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Place all apocalypse predictions here.

Xenophanes
Posts: 43
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10/1/2014 12:45:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Please place all theories regarding great catastrophes here. I could use a laugh.
It would be nice not to have to put down people just because they're different.
philochristos
Posts: 2,614
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10/1/2014 1:29:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I predict that on January 8th, 2015, a zombie apocalypse will begin that within six months will consume 1/3 of mankind. On August 26th, the Jedi will appear from a distant galaxy and they, combined with the many witches and wizards all over the world who have until now been in hiding, will come out of hiding and, together with the jedi's, will destroy all the zombies. Then, on December 4th, 2015, Jesus will return.

Send money to my paypal account.
"Not to know of what things one should demand demonstration, and of what one should not, argues want of education." ~Aristotle

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~Aristotle
Zaradi
Posts: 14,124
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10/1/2014 1:44:51 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 1:29:08 PM, philochristos wrote:
I predict that on January 8th, 2015, a zombie apocalypse will begin that within six months will consume 1/3 of mankind. On August 26th, the Jedi will appear from a distant galaxy and they, combined with the many witches and wizards all over the world who have until now been in hiding, will come out of hiding and, together with the jedi's, will destroy all the zombies. Then, on December 4th, 2015, Jesus will return.

Send money to my paypal account.

inb4 you're a day off on the Jedi appearing and I get all the money you received in that paypal account.

Send money to my account in the Caymans.
Want to debate? Pick a topic and hit me up! - http://www.debate.org...
Linkish1O2
Posts: 2,003
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10/1/2014 1:59:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
In about seven billion years, the Sun's outer "atmosphere" will engulf the Earth. Due to atmospheric friction, the Earth will spiral into the sun and incinerate.
"I am a mystery and to unlock the mystery at my core, one must simply embrace slendermans hug with no fear."- me

"I hearby declare myself a phantom in the darkness."-me
philochristos
Posts: 2,614
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10/1/2014 2:01:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 1:59:36 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
In about seven billion years, the Sun's outer "atmosphere" will engulf the Earth. Due to atmospheric friction, the Earth will spiral into the sun and incinerate.

Ha! I'm pretty sure zombies will take us out long before the sun does.

Send me money.
"Not to know of what things one should demand demonstration, and of what one should not, argues want of education." ~Aristotle

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~Aristotle
Linkish1O2
Posts: 2,003
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10/1/2014 2:10:12 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 2:01:02 PM, philochristos wrote:
At 10/1/2014 1:59:36 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
In about seven billion years, the Sun's outer "atmosphere" will engulf the Earth. Due to atmospheric friction, the Earth will spiral into the sun and incinerate.

Ha! I'm pretty sure zombies will take us out long before the sun does.

Send me money.

How bout I send you monopoly money, it is said that one board game costs $15, that said every board game comes with $15,150 so 15,150 divided by 15 is 1,009 minus the board, houses, treasure cards, and metal pieces= 999. So that said one real dollar is equal to or lesser then $999 monopoly money, so if I sent you $9,990.00 in monopoly money you have a grand total of $10.00 real dollars.

Sound good?
"I am a mystery and to unlock the mystery at my core, one must simply embrace slendermans hug with no fear."- me

"I hearby declare myself a phantom in the darkness."-me
philochristos
Posts: 2,614
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10/1/2014 2:16:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 2:10:12 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
At 10/1/2014 2:01:02 PM, philochristos wrote:
At 10/1/2014 1:59:36 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
In about seven billion years, the Sun's outer "atmosphere" will engulf the Earth. Due to atmospheric friction, the Earth will spiral into the sun and incinerate.

Ha! I'm pretty sure zombies will take us out long before the sun does.

Send me money.

How bout I send you monopoly money, it is said that one board game costs $15, that said every board game comes with $15,150 so 15,150 divided by 15 is 1,009 minus the board, houses, treasure cards, and metal pieces= 999. So that said one real dollar is equal to or lesser then $999 monopoly money, so if I sent you $9,990.00 in monopoly money you have a grand total of $10.00 real dollars.

