only familiar with Dr. Lakhmir Chawla and his work). The idea of celestial eggs and the mystery of what these beings are. The way in which they granted his wish was brilliant and so void of compassion. I wish it didn't end, lol. Also, the way in which Zaradi 'came into being' was effective at painting a mental image of the occurrence.

Wow. Great analysis. I know this is going to sound weird, but Is there something you didn't particularly like? Please be completely honest.
Blade-of-Truth
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5/4/2014 5:08:30 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 4:50:06 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
I write for myself, but who do I publish my writings for? I won't bother publishing my writings if nobody is interested, just write them for myself and keep them for myself.

That is very Franz Kafka of you :)
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Blade-of-Truth
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5/4/2014 5:09:19 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 4:53:24 PM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
At 5/4/2014 4:32:06 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Excellent. I can't say that enough. I loved it. Not even because it was Zaradi, but the whole idea of such an occurrence is fascinating. The implications of powerful beings toying with tortured souls on the verge of death. The inclusion of the last-few-minutes theory (I'm only familiar with Dr. Lakhmir Chawla and his work). The idea of celestial eggs and the mystery of what these beings are. The way in which they granted his wish was brilliant and so void of compassion. I wish it didn't end, lol. Also, the way in which Zaradi 'came into being' was effective at painting a mental image of the occurrence.

Wow. Great analysis. I know this is going to sound weird, but Is there something you didn't particularly like? Please be completely honest.

I didn't like how it ended so abruptly. I was left desiring more. That is my only complaint, and ultimately can be viewed as a positive thing lol.
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zmikecuber
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5/5/2014 1:49:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 5/4/2014 8:36:07 AM, NiqashMotawadi3 wrote:
For a few eternities, shadows loomed in an abandoned chamber in the middle of 00122112. The only source of light was a grayish orb that attempted to escape this predominant darkness by bouncing back and forth on the walls until it finally collapsed.

There was silence for a while. Then a frightened blob of immaterial consciousness emerged from the iridescent dust. Zaradi was looking around nervously, attempting to identify his whereabouts. It took him a while to realize that he had a cognitive vision that encompassed all his near surroundings, but that did not stop him from turning in all directions.

"Mr. Zaradi, is that you?" asked Voice1.

"It is me, but I can't speak." Zaradi was shocked that he could. "Where am I?" he asked nervously.

Voice1 answered, "A celestial egg in 00122112, Mr. Zaradi. There is no reason to be afraid, we are only here to help."

"What are those numbers? WHAT is this place?" shouted Zaradi.

"This is our language... This is unimportant, Mr. Zaradi." Voice2 abruptly replied.

"Mr. Zaradi" shouted Voice1.

Zaradi was too frightened to say anything, but he noticed a soft light beneath his feet which seemed to follow him around when he walked away from the room's center. Zaradi gathered himself and asked in a rather demanding voice, "What's going to happen now?"

"Mr. Zaradi, we are only here to grant you a final wish. The consciousness within you necessitates another life of your choice, otherwise you would not move forward but scatter into electric charges. What is your wish?" exclaimed Voice 1.

"What wish?" Zaradi shot back. He looked at the emptiness before him, torn between skepticism and humility. This was possibly an after-death dream, he had read somewhere that minutes of brain-activity for a dead man could be hours of dreams. He walked around the room frightened and confused, recalling those dreadful debates where thoughts tortured his soul whenever he read his opponent's rounds. The Voices were about to speak again, but Zaradi muttered beneath his breath, "I'm not sure I believe you, but I would want to have a second life where I'm sweet." Zaradi's voice came out wounded again as he repeated his demand, this time louder and even more sorrowful , "I want to have a second life where I'm actually sweet."

With what seemed to be a smirk, both voices whispered "Granted, Mr. Zaradi", and before Zaradi could even draw any suspicion, the walls expanded and absorbed the room's occupants. Nothing was left except blots of nothingness that merged together and canceled out.

Zaradi woke up struggling against what seemed to be heavy smoke. He looked through the grayness and noticed a group of tribesmen gathering around him. He felt the weight of the thick ropes on his arms and the warm-breath of the fire dancing on his backside, he shook uncontrollably, until a man from the tribe approached the frightened boy with his dagger. Zaradi tried to shout but nothing came out. The man looked at him with a smile on his face, and pierced his white dagger through Zaradi's chest. "Manga fruit" the man bellowed as he snatched Zaradi's heart out, and the people around him jeered in astonishment. Zaradi watched his own heart being tossed around and tasted by the figures that surrounded him until his vision became blurry and his eyes slowly closed.

Voice1 and Voice2 stood from a distance and watched the scene ecstatically. "That was brilliant, Voice 1". Voice 1 laughed and remarked, "Shibboleth. Who's next?". Voice 2 whispered, "It's 00222122". Both Voices repeated the name and glided off to the celestial egg.

That was very very good. Excellently written. My only complaint is that it almost came off too abrupt and comical at the end maybe.

You should write another one :]
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
rross
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5/5/2014 7:50:49 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Haha brilliant.

Maybe Zaradi needs to suffer more in the first part, kind of face to face with his own imperfections - so that becoming a mango WOULD seem sweet in comparison - sweet on two levels. That would be more artistic. :)