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Star Debate Season 1 E4 p1: The Hostages

Jonbonbon
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6/13/2014 10:28:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Episode 3 p7: http://www.debate.org...

Wylted walked into the quarters of Jon Bonbon. Her real name was Jonelle Bon, but Jon Bonbon was what everyone called her. He was there for counseling, due to the loss of her husband, Oncoming Storm. She was sitting on the couch on the wall and staring out the window. He looked at the window and said, "The stars are beautiful in that direction."

A half-hearted, "Hm," was all she could seem to muster.

"Everyone was sorry to hear about your husband," Wylted said as he sat down in the seat across from her. "He was a true hero." He could see a tear hit her eye. That was good. That means he was already speaking to her heart. "He risked his life to save our captain."

"He didn"t deserve to die," Jon said in hushed tone. She quickly wiped away any tears she had on her face and turned to start staring at the floor.

"Often times people who die didn"t deserve to die." Wylted nodded his head and considered bringing up Philo, but he didn"t want to make it look like he was belittling the death of Oncoming.

"What was it that Oncoming wanted? What was his goal in life?"

She let the next tear slide down her face. With as much movement as she had about it, it was almost as if it was a drop of water running down a smooth stone. She finally wiped it and blinked a few times before saying, "He wanted to protect people. He always said the only way he would accept death would be if he died saving someone."

"He met his goal didn"t he?"

Her response was a soft nod that turned into a head shake as she started to gently sob.

Generally Wylted would appropriately put his hand on his patient"s shoulder, but after considering the subject, he kept his hands to himself. "It doesn"t change that he died," she said throw her tears. She sniffled and added, "I will never see him again."

"You"re right. It doesn"t change that he died. I just wanted to make sure you knew he lived a life he wanted to live." She looked up at him, the tears slowing down a bit. "And he was a noble man. As for his death, you can"t change that it happened. So the question you need to answer is "What can you do now that he"s gone?" "

"Cry," she responded flatly. She looked back out the window, and looked as if she wasn"t going to say anything else.

"What would Oncoming want you to do? If he can"t live on in your actions, then he is truly dead, but if you can uphold what he stood for, then at least his ideals live. His desires are in you now."
She just nodded and rested her chin on her hands. It looked like they were done. He would come to check up on her soon enough. He couldn"t do too much more at the moment. Wylted stood up and said, "Call me if you need to talk more." With that he walked out of the room.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Airmax turned to see Wylted walk onto the bridge. "How is Jonelle?" he asked as Wylted made it to his seat.

"She"s upset, naturally," Wylted said as he sat down. "However, I"m confident that she will be able to find a way to live with it."

"She just lost her husband. I"m sure she"ll be alright eventually."

There was a brief silence that was interrupted by Blade, "So where are we going?"

"We don"t have any objective at the moment," Airmax responded. "Just traveling."

"Starfleet is recovering from the Herok attack," Mike added. There wasn"t an official name for it at the moment, but Starfleet will come up with a name pretty quickly. If there was one thing that bureaucracy could do, it was come up with names for things.

"Are there any planets you want to stop at while we"re warping around?" Mikal asked as he spun around in his chair.

Airmax thought for a moment and said, "Not that I can think of."

"Are we actually not doing anything right now?" Endark asked from his seat. "We seem to have been in some sort of thrilling series ever since we launched."

"In all honesty, I can do with the down time," Wylted mumbled almost audibly. "People are suffering from stress right now due to the number of times they"ve nearly died."

"Yeah, well, hopefully we don"t have another life threatening adventure any time soon," Airmax said as he sat down in his seat. Then there was a buzzing sounding through the bridge.

"What is that?" Mike said as he popped up from his chair and looked around.

"It"s a communication, but I can"t identify it," Linkish answered as he typed vigorously. He stared at his panel for a moment then continued, "It"s coming from within the ship."

"Hello, Enforcer," a low, gravelly voice said. "Welcome to my game."

"Who are you?" Airmax yelled as he stood up. He looked at Linkish and asked, "Location? Anything?"

"Oh don"t ask such stupid questions. That"s not part of the game. Now you obviously have no idea who I am. You just know I"m part of the crew on your ship. You have to figure out who I am, because I"m going to be causing some damage every hour that you don"t. Time starts now. Have fun!"

Airmax simply stared at the front screen and said, "As of now, the only people I trust are those who are on this bridge. I know it was none of you." He turned to Linkish and said, "I want you to do checks on all of the security officers right now. You and Endark, take whatever room you need and kick out anyone who"s there that isn"t bridge staff. Any security officers you can give an alibi to, send them to start searching in an organized pattern." He turned to Mikal and said, "You come with me to my office. We"re going to see if we can narrow down the tracking systems." Then to Blade and Wylted he said, "I want you to do research on as many crew members as you can in the next hour that can lead you to whoever it is that"s doing this."

People threw out acknowledgements about their duties then all left to go to their station. Mikal stood up and tried to balance himself out. "It doesn"t help to have your life threatened after you"ve spun in a chair for a good five minutes," Mikal said with a smile.