Sound good?

That's fair enough. Just send it to my paypal account.

Oh wait. . .
"Not to know of what things one should demand demonstration, and of what one should not, argues want of education." ~Aristotle

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~Aristotle
Linkish1O2
Posts: 2,003
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10/1/2014 2:19:23 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 2:16:29 PM, philochristos wrote:
At 10/1/2014 2:10:12 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
At 10/1/2014 2:01:02 PM, philochristos wrote:
At 10/1/2014 1:59:36 PM, Linkish1O2 wrote:
In about seven billion years, the Sun's outer "atmosphere" will engulf the Earth. Due to atmospheric friction, the Earth will spiral into the sun and incinerate.

Ha! I'm pretty sure zombies will take us out long before the sun does.

Send me money.

How bout I send you monopoly money, it is said that one board game costs $15, that said every board game comes with $15,150 so 15,150 divided by 15 is 1,009 minus the board, houses, treasure cards, and metal pieces= 999. So that said one real dollar is equal to or lesser then $999 monopoly money, so if I sent you $9,990.00 in monopoly money you have a grand total of $10.00 real dollars.

Sound good?

That's fair enough. Just send it to my paypal account.

Oh wait. . .

Seems we have a small problem on our hands.
"I am a mystery and to unlock the mystery at my core, one must simply embrace slendermans hug with no fear."- me

"I hearby declare myself a phantom in the darkness."-me
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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10/1/2014 6:37:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I predict in 2 to 5 years the US will fall into a massive depression that will last at least a decade. The dooms dayers will all be proven right.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
LifeMeansGodIsGood
Posts: 2,744
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10/1/2014 6:51:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 12:45:14 PM, Xenophanes wrote:
Please place all theories regarding great catastrophes here. I could use a laugh.

You are dying a slow death, maybe seventy or eighty years of it left for you now, maybe today is your last day. Your personal Apocolypse is coming, so go look in a mirror and laugh at yourself.
imabench
Posts: 21,206
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10/1/2014 10:53:33 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Here's what will happen.

One night, an old person will go to sleep. Like always, he will take a viagra right before he goes to sleep, not because he wants to have sex, but because he wants to use his 4 hour boner to prevent himself from rolling out of bed. However, the viagra hasnt been having as much of an effect, so tonight the old man is going to pop in two pills before going to sleep. The pills have a noticably stronger effect, and the old man quickly falls asleep. However, while he is asleep, a tiny bit of ebola slips out into the front of his underpants, unbeknownst to the old man or anyone else.

Now. The ebola semen will fester in the old man's underwear for 3 days, since the old man lives alone and wears the same clothes for days at a times since hes old and does not give a flying f*ck anymore. The ebola will thrive in the moist and preserved environment that is the old man's underpants, and one day it is released into the environment when the old man takes his clothes off to shower in a public fountain because he has severe dementia.

As his underpants lay on the ground, a single pigeon lands nearby, and starts pecking around the ground nearby searching for food. The bird will accidentally step right on the wet spot in the old man's underpants because its a stupid f*cking bird, which now has traces of Ebola on its foot.

Fast forward 4 days later, the same pigeon with traces of Ebola on its foot gets attacked by a cat, who kills the bird and drags it back into the house to present to its owner. The cat believes this will win his owners affection that he strives so hard to achieve, but his owner will not notice because his owner is an old lady who owns 50 f*cking cats. The bird is casually tossed in a trashcan and is later put outside for the garbage man to collect. While in the trashbag, the ebola on the dead bird will once again fester now that it is in an environment similar to an old man's dirty underwear.

