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Church of NAC, Mass #9

daytonanerd
Posts: 6,769
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6/5/2015 7:50:29 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Good evening ladies and gentleman! I am Pope Day, the newly elected(Or as close to elections as you can get in a tight-knit dictatorship) Pope of the Church of NAC. I am bringing you this week's sermon, my first.

So come on inside the kind church walls,
Open your ears just a bit wider than Obama's,
Take your seats, because assigned seating is a thing now,
And shut your f*cking mouths in the Moddamn church
It's time to indoctrinate you with some things I came up with 15 minutes ago! :D
========================================================================
(A note to the younger ones among us(I'm talking to you, Rev), there is some creatively used sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.)

Once upon a time, in the prehistoric wasteland known as 1995, Chickadee was sitting in his house, in his stylish(at the time) overalls, and enjoying Full House on his 'High-Definition' 240p television when he received a call on his Nokia Plug-In Brick Phone.

"Hello?" was the word of our lord.

"Hey babe, I hear you're into some pretty 'fly' stuff.."

Chickadee, initially intrigued with the prospect of this coincidental offer of phone sex, was turned off by the lame bird pun, and hung the phone up faster than his dick.

"When will they ever learn?"

Chickadee then received another call on his Radiation Machine 4000, and picked up.

"Hello?" was the word of the messiah.

"Chickadee, this is your dad." These were the words coming in on the other line, from none other than the OG, Mod.

"Don't tell me I forgot Father's Day again..." Chickadee made it a tradition to kill random fathers on Father's Day to impress the Heavenly Father, showing his father that all fathers were false in the eyes of the Lord, except Mod. Somehow, this gave him justification for killing Michael Jordan's dad and stealing his $hit.

"No, you're still a couple months out, thank me. No, I have a task that I need to give to you."

"Daddammit, more chores?"

"Son, I need you to spread the holy word to the people in a place that lowly computer lab residents call 'The Internet'. It is filled with a never-ending supply of virgins-"

"Virgins? I'm in!"

Mod sensed that Chickadee had misinterpreted the idea of virgins he tried to convey, but if it got Chickadee to get the job done...

"Yes, my son. Virgins. Virgins, everywhere. I need you to spread the Holy Word to these people, through any means necessary, and turn this hollow, desolate habitat into a place of worship to the Great Mod! Do I make myself clear?"

Chickadee hated when his father referred to himself in the first person, but he was motherf*cking Mod, so really, he was kind of justified.

"Alright dad. Give me some time to explore the place, scope out these virgins, and uh... Give them the holy touch to let them see the light."
========================================================================
It was now 1997. In these past 2 years, it took most of that time to wait for the cable people to finally show up, and the rest of it(About 10 minutes) was spent with Chickadee realizing that the virgins were lowly males with napoleon dick complexes.

"This f*cking sucks..."

Chickadee was waiting for his dial-up service to connect to the internet. This process was hampered by the mass volume of phone sex calls clogging up the phone line, which meant that Chickadee was waiting about 6 hours to get into AOL Instant Messenger.

Chickadee proceeded to do what any sane person would do with 6 hours of free time, and jacked off moles and moles of cum. This cum was no ordinary cum, though. This was the cum that descended from Mod himself. A few moles of Holy Cum escaped Chickadee's napkin, and fell onto the internet wires.

"Oh no..."

Chickadee fully expected his cum to destroy his internet connection. However, in a surprising turn of events, this cum rapidly sped up his internet, and because he finally got onto the internet, he was able to submit the first draft of his scenic New York soft-porn movie, 'You've Got Mail'.

And that was how Fiber Optic internet was invented. You're welcome, Verizon.

But Chickadee was not done yet. He knew that the internet still needed some work, and proceeded onto his next addition to the Vast Virgin Void.
========================================================================
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this sermon, and would like to join the Church of our Lord and Delinquent, Chickadee, you can shoot me over a PM!
#FeeltheFreezerBern
Lee001
Posts: 3,168
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6/5/2015 8:34:23 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
XD lolol
Bravo! Great job Pope.Day!
"Condoms are societal constructs created by the government to restrain 'Murican freedom!"-SolonKR

"But I jest and digress (sick rhymes, yo); every boob is equal in the eyes of the Lord."- SolonKR

"Oh Hey, Seeing Artichokes Makes Me Want to Have Sex."- SolonKR

"Yep, but anyone who touches my hair immediately ascends to the heavens..You're already an angel, so touching my hair can do nothing <3" -SolonKR

My hubby Hayd <3 <3
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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6/5/2015 11:04:52 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 6/5/2015 7:50:29 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
(A note to the younger ones among us(I'm talking to you, Rev), there is some creatively used sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.)