"No, I suppose it doesn"t," Airmax laughed. Then his smile dropped back to a frown as he said, "Now let"s go find out where this guy is and get him off my ship."
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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6/14/2014 2:50:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Hmmm... guesses on the traitor?
What about Classic?
And poor Jonbonbon :-(
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
ChosenWolff
Posts: 3,361
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6/14/2014 3:13:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
This was my original vote for the DDO fan fiction competition. Sorry.....
How about NO elections?

#onlyonedeb8
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 12:36:43 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/14/2014 2:50:36 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Hmmm... guesses on the traitor?
What about Classic?

Like I told Endark, there are clues in the forums. If you think you figured it out PM me, and I might tell you if you're right :P
And poor Jonbonbon :-(
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 12:39:14 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/14/2014 3:13:42 PM, ChosenWolff wrote:
This was my original vote for the DDO fan fiction competition. Sorry.....

Sorry for what? It's just fun and games. I like that other people like my story, but I write it because I like to write :P not because I'm trying to win anything.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
EndarkenedRationalist
Posts: 14,201
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6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 12:43:17 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/14/2014 12:58:04 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Well, I liked it.

Thanks :) anything you think I can improve on?
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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6/15/2014 12:43:28 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?
Kill off jonelle n I will make you screw rm

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
EndarkenedRationalist
Posts: 14,201
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6/15/2014 12:44:33 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:43:28 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?
Kill off jonelle n I will make you screw rm

Esocial, my dear, would you like me to just have everyone get together and bake rainbow cake with smiley-face frosting while holding hands, skipping, and singing kum ba yah?

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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6/15/2014 12:47:59 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:44:33 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:43:28 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?
Kill off jonelle n I will make you screw rm

Esocial, my dear, would you like me to just have everyone get together and bake rainbow cake with smiley-face frosting while holding hands, skipping, and singing kum ba yah?

Kill of Jif, rm, izbo or anyone else please
GCL n bonbon are too sweet to die.

Plus, chocolate cake is a lot better than rainbow cake

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
EndarkenedRationalist
Posts: 14,201
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6/15/2014 12:49:19 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:47:59 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:44:33 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:43:28 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?
Kill off jonelle n I will make you screw rm

Esocial, my dear, would you like me to just have everyone get together and bake rainbow cake with smiley-face frosting while holding hands, skipping, and singing kum ba yah?

Kill of Jif, rm, izbo or anyone else please
GCL n bonbon are too sweet to die.

So...BYours it is!

Plus, chocolate cake is a lot better than rainbow cake

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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6/15/2014 12:51:01 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:49:19 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:47:59 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:44:33 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:43:28 AM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?
Kill off jonelle n I will make you screw rm

Esocial, my dear, would you like me to just have everyone get together and bake rainbow cake with smiley-face frosting while holding hands, skipping, and singing kum ba yah?

Kill of Jif, rm, izbo or anyone else please
GCL n bonbon are too sweet to die.

So...BYours it is!

-_- do it. You'll see what I will do to you.
Plus, chocolate cake is a lot better than rainbow cake

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
daytonanerd
Posts: 6,769
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6/15/2014 1:17:21 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:43:17 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:58:04 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Well, I liked it.

Thanks :) anything you think I can improve on?

You really want my advice on fanfictions?
#FeeltheFreezerBern
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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6/15/2014 1:22:42 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 1:17:21 AM, daytonanerd wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:43:17 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:58:04 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Well, I liked it.

Thanks :) anything you think I can improve on?

You really want my advice on fanfictions?

Advice is a
Ways good. Esp from a fellow writer. :)
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
daytonanerd
Posts: 6,769
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6/15/2014 1:30:23 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:43:17 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:58:04 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Well, I liked it.

Thanks :) anything you think I can improve on?

Well, the beginning scene was a really powerful emotional moment, and I've really seen nothing like it so far in DDO's fanfiction community, so I give you props on that.

However, one thing about your action scenes is that they can come off as rather jumbled and confused, at least, to my eye. I think that you should make the action clear, as well as fast-paced, to keep things exciting. Also, I would rather you hold off on a lot of fluff, for the sake of an emphasis on action.
#FeeltheFreezerBern
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 4:07:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 12:42:04 AM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:34:45 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:41:06 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Oh! We have a traitor in our midst! How exciting!

Yes, certainly. There are actually clues in the forums. Do you wanna see if you can figure out who it is?

Clues in the forums, you say?

*dark, sinister tone* How about I just threaten to kill you off in OUAD?

Oh you wouldn't. You need me still. Your move.

And poor Jonbonbon :-(

Haha yeah, I decided to write it backwards. I killed the husband then decided to start writing about the marriage.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,759
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6/15/2014 4:09:43 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/15/2014 1:17:21 AM, daytonanerd wrote:
At 6/15/2014 12:43:17 AM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 6/14/2014 12:58:04 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Well, I liked it.

Thanks :) anything you think I can improve on?

You really want my advice on fanfictions?

Why not?
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9