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Secret Santa from SpencerJoy to Dylancatlow

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12/25/2014 11:46:13 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Hopefully you are lurking. This was such a wonderful piece of gift (and something all of us can take lessons from), that i couldn't let it go. Come back :'(

Mr. Catlow,

I was sitting up late one night thinking about what I should get/write for you for the secret Santa game and I just couldn"t come up with anything that would make people go "Yep, Dylan"s S.S. is not as odd or creepy as mine is." Ah well, this is the part where I say, "I was looking at your Facebook profile and I noticed that you don"t actually use Facebook. That bothered me because I couldn"t get to know you on a personal level other than an intellectual level and see what you found funny/interesting."

You know that one Christmas song? It"s that one where the lover takes the phrase, "Don"t give her practical gifts" to heart. I think it also talked about the 12 days of Christmas or whatever. Well anyways, I"m going to take that phrase to heart too, and give you twelve useless or maybe not totally useless bits of information and advice that I"ve collected and nurtured as my little brainchilds. My poor babies have been waiting for the opportune moment to pop out and throw around confetti and drink soda pop and that day is today, or no, on Christmas when you read this
1) What does the word "Drano" mean to you? Well to me it reminds me of the dangerous chemical call "sodium hydroxide" or "lye". To other people it means a dry chemical people carefully pour down the sink to dissolve all the hair and soap particles that have been built up down there. It also reminds me of a conversation I was having once with my dad. He talked about how at his old work he had to wear special gloves when handling sodium hydroxide because it was one of the most dangerous chemicals they had at his work and easily the most dangerous chemical we have in my house. One of the bad things about Drano is that if you get the chemical on your hands and try to wash it off with water the sodium hydroxide starts eating through your flesh until it reaches your bone; like an acid. My advice that I got from my father is: If by any chance you get sodium hydroxide in your eyes go grab a fork and pull out your eyeball. It is better to be without one eye than for the Drano to eat through your eye socket and kill you.

2) If you ever want to make an origami crane I found that folding the paper in half to make a + sign is the best way to start it, then continue to do the triangles. Here is a youtube video demonstrating my instruction.

3) Even if you love Hello Kitty do not paint your bedroom "Cupcake Pink" this will become one of the most annoying choices you"ll make. If you love pink pick a different shade. I"m warning you. You may never hear this again, don"t forget. On the note of painting your room, black can be a very cheerful shade depending on how you decorate and if you have bright enough white lights.

4) If you plan on using 55 gallons of Passion Lubricant during your life I advise you buy the 55 gallon drum from Amazon. This will save you around 17 thousand dollars if you stop buying those super expensive little bottles.

5) Getting a few tubs of glow-in-the-dark stars and plastering them to the ceilings off all your rooms while you're home alone has multiple benefits:

a) it"s fun to look at

b) it is abnormal

c) it"s a good icebreaker/conversation starter

d) you can claim you missed the view from Mars after moving to earth

e) it is slightly amusing/annoying for your roommates/Santa/your family/your pets/yourself.

And f) if you don"t what to get cold stargazing and you don"t want to pay to go to the science center you can do it inside the comfort of your own house. Maybe you can even sharpie a path to make your very own personalized constellations.

6) Listen to whatever music you like and be proud of it. My grandfather likes listening to his Russian friend who yodels Handel's Messiah with parts of Elvis and the Beatles put into it, granted that"s a very different taste of music than most people, but don"t let people look down on you. JUST LISTEN TO THAT RUSSIAN YODEL HANDEL'S MESSIAH TRIO WITH ELVIS AND THE BEATLES IF YOU FING WANT TO. You"ll rock and a lot of people will respect you for that.

7) Fortune cookies aren"t always true. One day I was at my favorite Chinese food place and my fortune said, "The fortune you seek is in another cookie" now according to plenty of dictionaries seek means desire and look for, so I asked my father for his cookie to open and he was gracious and he gave me it. My new cookie opened up and there it said, "You foolishly believe in the goodness in mankind. Everyone has an agenda."

8) Here is a gluten free waffle recipe:

1 cup rice flour
1/2 cup chickpea flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1 and 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon fine salt
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil, plus more for brushing waffle iron
2 large eggs, separated
Cake frosting and sprinkles for topping

Before you start making the waffle mix start heating your waffle iron on medium-high and turn your oven up to 200 degrees F so that when you are done with each one you can put it on a baking tray and keep them all toasty. After you do that you"re going to want to whisk together the rice flour, chickpea flour, tapioca flour, sugar, baking powder, vanilla and salt in a large bowl. It is very important to make sure all your ingredients are certified gluten-free. In a separate bowl whisk together the milk, oil and egg yolks. In a third bowl beat the egg whites until soft peaks form.

Now pour the milk mixture into the flour mixtures and gently stir (it is very important not to over beat them) and then fold in the egg whites.

Gently brush the top and bottom of the waffle iron with canola oil. You"re going to want to fill the waffle iron about 3/4ths of the way full, gently close the lid and cook until the waffles are golden brown and crisp. Keep the cooked waffles warm in the oven that you preheated earlier until you"re ready to eat them.

And other stuff".

12) You should try Spam, the canned ham. It"s really tasty if you fry it like bacon.

Well there you are, my list of super awesome ideas and advice. Merry Christmas!
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12/25/2014 12:28:04 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
You're so adorable Bekah :-)
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.
Deep down, we're all dumbassses who act like shittheads



P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.