Pls Pope
tejretics
Posts: 6,089
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6/6/2015 12:23:41 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 6/5/2015 7:50:29 PM, daytonanerd wrote:
Good evening ladies and gentleman! I am Pope Day, the newly elected(Or as close to elections as you can get in a tight-knit dictatorship) Pope of the Church of NAC. I am bringing you this week's sermon, my first.

So come on inside the kind church walls,
Open your ears just a bit wider than Obama's,
Take your seats, because assigned seating is a thing now,
And shut your f*cking mouths in the Moddamn church
It's time to indoctrinate you with some things I came up with 15 minutes ago! :D

Eh, use the normal Church of NAC one.
========================================================================
(A note to the younger ones among us(I'm talking to you, Rev), there is some creatively used sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.)

Once upon a time, in the prehistoric wasteland known as 1995, Chickadee was sitting in his house, in his stylish(at the time) overalls, and enjoying Full House on his 'High-Definition' 240p television when he received a call on his Nokia Plug-In Brick Phone.

"Hello?" was the word of our lord.

"Hey babe, I hear you're into some pretty 'fly' stuff.."

Chickadee, initially intrigued with the prospect of this coincidental offer of phone sex, was turned off by the lame bird pun, and hung the phone up faster than his dick.

"When will they ever learn?"

Chickadee then received another call on his Radiation Machine 4000, and picked up.

"Hello?" was the word of the messiah.

"Chickadee, this is your dad." These were the words coming in on the other line, from none other than the OG, Mod.

"Don't tell me I forgot Father's Day again..." Chickadee made it a tradition to kill random fathers on Father's Day to impress the Heavenly Father, showing his father that all fathers were false in the eyes of the Lord, except Mod. Somehow, this gave him justification for killing Michael Jordan's dad and stealing his $hit.

"No, you're still a couple months out, thank me. No, I have a task that I need to give to you."

"Daddammit, more chores?"

"Son, I need you to spread the holy word to the people in a place that lowly computer lab residents call 'The Internet'. It is filled with a never-ending supply of virgins-"

"Virgins? I'm in!"

Mod sensed that Chickadee had misinterpreted the idea of virgins he tried to convey, but if it got Chickadee to get the job done...

"Yes, my son. Virgins. Virgins, everywhere. I need you to spread the Holy Word to these people, through any means necessary, and turn this hollow, desolate habitat into a place of worship to the Great Mod! Do I make myself clear?"

Chickadee hated when his father referred to himself in the first person, but he was motherf*cking Mod, so really, he was kind of justified.

"Alright dad. Give me some time to explore the place, scope out these virgins, and uh... Give them the holy touch to let them see the light."
========================================================================
It was now 1997. In these past 2 years, it took most of that time to wait for the cable people to finally show up, and the rest of it(About 10 minutes) was spent with Chickadee realizing that the virgins were lowly males with napoleon dick complexes.

"This f*cking sucks..."

Chickadee was waiting for his dial-up service to connect to the internet. This process was hampered by the mass volume of phone sex calls clogging up the phone line, which meant that Chickadee was waiting about 6 hours to get into AOL Instant Messenger.

Chickadee proceeded to do what any sane person would do with 6 hours of free time, and jacked off moles and moles of cum. This cum was no ordinary cum, though. This was the cum that descended from Mod himself. A few moles of Holy Cum escaped Chickadee's napkin, and fell onto the internet wires.

"Oh no..."

Chickadee fully expected his cum to destroy his internet connection. However, in a surprising turn of events, this cum rapidly sped up his internet, and because he finally got onto the internet, he was able to submit the first draft of his scenic New York soft-porn movie, 'You've Got Mail'.

And that was how Fiber Optic internet was invented. You're welcome, Verizon.

But Chickadee was not done yet. He knew that the internet still needed some work, and proceeded onto his next addition to the Vast Virgin Void.
========================================================================
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this sermon, and would like to join the Church of our Lord and Delinquent, Chickadee, you can shoot me over a PM!
"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe." - Frederick Douglass
BblackkBbirdd
Posts: 919
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6/6/2015 2:12:34 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
(A note to the younger ones among us(I'm talking to you, Rev), there is some creatively used sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.)

Rev is 14, he's a big boy now!

Praise be to Chickadee!