So that weekend, while the trash is sitting outside in the heat waiting for the garbage men to come get it, a girl exercising with her dog stop nearby. The girl pauses in her run to check her heart rate and blog about it on facebook, snapchat, twitter, tumblr, and then snapchat again in that order, all while sipping from the Starbucks coffee she is carrying with her. As you may have guessed, this girl is very white. As she does all of this, the dog, picking up the smell of the rotting corpse of the Ebola bird, digs through the trash and finds the bird while the dog's owner is still doing whatever the f*ck it is that stupid white girls do. The dog sniffs the anus of the bird, since all dogs sniff a**holes for some reason, and will then get Ebola all over its nose.

Later that day, the same white girl will be taking a picture of herself with her dog to put it on facebook, snapchat, twitter, and tumblr, and while doing so the dog's ebola covered nose will come in contact with her mouth. The ebola particles will then fuze with the 3 day old sperm in her mouth from that toothy blowjob she gave a guy 3 days ago because he had the same sh*tty taste in music as she did.

2 days later, the girl will start suffering from headaches and a fever, which she tries to cure with some overpriced drink from Starbucks since thats how she tries to fix all the problems in her train-wreck of a life. She sneezes a couple times, and the air particles carry the Ebola particles all over the Starbucks, tainting every other white girl and hipster in the vicinity.

The ebola virus will fester in all of the hipsters, who refuse to go to the doctor and leave themselves untreated because they think that they are feeling sick because the organic food they are buying from their friend isnt really organic. This causes other hipsters and occasional pot dealers to also contract ebola, which they leave untreated because they all believe that the cause of their headaches are caused by some other hippie bullsh**.

2 weeks later, a massive epidemic is infecting hipsters all over the country, which everyone is actually pretty fine with cause, you know, f*ck hipsters. Unfortunately though, the ebola virus has combined with the bullsh** in the genetic makeup of the hipsters to become a supervirus called 'abola', which is a lot like ebola, except it fills people with a disdain for society and an inherent desire to become douchebags. These are also the two symptoms found in every emo person in America, so the virus jumps from the hipster population into the emo high school population. Since everyone in high school who wasnt you or me is getting laid left and right, the abola virus quickly spreads throughout all high schoolers and those who have very close contact to them.

At this part, everybody starts to panic with no idea where the virus is from or how to stop it. Trying to capitalize on the mass hysteria, 'The Onion', a satire news source, will publish an article about how a cure for abola has been found and that the cure is peeing on the aborted fetus of an arabian woman. The report is obviously meant to be satirical, but the source is quickly reported as fact by Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC, since none of them check their facts about f*cking ANYTHING.

This false information leads to mass hysteria in the US, and congressmen quickly pass a bill to decalre war on all of the middle east so that they can obtain the aborted fetuses needed to pee on and defeat the abola disease. George Bush himself comes out of nowhere to convince americans that the invasion needs to happen, even though once again there is little evidence that any of the claims for why the US hsould go to war have been verified as accurate. While all of this is going on, hipsters fly all over the world to visit exotic countries so that they can take pictures of themselves at those locations and post it on social media as a giant 'f*ck you' to all of their enemies on social media who are actually leading productive lives, causing the disease to spread all over the world, causing those nations to back an invasion of arabic countries to obtain fetuses to pee on to cure the disease.

The Onion, after trying to tell everyone that they were kidding, fail to clarify that peeing on aborted fetuses of arabian women wont cure the abola virus, and decide to try to release another satire article claiming that all of the arabian countries are infested with Zbola, an even more dangerous and lethal version of abola. This is again quickly broadcasted as fact by MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN, but instead of getting people to not invade the middle east it only causes people to want to invade the middle east even more so that they could try to kill the new mega disease before it infects white people.

So now we're in a gigantic world war between all the countries and the middle east over possession of the vital fetuses believed to be needed to defeat abola, and thats when some idiot in Russia whose name rhymes with 'smootin' decides to fire a nuke, except he accidentally forgot to change the coordinates from Ukraine to the middle east, and so Russia nukes Ukraine instead, causing Ukraine to steal a nuke from France and nuke Russia with it, which cataclysms into a nuclear world war after the Onion releases another article saying that Russia is tainted with Rbola in an attempt to get people not to nuke the country.

