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noob forfeit

Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/29/2010 8:23:40 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Very often noob's start debates and only finish one round before leaving this site forever for some reason. It is frustrating.

please vote here http://www.debate.org...

even more so, please critique, I want some kind of review of my short story.
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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10/29/2010 8:47:28 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/29/2010 8:23:40 AM, Marauder wrote:
Very often noob's start debates and only finish one round before leaving this site forever for some reason. It is frustrating.

please vote here http://www.debate.org...

even more so, please critique, I want some kind of review of my short story.

Alright, I guess I'm going to be honest with you because, well, people are painfully honest on this site. Please don't take offense.

First, I think I know why she abandoned the debate. Although her story was not exceedingly more interesting than yours, she wrote with significantly more precision and clarity. It's clear that she fancies herself a writer, as she applied the same care with grammar and prosaic construction that an artist applies to straight lines and smooth curves.

Your short story was basically an uncreative free-thought--with no attention to grammar or syntactic construction, you just generated some generalized story through which you could "exemplify your writing skills" by description and fast-paced narrative with as many traditional elements as possible.

I have to say that it wasn't necessarily garbage, but your idea wasn't original and your presentation was lackluster. To her, it was probably an affront to writing.

On the other hand, I wouldn't say that either narrative was exceedingly better than the other. I was no more compelled to "turn the page" when I read her excerpt, I just noticed a marked difference in how they were written.

On the other hand, I find that sort of debate very dope.

I would definitely participate in a "short story" debate, or one of those rap battle debates that I've seen. I just never seem to catch them...
Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/29/2010 9:21:42 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
my story was not original? was it because of the 'its a wonderful life' reference of the giving a kid superpowers part? I had thought the story of becoming a metaphoric ghost was not done before though.
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.
Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/29/2010 9:30:59 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
thank you for your honesty though.
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.
Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/29/2010 9:31:37 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/29/2010 9:21:42 AM, Marauder wrote:
my story was not original? was it because of the 'its a wonderful life' reference or* the giving a kid superpowers part? I had thought the story of becoming a metaphoric ghost was not done before though.

fix'd*
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.
Cerebral_Narcissist
Posts: 10,806
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10/30/2010 11:42:24 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Why aren't you being trolled for this thread?
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
Caramel
Posts: 855
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10/31/2010 12:48:41 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/29/2010 8:47:28 AM, Ren wrote:
At 10/29/2010 8:23:40 AM, Marauder wrote:
Very often noob's start debates and only finish one round before leaving this site forever for some reason. It is frustrating.

please vote here http://www.debate.org...

even more so, please critique, I want some kind of review of my short story.

Alright, I guess I'm going to be honest with you because, well, people are painfully honest on this site. Please don't take offense.

First, I think I know why she abandoned the debate. Although her story was not exceedingly more interesting than yours, she wrote with significantly more precision and clarity. It's clear that she fancies herself a writer, as she applied the same care with grammar and prosaic construction that an artist applies to straight lines and smooth curves.

Your short story was basically an uncreative free-thought--with no attention to grammar or syntactic construction, you just generated some generalized story through which you could "exemplify your writing skills" by description and fast-paced narrative with as many traditional elements as possible.

I have to say that it wasn't necessarily garbage, but your idea wasn't original and your presentation was lackluster. To her, it was probably an affront to writing.

On the other hand, I wouldn't say that either narrative was exceedingly better than the other. I was no more compelled to "turn the page" when I read her excerpt, I just noticed a marked difference in how they were written.

On the other hand, I find that sort of debate very dope.

I would definitely participate in a "short story" debate, or one of those rap battle debates that I've seen. I just never seem to catch them...

Marauder does have a more... colloquial way of presenting his version. Although I must say the over-use of commas in fallenforyou's first paragraph didn't give me the impression she was out for a grammar award either.

Marauder, unfortunately the rules of grammar do restrict the message of reality you are trying to project, but they are not really optional if you want to communicate effectively through the medium of the pen. There are some instances where your paragraphs break from distracting and enter complete chaos in their ability to get whatever it is you are trying to say across. My suggestion would be to make a conscious effort to edit your grammar afterwards and, as is often enough done by myself, you must completely delete entire paragraphs on occasion when they are just not organized well enough to avoid confusion.
no comment
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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10/31/2010 4:54:52 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/30/2010 11:42:24 PM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
Why aren't you being trolled for this thread?

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mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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10/31/2010 7:35:50 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/30/2010 11:42:24 PM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
Why aren't you being trolled for this thread?

yep.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/31/2010 10:36:08 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/31/2010 4:54:52 AM, Koopin wrote:
At 10/30/2010 11:42:24 PM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
Why aren't you being trolled for this thread?

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thank you koopin :)
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.
Marauder
Posts: 3,271
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10/31/2010 10:38:08 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 10/31/2010 12:48:41 AM, Caramel wrote:

Marauder, unfortunately the rules of grammar do restrict the message of reality you are trying to project, but they are not really optional if you want to communicate effectively through the medium of the pen. There are some instances where your paragraphs break from distracting and enter complete chaos in their ability to get whatever it is you are trying to say across. My suggestion would be to make a conscious effort to edit your grammar afterwards and, as is often enough done by myself, you must completely delete entire paragraphs on occasion when they are just not organized well enough to avoid confusion.

I shall take this advice to heart. I can see vast room where I need to take grammar more seriously for writing like this.
One act of Rebellion created all the darkness and evil in the world; One life of Total Obedience created a path back to eternity and God.

A Scout is Obedient.