And that is how the apocalypse will happen. An old man taking two viagras produces ebola which is picked up by a pigeon, then killed by a cat, and thrown out where a dog sniffs its a**hole, giving it to a hipster, who gives it to other hipsters, which leads to a chain reaction of other people getting it, triggering multiple fears of impossible pandemics that are overhyped by mass media, that eventually causes a nuclear war after Russia forgets to update its targeting coordinates that ends up getting everyone killed.

You can trust me, I've masturbated with peanut butter and tabasco sauce
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

DDO: THE MOVIE = http://www.debate.org...
http://www.debate.org...

VP of DDO from Dec 14th 2014 to Jan 1st 2015
imabench
Posts: 21,206
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10/1/2014 10:56:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Looking through this thread, my apocalypse prediction is actually only the third stupidest prediction in here...
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

DDO: THE MOVIE = http://www.debate.org...
http://www.debate.org...

VP of DDO from Dec 14th 2014 to Jan 1st 2015
imabench
Posts: 21,206
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10/1/2014 10:57:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 10:56:59 PM, YYW wrote:
At 10/1/2014 10:53:33 PM, imabench wrote:
Here's what will happen.

roflmao

that was glorious, Dan

Thanks! <3
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

DDO: THE MOVIE = http://www.debate.org...
http://www.debate.org...

VP of DDO from Dec 14th 2014 to Jan 1st 2015
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,743
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10/1/2014 11:18:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 10:53:33 PM, imabench wrote:
Here's what will happen.

Dammit viagra
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Xenophanes
Posts: 43
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10/10/2014 9:59:13 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 10:53:33 PM, imabench wrote:
Here's what will happen.

One night, an old person will go to sleep. Like always, he will take a viagra right before he goes to sleep, not because he wants to have sex, but because he wants to use his 4 hour boner to prevent himself from rolling out of bed. However, the viagra hasnt been having as much of an effect, so tonight the old man is going to pop in two pills before going to sleep. The pills have a noticably stronger effect, and the old man quickly falls asleep. However, while he is asleep, a tiny bit of ebola slips out into the front of his underpants, unbeknownst to the old man or anyone else.

Now. The ebola semen will fester in the old man's underwear for 3 days, since the old man lives alone and wears the same clothes for days at a times since hes old and does not give a flying f*ck anymore. The ebola will thrive in the moist and preserved environment that is the old man's underpants, and one day it is released into the environment when the old man takes his clothes off to shower in a public fountain because he has severe dementia.

As his underpants lay on the ground, a single pigeon lands nearby, and starts pecking around the ground nearby searching for food. The bird will accidentally step right on the wet spot in the old man's underpants because its a stupid f*cking bird, which now has traces of Ebola on its foot.

Fast forward 4 days later, the same pigeon with traces of Ebola on its foot gets attacked by a cat, who kills the bird and drags it back into the house to present to its owner. The cat believes this will win his owners affection that he strives so hard to achieve, but his owner will not notice because his owner is an old lady who owns 50 f*cking cats. The bird is casually tossed in a trashcan and is later put outside for the garbage man to collect. While in the trashbag, the ebola on the dead bird will once again fester now that it is in an environment similar to an old man's dirty underwear.

So that weekend, while the trash is sitting outside in the heat waiting for the garbage men to come get it, a girl exercising with her dog stop nearby. The girl pauses in her run to check her heart rate and blog about it on facebook, snapchat, twitter, tumblr, and then snapchat again in that order, all while sipping from the Starbucks coffee she is carrying with her. As you may have guessed, this girl is very white. As she does all of this, the dog, picking up the smell of the rotting corpse of the Ebola bird, digs through the trash and finds the bird while the dog's owner is still doing whatever the f*ck it is that stupid white girls do. The dog sniffs the anus of the bird, since all dogs sniff a**holes for some reason, and will then get Ebola all over its nose.

Later that day, the same white girl will be taking a picture of herself with her dog to put it on facebook, snapchat, twitter, and tumblr, and while doing so the dog's ebola covered nose will come in contact with her mouth. The ebola particles will then fuze with the 3 day old sperm in her mouth from that toothy blowjob she gave a guy 3 days ago because he had the same sh*tty taste in music as she did.

2 days later, the girl will start suffering from headaches and a fever, which she tries to cure with some overpriced drink from Starbucks since thats how she tries to fix all the problems in her train-wreck of a life. She sneezes a couple times, and the air particles carry the Ebola particles all over the Starbucks, tainting every other white girl and hipster in the vicinity.

The ebola virus will fester in all of the hipsters, who refuse to go to the doctor and leave themselves untreated because they think that they are feeling sick because the organic food they are buying from their friend isnt really organic. This causes other hipsters and occasional pot dealers to also contract ebola, which they leave untreated because they all believe that the cause of their headaches are caused by some other hippie bullsh**.

2 weeks later, a massive epidemic is infecting hipsters all over the country, which everyone is actually pretty fine with cause, you know, f*ck hipsters. Unfortunately though, the ebola virus has combined with the bullsh** in the genetic makeup of the hipsters to become a supervirus called 'abola', which is a lot like ebola, except it fills people with a disdain for society and an inherent desire to become douchebags. These are also the two symptoms found in every emo person in America, so the virus jumps from the hipster population into the emo high school population. Since everyone in high school who wasnt you or me is getting laid left and right, the abola virus quickly spreads throughout all high schoolers and those who have very close contact to them.

At this part, everybody starts to panic with no idea where the virus is from or how to stop it. Trying to capitalize on the mass hysteria, 'The Onion', a satire news source, will publish an article about how a cure for abola has been found and that the cure is peeing on the aborted fetus of an arabian woman. The report is obviously meant to be satirical, but the source is quickly reported as fact by Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC, since none of them check their facts about f*cking ANYTHING.

This false information leads to mass hysteria in the US, and congressmen quickly pass a bill to decalre war on all of the middle east so that they can obtain the aborted fetuses needed to pee on and defeat the abola disease. George Bush himself comes out of nowhere to convince americans that the invasion needs to happen, even though once again there is little evidence that any of the claims for why the US hsould go to war have been verified as accurate. While all of this is going on, hipsters fly all over the world to visit exotic countries so that they can take pictures of themselves at those locations and post it on social media as a giant 'f*ck you' to all of their enemies on social media who are actually leading productive lives, causing the disease to spread all over the world, causing those nations to back an invasion of arabic countries to obtain fetuses to pee on to cure the disease.

The Onion, after trying to tell everyone that they were kidding, fail to clarify that peeing on aborted fetuses of arabian women wont cure the abola virus, and decide to try to release another satire article claiming that all of the arabian countries are infested with Zbola, an even more dangerous and lethal version of abola. This is again quickly broadcasted as fact by MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN, but instead of getting people to not invade the middle east it only causes people to want to invade the middle east even more so that they could try to kill the new mega disease before it infects white people.

So now we're in a gigantic world war between all the countries and the middle east over possession of the vital fetuses believed to be needed to defeat abola, and thats when some idiot in Russia whose name rhymes with 'smootin' decides to fire a nuke, except he accidentally forgot to change the coordinates from Ukraine to the middle east, and so Russia nukes Ukraine instead, causing Ukraine to steal a nuke from France and nuke Russia with it, which cataclysms into a nuclear world war after the Onion releases another article saying that Russia is tainted with Rbola in an attempt to get people not to nuke the country.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
It would be nice not to have to put down people just because they're different.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,354
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10/10/2014 10:05:03 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/1/2014 10:56:57 PM, imabench wrote:

*bows*
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.